Guests paying for dinner at the wedding? Update pg7

[Southern4sure]

This is actually pretty commonplace in the south. It's bad manners not to bring a dish and not to offer to clean up afterwards. Of course, this is at a regular barbque or party, not a wedding. Though I have seen many a potluck wedding reception.

YEP...the only potluck weddings I have been to were very small informal just family type weddings. Now Bar Q parties and such...we throw down!.... or least we did in southern Alabama. I havent had a chance to have a throw down since we moved to FL....Anyone interested in a throw down?

Southern4sure

 

[Freesia]

Yes. I talked to the mother of the bride and the situation is that guests are expected to pay $70 a person. Why they didn't state that on the invitation is beyond me. So our family of five would have to pay $350 + gift. There WILL be other families with kids at the wedding but unfortanatly I told ther that we have another engagement and we just can't attend

Come on, how can they expect people to pay $200-350 and not tell them ahead of time????When I attend weddings I often take my cute tiny purse and bring nothing more than a lipstick and comb. As a previous poster said, most caterers expext full payment before the event.Something is simply not ringing true here.


I've heard of cash bars, but then wine and /or beer & punch is also served.

 

[Toria1897]

That is the most horrible thing I have ever heard. You are a guest at a wedding and should by no means be expected to pay for your meal. They obvoiusly need a lesson in manners. My grandmother would be horrified. As fas as bringing the children goes, if the invitation did not include the children I would not think it appropriate to bring them, especially if they are going to be the only ones.

 

[leahannpen]

This is actually pretty commonplace in the south. It's bad manners not to bring a dish and not to offer to clean up afterwards. Of course, this is at a regular barbque or party, not a wedding. Though I have seen many a potluck wedding reception.

It's bad manners anywhere, I think. LOL! I always offer to bring something (even with my BEST of friends) and I always help clean up wherever I am. At my friends daughter's b-day party, I even cleaned up and did the dishes while she enjoyed her DD's party. She sure appreciated it!

 

[Planogirl]

Come on, how can they expect people to pay $200-350 and not tell them ahead of time????When I attend weddings I often take my cute tiny purse and bring nothing more than a lipstick and comb. As a previous poster said, most caterers expext full payment before the event.Something is simply not ringing true here.

Same thing here. I don't bother to take credit cards or whatever to a wedding. But will they even take credit cards? I don't know about anyone else but I don't ALWAYS have $70 in cash on me.

This is so bad it's hilarious.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Hey, maybe they are trying to start a trend? I mean, after all, SOMEONE had to be the 1st person to go to a store and register for gifts, and now it is almost unheard of that a Bride is not registered.

So, this family charges $70/plate per guest at the wedding, someone at the wedding, who plans on getting amrried in the future, thinks it might be a neat idea to do that for their wedding, and two people at that wedding do it, and so on.

Oh, this is just great, so that means in 5,10, 15 years time, when my nieces and nephews are getting married, it will be common for the guests to pay for their meal. Just another page on ettiquite ripped out of the book.

 

[Chicago526]

Here's my two cents on the topics this thread is covered:

1) If the invite says "Family" the kids are invited. If not, then no. There is NEVER any harm in calling to clarify if you just aren't sure. As a bride, I hope that my guests call if they have ANY questions! Calling to clarify is NOT trying to get your kids invited.

2) I personaly feel that a couple deciding to have a cash bar isn't tacky, as long as non-alcoholic drinks are free, and "cash bar" is indicated on the invite or other official wedding correspondance. As long as the guests know ahead of time, I don't see the big deal. But I understand and respect if other's disagree with me on this point. For the record, my own wedding is an open bar.

3) I don't think the OP is lieing or that there has been a misunderstanding. I can easily believe there are people out there that are that clueless and/or tactless.

4) Back to the children issue. If the couple don't want kids at the party, that's fine. If the couple does want kids at the party, that's fine. If it's no kids then the couple shouldn't include "and family" on the invite and magicly hope that the parents don't bring the kids.

On a side note, I've been to several weddings with children and never noticed any making a scene or crying/yelling/being destructive. On the other hand I've seen plenty of drunk adults crying/yelling/being destructive. I've always been puzzled by those that don't want to have children attend for that reason. Money, I can understand, but not behavior. Oh well, to each their own!

 

[kasar]

I'm sorry, but when you invite people to your wedding they are your guests. You are responsible for providing food (and I feel drinks - but I know many people disagree and I'm fine with that) and entertainment for your guests. Gifts are appreciated but they are by no means necessary. The people at your wedding are there to witness your marriage and celebrate with you - not fund whatever you decided was your "dream" wedding.

There's no way the caterer or the hall would allow a wedding without getting their money up front. What happens if people refuse to pay? It's just plain silly and I hope there's some confusion. I'd call the bride directly and get the scoop - maybe the mother's crazy.

 

[Freesia]

I'm sorry, but when you invite people to your wedding they are your guests. You are responsible for providing food (and I feel drinks - but I know many people disagree and I'm fine with that) .

