Guests paying for dinner at the wedding? Update pg7

[stinkerbelle]

I don't think the issue is whether or not to serve alcohol at a wedding reception. Everyone has their own view, and whatever they think is appropriate is just fine with me. The bigger issue is that it is not acceptable to have your guests foot the bill for a party you are hosting!

exactly
whether or not kids are there or you are serving liquor

guests should not be asked to PAY for the food put in front of them by a caterer.

 

[Southern4sure]

Good to know... Margaritas? Sure! Salt? Blended or on the rocks? Regular or strawberry?

Has to be frozen and I like salt. Strawberry is ok..but I like Lime

Southern4sure

 

[Southern4sure]

I don't think the issue is whether or not to serve alcohol at a wedding reception. Everyone has their own view, and whatever they think is appropriate is just fine with me. The bigger issue is that it is not acceptable to have your guests foot the bill for a party you are hosting!

I agree....just kinda got off topic.

Southern4sure

 

[Shugardrawers]

Regarding the issue of 'your gift should be worth the amount of your plate' at the reception, I'm curious. What happens when the reception is a cake and punch affair? Taking my reception as an example, I spent approx. $10 per person (20 people) on my reception with cake and punch, nuts and mints. By that logic, the gifts we received should have been in the $10 range. Don't you think that's unfair? That would mean guests at DH's step sisters wedding would give them gifts of $200 per couple and at ours gifts of $20. Now, I certainly would not be offended at a $20 gift. We had one couple at our wedding who gave us a lovely card and that was all. They couldn't afford any more than that and we were simply glad they came to celebrate with us. We appreciated their good wishes as much as DHs parents who each gave us $500. It just sounds like you are holding people who either have plenty of money already or more credit than sense in much higher regard than people who choose to have a modest reception within their means.

 

[Joanne M]

From everything I have read, the value of the gift you give is not based on how much was spent on the reception. A gift is a reflection of what the giver can afford and how close they are to the couple being married. Technically, all that should be expected as a gift are your best wishes for the couple, and maybe a card. Anything more than that is extra.

 

[kellyb2000]

wow....

all I can say is I'm glad I'm from the South where it is perfectly normal to have your wedding in the church you attend, your reception is in the church gym or reception hall(all free of charge), the locally owned restaurant down the street caters a little something for $15/person MAX, everyone, including children all have a fabulous time, and in the end - I'm just as married as everyone else.

 

[Southern4sure]

wow....

all I can say is I'm glad I'm from the South where it is perfectly normal to have your wedding in the church you attend, your reception is in the church gym or reception hall(all free of charge), the locally owned restaurant down the street caters a little something for $15/person MAX, everyone, including children all have a fabulous time, and in the end - I'm just as married as everyone else.

In southern AL, it is not free unless you are members of the church..otherwise you do pay to use the facility.

Southern4sure

 

[laurie31]

wow....

all I can say is I'm glad I'm from the South where it is perfectly normal to have your wedding in the church you attend, your reception is in the church gym or reception hall(all free of charge), the locally owned restaurant down the street caters a little something for $15/person MAX, everyone, including children all have a fabulous time, and in the end - I'm just as married as everyone else.

I was just thinking the same thing!!

We had an afternoon wedding, mostly because I didn't want to wait all day for the ceremony, and I wanted outdoor pics. Plus 3 is my favorite mumber so I got married at 3pm

My DH thought we had an elaborate reception because we not only had cake, nuts, mints, and punch, but also little sandwiches, fruit, and cheese!

I aslo agree with Joanne M 100% - no matter what you serve, if you are the host then YOU are paying! Anything else is just tacky.

Laurie

ETA - I didn't mean to imply that cash bars are tacky Just people who expect guests to pay for their own dinner at a party or reception!

 

[Joanne M]

We paid for almost the entire wedding ourselves, and had just bought our first house as well. We couldn't afford an extravagant reception, so we had a cocktail and hors d' oeuevres reception instead. It turned out to be wonderful, and we didn't even have to send anyone a bill afterwards!

 

[Southern4sure]

It turned out to be wonderful, and we didn't even have to send anyone a bill afterwards!

LOL.....How true!

Southern4sure

 

[bgirldeb]

I sure wish I had thought about this when I got married. Instead of having a modest reception at a community center with food lovingly prepared by my friends/family, (most purchased from Sam's) I could have had a swanky 100.00 a plate dinner!! (Why stop at 70.00 when someone else is buying? ) I'll have to remember this when I throw my parents a 40th anniversary party in a few years...


