At the tropical island, her DH's ex "forced" them to host the "rehearsal" dinner. The guests were supposed to have a party room-instead were scattered all over the public dining room-and they had to pay for all the meals and wine-this added cost above the trip (plane, hotel etc) really upset her.There were no toasts, no nothing-just a bunch of random wedding guests whose meals she and her dh had to pay for
No one can force you do anything. If they paid then they cnnot complain. I would not have paid or anything that I did not agree to and would never pay for a mishmash affair like you described if I had booked a party room. I also do not simply pay for things without checking out what i was agreeing to. DH and I paid for our DD and our DS's weddings but we knew what we were paying for and how much we were spending.
I know that
Couple had been living together a few years -had a kid
Parents were invited to a destination ceremony
Nothing was said about a "Rehearsal Dinner" until my friend was there-on island
The group was NOT together , giving toasts...scattered on tables with OTHER HOTEL GUESTS all over the big dining room
Friend felt "used" to pay for everyone's meals the night before the wedding-is how she described it to me
Again, I am a parent and there is no way I would pay for any meal that I did not choose to pay for....not even for my son. The freind felt used but how did her husband feel. Perhaps the "step" in stepson got in the way here. I understand that happens but I do not understand it. My DH is not the "father" of my children but he was in total agreemnet about what we wanted to do for them when they married. He did not feel used at all.
I think this thread is full of former "Destination" Brides
I am not a destination bride, in fact when I married my husband 17 years ago today, we had a huge family wedding. Not at all what was in fashion at that time. We rented a hall, hired two bands, had two meals and danced and hosted a party from 10 AM til 11 PM. My husbands large family was invited right down to his 3rd cousins children.
Now, with that out of the way, I have three adult children, two are married. We paid for both my sons and my daughter's weddings. We wanted to. We did not tell them what to do, made suggestions when asked but that was it. Parents need to remember that when their children marry they are really beginning to form their own family, starting to determine how they handle extended family and learning how to please each other before their own Mother and Father.
I love my children, would walk through fire for any one of them but would be very sad to learn that one had decided that my dream for their wedding day superseded that dream of their spouse. I had my day, made my commitment to my husband and formed my family knowing that no one would ever come before any one of them. I agree that a wedding is the joining of two families, but that is in my family. But even in my very closeknit overwhelmingly connected family a wedding is a sacrament between those two people and their bond is the priority. Noone should tell them how that commitment should take place or decide that they are selfish if they choose a place that is not convenient or appropriate or acceptable to others.
Now if pressure is placed on family and friends to join them when they cannot or do not want to attend then that is selfish.
HighClass- I read a lot of your threads and I wonder if you approve of your family or how they and their children live theri lives. I only see the tone of your posts and I know a lot can be lost in a post but my observation is that if you would not do something or if the lifestyle is not what you have determinesd is proper then it is all wrong.
I don't see a selfish couple here, I just see a couple who have a vision of how they want to begin their lives together. I did nto hear that they pressured their family to do anything, but that they included them if they wanted to attend.
I loved what you wrote and could not have said it better.
I am 31, married in 1998. Most of my friends are just now getting married. I happen to think destination weddings are wonderful, and have attended a few. Your post kind of cracked me up.
