Guests paying for dinner at the wedding? Update pg7

[Tea Please]

This seems a little bizzare to me. I cannot imagine being charged to attend a wedding reception. I tend to agree with the posters that think the OP is mistaken. No way people would know they had to pay, unless it was indicated on the invitation. Something just doesn't sound right.

 

[disneymom3]

Most places around here (NJ) run between $65 and $100 per plate. So we usually end up giving around $200.

Oh for pete's sake, I would never be able to attend another wedding again! I wouldn't be able to afford the gift!! Maybe I am naive, but I always thought people invited guests to a wedding simply because they wanted to have them there. (Obviously I bring a gift, but I have NEVER spent even $100 on the gift!)

 

[disneymom3]

Regarding the cash bar. I often don't even go to the bar at a reception because you just never know if it is going to be paid for or not. If we don't have any cash with us, we don't take the chance. One friend's wedding everyone got two tickets per person at some point to use at the bar. That was a little odd. At our own wedding, DH wanted to have a bar and I flat out refused. I said there was no way I was asking my parents to pay for other people to get drunk. Nor did I want drunk people at my wedding. We had champagne and punch and it worked out just fine.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Nor did I want drunk people at my wedding. We had champagne and punch and it worked out just fine.

Many years ago we were at my cousin's wedding. One of my aunts was introducing my mom to someone. She said, "this is RoseMary, RoseMary, Uh RoseMary, Uh, Dammit, Rosie, what IS your last name?" Well, my aunt was a bit snookered--our last name was the same as hers. We got the biggest laugh out of that one, but it sure was a lesson to me as a teenager--never get so drunk that you forget your own last name.

 

[Joanne M]

DisneyMom3, you are not naive. When you have a reception you are inviting people to be your guests. That means it is your treat! You throw the reception YOU can afford. Mis Manners says quite emphatically that a wedding reception is NOT an event for extorting money from your guests.

As for the amount you spend on a wedding gift, it is not dependent upon the cost per plate at the reception, although many people use that as a reference point. You give a gift based on the closeness of your relationship to the bride and groom, and it depends on what you can afford. Just a card is considered sufficient, and a gracious host/ess will be happy to receive your best wishes.

That said, I do know of many couples who calculate how much they think they will rake in at the reception in order to pay for the honeymoon they booked but can't afford....my own BIL, in fact, did just that and was quite vocal about it. I felt like we were expected to fork over the cash!

 

[IamTink]

Yes. I talked to the mother of the bride and the situation is that guests are expected to pay $70 a person. Why they didn't state that on the invitation is beyond me. So our family of five would have to pay $350 + gift. There WILL be other families with kids at the wedding but unfortanatly I told ther that we have another engagement and we just can't attend

I have absolutely NEVER - EVER heard of any such request. Has anyone ever heard of every person being expected to pay monetarily up front? It doesn't make any sense at all.

I married in 1973 (to my ex) an NO children were invited. It was secondary to a cost issue at that time AND my & the exes choice to have our day be about us & not children that I've often seen running amok at receptions. I couldn't imagine paying for a meal for kids that simply will not eat it, and will probably not be able to act like an adult in an adult situation...simply because they are children. Nothing wrong w/kiddos but they don't belong everywhere. If there's a theme to keep the kids involved w/all that energy then hats off to them.

 

[IamTink]

Yes, my mom is going. God love her but she is the kind of person that would pay the money just so there won't be tension between neighbors.

Sometimes tension is a good thing. This would be one of those cases.

 

[ericamanda01]

If I were to show up a wedding and had to pay for my own dinner I would decline to eat and leave. That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. I felt bad that we asked people to drive an hour to our wedding! But I would never ask them to pay for a meal that I picked out. Let alone a $70 meal without letting them know they had to pay in advance. What are they going to have instead of a guest book, a cash registar?!?

 

[IamTink]

I think you should print out this thread and give it to them. That is the first time I have ever heard of a cash meal at a wedding. Even a cash bar is thought to be extremely tacky! The bride and groom better wear protective clothing for when the food fight begins. There is definitely going to be some hostility.

First of all....it is NOT rude to have a cash bar. I'm not a drinker but how many open bars have you been at where people go up & get numerous drinks that do not get drunk? alot!!

Second of all....you can't have a decent food fight if you're paying for every toss!

 

[IamTink]

While we're on the topic, does anyone else have a problem with the dollar dance? How much money can the bride and groom make off their guests, anyway? Do they have to claim their receipts on their taxes?

This got me laughing out loud. When I married in 1973 my mother was insistant that there NOT be a dollar dance & made it clear & she & my Dad had spent alot (at that time) & my DM thought a dollar dance to be tacky. Well my ex-DMIL managed to get the band to have the dollar dance & my mother was PEE-OD!!! I don't blame my Mom as she & my Dad were paying for the entire event, not my DMIL. But, the memory made me LOL!

 

[ksjayhawks]

If I were to show up a wedding and had to pay for my own dinner I would decline to eat and leave. That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. I felt bad that we asked people to drive an hour to our wedding! But I would never ask them to pay for a meal that I picked out. Let alone a $70 meal without letting them know they had to pay in advance. What are they going to have instead of a guest book, a cash registar?!?[/QUOTE]

I love your last line! I can see it now at all the Bridal Fairs--designer cash registers to collect the money for the reception meal. Maybe this is the business that a bunch of us should go into--we could get in on the bottom floor. We could have fancy, plain, colored, some with fountains, some that play music, the possibilities are endless!

