Guests paying for dinner at the wedding? Update pg7

[GIOny]

Goodness, our Chinese custom to party and eat at a funeral is strange to some, but it doesn't mean it doesnt happen.[/QUOTE]



I am Italian and we do the same thing at Funerals. We have never asked for money at weddings, but I think it is just generally done. We get gifts very rarely.

 

[DisneyDotty]

Okay--I have another "Can you believe it?" story to add-- friend received a baby shower invitation for woman's 2nd baby--invitation stated that since pregnant mom couldn't find a good date for shower, just buy a gift for her from one of the following stores where she's registered (for a 2nd baby, mind you) and send it to the mom--no party.

 

[Beth76]

Okay--I have another "Can you believe it?" story to add-- friend received a baby shower invitation for woman's 2nd baby--invitation stated that since pregnant mom couldn't find a good date for shower, just buy a gift for her from one of the following stores where she's registered (for a 2nd baby, mind you) and send it to the mom--no party.

I guess you can't really call that a "shower invitation" can you? What are you going to do? How well do you know this person?

 

[mickeymo]

Or how about this wedding invite -

in lieu of gifts (they already had been living together for 5+ years, guess they had everything they needed/wanted) - we were directed to contribute to their honeymoon cruise and listed the travel agent...

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Regarding the cash bar. I often don't even go to the bar at a reception because you just never know if it is going to be paid for or not. If we don't have any cash with us, we don't take the chance. One friend's wedding everyone got two tickets per person at some point to use at the bar. That was a little odd. At our own wedding, DH wanted to have a bar and I flat out refused. I said there was no way I was asking my parents to pay for other people to get drunk. Nor did I want drunk people at my wedding. We had champagne and punch and it worked out just fine.

Maybe I travel in a lower social class of people, but I am surprised at how many responses on this thread say that they would be shocked at having to pay for their drinks at a wedding. Most people I know cannot afford to offer an open bar for their wedding reception. So, when my DH and I get an invitation to a wedding, we just know that we should bring enough money to cover our drinks.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Maybe I travel in a lower social class of people, but I am surprised at how many responses on this thread say that they would be shocked at having to pay for their drinks at a wedding. Most people I know cannot afford to offer an open bar for their wedding reception. So, when my DH and I get an invitation to a wedding, we just know that we should bring enough money to cover our drinks.

Me too! We had a cash bar at our wedding. We were on such a budget, and with a hundred people at our wedding, I couldn't imagine paying for all of their alcoholic drinks! Out of all the weddings I've been to, I can think of only one where the bar was open. The brides family was very wealthy so I suppose they could afford to do so.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I've been to a wedding where they handed out a couple of tickets for the bar. I thought it was a great balance between an open and a cash bar. I admit to being of the "lower class" though and am not at all offended when asked to buy my own drinks or my own dinner (when I'm told in advance that I will be doing so of course). I do not think it proper to do so at a wedding reception though. After our reception guests were invited to join us for dinner at a local restaurant and it was made clear that each person would buy their own meal. We had less than 20 guests though so they were very close to us. That IMO is MILES away from having a catered dinner AT your reception and ambushing your guests with a bill.

 

[barbeml]

We had open bar at our reception and I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. However, a cash bar would not offend me or make me think less of the hosts. Some people have perfectly good reasons for not wanting any alcohol at their wedding, some might offer just wine and beer, whatever.

Point is, I am honored to be part of the celebration, and my reason for being there has nothing to do with an opportunity to get loaded on someone else's tab, or checking out how fancy the meal is. We went to one wedding at a very exclusive country club (bride was an only child with a deceased mom and a wealthy dad) that must have cost $100,000. The flowers & centerpieces alone probably cost as much as my reception, and they had a locally famous and very expensive band. We also attended a wedding with a rockabilly band, limited bar offerings and a "serve yourself" buffet of tasty comfort food. Both events were filled with love and good wishes, and we enjoyed them equally.

A couple should only do what they can afford and never even think of charging admission.

Just have to add that this continues to be an amazingly entertaining and fascinating thread. I would LOVE to know how the "cash register couple" deal with all those shocked and outraged guests!

 

[DisneyDotty]

We had an open bar at our wedding reception--my father would have been embarrassed to have anyone pay for anything. I have also been to receptions where the bride and groom didn't drink and therefore offered free soft drinks to everyone, but made sure the bar was closed during the reception. Like other posters, I believe anyone hosting a wedding reception needs to be sure they can afford to provide the guests with food and drink without charging. Otherwise, why have the reception? (Actually, I kinda think this is the case for most parties, except for the occasional potluck. But I'm probably in the minority here.)

