Do you think it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes in your home?

[scrapquitler]

Then you should warn people when extending an invitation. That way they can make an informed decision. They can make arrangements to have clean shoes, socks, slippers or whatever they need, or they can decline to come to your home. Cultural or spiritual concepts are certainly valid reasons to ask that your guests remove their shoes, but they still might be unwilling or unable to do so. If you warn them, they can choose to honor your wishes and also be sure that they are as comfortable as possible or they can instead choose to honor your wishes by staying out of your home.

Shall I include every house rule on every invitation? Is it that much of a big deal? Lets see, my new "come to my house" invitation can be worded something like this.

Please come to my house for coffee tomorrow morning. Let me remind you of my house rules first so that you can decide to come or not. No shoes in the house, no guns, no drug use, no smoking, no obnoxious behavior, no talking about religion or politics. No profanity is allowed, nor are racial slurs. While you are in my home, I will not allow you to put your feet on the coffee table, talk on your cellphone, text your friends, look in my medicine cabinet or rifle thru my desk drawers. If you are not comfortable with these rules, please don't come.

 

[mamacatnv]

Shall I include every house rule on every invitation? Is it that much of a big deal? Lets see, my new "come to my house" invitation can be worded something like this.

Please come to my house for coffee tomorrow morning. Let me remind you of my house rules first so that you can decide to come or not. No shoes in the house, no guns, no drug use, no smoking, no obnoxious behavior, no talking about religion or politics. No profanity is allowed, nor are racial slurs. While you are in my home, I will not allow you to put your feet on the coffee table, talk on your cellphone, text your friends, look in my medicine cabinet or rifle thru my desk drawers. If you are not comfortable with these rules, please don't come.

very similar to the b-day invite someone posted a few weeks back for the 2 year old who was only allowed some specific toys except they didn't get the "don't come option"

I personally think people need to get over ourselves just a bit.
I have brand new carpet, our house rule for the members that live here is socks only, no bare feet & no outside shoes, this is only for the people that live here.

Guests and visitors may do what is comfortable to them, the few hours they are here in their street shoes is not going to ruin anything and honestly for some the shoes are preferred over their smelly feet. We always tell our guests that shoes are just fine and our friends know us well enough to know we mean it.

 

[luvsJack]

This is why I have a problem with the no-shoes households. My carpets (and they are white) are so much less important to me than my guests' comfort in my home. I'll clean them - even shampoo or deep clean them - before I'll risk creating an awkward moment like that for anybody I welcome into my home. I grew up in NY - plenty of snow - and wiping our shoes on the welcome mat always did the trick just fine!

I agree completely.

I cannot imagine making someone I have invited into my home feel uncomfortable by making them remove their shoes.

 

[Scurvy]

Shall I include every house rule on every invitation? Is it that much of a big deal? Lets see, my new "come to my house" invitation can be worded something like this.

Please come to my house for coffee tomorrow morning. Let me remind you of my house rules first so that you can decide to come or not. No shoes in the house, no guns, no drug use, no smoking, no obnoxious behavior, no talking about religion or politics. No profanity is allowed, nor are racial slurs. While you are in my home, I will not allow you to put your feet on the coffee table, talk on your cellphone, text your friends, look in my medicine cabinet or rifle thru my desk drawers. If you are not comfortable with these rules, please don't come.

Yikes! Well, if those things are typically the norm in your social circle - if it's accepted that people will rummage through your medicine cabinets while brandishing a gun, cursing at you, using racial slurs, using drugs, etc, - then yes, you probably ought to mention those things. I think I'd be a little bit afraid to meet your friends, though!

I wouldn't have thought it necessary to mention most of those preemptively simply because no one I know would expect to do those things in my house, and there isn't really anything a guest could do to be more prepared for most of those rules. I find it's particularly helpful to mention anything out of the ordinary about your household that could make people uncomfortable - like warning people you don't want shoes, or telling someone you know who smokes that they won't be able to smoke in your house. No one needs to change anything about themselves in advance to feel more comfortable not cursing in your home, but if they know they'll be taking their shoes off they might choose to wear thicker socks, get a pedicure or brings slippers. If they know they'll have to go outside to smoke, they might bring a heavier coat than they would for just running from the car to the door. But your mileage may vary - I'm sure as a host you want your guests to be as comfortable as possible, so if supplying them with your house rules ahead of time will facilitate that then you probably ought to do it!

