Do you think it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes in your home?

[jiminyC_fan]

Deleting. I got an error message that it didn't post but guess what it did. You can see the post below as I rewrote it. Sorry.

 

[MaumeeMom]

We remove our shoes in the entryway, but do not ask our guests to take off their shoes. Yes, it is rude. If you ask you put your guests on the spot, a good guest will of course comply even if they don't want to. If I go to someone's house, no I don't want to wear socks, flip flops or slippers that strangers have worn.

Again, the yoga socks are new.

I guess I'm just the type of person who doesn't let just anyone in my home. Home is for friends and I don't feel uncomfortable asking this of friends. It has NEVER been a problem. Sheeesh.

I must move in different circles because, here in Ohio, everyone I know, does this or something similar.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

if I know a person well enough to let them into my home, that person would be comfortable enough with me to say "No."

Honestly, it has never been a problem or a big deal and I don't believe that I am a bad hostess.

You are right on calling me timid. That is definitely me and I know I'm not the only one. My daughter expects us to take off our shoes even knowing my situation with the surgeries and I still don't stand up for myself. I go with the house rules. You might not think it is a problem or a big deal to you but perhaps your guests have felt it's rude and not spoke up. I'm not calling you a "bad hostess" but I am trying to enlighten people that there are two sides to the coin.

 

[Scurvy]

I don't perceive my home as "public". The store, a restaurant, etc. that is "Public" my home is not and if I know a person well enough to let them into my home, that person would be comfortable enough with me to say "No."

Sorry, I should have been more careful with my wording. I didn't mean public as in "public" versus "private" property. I meant around other people. He doesn't want to remove his shoes when he is going to be around people other than his family. He'd probably be uncomfortable explaining why he didn't want to remove them. He might have the option of keeping his shoes on without giving a detailed explanation, but then some hosts would likely find him to be rude. So he's left with the option of appearing rude or embarassing himself by explaining his condition, both of which are going to make him uncomfortable. If he knows in advance that he's going to be expected to remove his shoes to protect someone's flooring then he probably would just make some excuse and not visit that person. But if it's sprung on him at the door then it's going to be an unpleasant situation for him. I guess your friends either don't have foot problems or aren't embarrassed by them, which means it isn't a problem in your social circle to expect that your friends remove their shoes. Or perhaps as jiminyC_fan mentioned, some people do find it rude but just haven't said anything. I know I would find it somewhat rude if I was told when I arrived at someone's home that I was expected to remove my shoes, but I'd certainly never tell them I felt that way.

 

[MaumeeMom]

You are right on calling me timid. That is definitely me and I know I'm not the only one. My daughter expects us to take off our shoes even knowing my situation with the surgeries and I still don't stand up for myself. I go with the house rules. You might not think it is a problem or a big deal to you but perhaps your guests have felt it's rude and not spoke up. I'm not calling you a "bad hostess" but I am trying to enlighten people that there are two sides to the coin.

There are bigger issues at play here if your daughter doesn't care whether you are in pain or not when you are a "guest" in her home.

I guess that is a difference with my home - family members are not "guests" and none of my family members would think twice before speaking up if I thoughtlessly or mistakenly asked something of them that they were not comfortable with doing.

Anyone who comes into my home is a friend and I know that none of my friends would hesitate before saying something like, "Seriously, my foot you idiot..." and then they would wipe their shoes on the mat and head on into the kitchen to help themselves to a cookie. AND I wouldn't have a problem with it.

It is a cultural thing and a regional thing and there is no right answer, except to learn to stand up for oneself.

