What to do? Re grandma and daughter's clothes

[Paula Sedley-Burke]

Just to comment I am still in horror at the 'wedding dress' I was forced to wear on mine. It ruined my day. If my Mum could turn back time now she would have gone with what I wanted not influenced by others. We have dicussed it since.

 

[L&Lfan]

I must be naive, but I never thought First Holy Communion dresses resembled wedding gowns. I always made the connection of the white dress/jacket with one's white baptismal garment.

 

[quandrea]

I must be naive, but I never thought First Holy Communion dresses resembled wedding gowns. I always made the connection of the white dress/jacket with one's white baptismal garment.

There are many, many dresses that are as ornate as some wedding dresses.

 

[mjkacmom]

There are many, many dresses that are as ornate as some wedding dresses.

But, there are also baptismal gowns that are very ornate. My girls wore the one my mom's cousin donated to her for me and my sister, my boys DH"s family gown. The white dresses and white shirts (even suits) represent the baptismal gowns. Compared to many other girls, our dresses were simple. Personally, I didn't judge what others wore, it's a personal decision.

 

[quandrea]

View attachment 222661 View attachment 222660
But, there are also baptismal gowns that are very ornate. My girls wore the one my mom's cousin donated to her for me and my sister, my boys DH"s family gown. The white dresses and white shirts (even suits) represent the baptismal gowns. Compared to many other girls, our dresses were simple. Personally, I didn't judge what others wore, it's a personal decision.

Lovely

 

[QueenIsabella]

There are people on this thread who should try to understand the Catholic faith a little better, before they start criticizing. I've never followed the faith, although I was raised in it. I little understanding goes a long way--that's true of any faith or culture. Many faiths believe in head coverings and modesty (covering the shoulders and/or knees).

A little OT, but one year while in Orlando, my oldest wanted to visit the Holy Land Experience. We're not religious at all, but because I was raised by a very religious mother, I got conscripted into taking DD while DH did other things with our other children. DD and I didn't give a thought to how we were dressed--it was a theme park, we were on vacation, right? Well, compared to the rest of the attendees, we looked like hoochie mamas--I had on shorts, while DD had on a miniskirt with leggings. Most women wore head coverings and pants or long skirts. It was an "Oh, crap!" moment, although we did chuckle about it to ourselves. And to be clear, not one person said anything to us or was anything less than gracious and polite, the entire time--staff and guests. They had to be the kindest group of people I've ever seen in a theme park. Maybe they thought we were souls in need of saving, I don't know, but we were treated with the utmost respect (and DD got a photo op with "Jesus").

As it happens, my uncle recently sent my some old photos, including a couple of my sister's First Communion, probably in 1972. She wore the same outfit I did--white, knee-length dress with a lace overlay, veil, and gloves. I think veils and gloves have gone by the wayside since 1970, when my mom would have bought the outfit for me. But if you look at photos from that era, both items were fashion accessories at that time. I honestly can't remember how I felt about the outfit (and likely didn't have much say in the matter). But I can say as a parent, I would go with the dress that made the little girl feel happiest and most special. This is an important day in the Catholic religion.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I've seen communion dresses range from very simple to the very glitzy mini bride look. Yes, it's a personal taste and I say to each their own.

I'm in my 50's and wore a veil for my first communion. (As others have stated, all women wore veils or hats to church back then.) The short white dress I wore had a bit of lace, but was plain by today's standards. I have two older sisters, so it was handed down and I had no choice.

OP, your daughter will look beautiful in her dress. Honestly, I think ballet flats or a Maryjane style shoe would look better with it, only because they're dressier for the occasion, though the sandals are fine if that's what she likes. You mentioned you have boy/girl twins. Just curious, is MIL also buying a suit or pants/shirt/tie for your son?

 

[QueenIsabella]

View attachment 222661 View attachment 222660
But, there are also baptismal gowns that are very ornate. My girls wore the one my mom's cousin donated to her for me and my sister, my boys DH"s family gown. The white dresses and white shirts (even suits) represent the baptismal gowns. Compared to many other girls, our dresses were simple. Personally, I didn't judge what others wore, it's a personal decision.

Either of those looks beautiful and appropriate. Of course, you're starting with an adorable little girl (or boy)--not much "extra" is needed!

 

[Caskett616]

I could be wrong, but I think the veil tradition comes from when women/girls wore head coverings in church. When that practice began to fade in the '60s/'70s (when western women stopped wearing hats in general), many churches dropped the veil as part of the First Holy Communion outfit. However, in certain regions and among certain ethnicities (Latino, for example) the veil for First Holy Communion is still popular/expected.

Exactly. I made my First Communion in 1969. That was right after the church lightened the rules, and women didn't have to cover their heads in church, but we wore veils. They were short and simple, nothing like a bridal veil - just a simple piece of lace attached to a comb. They were sold by my church so that everyone could get a simple veil for a reasonable amount of money, but we were not required to buy it - girls were allowed to wear what they wanted. Even when my nieces made their communions, they wore simple veils as well, since none of them were into fancy stuff.

 

[Caskett616]

I will say that I have never figured out what the problem is with a sleeveless dress. I understand why people don't like tank tops, but why is sleeveless so bad? Especially in a communion dress, where everything but the arms are covered up. I'm no fashion expert, and I have never understood that. How is a sleeve (even a cap sleeve) more modest than bare arms?

 

[DaisyJ]

Sorry, but I would pick out my own prom dress, and I would, and did, choose my own wedding dress.
Why would any woman, grandma, MIL, etc. think that that this is something that they should have a real part, say-so, in?

And, yes, I too have the same visceral reaction to little girls in adult 'pageant' dresses.

