Do you think it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes in your home?

[npmommie]

seriously- that is GROSS---you expect people to wear slippers, shoes etc that other people have worn- I don't care how you disinfect them I would be grossed out wearing something that god knows who else has had on their feet. I won't even wear bowling shoes at the bowling alley- bought a pair for me and my daughter!!



I put my shoes on at 6 when I get up and take them off at night right before I get in bed.

I was thinking the same thing about the community slippers/shoes.

 

[WDWtrlrprktrsh]

I think if it's not a cultural or medical issue for the homeowners, it's rude. We take our shoes off at the door, and have 2 mats in the entry for guests to put their shoes. But there's a difference between guests or "company" as I call it and family and friends. If you're close enough to me to say something rude, then I'm close enough to ask you to take your danged shoes off and not make a mess in my floor. BTW, both my kids and my DH have stinky feet so any possible odor wouldn't offend me.

And honestly, I think if you are a guest and you consider your hosts friends (or family) there's no need to feel uncomfortable or embarrased about taking your shoes off. Just a quick "I'd rather not, trust me, I'll tell you later" should suffice. And explain later. If they get upset, I wouldn't call them a friend.

 

[fey_spirit]

It has been mentioned that many don't want to do say or do anything that would make a guest uncomfortable... but the first thing I thought when I read this (the first time you posted it) was that I would find it odd to mention such a thing as a casual part of an invitation... it just seems kind of random.

Then you should warn people when extending an invitation. That way they can make an informed decision. They can make arrangements to have clean shoes, socks, slippers or whatever they need, or they can decline to come to your home. Cultural or spiritual concepts are certainly valid reasons to ask that your guests remove their shoes, but they still might be unwilling or unable to do so. If you warn them, they can choose to honor your wishes and also be sure that they are as comfortable as possible or they can instead choose to honor your wishes by staying out of your home.

 

[fey_spirit]

It seems (and I may be wrong) that the majority of folks who think of it as rude (and have pointed out time and again the concept of comfort of guest before host as the proper way to do things) are those who do not want to take their shoes off. (Some even going so far as to equate it with such things as taking off their pants.)

So let's turn this around - for those of you who think that it would be rude to ask... what would you say if the shoe was on the other foot (so to speak), what would you do if your guest took of their shoes without being asked, and indicated they did not want to wear shoes in your home?

To quote Bicker "Full Disclosure": I could care less either way - the whole debate simply intrigues me...

 

[Scurvy]

It has been mentioned that many don't want to do say or do anything that would make a guest uncomfortable... but the first thing I thought when I read this (the first time you posted it) was that I would find it odd to mention such a thing as a casual part of an invitation... it just seems kind of random.

That's true - it would be pretty random! But having talked to my inlaws, and having seen the ugly debates about this on an etiquette board I'm a member of, it seems that the big problem most people have with that situation is suddenly finding themselves having to justify the fact that they want to keep their shoes on. I think that the people who prefer that their guests remove their shoes don't always think about the fact that in most places, that isn't the norm. So even though it is a really weird thing to mention, I think it's a kindness to first time guests in your home if you tell them about that preference in advance, so they can plan accordingly. I personally would rather seem a little odd for mentioning something like the shoe thing than have my guests be surprised and uncomfortable when they show up at my home for the first time.

 

[fey_spirit]

Fair enough.
If I ever decide to instigate such a policy I will make sure everyone knows ahead of time... that said to be fair, if I have a policy about them NOT taking off their shoes, should I warn them about that as well?

That's true - it would be pretty random! But having talked to my inlaws, and having seen the ugly debates about this on an etiquette board I'm a member of, it seems that the big problem most people have with that situation is suddenly finding themselves having to justify the fact that they want to keep their shoes on. I think that the people who prefer that their guests remove their shoes don't always think about the fact that in most places, that isn't the norm. So even though it is a really weird thing to mention, I think it's a kindness to first time guests in your home if you tell them about that preference in advance, so they can plan accordingly. I personally would rather seem a little odd for mentioning something like the shoe thing than have my guests be surprised and uncomfortable when they show up at my home for the first time.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i've had two people walk into my house with their shoes on and i told both of them to please remove them. i don't want people dragging in whatever they can from outside, into my house, espically on my rugs. unless they want to pay for a steam clean, then i might be ok with it

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

It seems (and I may be wrong) that the majority of folks who think of it as rude (and have pointed out time and again the concept of comfort of guest before host as the proper way to do things) are those who do not want to take their shoes off. (Some even going so far as to equate it with such things as taking off their pants.)

