Another Wedding Spinoff--Alcohol at Reception

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm

You have the option of not partaking anywhere you go.

As I said, I am fine if weddings are dry. I'm also fine if only beer or wine are served. Heck, I can roll with a champagne toast only.

But don't offer me something and expect me to pay for it. That annoys me. It's like passing Oreos for dessert and charging for wedding cake IMO. Or offering upgrading parking or seating for a fee.

If you have to go to the bar to fetch it, is it really being "offered" to you?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'd probably like a heads up since it would be so out of the norm around here. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I usually bring enough cash to tip the valet and the bartender and that's it.

Having a Valet would be way out of the norm, here

 

[AppleDumpling]

So do the "covering your plate" gift givers factor in the cost of alcohol at the open bar too???

Yes, since around here the cost per person typically includes unlimited alcohol.

Although covering your plate is only a general guideline, not a requirement. You should give a gift you feel is appropriate, based on your relationship with the bride and groom and what you can afford.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I never, ever have cash and have never been in a scenario where I couldn't get what I needed. If the scenario happened as you described that place is out of luck. If they didn't advertise cash only before you ate and then have technical difficulties they cannot hold you prisoner in the restaurant. All merchants are required if they advertise Visa accepted here, to have a machine to imprint your card, there is even a number to call to get authorization. I have been somewhere this happened and they comped everyone vs doing that, I don't know if it was just less hassle than using the machine. If they are stupid and don't have the machine to make a paper imprint it is on them, not you.

As far as the original topic I have never been to a cash bar wedding.

I don't think anyone was going to be held captive, but it was t going to be an "instant" procedure like the norm.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I'm


If you have to go to the bar to fetch it, is it really being "offered" to you?

Sometimes you have to go to a bar, but often the waitstaff will take your order and bring it to you or a rolling bar cart comes to each table and the bartender takes care of you.

 

[Disneylover99]

I was just googling out of curiosity to see what an open bar cost per person. So much depends on location (venue/city), number of guests, number of bartenders serving, types/brands of liquor served, etc....it seemed to range between $16.50 per person to $90 per person.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Sometimes you have to go to a bar, but often the waitstaff will take your order and bring it to you or a rolling bar cart comes to each table and the bartender takes care of you.

If there's a wait staff, I'd consider anything they serve to be part of the meal. I don't have a problem with a cash bar or a partial cash bar, but I do think I'd be a little annoyed at having someone come collect $ from me as they served me.

 

[nkereina]

I've been to one dry wedding, and the family was very religious so both of their kids had dry weddings. It was notified to us in advance - something to the effect that it was an alcohol free environment as I recall. They didn't want people bringing it in with them either.

If I were attending a wedding with a cash bar, I'd either want advance notice or something posted clearly at the bar so I wasn't blindsided when I ordered a drink. I would assume it was open bar otherwise, so if the bartender gave me a total, I wouldn't be expecting it and may scramble to find the cash. I never have cash on me, but if there was an ATM nearby or they took credit cards, I'd be ok with that too.

FWIW - we are getting married this summer and will have open bar. We had the option to pay a flat per person fee of $20 for three hours, plus $5 per person for every hour thereafter. Our reception will be about 5 hours, so it would be about $30 per person to have open bar for the duration. The other option was to do a consumption package where you only pay for what is ordered. We figured this would come out cheaper, and many of our friends and relatives agreed. They also offer the option to cap the bar tab at a certain amount so you don't get a big bill at the end, but we didn't do that.

 

[CPanther95]

I was just googling out of curiosity to see what an open bar cost per person. So much depends on location (venue/city), number of guests, number of bartenders serving, types/brands of liquor served, etc....it seemed to range between $16.50 per person to $90 per person.

For my daughter's wedding, we found a venue that allowed us to stock the bar and we paid for 2 bartenders ($20/hour each IIRC) supplied by the venue to staff it. Even top shelf liquor will only cost about $1.00 a drink.

We spent less on the open bar than we did on the wedding favors.

 

[AppleDumpling]

If there's a wait staff, I'd consider anything they serve to be part of the meal. I don't have a problem with a cash bar or a partial cash bar, but I do think I'd be a little annoyed at having someone come collect $ from me as they served me.

I agree but again, around here it is almost always open bar.

 

[Nancyg56]

I've heard of this too. Give less of a gift since I have to pay for my liquor all night. I don't know how I feel about that.

I know how I feel. LOL!

 

[jrmasm]

I'm


If you have to go to the bar to fetch it, is it really being "offered" to you?

If the bar is inside the room where dinner and dessert are served, yes, that is offered.

I've been to weddings were no alcohol was served inside that room. If you wanted a drink you to exit and walk to the permanent bar in the venue. That was not offered IMO.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

If the bar is inside the room where dinner and dessert are served, yes, that is offered.

I've been to weddings were no alcohol was served inside that room. If you wanted a drink you to exit and walk to the permanent bar in the venue. That was not offered IMO.

This was how our wedding was.

Nothing was offered. But if you wanted to get a drink, you could. You just had to go get it. Well, and pay for it.

 

[Disneylover99]

For my daughter's wedding, we found a venue that allowed us to stock the bar and we paid for 2 bartenders ($20/hour each IIRC) supplied by the venue to staff it. Even top shelf liquor will only cost about $1.00 a drink.

We spent less on the open bar than we did on the wedding favors.

Being allowed to stock your own bar is definitely the key to keeping the pricing down.

 

[Hikergirl]

Meh, I'd much rather have the option of paying for exactly what I want than to be limited to what is free.

