Is this bride "selfish"???

[fussymonkey]

And I am of the opinion that you have to choose. People who do both are rude and tacky.

If they really wanted to celebrate with all those people they would have held the wedding in a location where others could attend. Why the need to be the center of attention twice? All I hear is "they want, they want". The people who attend the reception apparently aren't "good enough" that the bride and groom care if they attend the wedding. But they sure are good enough to give presents! Did the invite say 'no gifts'? If not, I don't care how well off they are, it was about the presents.

I think this is the most rediculious thing I've read today. A couple can have a variety of reasons for marrying in a location that prevents thier families/friends from attending. One of my DH's friends did this a couple of years ago, they married in St. Luica and then had a reception in the bride's parents back yard after they got home. I didn't find it rude or tacky in the least. The b&g got the wedding they wanted and we got to party with them when they came home. They weren't the center of attention twice, since there was no "center of attention" at the ceremony, just the b&g, thier parents and siblings.

The logic would imply that the wedding reception, whether it immediately follows the ceremony, or takes place a week or two later, is a gift grab regardless. I reject that wholesale. Heck, about half the guests don't show up for the ceremony at most weddings anyway. The gift is not in exchange for having attended a ceremony, its a gift, no strings attached and not in exchange for anything, to help the couple get thier lives together started.

 

[klj27]

We informed our families of our plans and asked them their thoughts. We considered their opinions, finalized our plans and asked for them to attend. Not only did we have a destination wedding, but we also got married on a Thursday! How or why our families even still talk to us is a wonder!

See, I don't think what you did was selfish. You didn't "dictate" to your families. You considered opinions, which is unselfish. It seems that everyone was on board and it worked for you and your family.

 

[klj27]

I guess I don't see informing parents of your wedding date and location any different if you are planning a destination wedding or a local wedding. I do not consider it dictating to them.

There is a difference if one requires a multi day committment using vacation days and one requires a one day event.

 

[Va-bear]

And thankfully you and your family had the means financially to travel to that wedding. In a case where a family member, much loved, chooses to marry away and you can't go because of the money.....
And really thank you for the last comment. I'm sure it was necessary. You seem a lot of things to me too but I'll reserve comment.

I agree with all. Everyone is saying it's not selfish as long as the bride and groom 'dont mind' if you cant come but very few are considering the sweet Grandmother, who helped raise you, taught you about gardening, baked cakes for you, AND will be heartbroken that her fixed income, fear of flying, etc, etc, wont let her come. I feel awful for that Grandma and all the others who want to be there for the couple and can not, even if the bride and groom dont mind.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Wow-I can't imagine the parents not attending.
I would be horribly hurt if I could not attend my child's wedding.
To me NO destination is more important than the Family.

Guess I'm just old fashioned.
.

Due to certain circumstances my parents could not attend and we had to have the wedding on a certain day. It doesn't mean that they don't care or love me, it was just something that happened. My family is very important to me and I'm very important to my family; as I said before you may not know why they are having a destination wedding and you may not know why they chose that date. There is always more to a story then what is being told.

 

[LaurenLC]

See, I don't think what you did was selfish. You didn't "dictate" to your families. You considered opinions, which is unselfish. It seems that everyone was on board and it worked for you and your family.

Thanks, your approval means everything to me... Regardless of what our families thought, we were going to have the wedding WE wanted. Our families just happened to want us to be happy... CRAZY, I know! We had 42 guests attend our wedding (we invited 50). Every guest at our wedding had a great time, not a sole said a word to anyone about our wedding being "inconvenient". My husband's 80+ year old grand-parents even attended (flew from PA to CA)… I simply find this whole thing sad… Someone’s wedding being considered “selfish”.

 

[MrsPete]

I have two sons getting married next year and originally the brides picked dates a week apart. My head was spinning, but I felt it was their decision and if they had certain dates they wanted then that's the way it would be. I never considered asking them to reconsider. I did get lucky, after the two couples talked one decided on a different date and now they're two months apart.

In this case, I think it'd be compeltely reasonable to point out potential difficulties that back-to-back weddings could cause -- BUT in the long run the couples would have to decide whether they wanted to accept those difficulties or not. In particular, I'd think that they'd be less able to focus on celebrating the other couple's wedding because they'd be so focused on their own!

I'm glad for you that they came to the realization on their own that it was better to move their dates!

 

[luvmy3]

There is a difference if one requires a multi day committment using vacation days and one requires a one day event.

No there actually isn't, informing is informing and dictating is dictating. It doesn't matter if travel is required.

