Is this bride "selfish"???

[Mermaid02]

Another NOT vote here. As long as she understands why people can't attend- if she gets nasty about that she's not being selfish she's being immature.

I wish I'd had a destination wedding- or a city hall wedding. Money was tight and we had the big wedding instead of a honeymoon- wish we'd done it the other way around.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I don't like destination weddings, unless the bride and groom will either be paying for their parents and grandparents or the parents and grandparents are more than able to pay their own way.

I had a wedding in my town, but most of my family lived two states away. I did have it on Thanksgiving weekend because I thought more people would be able to attend.

 

[tasha99]

It's their wedding, so they should do what they want. There isn't a way to make everyone happy. I think the people complaining are the selfish ones--this day isn't about the guests, it's about the bride and groom.

I actually think a destination is less selfish than eloping (and I was an eloper). At least they're trying to include family. If the family doesn't like the terms, they don't have to go.

 

[Inigo]

My niece got married in Gatlinburg. I like the Smokies, but I think Gatlinburg is the white trash mecca of America. I really don't understand why anyone would want to spend time in there unless they planned to spend all their time in the National Park.

Did I complain to her about her wedding? No. I decided it was worth putting up with Gatlinburg and the inconvenience of traveling to go to her wedding. I love my niece, and I decided I loved her enough she could make her own plans.

I feel sorry for the families of those of you who complain about family members and their choices. You seem rather self-centered to me.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This thread was simply asking about Destination weddings being selfish. From my brother's reaction, it will not be how he wanted to spend a week,....

So, their wedding should be how 'he' wants to spend 'his' week...

 

[LaurenLC]

Funny you say that. Dh & I lived together for a few years-which was REALLY not the norm " back in the day"-So I am not a huge conformist.
This thread was simply asking about Destination weddings being selfish. From my brother's reaction, it will not be how he wanted to spend a week, although he loves his stepDD dearly, the time , expense, vacation time already used up , and his only child missing school right at the start of school year were his concerns. Somehow everyone thinks I hate this bride-not true at all-just curious how others feel about destination weddings.

So then to answer your question, no, destination wedding aren't selfish. If going to a wedding isn't how your family wants to spend their time, then simply don't go. That doesn't make the couple selfish... Do you really think that they should do what works best for you and your family???

 

[C.Ann]

She is welcome to have the wedding where she wants and the guest are welcome to turn down the invite.

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Short and to the point..

 

[Nancyg56]

Funny you say that. Dh & I lived together for a few years-which was REALLY not the norm " back in the day"-So I am not a huge conformist.
This thread was simply asking about Destination weddings being selfish. From my brother's reaction, it will not be how he wanted to spend a week, although he loves his stepDD dearly, the time , expense, vacation time already used up , and his only child missing school right at the start of school year were his concerns. Somehow everyone thinks I hate this bride-not true at all-just curious how others feel about destination weddings.

This was not traditional here. Most people had their weddings in banquet halls and had a 5 hour very formal wedding meal. children are not the norm, only immediate family brings their kids and many times they were not invited.

We had a big shebang in the K of C. The place was filled with dancing children. Lots of them. Dinner was a family style meal and then there was another in the evening before the country music band showed up. The kids then danced the two step in their cowboy hats.

Your brother has the right to be disappointed in the choice of venue for the wedding. He can choose to contribute or not. His step DD is not selfish.

 

[scrump]

I also think that destination weddings might be a generational thing. I don't see the big deal. DH and I had a very small (8 person) wedding, and I have never regretted it. I know a lot of people have expressed their belief that a wedding is about the "joining of two families", etc, etc, but we didn't invite everyone and we were fine. If anyone was upset at how we handled our wedding day, they've sure gotten over it by now.

I don't think the bride and groom were selfish in the OP's scenario.

 

[MrsPete]

I only read the first page of responses, but I have to vote NOT SELFISH.

The bride and groom should feel free to have their wedding where they want it. It's their one shot at that special day. At the same time, they should realize that by having their wedding so far from home, they are making the choice to have a small wedding with few guests.

Thinking back to my wedding, I have one regret: I wanted to be married on Christmas Eve. I love Christmas, the colors, the flowers that'd have been in the church. But my mom heard this and said, "NO, it's too busy a time of year." Being young and thinking I had to listen, I planned a summer wedding instead. I DID have the wedding I wanted, but I still regret having let her bully me into the time of year. I think that's in the same category as choosing a destination wedding -- this is not about being overly fussy about details.

 

[mskayjay]

My niece got married in Gatlinburg. I like the Smokies, but I think Gatlinburg is the white trash mecca of America. I really don't understand why anyone would want to spend time in there unless they planned to spend all their time in the National Park.

Did I complain to her about her wedding? No. I decided it was worth putting up with Gatlinburg and the inconvenience of traveling to go to her wedding. I love my niece, and I decided I loved her enough she could make her own plans.

I feel sorry for the families of those of you who complain about family members and their choices. You seem rather self-centered to me.

And thankfully you and your family had the means financially to travel to that wedding. In a case where a family member, much loved, chooses to marry away and you can't go because of the money.....

And really thank you for the last comment. I'm sure it was necessary. You seem a lot of things to me too but I'll reserve comment.

 

[lizanne]

No, I don't think they're being selfish. It should be their choice.

However, I do think that in some families this could be a problem. Every situation is different.

I think in many cases parents or siblings who want to attend could not because of finances and/or the short notice (in this case May for August). I know I would be heartbroken if I couldn't attend any of my childrens' weddings for those reasons.