 

[NikitaZee]

Sorry, I should have been more careful with my wording. I didn't mean public as in "public" versus "private" property. I meant around other people. He doesn't want to remove his shoes when he is going to be around people other than his family. He'd probably be uncomfortable explaining why he didn't want to remove them. He might have the option of keeping his shoes on without giving a detailed explanation, but then some hosts would likely find him to be rude. So he's left with the option of appearing rude or embarassing himself by explaining his condition, both of which are going to make him uncomfortable. If he knows in advance that he's going to be expected to remove his shoes to protect someone's flooring then he probably would just make some excuse and not visit that person. But if it's sprung on him at the door then it's going to be an unpleasant situation for him. I guess your friends either don't have foot problems or aren't embarrassed by them, which means it isn't a problem in your social circle to expect that your friends remove their shoes. Or perhaps as jiminyC_fan mentioned, some people do find it rude but just haven't said anything. I know I would find it somewhat rude if I was told when I arrived at someone's home that I was expected to remove my shoes, but I'd certainly never tell them I felt that way.

This is why I have a problem with the no-shoes households. My carpets (and they are white) are so much less important to me than my guests' comfort in my home. I'll clean them - even shampoo or deep clean them - before I'll risk creating an awkward moment like that for anybody I welcome into my home. I grew up in NY - plenty of snow - and wiping our shoes on the welcome mat always did the trick just fine!

 

[disykat]

I don't get all the people who are saying to stick up for yourself. If as a guest I have a choice of being uncomfortable or going against someone's "house rules," I will choose to be uncomfortable. I am not going to do things they think are dirty or disgusting in their home. Instead, I will get out as quickly as I politely can and not return. I am perfectly capable of sticking up for myself, but it is their home - not mine.

As I've said before, I follow the hosts example. That is why it is so confusing to me that people insist on dumping their shoes in my doorway. They can clearly see I'm wearing shoes.

I have two sons and a dog and people have always asked me how I keep my carpet so clean, so I don't really relate to the keeping the carpet clean stuff. Every couple of years I have professional carpet cleaners come out and they always say they can tell we don't go barefoot on our carpet because it's so clean.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

When we were at my BIL's house for Thanksgiving, he went upstairs and come down with a rug to put under DD's wheelchair because he said that last time we were there, it left scratches in their floor.

They've never asked us to take off our shoes so we don't, but there's always a pile of shoes by the front door.

We haven't been back there since.

Apparently their DN is less important to them than their floors.

BTW, after that incident I asked everyone we know to be honest with me and let me know if they had scratches on their floor after DD was there and all of them said no and asked why. I explained and they were truly surprised.

That's really terrible. I can't even begin to imagine caring more about my floor. Grrrrrr! That made me really mad and broke my heart at the same time. It also sounds like something my sil would do. Really, I seriously think they just don't think.

That said, we take our shoes off when we walk in the door, but we don't ask guests to. If they want to...more power to them. We do however do not allow guests, family or otherwise, into the family room/playroom with shoes on. We have a small baby and small children and I don't want all that ick rubbing into the carpet my baby plays on. It's bad enough that he hoovers every single minute thing he can find off the carpet and attempts to eat it. I'm a stay at home, homeschooling mom and I don't have time to shampoo my carpet to save your dignity. LOL My fil is always slightly annoyed when we ask as he is bounding into the family room to see the baby, but...it's my house, get over your big bad self or wave to the baby from the kitchen.

 

[hentob]

My daughter expects us to take off our shoes even knowing my situation with the surgeries ....

How mean of your daughter What kind of person choses their flooring over her mother

 

[bdoyledimou]

This is defiently a North/South thing..

In MY home, the ground floor is carpeted, the main floor is hardwood, and the upper floor is carpeted.

The front and Back door is tiled, and thats where shoes remain.

*BUT* we purchase a ton of disposable slippers in all sizes and colors so guests who feel uncomfortable in socks can have something on their feet.

(On the day we moved into the house, one of the movers stepped on the carpet with a boot and SO totally freaked out...man i had never seen someone move furniture that fast before

 

[nmmom95]

We don't wear shoes in the house, but I do think it's rude to ask guests to remove their shoes. As the host(ess), your priority should be your guest's comfort.

 

[Tiana]

.

