Another Wedding Spinoff--Alcohol at Reception

[DopeyDame]

At our wedding we hosted beer, wine, and non-alcoholic drinks (soda, punch and water.) I don't believe hard liquor was even there as an option. We did it because that's what we could afford to offer our guests.

I have been to weddings of all types. I am not a drinker so I probably would not get an alcoholic beverage anyway, so open bar/limited hosted bar/cash bar doesn't usually affect me one way or the other.

However, one time I went to a wedding where ALL beverages were cash. Not even tap water was available (there was bottled water available at the bar for $1.50/bottle). Since DH and I don't usually get anything from the bar anyway, we didn't make a point of having extra cash on hand. We had *some* when we left the house, but the venue was several hours from home and we stopped for lunch along the way. Of course that was the day that DH dripped something on his tie. So we had to stop at a market in a little town to buy Shout Wipes or a Tide-to-Go stick (can't remember what we bought) to get the stain out of his tie. Whatever we bought, we were just under the limit for using the credit card. Not realizing we'd need the cash, we spent most of what we had at the grocery store. At the wedding, I think we managed to scrape together enough cash for each of us to get one soda or bottle of water, and we nursed it through dinner and all though the evening. That's the only time I've ever felt like what the host provided wasn't "enough." I am fine with not providing *everything* to your guests, but there should be *something* available -- at least water. I guess in that situation, I would have preferred a heads-up, but usually, I just go with the flow.

Yup. Happened to us once too. I was *so* annoyed! We had $10, so we each got a $3 coke and after that, the only option for a drink was the water fountain in the lobby.
I can understand a cash bar. But not even having soda and iced tea available to your guests? Not cool.

 

[msjprincess]

I find it amazing how many people equate alcohol with wedding cake.

Alcohol is an extra. It can be a very expensive extra.

Wedding cake is a norm at a wedding. I've never been to a wedding without a cake.

What I find really funny is that I am coming from a place where I can't even eat at most weddings. And I certainly can't eat the cake. All of this due to Celiac disease. But people complain that others don't want to pay for their alcohol habit.

Give me a break.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I come from the land of lavish wedding receptions (NY metro). I guess because it is likely the biggest party you'll ever throw, people go all out. Mostly night-time affairs with no or few children in attendance. Full multi-course dinner, dancing and open bar throughout. Preceded by a cocktail hour which also has food btw, and not just appetizers, usually a buffet that in other regions would be the main dinner.

I've never been to a local wedding that didn't have open bar. Venues usually list it in the contract as "unlimited top shelf liquor" and it's part of the catering package. Couples with a smaller budget would scale back in other areas and/or invite less people. This has been the norm here for decades and is something you come to expect.

However, I understand that wedding customs are different in other regions. I've been to a few that were all less posh but still enjoyable. Personally, I would still provide drinks, if it's hard liquor, beer wine, soda only, whatever. When I host any party, I provide the food and beverages for guests and would never ask them to pay. To me, that's what it means to be the host.

To answer op's question, if where you live, cash bar is the norm or a reasonable possibility, then I would inform my guests. It's a simple matter of two words, "cash bar" on the bottom of the invitation. IMO, if it's not considered tacky to have it, then it's not tacky to note it so people can come prepared.

 

[gemini2727]

Not everyone who enjoys a drink has a "habit" or a "problem", lol. If I went to a wedding and couldn't have a glass of wine, I would be sad, I admit, but would survive. Happily, never been to a dry wedding though.

 

[georgina]

Exactly. I am surprised at the number of people that seem upset that a full bar might not be available. Or that it somehow needs to be announced. And the people that are upset that it is a cash bar and no one told them to bring cash.

I have not seen as many people upset about lack of alcohol, but more who said they would not be happy about a cash bar surprise. I think I would prefer limited alcohol to showing up at the reception not knowing I needed cash. Again, it may be regional/cultural as I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. Most receptions I have been to have been at halls that are not restaurants, and have open bars.

Personally, we have beer or wine with dinner at home almost every night.

 

[jrmasm]

I find it amazing how many people equate alcohol with wedding cake.

Alcohol is an extra. It can be a very expensive extra.

Wedding cake is a norm at a wedding. I've never been to a wedding without a cake.

What I find really funny is that I am coming from a place where I can't even eat at most weddings. And I certainly can't eat the cake. All of this due to Celiac disease. But people complain that others don't want to pay for their alcohol habit.

It's exactly the same thing. Charging for an upgraded option.

As I've said twice, dry is fine. My alcohol habit can wait until after your event if you don't offer. I won't even be a little shaky. Just don't offer me something at your house, party whatever and expect me to pay for it. I think that's rude.

 

[tvguy]

Here in NZ everyone is nearly cash free, we use our eftpos cards even for a pack of gum.

Folks do that at the mini-marts here, but get hit with a 45 cent fee if they charge is less than$10.

 

[ashley0139]

I find it interesting that people say that because something is the norm in your area, you don't need to spell it out on invitations. "Oh, everyone here knows that wine and beer will be included but you have to pay for mixed drinks." Not everyone being invited is from the area. There are family and friends traveling from out of town to a wedding, that might not be so well versed in the wedding traditions of Wisconsin (or wherever).

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I think if it's part of your circle and culture to not have open bars cool. There's no need for a heads up. If you know that you have NEVER been to an event within your circle that was cash bar a little heads up is appropriate. Even if it's just word of mouth.