So let's turn this around - for those of you who think that it would be rude to ask... what would you say if the shoe was on the other foot (so to speak), what would you do if your guest took of their shoes without being asked, and indicated they did not want to wear shoes in your home?

To quote Bicker "Full Disclosure": I could care less either way - the whole debate simply intrigues me...

i've gone to people's houses where they've told me "you don't have to take your shoes off" and i'm actually perfectly fine with that(i'm one of the people who tells people to take theirs off in my house, tho). it's not my house, i don't have to clean to floors or the rugs, so if they tell me to keep them on, i'll keep them on.

 

[Halbleib1]

No I do not think that it is rude any more than asking people not to smoke in your home. It is my home and therefore when you come into my home you should respect my wishes. If you want to come into my home past the foyer than you need to take your shoes off. Anyone with small children should have this rule in their homes. Children that are crawling around on the floor playing can actually get lead poisoning from contaminated dirt that is tracked into the home.

Even before I had a child I always had this rule because it kept my carpets much cleaner and they last longer. But with having a child it has become a much more important issue.

I am one that if I come to your home I automatically remove my shoes without being asked to. Even if I am told that I do not need to I do anyway. I feel that if I am going to ask that people remove their shoes in my home than I need to do the same elsewhere.

Heck even Martha Stewart makes people remove their shoes in her home. Even when she is having a party at her home. She has booties for her guests to put on.

 

[sunlver]

This is why I have a problem with the no-shoes households. My carpets (and they are white) are so much less important to me than my guests' comfort in my home. I'll clean them - even shampoo or deep clean them - before I'll risk creating an awkward moment like that for anybody I welcome into my home. I grew up in NY - plenty of snow - and wiping our shoes on the welcome mat always did the trick just fine!

I grew up in the Chicago area, and we had plenty of snow. When we came in on snowy days, we took our boots off and put sneakers on..Now these were sneakers we played outside in on non snowy days....my aunt use to bring a pair of slip on shoes on snowy days to change out of her boots..but again..slip ons that she might wore outside..
Not everybody who lives in a snow filled city, takes off their shoes and walks around barefoot or in socks...that is just an assumption

 

[sunlver]

No I do not think that it is rude any more than asking people not to smoke in your home. It is my home and therefore when you come into my home you should respect my wishes. If you want to come into my home past the foyer than you need to take your shoes off. Anyone with small children should have this rule in their homes. Children that are crawling around on the floor playing can actually get lead poisoning from contaminated dirt that is tracked into the home.

Even before I had a child I always had this rule because it kept my carpets much cleaner and they last longer. But with having a child it has become a much more important issue.

I am one that if I come to your home I automatically remove my shoes without being asked to. Even if I am told that I do not need to I do anyway. I feel that if I am going to ask that people remove their shoes in my home than I need to do the same elsewhere.

Heck even Martha Stewart makes people remove their shoes in her home. Even when she is having a party at her home. She has booties for her guests to put on.

Asking somebody not to smoke, is a whole different situation..that is health reasons, and stinky reasons.. No smoking in our house, but you can wear your shoes.
Martha Stewart has TONS of money, I am sure her stuff is worth much more then any of ours on the boards..but again maybe no
This wont be a concern for me as I dont plan on being invited to Martha's house anytime soon

 

[bicker]

Asking somebody not to smoke, is a whole different situation..that is health reasons, and stinky reasons.. No smoking in our house, but you can wear your shoes.