We had beer, punch and Champagne & guests could go to the bar in the restaurants to purchase cocktails-but it was a morning wedding, so I didn't think hard liquor was necessary.

Worst wedding-I do remember going to a country wedding that had only a cash bar-even for a coke! I had to go to my DH and ask for $$ for a drink. Then the food was behind the photographer doing pics & that went on for over an hour, so we left without eating .We never got a Thank You note for our gift either.

 

[krissy3483]

Hey, maybe they are trying to start a trend? I mean, after all, SOMEONE had to be the 1st person to go to a store and register for gifts, and now it is almost unheard of that a Bride is not registered.

So, this family charges $70/plate per guest at the wedding, someone at the wedding, who plans on getting amrried in the future, thinks it might be a neat idea to do that for their wedding, and two people at that wedding do it, and so on.

Oh, this is just great, so that means in 5,10, 15 years time, when my nieces and nephews are getting married, it will be common for the guests to pay for their meal. Just another page on ettiquite ripped out of the book.

Hey if that holds true, when I get married in a couple years, I can probably get my guests to pay for the entire thing! Hey, maybe I'll even have a separate cover charge!
Somehow, I don't think people will be too happy if they show up at a wedding and are told it is going to cost them a small fortune to feed a family of 4. I know I personally would leave, and I would be sure to take my gift with me.

 

[Becky2005]

I used to bartend weddings and meetings at a fancy hotel when I was in college and every now and then we'd be told the Bride and Groom are having a cash bar. Well, the guests attending the reception were very po'ed to have to pay for drinks at a fancy wedding, I can only imagine how mad they'd be to have to pay for their own meal. Again, it didn't happen often (maybe 1 of every 10 weddings or so) but it was always memorable.

My motto is if you can't afford it, DO NOT make your guests pay for anything at a wedding. If you can only afford cake and punch, then only have cake and punch reception in the church hall.

OOPS!!! Guess we probably had some mad guests! We had a cash bar (but I think I had soft drinks free - I wanted to provide beverages just not alcoholic ones). There was a logical reason for that, I didn't want to pay for people to get drunk and 90% of my family doesn't drink (plus we had a few alcholic related incidents in the family at other weddings - plus seeing some behavior at my friend's wedding with an open bar!)

Although, I have never heard of anyone paying for meals before (although I *have* heard of it happening at a child's birthday party and that was definitely a shocker!).

I would definitely like to hear how this turns out.

 

[RitaZ.]

We had a cash bar (but I think I had soft drinks free - I wanted to provide beverages just not alcoholic ones)

That's way better than a wedding that we went to where soda/soft drinks were $2.50 for a small glass that was mostly filled with ice.

 

[kasar]

Sadly, a lot of reception halls now require cash bars because of insurance reasons. Something to do with liability if the guests get in an accident.

We provided an open bar even though we could hardly afford to but I didn't want my poor grandmother to travel cross-country to a wedding we invited her to and then have her pony up 5 bucks for a glass of wine. (That's just an example - I didn't want anyone to have to pay). I think it's a regional thing - most weddings I've been to around here have cash bars. I don't mind paying for my drinks, I always assume it will be cash bar, but it wasn't something that we wanted to do at our wedding.

 

[doxdogy]

Count me in. Nothing better than a good old southern bar q party. I'll bring the potato salad, deviled eggs and the coke cola.

YEP...the only potluck weddings I have been to were very small informal just family type weddings. Now Bar Q parties and such...we throw down!.... or least we did in southern Alabama. I havent had a chance to have a throw down since we moved to FL....Anyone interested in a throw down?

Southern4sure

 

[HookedOnDiz]

This is not true. First, you really shouldn't know what the per plate cost is. And you give the gift based on what you can afford, not what it cost the couple to have you there.

You are entitled to disagree, but I would never give someone less money than they spent on feeding us.

 

[Sandy22]

Yes. I talked to the mother of the bride and the situation is that guests are expected to pay $70 a person. Why they didn't state that on the invitation is beyond me. So our family of five would have to pay $350 + gift. There WILL be other families with kids at the wedding but unfortanatly I told ther that we have another engagement and we just can't attend

I've never heard of anything so TACKY! Frankly, I'll be surprised if anyone shows up!

 

[Freesia]

I've never heard of anything so TACKY! Frankly, I'll be surprised if anyone shows up!

But see, they don't know they have to pony up some $$$.....so there is no reason for them to stay away.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

You are entitled to disagree, but I would never give someone less money than they spent on feeding us.

I don't understand this mentality. The bride and groom chose to have some fancy reception. I was invited as a guest to celebrate their joy in neing newly married. WHY do I have to give them a present equivalent to what they spent per plate? I think that's tacky.

 

[Beth76]

You are entitled to disagree, but I would never give someone less money than they spent on feeding us.

How do you know how much they spent per plate though?

 

[GailT]

UNBELIEVABLE???? Maybe she should charge $80 pp and make a profit.

Good idea, but up the anty