We've really GOT to hear how this thing turns out!!!

MamaLema, have you ever thought about asking Miss Manners or Dear Abby about this issue? I'd get a kick out of their response, that is, if they even take it seriously!

 

[Disney Doll]

My thoughts:
1. I would have the type of wedding I could afford, without expecting my guests to pay for anything, including drinks. If what I could afford was soft drinks, then that is what I would have. But I wouldn't charge guests for a drink or a meal...sorry if that offends anyone, but that's MHO. When I host a party, I host the party, and throw the type of party I can afford to host.

2. If I received an invitation that said "Mr. & Mrs. JohnSmith and Family" and I had children, I would presume the "and Family" part meant the children, since DH & I owuld be covered under the "Mr. & Mrs." part.

3. I am actually kind of happy to live in an area where weddings are, in general, a bigger deal than a barbeque in the backyard. I think that's kind of nice, especially for a 1st wedding. Now a 2nd wedding might be a bit of a different story, and I think there is a bit more "leeway" in terms of hows & whats of a 2nd or 3rd wedding.

4. I wouldn't hesitate to go to wedding of a close friend or family if the circumstances were such that the couple were getting married, having a small restaurant reception, but couldn't afford to treat everyone. I would have a problen with someone throwing a big wedding that they obviously can't afford and expecting guests to pay for their own meals. It goes back to #1...throw the kind of party you can afford. My guess is that if the "big wedding" people toned it down a bit, they could aford to pay for their wedding without having to ask their guests to chip in.

5. The "gift covers the cost of your plate" thing is a rule of thumb, a reference point, not one of the Ten Commandments, for goodness sakes!!!! And it's a rule I go by as well...in our area, in general, a wedding is $75 per plate or more, depending on the place. I base my gift on that plus my relationship to the wedding couple.

 

[IamTink]

Me too! We had a cash bar at our wedding. We were on such a budget, and with a hundred people at our wedding, I couldn't imagine paying for all of their alcoholic drinks! Out of all the weddings I've been to, I can think of only one where the bar was open. The brides family was very wealthy so I suppose they could afford to do so.

Same here...

Southern for Sure, Those throw downs sound like a ton of fun!

I think it was Sleepy that said they were from Italy & it was expected that the gift would be the value of the meal & that's kind of how I have understood it. I won't go over a certain amount. I did work w/a gal that was 100% Italian. She came from a very nice family & had one of the nicest, classiest weddings I have every been to in my life. She did tell me though that it's common tradition for them to track what is given $$$-wise at a wedding & that is what is given to the former giver when they are the receiver. I know that sounds really messed up but I'm guessing Sleepy knows what I'm talking about as she made it sound common.

 

[phorsenuf]

Has this wedding taken place yet?
Would love an update!!

 

[Vijoge]

I can't believe I just read all 17 pages!

 

[Lewisc]

I didn't read all 17 pages. The invitation may have said and family but OP said she thought her kids would be the only children there and went so far as to have their mom ask the neighbor if she could bring her kids. The wedding is for a neighbor of OP's mother. She didn't think to describe the bride as a friend.

It really sounds like the children weren't intended to be included and OP probably already knew this. Why else would she ask if she could bring their kids?

I'd take the comment more as a joke, an attempt to say don't bring the kids without outright saying no.

 

[bgirldeb]

Yes. I talked to the mother of the bride and the situation is that guests are expected to pay $70 a person. Why they didn't state that on the invitation is beyond me. So our family of five would have to pay $350 + gift. There WILL be other families with kids at the wedding but unfortanatly I told ther that we have another engagement and we just can't attend

Lewisc, your theory sounds reasonable, but MamaLema gave us the above update on p. 7

 

[Scratch42]

Yes. I talked to the mother of the bride and the situation is that guests are expected to pay $70 a person. Why they didn't state that on the invitation is beyond me. So our family of five would have to pay $350 + gift. There WILL be other families with kids at the wedding but unfortanatly I told ther that we have another engagement and we just can't attend

I am so glad that you have decided to do that........

If a couple cannot afford to pay for their wedding, then elope!

This is the tackiest thing that I have ever read!

What's really gonna be funny is when the other guests show up and don't realize that they have to pay for their dinners!

I've heard of cheap but this takes the cake!

Scratch

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I have heard of pot luck at a wedding, but this beats all. And $70/pp no less! Outrageous!