Me too but it would be nice to know ahead of time so I can be prepared

 

[Julie's Haircut]

I'm not sure if there are regional norms concerning booze at a wedding. I've been to every type of reception: open bar, cash bar, beer/wine only, totally dry, etc. all in the same general area.

Twice I recall where the alcohol policy was included with the invitation. One said something like "Hosted Bar 6-730pm" which implied a cash bar after that time. Many guests were lined up at 720pm to get an extra drink or two.

The other was a dry reception in a dry town, Ocean City, NJ. At the time, even BYOB was taboo in a public venue, and might still be. Most guests were probably already aware of this, but to be sure, a slip of paper indicating such was included inside the invitation. (We had a room at the hotel and slipped away a few times for refreshments).

 

[Julie's Haircut]

After I started the thread, I searched around on the internet. According to one snooty site, you're incredibly gauche. A keg at a wedding? If it's absolutely necessary to lower yourself to accommodate the plebeian guests, only high end craft beers in the bottle, please. With a glass, of course.

I like gauche, the gauche-ier the better-er. I'd much rather go to a reception at a VFW hall or Elks Lodge that has a keg than a snooty hi-falutin' catering venue that serves undrinkable craft beers. Gimme the cheap stuff!!

In my experiences, the overall enjoyment of a reception is inversely proportional to the cost of the venue.

Last wedding I went to, I was not happy I had to pay for soda- I heard via family that there will be no open bar at all but I assumed at least soda was covered. Only tap water was free! If you can afford to have it at a country club, you can afford to offer a soda bar at least especially when I know you spent a lot of money on wedding decor like table numbers.. I just thought it was so cheap and tacky, maybe because I had an open bar for my wedding the whole night or every wedding I've been to has had an open soda bar. So I would definitely like an indication at least on your wedding website or via "telephone" if alcohol or even soda is not covered.

I'd be really peeved if I arrived and found out soft drinks were on a cash basis. I might even say "screw this" and walk out. And of course retain my gift.

We had an open bar 30+ years ago. But most of my side of the family was coming from Europe and yes, a drink with dinner was an integral part of the meal.

However, a person is attending another person's party, so they really have no say on what is served at that party. I don't think the invitation is the place to list it, but the word should go out, be it the attendants spreading the word, the family spreading the word, etc if there is going to be a cash bar or no alcohol.

With the differences in things these days, I would just make sure I had cash before I went to any party. Better to be safe than sorry. And I would appreciate the opportunity to buy a drink if the wedding party could not afford it. I would rather a cash bar than a dry reception.

I rather have a cash bar than no alcohol too. Spreading the word informally is fine; no need to list it on the invitation.

If there's a wait staff, I'd consider anything they serve to be part of the meal. I don't have a problem with a cash bar or a partial cash bar, but I do think I'd be a little annoyed at having someone come collect $ from me as they served me.

Now THAT would be the height of tackiness on the part of the hosts, having a waiter present you with a bill at your table for a drink. I'd probably refuse to pay it; either send it back or tell the cheap host where he could stuff it.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Maybe a little OT...

Our venue included "one hour open bar" with our reception. Just before the hour was up, though, my FIL asked the bartender to keep a tab and he'd pay it. The bartender agreed and my FIL squared up at the end of the reception, even giving a 30% gratuity. We later found out from my BIL and SIL that the bartender still charged them for their drinks! A few other (close) guests, when asked, said that they paid cash for their drinks as well. I honestly don't know what happened in the end, if Dad complained to the venue or what. He and my MIL attended another wedding there a few months later, but it was a different bartender...

I think people were a little surprised that we had sparkling cider for our toast. Hardly anyone we know likes champagne, I was on medication that precluded alcohol, and we had several children, so it made sense for us. But my BIL got drunk - not stumbling or mean drunk, but just enough to loosen up and dance. He's fun when he's drunk (seriously)

 

[BellsFam]

Because they are the ones throwing the party? We always provide for our guests.

I've never seen anyone charge for shuttle buses for guests either as mentioned above.

The bride and groom are not "throwing a party"... They are starting a life together and are nice enough to invite you...

I prefer a cash bar..., I don't go to a wedding to drink on someone else's dime! Esp. a couple going to build a future together and wanting to share that with me!

Everyone saying that it's "expected", I think that's in poor taste.

 

[DiannaVM]

This was highly contested when planning our reception since the drinks almost cost as much as the venue rental and food together! I didn't want a dry wedding, but I didn't want to set my parents back too much either with the cost. We had considered doing a cash bar, but I was told by my MIL that it would be too tacky, although my thing was we couldn't have an open bar otherwise because the cost would be too much. Then I suggested we serve wine and beer only (and I had advised a few guests that this would be the case and they had no issue with it, since most knew that the venue would still have their bar open so if they wanted mixed drinks it would be at their cost). However, I was vetoed on that as well.

After speaking with the lady at the venue, she was very accommodating and said it might be best to just keep a running tab and pay for total drinks consumed rather than pay for a pre-set amount. In all honesty, half the guests don't drink anyway so it worked out that the persons who did, didn't over run the tab and so it was alot less than wedding planners would suggest you spend on drinks. And wouldn't you know it? Alot of them only had wine or beer (and I am not talking about the ones I spoke to previously either. Some of those once they realized it was an open bar, they had their mix or harder drink than beer or wine).

Eventhough it worked out in the end, I don't see any problem with having a cash bar, especially for anything other than beer or wine. I am sure most people can appreciate these days how expensive a wedding is and if they are properly advised ahead of time, then I don't think it should be a problem. I see it as a change of the times, not that a bride and groom are trying to be cheap about it. We don't know what kind of expenses they have behind closed doors. The way I see it, their only duty is to feed you, they don't have the obligation to pay for alcoholic drinks too.