We went to a quinceneara that was cash bar. I've heard of them but had never been to one. SO's parents who are in their 60s were completely shocked as were most everyone. I think it was the first cash bar event for about 90% of the guest list which was at over 100 people. For them (culturally) and how they did things in their day was you offered alcohol or you didn't. No such thing as charging your guests to have a drink. If you couldn't afford "to do it the right way" and give your guests the full experience you invite less people or downgrade your venue.

Open bars for us isn't always a plated dinner with an actual bar and bartender. Most times it's a rented hall, family helps decorate and helps cook, liquor is bought and placed in the back (with a keg or lots of cases of beer) and everyone serves themselves. Or the cousins take turns "bartending" or they do hire a bartender with the hall. But there is always drinks to be had and a DJ with lots of music and dancing.

ETA: Even our baby showers and birthday parties are open bar or free flowing liquor. So to have a wedding that's not open bar is not the norm.

 

[Nancyg56]

But nowadays, apparently, the wedding gift is supposed to at least equal your share of the wedding and reception (and maybe in some places it has always been like this). I could see people like me (who eloped) or people who have never been married might have no idea how much they are "supposed" to give because they don't know how fancy the wedding/reception is.

It has always been that way in my area, you pay your plate and then some. I usually give what I give and do not worry about what my meal is. For acquaintances we give the same if we are served cake and coffee as we do when we attend a fancy pants wedding. I give enough. I do not feel the need to cover a $150 per plate wedding, and I have attended some of those.

I just find scaling the gifts down to be kind of mean spirited. A co worker of my DH hosted her own wedding and I heard the food cost her $2.50 per person. Folks were pretty darn cheap when they discussed how they were applying the cost of her day into their gift.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

My niece was married a few years ago and at her wedding it was only wine and beer. She didn't want liquor because it was more expensive and because her mother is an alcoholic so she didn't want any drama caused by that. There was an outside patio area that had an open cash bar that if anyone wanted to - they could buy their mixed drinks there. It worked out just fine.

 

[Vernie822]

Suggesting that anyone who gets upset over someone not having alcohol "complaining that others don't want to pay for their alcohol habit" is ludicrous. Really?! Give me a break.

The way I see it, we are holding our wedding and inviting all of our family and friends. They are taking the time out of their lives to come and partake in our special day. The least I can do is buy them a few beers or some wine.

For that reason, we also put a spot on our invite for guests to list any dietary concerns so that we can accommodate their needs - the last thing I want is someone to have to go hungry because they can't/don't eat what we are serving.

 

[CPanther95]

I find it amazing how many people equate alcohol with wedding cake.

Alcohol is an extra. It can be a very expensive extra.

Wedding cake is a norm at a wedding. I've never been to a wedding without a cake.

While I do associate alcohol with wedding receptions - it really is more about during which activities there is an expectation that alcohol will be served. The typical reception has multiple activities that fall into that category.

For a dinner, having alcohol available is a norm. Assuming there is a period of time before the meal is served when people are expected to socialize before eating, it is also a norm. If there's going to be dancing and music afterward it would definitely be considered a norm. A reception combines all of those things. To say people should just assume there is no alcohol is to suggest that people should ignore what is typical in our society.

 

[Disneylover99]

There is never a mention of "open bar" on invitations that I've received. If there is no mention on the invitation, it is assumed to be an open bar.

Invitations always list "cash bar" in my experience when there is one. Some people will give less cash as a gift if they know there is a cash bar, since they know the price per plate is cheaper than an open bar plate. That's why some people like to know in advance.

 

[nugov2]

Just a few months ago, I was in a restaurant & the card reader went down. I was like 9th or 10th in line to pay, but I had cash. So, I went straight to the front of the line.

I never, ever have cash and have never been in a scenario where I couldn't get what I needed. If the scenario happened as you described that place is out of luck. If they didn't advertise cash only before you ate and then have technical difficulties they cannot hold you prisoner in the restaurant. All merchants are required if they advertise Visa accepted here, to have a machine to imprint your card, there is even a number to call to get authorization. I have been somewhere this happened and they comped everyone vs doing that, I don't know if it was just less hassle than using the machine. If they are stupid and don't have the machine to make a paper imprint it is on them, not you.

As far as the original topic I have never been to a cash bar wedding.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

After reading the thread I guess it varies by location.

But I see it the same way as you do. I see it the same as when you invite someone to your house for dinner - or even out for dinner. You'd never charge your guest for part of the meal, especially such an integral part.

Meh, I'd much rather have the option of paying for exactly what I want than to be limited to what is free.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I find it interesting that people say that because something is the norm in your area, you don't need to spell it out on invitations. "Oh, everyone here knows that wine and beer will be included but you have to pay for mixed drinks." Not everyone being invited is from the area. There are family and friends traveling from out of town to a wedding, that might not be so well versed in the wedding traditions of Wisconsin (or wherever).

If I'm inviting you to my wedding you should know our/my traditions fairly well because you would be that close to me and that's why I invited you in the first place. I can see if you are inviting people that you don't know that well or lots of coworkers who don't know your traditions or customs.

 

[CPanther95]

Meh, I'd much rather have the option of paying for exactly what I want than to be limited to what is free.

If I invite you for dinner, everything is free - for you.

 

[ICF]

So do the "covering your plate" gift givers factor in the cost of alcohol at the open bar too???

 

[mi*vida*loca]

There is never a mention of "open bar" on invitations that I've received. If there is no mention on the invitation, it is assumed to be an open bar.

Invitations always list "cash bar" in my experience when there is one. Some people will give less cash as a gift if they know there is a cash bar, since they know the price per plate is cheaper than an open bar plate. That's why some people like to know in advance.

I've heard of this too. Give less of a gift since I have to pay for my liquor all night. I don't know how I feel about that.