 

[Kathi OD]

All I'm going to say is that I'm not taking my shoes off. I'll wipe them before I come into your home, but they're staying on my feet. If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to invite me again. It's definitely rude to put your material things before the comfort of your guest.

As for the argument that it rains or snows a lot around here, I say, "Pffft...it rains and snows around here too." It's just not a good enough reason to be rude.

As far as babies crawling on floors when someone has walked on them with shoes? Run that by your pediatrician. Most will tell you that a sterile, antiseptic environments are the worst thing for children, as they are never exposed to the organisms that cause illness.

 

[scrapquitler]

Yikes! Well, if those things are typically the norm in your social circle - if it's accepted that people will rummage through your medicine cabinets while brandishing a gun, cursing at you, using racial slurs, using drugs, etc, - then yes, you probably ought to mention those things. I think I'd be a little bit afraid to meet your friends, though!

I know its hard to always tell on the computer, but that was sarcasm. If I have to pre-emptively mention every household 'rule' to my guests because someone might be uncomfortable, then invitaions would get silly...and that's the point I was trying to make.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't know if "rude" is the word I would use, but I would never dream of asking a guest to remove their shoes before coming into my home..

This same question comes up on the DIS at least once a year and I have yet to read a single, solitary "good" reason for being so adamant about this "house rule" - other than "my house, my rules" - which might apply to enforcing these rules with your children, but certainly not guests in your home..

Making people feel comfortable in my home is very, very important to me..

 

[Scurvy]

I know its hard to always tell on the computer, but that was sarcasm. If I have to pre-emptively mention every household 'rule' to my guests because someone might be uncomfortable, then invitaions would get silly...and that's the point I was trying to make.

Oh. You're right, it can be hard to tell. I understand it would be silly to mention every single household rule. However, by mentioning something like the "no shoes" rule, you can allow your guests to come prepared for that rule. If I warn a guest in advance that they will be expected to remove their shoes and so they wear thick socks so their feet won't be cold, I think that's a good thing. Certainly it's better than if they show up expecting to wear shoes in my house and end up uncomfortable or self conscious because of their thin socks or chipped toenails. I don't see any reason not to warn them, if doing so will allow them to be more comfortable. I'm sure we all want our guests to be as comfortable as possible, after all.

 

[mnrose]

Where I live, people almost universally and automatically remove their shoes when entering someone's home. Pretty much the norm. I do not ask people to remove their shoes, but they do. And, when I enter someone's home, I also remove my shoes. If they say, "that's not necessary," I'll keep 'em on, but really I think it's just the polite thing to do. We have a lot of snow, ice, slush, salt (which is HELL on floors) etc. Maybe that's why people do it?

I don't know, and I don't particularly care. It doesn't bother me to remove my shoes. Heck, I'll even bring my own "indoor shoes" with me when I go somewhere to visit. My MIL keeps a spare pair of indoor shoes at our house. LOL!

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

I don't know if "rude" is the word I would use, but I would never dream of asking a guest to remove their shoes before coming into my home..

This same question comes up on the DIS at least once a year and I have yet to read a single, solitary "good" reason for being so adamant about this "house rule" - other than "my house, my rules" - which might apply to enforcing these rules with your children, but certainly not guests in your home..

Making people feel comfortable in my home is very, very important to me..

you know, you may have hit on an important point. perhaps some of the people just want to be controlling of their guests?

 

[J.J.T.Douce]

This is a hot topic in my house. I say it is not rude to ask your guests to remove their shoes. It really comes down to the homeowners wishes.

My argument for shoes off is think of all the stuff your shoe touches while you are wearing them. Yuck! I do not want that on my carpet, as I like to walk barefoot in my home. Most of our family/friends now automatically take their shoes off, as we do in their homes. It drives me crazy when my husbands sister comes over, because she sits on our couch with her feet tucked up under her, shoes on! My MIL is the one I have the hardest time with. She constantly makes the comment that SHE does not make people take their shoes off in her home. Well, that explains why her carpets look like they do.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of shoes if we had carpet free floors, but until we can afford to replace it with hardwood or laminant, shoes off in my house.