I have two sons getting married next year and originally the brides picked dates a week apart. My head was spinning, but I felt it was their decision and if they had certain dates they wanted then that's the way it would be. I never considered asking them to reconsider. I did get lucky, after the two couples talked one decided on a different date and now they're two months apart.

Let's just hope they have a long and happy life together.

 

[aprilgail2]

Its not selfish as long as she realizes that people don't have thousands to throw away for her wedding and dont come. Sorry to say but there is no way I would spend that money to go to any wedding other than my childs, not a sibling,best friend etc. I get limited vacation weeks and have plans for them- going places that I pick, not ones picked for me. I did have a cousin that had one and her thought was "well just use the week as you vacation"- sorry, but I had no desire to go to the bahamas for a week, I have been there numerous times before and was not looking to go back! I think the only ones she ended up having there were her parents and his parents, even her brother didn't go to it- so as long as the bride understands and does not get mad at people for not going then its not selfish!

 

[klj27]

I posted quite a bit on this thread a few days ago. I posted about my personal experiences and that is why I think negatively about destination weddings. After readng more responses I would liketo clarify my opinion:

I do think parents (who are a part of your life, not a Dad you see every three years, etc.) should be taken into consideration when planning your destination wedding. I think that parents should not be told this is when and where we are getting married, make it if you can. I don't think sibllings should be expected to attend this type of wedding either. I do think if bride/groom and parents and relatives the couple expect to attend have had some consideration and everyone is on the same page.... go for it! I don't think that aunts, uncles, 2nd cousins, parents friends need to be asked for best dates, etc as long as the couple understands there is a good chance these people won't attend and that is okay.

I guess it is my opnion that they are being selfish if they are dictating to their parents.

 

[luvmy3]

I guess it is my opnion that they are being selfish if they are dictating to their parents.

What if it wasn't a destination wedding and the bride and groom said to the parents "we are getting married on this date at this church" (or whatever location). Would you think that is equally selfish of the bride and groom?

 

[LaurenLC]

I posted quite a bit on this thread a few days ago. I posted about my personal experiences and that is why I think negatively about destination weddings. After readng more responses I would liketo clarify my opinion:

I do think parents (who are a part of your life, not a Dad you see every three years, etc.) should be taken into consideration when planning your destination wedding. I think that parents should not be told this is when and where we are getting married, make it if you can. I don't think sibllings should be expected to attend this type of wedding either. I do think if bride/groom and parents and relatives the couple expect to attend have had some consideration and everyone is on the same page.... go for it! I don't think that aunts, uncles, 2nd cousins, parents friends need to be asked for best dates, etc as long as the couple understands there is a good chance these people won't attend and that is okay.

I guess it is my opnion that they are being selfish if they are dictating to their parents.

I can only speak for myself, but neither my parents nor my husband's parents felt as if we were dictating anything to them. They were more than happy to go wherever we asked them to for our wedding. I don't have children, but when I do, I would imagine that I would do just about anything to make their wedding day special for them... And if that meant getting on a plane, well I think I could figure it out...
I feel bad for anyone that has to start out a marriage feeling as though they are inconveniencing their family. How sad! I guess I didn't realize how lucky I was.
Furthermore, my husband and I no longer live where we grew up, so that would make almost every wedding we attend a “destination” wedding for me… Should we have not attended our brother’s weddings because of the added expense for us…? Flight, hotel, etc… Or wait, maybe we should have just complained about it and had them do something that worked best for us!

 

[klj27]

What if it wasn't a destination wedding and the bride and groom said to the parents "we are getting married on this date at this church" (or whatever location). Would you think that is equally selfish of the bride and groom?

If they live in the same city, I wouldn't. But then again, I wouldn't dream of choosing a wedding date without input from my parents. Not really for their approval, but they may know a reason that would conflict that I hadn't thought of.

 

[klj27]

I can only speak for myself, but neither my parents nor my husband's parents felt as if we were dictating anything to them. They were more than happy to go wherever we asked them to for our wedding. I don't have children, but when I do, I would imagine that I would do just about anything to make their wedding day special for them... And if that meant getting on a plane, well I think I could figure it out...
I feel bad for anyone that has to start out a marriage feeling as though they are inconveniencing their family. How sad! I guess I didn't realize how lucky I was.
Furthermore, my husband and I no longer live where we grew up, so that would make almost every wedding we attend a “destination” wedding for me… Should we have not attended our brother’s weddings because of the added expense for us…? Flight, hotel, etc… Or wait, maybe we should have just complained about it and had them do something that worked best for us!

Just wondering, did you present your idea of date/location to your parents and discuss it with them or did you "dictate" (say this is when and where, it is set in stone, hope you can make it?)

 

[LaurenLC]

Just wondering, did you present your idea of date/location to your parents and discuss it with them or did you "dictate" (say this is when and where, it is set in stone, hope you can make it?)

We informed our families of our plans and asked them their thoughts. We considered their opinions, finalized our plans and asked for them to attend. Not only did we have a destination wedding, but we also got married on a Thursday! How or why our families even still talk to us is a wonder!

 

[luvmy3]

If they live in the same city, I wouldn't. But then again, I wouldn't dream of choosing a wedding date without input from my parents. Not really for their approval, but they may know a reason that would conflict that I hadn't thought of.

I guess I don't see informing parents of your wedding date and location any different if you are planning a destination wedding or a local wedding. I do not consider it dictating to them.