Is this bride "selfish"???

[HighClass]

It's the brides fault that Mom used her vacation time already?????

I would think that if my daughter were getting married, I'd save my vacation time for the wedding, or arrange unpaid time off if the wedding was last minute and I hadn't planned for it.

And why is the BRIDE selfish but not the groom?

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ONE MORE TIME_

Bride did not tell her mother and step Dad (my brother) her destination wedding plans until they RETURNED FROM EUROPE in MAY!!!!!

No wedding plans had been discussed-she gave birth in April.

I am happy she is marrying the "baby Daddy"-who is towing his giant fishing boat to the Keyes-so bride , Fiance and baby WILL be making the 3 day car trip.

 

[Jennasis]

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ONE MORE TIME_

Bride did not tell her mother and step Dad (my brother) her destination wedding plans until they RETURNED FROM EUROPE in MAY!!!!!

No wedding plans had been discussed-she gave birth in April.

I am happy she is marrying the "baby Daddy"-who is towing his giant fishing boat to the Keyes-so bride , Fiance and baby WILL be making the 3 day car trip.

Like school in summer.

Just say it already. You hate your family.

 

[blissventure]

DH and I had our dream wedding. On our farm in NC. My ENTIRE family lives in NY, so they all had to take an entire weekend off for the event to fly/drive down here. Some couldn't make it...and we were ok with that. My mom wanted DH and I to come back home to NY for the wedding, but that's not what we wanted. We wanted our $3K bbq cookout farm wedding...and we got it. It was wonderful.

Mom also wanted a DJ and a dance floor. It was an outdoor afternoon thing in AUGUST. We said no.

Loved hearing about your wedding. You made a great choices.
FWIW, I don't remotely consider this a destination wedding. It sounds like you live in NC.

(And I would never get involved in specific details of a wedding. I know the aprox dollar amount we can contribute to our kids. It's up to them how they want to spend it. )

 

[HighClass]

Like school in summer.

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[alexandria674]

I don't think it is selfish, but I wouldn't expect the bride and groom to be too upset that some guest don't come. It seems that they want the small wedding and would like it to be in a romantic area.

I have been reading this thread and there seems to be the words of "dream wedding". The bridal couple has not said that this is their dream wedding, in fact the bridal couple isn't here at all to explain themselves. The wedding guests are not saying that they have a problem. Maybe it is trouble for the guests to come BUT maybe they really want to come. (Flame all you want). It seems this thread was started from a disgruntled relative who may/may not be invited. There is no word that the bridal parents may not be bothered, maybe they understand maybe the bride understand that her parents can't come, once again who knows?

Invitations are not forced decrees that guests have to come. Sometimes a destination wedding is not only a way for the family to get together (as it is the immeadiate (sp)), or can be a small wedding in a great area without all of the fuss of other disgruntled relatives who might get offended that they weren't invited.

 

[luvmy3]

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ONE MORE TIME_

Bride did not tell her mother and step Dad (my brother) her destination wedding plans until they RETURNED FROM EUROPE in MAY!!!!!

No wedding plans had been discussed-she gave birth in April.

I am happy she is marrying the "baby Daddy"-who is towing his giant fishing boat to the Keyes-so bride , Fiance and baby WILL be making the 3 day car trip.

So here is an adult, who just finished law school and had a baby making a decision to marry her fiance, the baby's father and the problem is that she didn't discuss any wedding plans with the parents? And she is obligated to do this because?
Seriously, I think some people get too worked up about the need to be involved in other people's decisions about their own lives.

 

[mjkacmom]

Agreed. And I think this whole, "I have to have my DREAM", thing is just nuts. I don't drive a dream car, I don't live in a dream house, I didn't have a dream wedding, my kids went to colleges we could afford (not the dream school), and guess what? We're happy! Life isn't all about making sure you get every last thing you could possibly want and then more. Where's my cheese, and gimme more of it isn't a great way to start life.

It's possible to have a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank. It's all about thinking through the options, possibilities, and being willing to compromise. Compromise. It's sorta helpful if you want to stay married, too. JMO--YMMV.

We don't know if this is there dream wedding, but apparently it's what they want. Doesn't look like they're going to break the bank doing it, either. I'd love to be driving my dream car, living in my dream house, but I can't afford it. I'd do it if possible. Nothing has been said that the wedding is a bad idea because of finaces.

 

[mskayjay]

So here is an adult, who just finished law school and had a baby making a decision to marry her fiance, the baby's father and the problem is that she didn't discuss any wedding plans with the parents? And she is obligated to do this because?
Seriously, I think some people get too worked up about the need to be involved in other people's decisions about their own lives.