Veils are creepy, to me. Period..... (not hats or head-dresses)

This is a huge thing for me, personally, What goes into my body, or on my body, are nobody else's business.

Let me be very clear ~ I am the final authority in choosing my daughter's prom dresses. If I don't approve, it isn't coming home with us. When she chooses her wedding gown, that will be a different scenario, since she will be an adult.

 

[quandrea]

I've seen communion dresses range from very simple to the very glitzy mini bride look. Yes, it's a personal taste and I say to each their own.

I'm in my 50's and wore a veil for my first communion. (As others have stated, all women wore veils or hats to church back then.) The short white dress I wore had a bit of lace, but was plain by today's standards. I have two older sisters, so it was handed down and I had no choice.

OP, your daughter will look beautiful in her dress. Honestly, I think ballet flats or a Maryjane style shoe would look better with it, only because they're dressier for the occasion, though the sandals are fine if that's what she likes. You mentioned you have boy/girl twins. Just curious, is MIL also buying a suit or pants/shirt/tie for your son?

That's another story. Ds has a jacket, pants, shirt and tie that were bought last year for a vacation that required formal wear. We had intended to use these for his communion as they fit and are basically new (worn twice). Mil wants him to have a completely new ensemble. I haven't dealt with this yet. Again from a values standpoint, dh and I are reluctant to purchase clothing for the kids when they have something perfectly appropriate already in their closets. We want them to value what they have and not always feel that you have to have the newest thing just because.

 

[gemini2727]

Why do shoulders and toes have anything to do with modesty? Are little girls' toes and shoulders too sexy for men or something? But they can't wear floor length, so I guess ankles and legs aren't an issue? If I belonged to a church with that kind of mandate, I'd be looking for another church.



Sounds like the parents who deck out their daughters like that are all about show and not about substance. Veil? That's creepy.


I agree - the 'virginal bride of Jesus' thing is creepy! My friend had her daughter wear a pretty off white/pale yellow flower pattern dress for first communion. It was not bridelike at all. No veil, no tiara, she looked lovely and not at all like a virgin sacrifice. Let your daughter wear what she wants, as it is her event.


Bling for communion? That's nasty, IMO. Why would there be a need for bling? What's the purpose of it? Is it all about showing off?

I'm assuming you're not Catholic. How about educating yourself on our traditions before posting insulting comments?

 

[quandrea]

Let me be very clear ~ I am the final authority in choosing my daughter's prom dresses. If I don't approve, it isn't coming home with us. When she chooses her wedding gown, that will be a different scenario, since she will be an adult.

I agree about the prom dress. Same with communion dress.

 

[elaine amj]

That's another story. Ds has a jacket, pants, shirt and tie that were bought last year for a vacation that required formal wear. We had intended to use these for his communion as they fit and are basically new (worn twice). Mil wants him to have a completely new ensemble. I haven't dealt with this yet. Again from a values standpoint, dh and I are reluctant to purchase clothing for the kids when they have something perfectly appropriate already in their closets. We want them to value what they have and not always feel that you have to have the newest thing just because.

In light of this, then I would very nicely but very firmly tell your MIL that you really, really appreciate her gesture of wanting to buy the children new clothes. But that after some discussion with your children, you have decided that they will wear XX and XX. And say it would be absolutely wonderful if she would get some alternative special gift for the children - a rosary, some special jewelry (cross necklaces suitable for each sounds very appropriate), new Bibles, or the like. Or if she wants to be very splashy, what about letting her order very fancy cakes for them? Or a photo session? It sounds like she wants to make a grand gesture of some kind to commemorate the special occasion and it would be very kind of you to come up with something that would make her happy while still being within your own value set. My guess is grand, public gestures is pretty important to her. That's how it is for my own mother.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Exactly. I made my First Communion in 1969. That was right after the church lightened the rules, and women didn't have to cover their heads in church, but we wore veils. They were short and simple, nothing like a bridal veil - just a simple piece of lace attached to a comb.

Yes, I remember them well; they were called chapel caps. We wore the kind that looked like a little round doily and used bobby pins to hold them on. One time I forgot or lost mine and my mom took a handkerchief from her purse and made me put it on my head, LOL.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

That's another story. Ds has a jacket, pants, shirt and tie that were bought last year for a vacation that required formal wear. We had intended to use these for his communion as they fit and are basically new (worn twice). Mil wants him to have a completely new ensemble. I haven't dealt with this yet. Again from a values standpoint, dh and I are reluctant to purchase clothing for the kids when they have something perfectly appropriate already in their closets. We want them to value what they have and not always feel that you have to have the newest thing just because.

I understand where you are coming from. But, I can see your MIL wanting him to have something new. And I would probably feel the same way as your MIL.

This is First Communion. Not just a party. And not just another Sunday. This day should be set aside as being very special. A day to remember. Many boys wear an actual suit, rather than pants and a jacket.

 

[quandrea]

I'm assuming you're not Catholic. How about educating yourself on our traditions before posting insulting comments?

Let's try to just keep this to fashion. I wouldn't want to be the op of a thread that gets closed for breaking the rules.

 

[piccolopat]

Yes, I remember them well; they were called chapel caps. We wore the kind that looked like a little round doily and used bobby pins to hold them on. One time I forgot or lost mine and my mom took a handkerchief from her purse and made me put it on my head, LOL.

This made me laugh. We had a pastor who would stand by the church entrance with a box of tissues for any of us who forgot our chapel caps or other head covering.

 

[gemini2727]

Let's try to just keep this to fashion. I wouldn't want to be the op of a thread that gets closed for breaking the rules.

Happily. The poster I quoted veered away from a fashion discussion to insults, not necessary.