 

[stinkerbelle]

We had an open bar at our wedding reception--my father would have been embarrassed to have anyone pay for anything.

same here. (And - for the record, we also provided bus transportation back to the hotel where we blocked rooms for our guests that got too snookered to drive.)

This thread really goes to show you how wedding customs/traditions are different just across the US. What some people do in the Southern states, people in New England wouldn't do.

 

[froglady]

In New England it is very common to have a cash bar. We provided a cocktail "hour" (actually a bit longer) where the guests could gather while the receiving line was set up, photos taken, etc. Then they were led into the dining room, where beer, wine, and champagne were provided. A cash bar was also available for anyone who desired more mixed drinks, on top of those already provided.

I felt that this was a reasonable compromise. Obviously, many others here feel that we should have provided more free alcohol.

edited to add that I'm not sure that I made it clear that there was an open bar for the cocktail hour, just not for the dinner and dancing.

 

[SC Minnie]

We had a cash bar at our wedding. I don't see anything wrong with it. My parents paid for the reception and didn't drink and didn't feel comfortable with the whole bar thing anyway but DH wanted one. We compromised with a cash bar. This also kept people from getting too sloppy drunk.

If there were people there that thought we were tacky then so be it. It didn't keep them from staying and having a great time until after midnight.

 

[Southern4sure]

My 2 cents:

Personally I did not (and do not) serve alcohol at my wedding or any other type of get together. If alcohol is needed to have a good time, do it elsewhere. I do believe there are those who drink to much whether it is free or they paid for it and drive. I would not want that on my concious that I contributed their influence to drink & drive. Why does one have to serve alcohol at all to have a good time? Im not against alcohol. DH and I drink, but we are not heavy drinkers and when we do want to drink, its in our home and its much cheaper. DH can make a mean margarita!

BTW: Im a stickler for drinking and driving.

Southern4sure

 

[HollyJoy]

I have NEVER heard of such a thing! I think I'd skip this wedding!

 

[Joanne M]

When my father found out we could not afford to pay for an open bar at our reception, he chipped in the difference so we could have one. We held our reception at the same hotel where our guests were staying, so the issue of drinking and driving was significantly lessened. If anyone had too much to drink, they could just stay at the hotel with the rest of us.

However, the issue still remains that when hosting a party, you do what you can afford. If you can't afford an open bar or dinner, then you simply don't serve them! You certainly do not expect your guests to pay for your party. I have been to receptions that were cake and champagne following the wedding, because that is what the couple could afford at the time, and no one had a problem with that! The guests also didn't base the amount of any cash gifts on the food that was served.

 

[DisneyDotty]

Lest anyone feel I've offended...When I stated that anyone who throws a party/reception should provide food and drink, I didn't mean that had to be alcohol. Soft drinks are fine. Heck, water is fine. I just think if I were unable to provide alcohol, then I would not have alcohol at all (ie., no cash bar.) The wedding I went to were there was a bar, but it was closed because the bride and groom don't drink, was very enjoyable. (And it was funny to watch some of my relatives squirm because they couldn't get a mixed drink!)
Now I'm gonna go make myself a drink.

 

[missypie]

I think people should entertain in the manner in which they can afford to entertain. Guests should not be required to pay for anything. I think the key is where you have your reception and at what time. If you can only afford cake and punch in the church basement (or only want to provide cake and punch), have a 2 pm wedding, so the cake and punch will be a welcomed snack....Don't have a 7 pm wedding, where people will expect a "party" afterward.

 

[Southern4sure]

Lest anyone feel I've offended...When I stated that anyone who throws a party/reception should provide food and drink, I didn't mean that had to be alcohol. Soft drinks are fine. Heck, water is fine. I just think if I were unable to provide alcohol, then I would not have alcohol at all (ie., no cash bar.) The wedding I went to were there was a bar, but it was closed because the bride and groom don't drink, was very enjoyable. (And it was funny to watch some of my relatives squirm because they couldn't get a mixed drink!)
Now I'm gonna go make myself a drink.

I wasnt offended at all by your post.... Are you making margaritas by any chance?

I was giving my 2 cents about the way I feel about alcohol being served by me whether it was at a wedding or any type of gathering.

Southern4sure

 

[DisneyDotty]

I wasnt offended at all by your post.... Are you making margaritas by any chance?

I was giving my 2 cents about the way I feel about alcohol being served by me whether it was at a wedding or any type of gathering.

Southern4sure

Good to know... Margaritas? Sure! Salt? Blended or on the rocks? Regular or strawberry?

 

[Joanne M]

I don't think the issue is whether or not to serve alcohol at a wedding reception. Everyone has their own view, and whatever they think is appropriate is just fine with me. The bigger issue is that it is not acceptable to have your guests foot the bill for a party you are hosting!