 

[Samar]

No. We ask everyone to remove shoes in our household due to religious reasons. We also take off our shoes at other peoples houses unless they tell us otherwise.


Today I was very glad DD didn't wear her shoes beyond the one carpeted step since she apparently stepped in tar outside That stuff is just not coming out at all

 

[drag n' fly]

Every time someone starts this topic I laugh. It really depends on so many factors as you can read on this thread.

If some noob tried to tromp in my house with shoes on I would have no problem asking them to remove their shoes...here it is common courtesy for obvious reasons.

 

[Nancyg56]

This same question comes up on the DIS at least once a year and I have yet to read a single, solitary "good" reason for being so adamant about this "house rule" - other than "my house, my rules" - which might apply to enforcing these rules with your children, but certainly not guests in your home..

Making people feel comfortable in my home is very, very important to me..

What is a "good" reason to you may not be the standard for someone else. Posters have given many reasons why they choose to ask guests to remove their shoes and to those folks the reason is "good". I have not read "my house my rules" on this thread. The implication that is someone's reasons are not acceptable they are not valid is why these threads get so heated.

 

[Ceila]

I would never ask a guest, whether it is someone I know well or someone coming over for the first time, to remove their shoes. I don't care if guests take them off or keep them on - it's up to them as guests in my home. We don't usually wear shoes when we're just hanging around the house, but if we're in and out all day or hosting a party we do wear shoes inside.

For everyone who keeps saying that they only have people they know well over so it's OK to ask them to take their shoes off, I don't for a second believe that every single person who has the "no shoes" rule never has slightly unfamiliar people in their home. It happened to me. We had just moved into a new neighborhood and were invited to a neighborhood get-together. When we got there the hostess told us to take our shoes off. Now, she hardly knew us, and if I'd had an embarrassing reason for not taking my shoes off it would have been awkward for me. Also, I have people over all the time with whom I'm not familiar - PTA group meetings, scouting parents, etc.

Oh, and despite us letting "dirt and chemicals" into our home, our kids are quite healthy, so I don't buy that argument either.

 

[MAKmom]

Shall I include every house rule on every invitation? Is it that much of a big deal? Lets see, my new "come to my house" invitation can be worded something like this.

Please come to my house for coffee tomorrow morning. Let me remind you of my house rules first so that you can decide to come or not. No shoes in the house, no guns, no drug use, no smoking, no obnoxious behavior, no talking about religion or politics. No profanity is allowed, nor are racial slurs. While you are in my home, I will not allow you to put your feet on the coffee table, talk on your cellphone, text your friends, look in my medicine cabinet or rifle thru my desk drawers. If you are not comfortable with these rules, please don't come.

Yes, I think you should warn your guest of the cell phone & shoe request. It seems very controlling. Is the drug use all drugs or just illegal drugs?

 

[DeluxePrincess]

If it's rainy/snowy outside I'll gladly remove my shoes at your door. Otherwise, I do think it's rude. I was at my cousin's house recently. She has the "no shoes" rule. Great for us, since one of her guests had the most horrible foot odor! I'm sure this fellow had no idea he would be taking his shoes off or he would have worn socks.

 

[bicker]

you know, you may have hit on an important point. perhaps some of the people just want to be controlling of their guests?

Or guests want to be controlling of their hosts.

Either that, or perhaps reasonable people disagree about this issue, and it is therefore incumbent on us to accept both perspectives as reasonable, while still disagreeing. Instead of trying to demonize the other perspective, maybe we should be understanding of it, respect it, and grant that people who hold to that other perspective, while they're not just like you, are still reasonable people.

It's an idea.

Of course, I do understand how people who don't want to respect the beliefs and values of others might find even this prospect objectionable.

 

[jamie&Greg]

Yes, I think you should warn your guest of the cell phone & shoe request. It seems very controlling. Is the drug use all drugs or just illegal drugs?

She was being funny!!

Scrapquilter - I got your joke and thought it was funny!!!

This thread is killing me - Especially the people who are afraid of germs and dirt on the bottom of people shoes.

 

[MushyMushy]

She was being funny!!

Scrapquilter - I got your joke and thought it was funny!!!

This thread is killing me - Especially the people who are afraid of germs and dirt on the bottom of people shoes.

I kind of feel like it's a wonder my kids ever survived the dark ages! My floors were never the kind you'd want to eat off of.