Guests paying for dinner at the wedding? Update pg7

[Southern4sure]

Friend or no friend...I would not care about tension, I would not go. Assuming this is correct, it would cost me $280. just for dinner. I would enjoy spending $280 at WDW and really get my moneys worth!.......

Southern4sure

 

[poohandwendy]

This can't possibly be true, for the pragmatic reasons that were pointed out by Tiggeroo on the last page. I'd bet that the OP is embarrassed that she tried to call and invite her kids, so now this is the update we're getting: "I'm not the bad guy, they're the bad guys." I can see where she might be embarrassed and this is the defensive response. But in the Ann Landers tradition, if a story doesn't make sense, it's because it isn't true.

Yeah, I'm not buying it either. No offense to the OP, but that just does not make any sense at all.

 

[kar313]

Well, I know you are not going to like this, but it is considered rude to "invite" your kids to an event. If the host/hostess wanted them there they would have asked them in the first place. Since they were not on the inviation and you "know" they will be the only kids, the assumption is the bride/groom don't want kids there and that includes yours.

Ditto!!!

Don't think I would be to worried about being "rude" to someone who expects wedding guests to pay for their meal!

Talk about outrageous. What about the DJ and the hall is the couple (or parents) springing for these expenses? Or maybe they will ask for money for them at the reception. LOL

MamaLema - Can't wait to get update on what happens at the wedding to find out how many people really paid for the meal? When's the wedding?

 

[damo]

I think you should print out this thread and give it to them. That is the first time I have ever heard of a cash meal at a wedding. Even a cash bar is thought to be extremely tacky! The bride and groom better wear protective clothing for when the food fight begins. There is definitely going to be some hostility.

 

[damo]

Just posting and letting y'all know this is my last post on this thread. I can't believe something simple and petty got so out of hand. And people accusing me of inviting my kids to the wedding? I didn't, so if you are going to bash, at least know the facts.

I don't blame you. Why some people don't read the entire thread before throwing their nasty 2 cents in is beyond me.

 

[HagalasAett]

all I can say is HOW Tacky....
they probably didn't State it on the invite because noone will show up if it did state it... I'd RSVP as NO as well...that $350 for a few hour reception could go towards another Disney Vacation and be spent more enjoyably (sp)

 

[r3ngels]

I'll chip in!!

me too $$$$$$$$$

 

[Joanne M]

MamaLema,

I don't have kids, so this is moot anyway. But if the invitation was addressed to Mr. & Mrs. JoanneM and Family, but I knew there wouldn't be many kids there, I probably would have called to ask about it before responding too! But who would have expected to get the kind of response you got about having to pay for the meals!

Your mom is being a good neighbor, better than I probably would have been. I would have done what you did, and had a "previous engagement". I wonder how many people are actually going to show up if word gets out.

As for the caterer or whoever is providing the meal, maybe the bride and groom or parents are paying them in full. Then the guests will actually be "reimbursing" them when they pay their tab.

Please update us after the wedding! This could get pretty out of control!

 

[briannesmom]

We were invited to a wedding like this a few years ago. About 6-8 weeks before the wedding we received the invitation with the standard response card asking how many attending, no mention about paying for anything. About three weeks before the wedding we were sent a "menu" to select our main course, beef, chicken, or fish, along with the prices and where to send our check to. The prices weren't as high as the OP would be paying, I think it was around $40-50 a plate plus cash bar, but it was pretty high for our area at that time. We decided not to attend. I just sent the bride a letter saying I was sorry but something had come up a we weren't going to be able to make it. We didn't know the couple very well, the groom was a work aquaintance of my husbands and we had only met the bride once. As it turned out no one from DH's work ended up going. I did send them a small gift from their huge registry.

So to make a long story short, Yes this really does happen. I would not be suprised if the OP got her "menu" in the mail shortly. I can't imagine the scene if the guests aren't told they have to pay until they get to the reception

Amy

 

[momof2inPA]

Just posting and letting y'all know this is my last post on this thread. I can't believe something simple and petty got so out of hand. And people accusing me of inviting my kids to the wedding? I didn't, so if you are going to bash, at least know the facts.

Please post if you find out anything more about the wedding. I think the subject is fascinating.

 

[DisneyDotty]

OMG! And I'm embarrassed when my guests bring over a bottle of wine or an appetizer to share...
Hey, I know what I'll do--I'm gonna have my dd's wedding at WDW! Now, to afford that, I think I'll have each guest pay...hmmm....do you think $500 would cover it? AUGH!
To the OP: I understand your frustration with some of the responses here, but please consider that communication via these boards lacks the instant info swap you get from a face-to-face conversation. Some posters were just trying to clarify/get the facts. I really hope you'll give us an update to what happened at the wedding. THis story is almost as good as "Desperate Housewives!" And this wedding sure beats Charles and Camilla's!

 

[Joanne M]

You know, DisneyDotty, now that you mention it, I am more interested in what happens with this wedding than with Charles and Camilla's!