*WOW* Are you serious? Obligated? I cannot imagine not talking to my family about my marriage and just dismissing them like you're inferring. I don't know if you're married yet or if you have kids close to marrying age or what but man I'd like to be the fly on the wall when your kid tells you "this is when I'm getting married, this is where, be there if you can" or if you said that to your parents, the pain it would cause them. There is a difference in dictating to someone everything about their wedding and what is being discussed here. There is still a thing called respect......the bride and groom both are really disrespecting their parents by how they are going about this.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I was sitting next to DH's cousin at a wedding and she started complaining that they didn't serve ice cream with the wedding cake. "I can't eat cake without ice cream. Why don't they just offer it? I wonder if I go ask the kitchen for ice cream if they'll give it to me? Why didn't they think of this when they were planning the wedding?" On and on and on about ice cream.

OMG... is this cousin my MIL!!!!

She had the same thoughts regarding ice cream.

The first time we started talking wedding plans, she was already being very specific... I had to have these little wedding bell shaped ice cream molds, 'cause that's what SHE had'.... 40 freakin' years earlier, in a completely different area of the country.

That was the day I began excluding her from my wedding planning.
I can see why brides and grooms choose to elope, or have elusive destination weddings.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Totally agree. Everyone can say as much as they want that no one would feel "obligated" and the couple has the "right" to have their wedding where they choose but seriously.....weddings are about uniting a couple and uniting families. Maybe if the bond of "family" wasn't so glibly dismissed all the time, marriages and families would be closer?????

People who have destination *weddings* do expect people to attend them and that puts a tremendous strain on folks. If you just have that burning desire to have your ceremony on a beach or something, do it as a private ceremony prior to or even afterwards but don't make that your wedding. How cruel to essentially tell family that has stood by you your whole life that having the sand in your toes or the waves crashing behind is more important than choosing a location where that same family can all be a part of that very special moment. That truly is more important to you than having your Grandmother be able to see you get married? Unless you come from a monied family I really think it is very short sighted and yes, selfish. You can have the day be "all about you" without doing it 2000 miles away.

I think this is a great post.

 

[HighClass]

I agree also

One of my friends recently attended her step son's(30) wedding- on a tropical island.

She married her DH 5 years ago-so she was not raising him in his formative years

Her DH really wanted to go (she really didn't-but went for love of DH)

At the tropical island, her DH's ex "forced" them to host the "rehearsal" dinner. The guests were supposed to have a party room-instead were scattered all over the public dining room-and they had to pay for all the meals and wine-this added cost above the trip (plane, hotel etc) really upset her.There were no toasts, no nothing-just a bunch of random wedding guests whose meals she and her dh had to pay for

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I'm thinking that in this case, since they had a baby in April, and Announced the Wedding in May, that this is really what they felt would work best. It sounds like they want to get married fairly soon, since they just had a baby, and don't want the year or so that it usually takes to plan the big, fancy at home wedding. Sounds to me like they may have been sitting down one evening, had already booked their Florida Keys trip, and said "You know what?? We love each other, we have a beautiful baby now, we are renting a wonderful beach house in the Keys...why don't we just get married while we are there?" Rather than spending a ton of $$ on the wedding, they are taking advantage of a beautiful location they already have booked. It stinks that it will be tough for the parents to be there, but I'm thinking they may not have realized it at the time. Did the parents say something right away that it was an inconvenience and the bride and groom ignored it? Personally, when I got married at 24, fresh out of college, the juggling of vacation days wouldn't have crossed my mind.

 

[disbridemimi]

This thread is the reason many people elope. They just get so sick of hearing what is wrong with their plans for their wedding day.

 

[koima]

High Class - traditionally the groom's family pays for the rehearsal.

We had a destination wedding and it was my "dream" wedding. Out of our 50 guests, only 8 were local (including us), so nearly everyone would have had to fly no matter where we got married. We rented out a lodge on a lake for a weekend and provided food for the whole weekend for all of our guests. We told everyone gifts weren't required, since we knew they'd flown out to be with us. They paid for their hotel rooms at the lodge (and they were cheap!) and flights, but it was MUCH less than most would have paid had we gotten married in our expensive home city. It was great fun and everyone had a great time. It never even occurred to me that people would find it selfish to have the wedding we wanted just because it isn't close by!

My mom was disappointed in our wedding, but not for the location. She didn't like that I didn't have bridesmaids. She didn't like that I wore red shoes. She didn't like that we didn't invite children (we provided childcare.) She didn't like our choice of serving only wine at the reception, not an open bar. In the end, we had to go with what we loved and what we could afford, and the memories are of a fantastic day just how my husband and I wanted it. Maybe that makes me selfish, but honestly, why is it a bad thing for a couple to have a wedding the way they want it?

 

[disykat]

OMG... is this cousin my MIL!!!!

She had the same thoughts regarding ice cream.

The first time we started talking wedding plans, she was already being very specific... I had to have these little wedding bell shaped ice cream molds, 'cause that's what SHE had'.... 40 freakin' years earlier, in a completely different area of the country.

That was the day I began excluding her from my wedding planning.
I can see why brides and grooms choose to elope, or have elusive destination weddings.

That's so weird. I've never had ice cream at a wedding. My FIL got weird about almonds. Apparently he had a source and wanted almonds. I told him to feel free to order some if he wanted to and we'd put them out, but apparently it wasn't THAT important to him.