 

[GIOny]

And $70 is very, very expensive, IMO. An upscale restaurant meal is usually in the $25-35 range.[/QUOTE]



As far as the original question goes if the kids are not invited you don't bring them and I wouldn't even ask. But as far as $70.00 a plate goes as being very very expensive! NO WAY!! I wish I could find a deal like that for my daughters wedding. Where I come from that would be considered very cheap and a real deal!!! You may be able to find a deal like that if you were getting married in the middle of January on a Wednesday. But for a spring wedding on a Saturday night Just to clarify I am talking about a regular sit down dinner at a reception hall.

 

[ericamanda01]

If I were to show up a wedding and had to pay for my own dinner I would decline to eat and leave. That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. I felt bad that we asked people to drive an hour to our wedding! But I would never ask them to pay for a meal that I picked out. Let alone a $70 meal without letting them know they had to pay in advance. What are they going to have instead of a guest book, a cash registar?!?[/QUOTE]

I love your last line! I can see it now at all the Bridal Fairs--designer cash registers to collect the money for the reception meal. Maybe this is the business that a bunch of us should go into--we could get in on the bottom floor. We could have fancy, plain, colored, some with fountains, some that play music, the possibilities are endless!

Silver with lace and fondont flowers!

 

[Sleepy]

I am late with this post, but I have learned that tradition over here is when you are invited to a wedding, you never give a gift, but rather give money, which would basically cover the cost of your meal and then throw in a bit more. I have heard the price of the meals are VERY expensive.

 

[DebbieB]

And $70 is very, very expensive, IMO. An upscale restaurant meal is usually in the $25-35 range

Does the per plate charge also include the use of the hall and staff? I guess it depends on if you are using the caterer's hall.

I just can't imagine how it will work if they hand bills out at the reception. If they wanted to do that, they would have had to included it on the invitiation. I've never been to a dinner where I had to pay where the charge was not indicated on the invitation (for example, a class reunion).

 

[MsLeFever]

YEP...the only potluck weddings I have been to were very small informal just family type weddings. Now Bar Q parties and such...we throw down!.... or least we did in southern Alabama. I havent had a chance to have a throw down since we moved to FL....Anyone interested in a throw down?

Southern4sure

One of the best weddings I ever went to was a potluck. The invite said no gifts - but if you lived close to bring a dish to pass and if you were traveling to the wedding to bring a bottle of wine. I think the couple provided some meat trays and rolls. Reception in her backyard which was on a river.

But I think the "no gifts" balanced out the food and wine request!

 

[pjpoohbear]

I am late with this post, but I have learned that tradition over here is when you are invited to a wedding, you never give a gift, but rather give money, which would basically cover the cost of your meal and then throw in a bit more. I have heard the price of the meals are VERY expensive.

See it does happen, and for me it was at a portugesse wedding where it was made most clear. The asian wedding not so clear, but it was expressed that cash giftes were more welcomed than product.

Each person was expected to give an envelope with enought of a cash gift to cover thier meal. And the envelope was put in a big cardboard wishing well placed near the guest book. You will find these wishing wells in most bridal stationary catalogues. I saw almost every guest leave an envelope in this big ugly carboard wishing well, as I was in charge of the guest book. This wedding was 50.00 CAD person, at least that was the suggested amount, a small note on the bottom of the meal choice card, said "$50.00/plate".

The reason it might be more common in Canada is that immigrates are expected to give up less of thier traditions here, they are not expect to become Canadianized. We have many second and thrid generations Canadians who still can not speak english yet. They stay within their communities and are insulated from change.

Penny

 

[bgirldeb]

This got me laughing out loud. When I married in 1973 my mother was insistant that there NOT be a dollar dance & made it clear & she & my Dad had spent alot (at that time) & my DM thought a dollar dance to be tacky. Well my ex-DMIL managed to get the band to have the dollar dance & my mother was PEE-OD!!! I don't blame my Mom as she & my Dad were paying for the entire event, not my DMIL. But, the memory made me LOL!

I thought my DMIL was bad for sneaking in the macarena when we made a no macarena rule to the DJ! : I still haven't forgiven her for it!

As far as the invitation- First of all, it was worded improperly- they really should name the individual persons. I would take "family" to include children. BUT after hearing of the 70.00 per person charge I would definitely find other plans for that evening. If you can't afford to give a pay for a 70.00 per person wedding, find a less expensive, smaller alternative. I can't believe there is actually something that can be tackier than inviting people to a wedding shower and not the wedding! This takes the cake in total tackiness!

 

[bgirldeb]

I say we send $70 to MamaLema so she can go just so we can find out what happens when all the guests find out they are expected to pay! LOL

Great idea!

 

[grlpwrd]

OK so I got a wedding invitation from my mom's neighbour. I know that our 3 kids will probably be the only kids at the wedding so I asked my mom to ask the neighbour if it's OK to bring the kids. Her response? "OH of course but they have to pay too" So my mom was like "Huh?" and the neighbour told her that the reception is $70 a plate per person!

So with our family of 5 we are expected to spend $350 plus a wedding gift.
Not to mention the kids will eat 2 bites and call it a night. Our boys are 1, 6, and 8.

I was just wondering if more people do this? I have been to at least 15-20 weddings and have never been expected to pay. Is this more common than I think? I find the whole thing tacky.

Is this a cultural wedding? Another poster brought up a good point how some immigrants do it this way so it does not surprise me that they asked for $$$. Weird, but not impossible.

Goodness, our Chinese custom to party and eat at a funeral is strange to some, but it doesn't mean it doesnt happen.