No, sorry: Stinking up someone's house is less offensive than scratching their floors with sand stuck to the bottom of your shoes. If you want to defend your differentiation between smoking and shoes, you have to do it based solely on health reasons.

And as such, I hope what you're serving for dinner has zero saturated fat.

 

[Mermaid02]

It seems (and I may be wrong) that the majority of folks who think of it as rude (and have pointed out time and again the concept of comfort of guest before host as the proper way to do things) are those who do not want to take their shoes off. (Some even going so far as to equate it with such things as taking off their pants.)

So let's turn this around - for those of you who think that it would be rude to ask... what would you say if the shoe was on the other foot (so to speak), what would you do if your guest took of their shoes without being asked, and indicated they did not want to wear shoes in your home?

To quote Bicker "Full Disclosure": I could care less either way - the whole debate simply intrigues me...

Guests are welcome to take their shoes off here if they want to- but I tell them it's not necessary.

I'd be barefoot all the time if I could be, you will rarely find me with shoes on in the house- my husbands family all wear shoes 24/7 practically.

 

[golfgal]

I always laugh when this comes up. I guess people around here are smart enough to figure this thing out without having "rules". If the hostess is not wearing shoes, people take them off, if she has shoes on, they leave them on. In the winter pretty much everyone just takes their shoes off because of snow an muck issues. In the winter I usually bring my slippers to friends and relatives houses because I can't stand in bare feet for long periods of time. If I am going to someone's house that I don't know well, I just suffer. In the summer people rarely take shoes off here.

 

[bicker]

I always laugh when this comes up. I guess people around here are smart enough to figure this thing out without having "rules".

I'm sure it isn't even the slightest a matter of being "smart" or not. That implies that people who hold to different values from you and I are therefore not "smart", and that's silly.

 

[golfgal]

I'm sure it isn't even the slightest a matter of being "smart" or not. That implies that people who hold to different values from you and I are therefore not "smart", and that's silly.

Ok, "observant" then.

 

[RachelEllen]

We must be very antisocial. No, we don't wear shoes in our house. But, we just don't have people over that often that I've ever had an issue about guests and shoes. Never really thought about it!

(That being said, it is extremely regional/cultural. I lived in Montreal for several years. For months out of the year, the ground is covered with dirty, gravel and salt filled snow. You have to wear heavy treads to get around. In that environment, no one would ever consider not taking their shoes off in someone's house. People have rubber mats at the door to collect boots/shoes. You can walk around people's house in socks. Or, if you are going to a more formal occasion, you just bring nice shoes with you.)

 

[bicker]

Ok, "observant" then.

I don't see how you could defend that either: Are you seriously suggesting that people who disagree with us about taking off one's shoes are incapable of detecting that their host/ess isn't wearing shoes?

 

[PlutoLuvr]

What an interesting thread!

We wear shoes, slippers or flip-flops in our home. We live in Florida and have tiled/wood floors. To go barefoot or in socks would be very strange IMO. Yes, it rains almost every day here for more than half the year, but I think that's even more reason to think that folks would want to keep their shoes on. I'd slip and fall if I were walking in with damp/wet feet (we wear rubber Reef-type flip-flops during the rainy season), took off my shoes and stepped on to a tile floor.

I'm thinking back to growing up in homes that were carpeted -- also in Florida -- and we never asked our guests to remove their shoes in our home. We vacuumed regularly, made good use of mats at doorways, used spot-treat carpet cleaners if we had to and rented a carpet cleaner every year or 18 months.

After reading this thread and noting posters' locations, this definitely seems to be a regional thing. Those with snow appear to like shoes off in the house. Those of us in the South with no snow prefer shoes on.

Like I said, walking around in my house with textured tiled floors with no shoes on would be physically uncomfortable. I believe it would be rude to ask any guest in my home to remove their shoes.

 

[Rora]

I don't care either way. You can leave your shoes on or off in my house. If someone really wants me to take my shoes off in their house, I comply. It's not a big deal for me, especially since I'd rather be wearing socks or have bare feet than wear shoes (Florida born and raised! Shoes are my enemy ).