 

[dakcp2001]

No, not selfish at all! If you do not want to attend simply check the NO box on the RSVP box and send it in. Then get on with your life.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

The reason I don't care for destination weddings is BECAUSE I think they are selfish. In this case the bride and groom are being especially selfish because all three families live in the same community but they want a beach wedding a three day drive away . I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings here, but that's how I feel about it.

Why should a bride & groom have a special day???
The day a couple gets married is the start of their life~
If it is so difficult for the family send your regrets & stay home.

Isn't it all about the families?Why should the bride & groom matter?

 

[luvmy3]

*WOW* Are you serious? Obligated? I cannot imagine not talking to my family about my marriage and just dismissing them like you're inferring. I don't know if you're married yet or if you have kids close to marrying age or what but man I'd like to be the fly on the wall when your kid tells you "this is when I'm getting married, this is where, be there if you can" or if you said that to your parents, the pain it would cause them. There is a difference in dictating to someone everything about their wedding and what is being discussed here. There is still a thing called respect......the bride and groom both are really disrespecting their parents by how they are going about this.

We are talking about an adult, who has graduated from law school, had her own child and rented a beach house for a month with her fiance. We aren't talking about about some just out of high school girl in puppy love needing her mom and dad to help with the plans. Obviously she is able to handle it on her own, much to the dismay of her parents. She has made a decision to marry a man she obviously loves and is being accused of being selfish because she did it without discussing it, with the parents. This bride and groom are under no obligation to make sure their wedding plans are okay with anyone but themselves. Its not like they gave the parents a day notice, they have given them 3 months. How do we know that after the birth of her child and finishing school she just felt this is the next logical step for her own life and was excited to be able to make iot happen as soon as possible? Maybe she didn't discuss it with her parents because there was no plan before it and they are making the plans now and letting them know now. I guess the parents are too wrapped up in how these plans effect them and how selfish their dd is being to even consider that. Anyone ever consider that the bride may be equally hurt that her family views her as selfish, probably not. All anyone can see is some little Bridezilla because she wants HER wedding a certain way and how dare it be just her decision, and how dare she not make sure its okay with her parents that its a destination wedding, and how dare she have it so close to their vacation, how dare she notthink of everyone else and how her wedding will effect them.... Well I say I dare they, and you are right there is disrespect, on the parents part for expecting their adult daughter to cater to them and the other would be guests when it comes to her own wedding.

BTW I am a mom and I'm going to advise my children to do whatever they want when it comes to their wedding and I will do what it takes to be a part of it and make sure they have teh wedding of their dreams. See I already had mine, got to do it my way, now its their turn.

 

[HighClass]

High Class - traditionally the groom's family pays for the rehearsal.

[/I][/B]

I know that

Couple had been living together a few years -had a kid
Parents were invited to a destination ceremony
Nothing was said about a "Rehearsal Dinner" until my friend was there-on island
The group was NOT together , giving toasts...scattered on tables with OTHER HOTEL GUESTS all over the big dining room
Friend felt "used" to pay for everyone's meals the night before the wedding-is how she described it to me

 

[NMAmy]

We are talking about an adult, who has graduated from law school, had her own child and rented a beach house for a month with her fiance. We aren't talking about about some just out of high school girl in puppy love needing her mom and dad to help with the plans. Obviously she is able to handle it on her own, much to the dismay of her parents. She has made a decision to marry a man she obviously loves and is being accused of being selfish because she did it without discussing it, with the parents. This bride and groom are under no obligation to make sure their wedding plans are okay with anyone but themselves. Its not like they gave the parents a day notice, they have given them 3 months. How do we know that after the birth of her child and finishing school she just felt this is the next logical step for her own life and was excited to be able to make iot happen as soon as possible? Maybe she didn't discuss it with her parents because there was no plan before it and they are making the plans now and letting them know now. I guess the parents are too wrapped up in how these plans effect them and how selfish their dd is being to even consider that. Anyone ever consider that the bride may be equally hurt that her family views her as selfish, probably not. All anyone can see is some little Bridezilla because she wants HER wedding a certain way and how dare it be just her decision, and how dare she not make sure its okay with her parents that its a destination wedding, and how dare she have it so close to their vacation, how dare she notthink of everyone else and how her wedding will effect them.... Well I say I dare they, and you are right there is disrespect, on the parents part for expecting their adult daughter to cater to them and the other would be guests when it comes to her own wedding.

BTW I am a mom and I'm going to advise my children to do whatever they want when it comes to their wedding and I will do what it takes to be a part of it and make sure they have teh wedding of their dreams. See I already had mine, got to do it my way, now its their turn.

Wow. You've made up a whole back story--where in the world did you get this?

The OP of this thread is not a parent of the bride. We don't know that the parents are "dismayed" or that they are too wrapped up in how the plans effect them or even that they themselves think the bride is being selfish. It seems as though you have come up with a whole story and you're jumping to the defense of the bride when we have no idea how the actual mother of the bride feels.