 

[Planogirl]

Sometimes people have parties and invite people that they don't know well. Maybe it would be a good idea to include the shoes allowed or not allowed info so people can prepare or decline the invitation if they need to. Of course your friends and family will know but acquaintances may not.

I'm still waiting for the first house where I'm asked to remove my shoes. It's bound to happen.

 

[ardig123]

New house, new carpet...I ask everybody to take their shoes off...to tell you the truth most people just do it before I would even have to ask. We do have an open floor plan and part of it is not carpeted so if you wanted to leave your shoes on and stay on the hardwood I am fine with that. Not sure if this was mentioned but I feel strongly about it due to allergies and chemicals...everybody around here uses fertilizer on grass...I am not comfortable with that being tracked all over my carpet. I want my kids to be able to lay on our carpeted floor without them being covered in chemicals and all sorts of other junk that your shoes track in. My feeling is...this is my house...if I can take off my shoes so can you.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

New house, new carpet...I ask everybody to take their shoes off...to tell you the truth most people just do it before I would even have to ask. We do have an open floor plan and part of it is not carpeted so if you wanted to leave your shoes on and stay on the hardwood I am fine with that. Not sure if this was mentioned but I feel strongly about it due to allergies and chemicals...everybody around here uses fertilizer on grass...I am not comfortable with that being tracked all over my carpet. I want my kids to be able to lay on our carpeted floor without them being covered in chemicals and all sorts of other junk that your shoes track in. My feeling is...this is my house...if I can take off my shoes so can you.

Exactly what I meant to say, but you said it way better. LOL

 

[jiminyC_fan]

It's not a dig on my daughter and I'm sorry that some of you take it that way. I'm just saying that I will go with what the host expects of all their guests. Period. I have now bought new shoes and new orthotics to keep at her house. My daughter's DMIL doesn't take off her shoes. I respect my daughter and her wishes. Am I too timid? Na, just a nice person.

I have brand new carpets and I don't ask anyone to take off their shoes. Their comfort comes first. Good grief. A home is just walls and floors but my guests are people with feelings and I want to welcome them not make them feel like they are dirty.

As for location, I grew up in So Dak and have lived in Colorado over 30 years now. Both states have rain, snow, hail. I don't think it is because of where you live it is just personal preference.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

Sometimes people have parties and invite people that they don't know well. Maybe it would be a good idea to include the shoes allowed or not allowed info so people can prepare or decline the invitation if they need to. Of course your friends and family will know but acquaintances may not.

I'm still waiting for the first house where I'm asked to remove my shoes. It's bound to happen.

PERFECT!!!

 

[fey_spirit]

What if it is a cultural or spiritual concept and not a floor issue within the house?

Yes, the comfort of your guest should be more important than the condition of your floors.

 

[Scurvy]

What if it is a cultural or spiritual concept and not a floor issue within the house?

Then you should warn people when extending an invitation. That way they can make an informed decision. They can make arrangements to have clean shoes, socks, slippers or whatever they need, or they can decline to come to your home. Cultural or spiritual concepts are certainly valid reasons to ask that your guests remove their shoes, but they still might be unwilling or unable to do so. If you warn them, they can choose to honor your wishes and also be sure that they are as comfortable as possible or they can instead choose to honor your wishes by staying out of your home.

 

[TwinsinCA]

I have brand new carpets and I don't ask anyone to take off their shoes. Their comfort comes first. Good grief. A home is just walls and floors but my guests are people with feelings and I want to welcome them not make them feel like they are dirty.

*They* are not dirty but their shoes might very well be. I think most people understand the difference.

A home might just be "walls and floors" but wanting to keep them nice and as free from stains as possible is not rude. I am shocked people equate this as some sort of personal affront because people dare to want to keep their carpets in their own house free from all the unspeakable filth that people step in outdoors and could track in.

If someone asks you to use a coaster because they don't want a ring on their furniture -- are you offended?