 

[klj27]

Thanks, your approval means everything to me... Regardless of what our families thought, we were going to have the wedding WE wanted. Our families just happened to want us to be happy... CRAZY, I know! We had 42 guests attend our wedding (we invited 50). Every guest at our wedding had a great time, not a sole said a word to anyone about our wedding being "inconvenient". My husband's 80+ year old grand-parents even attended (flew from PA to CA)… I simply find this whole thing sad… Someone’s wedding being considered “selfish”.

You right, you didn't need my approval. This is a forum of opinions. I was giving my opinion of your situation and saying that it seemed like you weren't selfish, when others may be condemning it and you have to be sassy to me.

 

[klj27]

No there actually isn't, informing is informing and dictating is dictating. It doesn't matter if travel is required.

Looks like we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

 

[Anne34]

I agree with all. Everyone is saying it's not selfish as long as the bride and groom 'dont mind' if you cant come but very few are considering the sweet Grandmother, who helped raise you, taught you about gardening, baked cakes for you, AND will be heartbroken that her fixed income, fear of flying, etc, etc, wont let her come. I feel awful for that Grandma and all the others who want to be there for the couple and can not, even if the bride and groom dont mind.

We got married in my hometown -- 4 hours away from my husband's family. His grandparents refused to travel -- what can you do? I don't feel this is too much different from a destination wedding except that everybody would have to travel and there will always be somebody who won't do it.

I also have no problem with destination weddings -- in fact, my husband keeps suggesting this to our kids (12, 14 & 16) for when they get married -- he hates all the dressing up & long dinner, dancing, etc of a traditional wedding.

 

[luvmy3]

Looks like we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

Yes, I guess so

 

[Kennywife]

I have no problem with destination weddings. I had one out of necessity. My mother wanted us to marry in her church. One problem; I was inviting my wonderful MIL and her family. They are from Japan! Well, it seems that the people in the church missed the memo that Pearl Harbor happened over 50 years ago and times have changed.

So, after being bad-mouthed all over the church because I had the "nerve" to go and get engaged to someone not of my "own kind" I tried to tell my mother so many times, but she wouldn't listen. She thought that since I grew up there, I should just deal with it for one day. I did not want my day marred with racism. I decided to to go to a lodge 25 miles away and in a secluded place that me and Kenny both knew that many of them couldn't attend.

It was a beautiful wedding. It was Japanese-German inspired. My brides maids wore kimonos. My mom even said it was beautiful. Just the people we wanted were there. We wouldn't have had it any other way.

Anna

 

[ksjayhawks]

I don't know if selfish is the right word. They are certainly entitled to have their wedding any place they want but as a parent I would be upset that my own child made their wedding so hard for at least their immediate family to attend. I would question whether or not they even cared if their own family was there. YMMV.

My thoughts exactly.

She knows that there are kids in the family that start school in August. If she still wants to have the August beach wedding and rent the house, that is fine, but she could be considerate about the date so that the kids can start school on time.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Why did this dinosaur come back???

The OP is long gone and the thread is 7 months old.

 

[luvmy3]

Why did this dinosaur come back???

The OP is long gone and the thread is 7 months old.

I wonder how the wedding went

 

[powellrj]

Why did this dinosaur come back???

The OP is long gone and the thread is 7 months old.

I always wonder the same thing. I figure people are just using google and find an old thread and bring it back up!

Thats why I pretty much always check the date on things before I respond.

 

[Ceila]

Why did this dinosaur come back???

The OP is long gone and the thread is 7 months old.

I'm so glad I checked the last page before responding - I never looked at the date on the OP

Maybe Kennywife will come back and tell us where she found this and why she bumped it from so long ago.

 

[eliza61]

Yes! Can you believe -I know ANOTHER selfish bride!


My brother and his wife just returned from a long planned European vacation
Used up most of their vacation time

She had 3 kids before he married her-they have a 12 year old

Oldest step DD has 3 young school aged kids
Middle step DD (The Bride henceforth) just finished law school and gave birth to her baby a month before finals
Youngest step son goes to graduate school

Bride and her boyfriend have rented a Beach house for the month of August.
They , of course , have invited a few close friends and immediate family to witness the beach wedding.They announced this in May at time of her Mom and my brother's trip to Europe

The beach house is in the Florida Keys.
A 3 day drive from where everyone lives-so flying is a must
All the kids start school mid August
All feel obligated to attend


So is she selfish for not having the wedding in the city they all reside?

1) Nope, not selfish at all. She has invited everyone to attend. Anyone who unfortunately cannot attend should simply send regrets and best wishes.

2) It's her wedding day, as long as she doesn't turn into bridezilla she's entitled to be a little selfish.

 

[Art 1]

nope, she's only selfish if she isn't understanding when people decline her invitation.

+1.