And briannesmom, I bet that is exactly what happens next. I have never heard of this before, so never thought about how they would arrange for it. And what caterer would not be up on etiquette and would agree to something like this? If I got an order form from a restaurant to complete and return, I don't think I would go to that restaurant any more.

A reception is not the place to extort money from your guests, so do by mail it in advance!!

 

[Hillbeans]

I used to bartend weddings and meetings at a fancy hotel when I was in college and every now and then we'd be told the Bride and Groom are having a cash bar. Well, the guests attending the reception were very po'ed to have to pay for drinks at a fancy wedding, I can only imagine how mad they'd be to have to pay for their own meal. Again, it didn't happen often (maybe 1 of every 10 weddings or so) but it was always memorable.

My motto is if you can't afford it, DO NOT make your guests pay for anything at a wedding. If you can only afford cake and punch, then only have cake and punch reception in the church hall.

 

[momof2inPA]

We were invited to a wedding like this a few years ago. About 6-8 weeks before the wedding we received the invitation with the standard response card asking how many attending, no mention about paying for anything. About three weeks before the wedding we were sent a "menu" to select our main course, beef, chicken, or fish, along with the prices and where to send our check to. The prices weren't as high as the OP would be paying, I think it was around $40-50 a plate plus cash bar, but it was pretty high for our area at that time. We decided not to attend. I just sent the bride a letter saying I was sorry but something had come up a we weren't going to be able to make it. We didn't know the couple very well, the groom was a work aquaintance of my husbands and we had only met the bride once. As it turned out no one from DH's work ended up going. I did send them a small gift from their huge registry.

So to make a long story short, Yes this really does happen. I would not be suprised if the OP got her "menu" in the mail shortly. I can't imagine the scene if the guests aren't told they have to pay until they get to the reception

Amy

So, were there non-U.S. cultural influences? I'm just curious whether this practice has come from other countries or is just springing up from bad manners and no finances.

 

[Tiggeroo]

This can't possibly be true, for the pragmatic reasons that were pointed out by Tiggeroo on the last page. I'd bet that the OP is embarrassed that she tried to call and invite her kids, so now this is the update we're getting: "I'm not the bad guy, they're the bad guys." I can see where she might be embarrassed and this is the defensive response. But in the Ann Landers tradition, if a story doesn't make sense, it's because it isn't true.

This was the way I was thinking. Or to be nice, that the Op's mom or neighbor is confused. And if I attended a wedding and they then asked us to pay the bill I'd probably laugh right at them. I still sincerely believe there is a mix-up. If they really needed people to pay their own bill I don't think they'd chance it by sending out the invites and hoping folks come with the money.
Like i said, I can see a small family wedding, receiving an invite stating that if you choose to you can join us for a meal afterwards, all paying for themselves. If it was somebody close to me and I knew they couldn't afford it I would not be offended by this. But if you invite me a party I don't come with my wallet. And if I couldn't afford a dinner I wouldn't invite people hoping they would come prepared to pay. And if they pay ahead of time, they won't be able to accept credit cards causing a bit of a problem. It just doesn't sound right. I'm not insulting the OP. I can see how she thought the kids would be invited. Although if somebody told me it was $70. apiece I would never want to serve that kind of meal to a toddler. I just think there is a major miscommunication here.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Cake costs $3.50 extra

hehehe

But I'll charge $4...

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I say we send $70 to MamaLema so she can go just so we can find out what happens when all the guests find out they are expected to pay! LOL

Hey, I'll send a buck donation for that!

T&B

 

[briannesmom]

So, were there non-U.S. cultural influences? I'm just curious whether this practice has come from other countries or is just springing up from bad manners and no finances.

No cultural influences I just chalked this wedding up to bad manners and no finances. The groom was always trying to live well beyond his means and it looks like he married someone who felt the same way. The place they held the reception was rather prestegious hall in our area and I think they just wanted to be able to say "We had our reception at XXX" even if they weren't able to pay for it on their own.

When we got the "menu" card it was printed up very nicely on the same paper as the invitation with the instructions to make the check out to the groom or cash. I think they had to make the last payment to the hall very soon or were just trying to reimburse themselves for what they already spent. They had 3 different bridal registries with very expensive items. We sent them a crystal vase that was around $50 it was about the only thing on the registry that wasn't in the triple digits.

Amy

 

[EsmeraldaX]

When we got the "menu" card it was printed up very nicely on the same paper as the invitation with the instructions to make the check out to the groom or cash. I think they had to make the last payment to the hall very soon or were just trying to reimburse themselves for what they already spent. They had 3 different bridal registries with very expensive items. We sent them a crystal vase that was around $50 it was about the only thing on the registry that wasn't in the triple digits.

Amy

I would have sent them a book on manners and/or wedding etiquette...

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I am throwing a party at my house this weekend. You are all invited! Oh, and can you bring all the food and beverages while you are at it? And can some of you stick around to clean up afterward?

This is actually pretty commonplace in the south. It's bad manners not to bring a dish and not to offer to clean up afterwards. Of course, this is at a regular barbque or party, not a wedding. Though I have seen many a potluck wedding reception.