Do you think it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes in your home?

[luvsJack]

The definition of a good host/hostess is someone who is able to make their guests feel comfortable and welcoming. Telling/asking someone to take off their shoes at the door is not doing that for every guest that comes in your house. If you embarrass a guest by their removing their shoes or by their needing to explain why they cannot, then you are not being very hospitable.

Not everyone wears slip on shoes so its not as easy as all that to take off and put back on their shoes anyway. And I could just see me handing slippers to my bils who are all over 6 ft tall with cowboy hats and boots. They would just know I have grown a second head!!

And all of my kids crawled on my floors and stayed clean and dgd still does when she is here. They stay clean as can be. I just vacuum and mop every night. And I would do that anyway as we have a dog in the house

 

[MushyMushy]

I've never met anyone in real life who had such strong opinions either way. It always amuses me on the DIS that people really care so much about the shoe issue!

 

[Scurvy]

Fair enough.
If I ever decide to instigate such a policy I will make sure everyone knows ahead of time... that said to be fair, if I have a policy about them NOT taking off their shoes, should I warn them about that as well?

I don't know. Maybe I should have been warning people all these years that I don't want to see their feet! Fortunately I've never had anyone walk in and kick their shoes off. I guess if it's the norm in your area to remove shoes and you object to that in your home and you think there's a possibility that someone would be uncomfortable with that, it'd be nice to warn them.

Martha Stewart has TONS of money, I am sure her stuff is worth much more then any of ours on the boards..but again maybe no
This wont be a concern for me as I dont plan on being invited to Martha's house anytime soon

This part strikes me as strange. I know some people have cultural or spiritual issues for preferring no shoes in their home. I understand why those with babies who are crawling would prefer that shoes stay off of the areas where the babies will be. But so many people mention wear and tear on the floor as the reason they don't want shoes in their home. In my experience, the people with money never worry about having anyone remove their shoes unless it's for spiritual/cultural reasons. They know that floor is for walking on, and it can be cleaned or replaced as necessary. Most people I know who are concerned about the cost of cleaning or replacing the flooring will choose their floors based on what will wear well and what is easy to clean. Martha Stewart certainly isn't the paragon of etiquette or anything, but I'm still surprised that someone like her, who can afford to have her floors properly cleaned, repaired or replaced as necessary, is that concerned about protecting her flooring. I guess I just don't see the point of having nice things if you aren't going to use them as intended, and I consider walking on flooring with footwear on to be part of the normal use of the floor. Barring extenuating circumstances like crawling babies or muddy boots, it just stikes me as weird to ask people to go shoeless - and I say this as someone who is almost always barefoot at home.

This totally isn't meant as a dig at those who don't want shoes on their floor. It's your house and your rules, and you have every right to feel the way you do. It's just such an alien concept to me. I'm trying to come up with a comparable situation but I can't think of anything that seems similar enough. I guess for me, it's almost like asking your guests to wear cotton gloves when they use your silver, so you won't have to polish it after each use. You'd still have to wash it, but washing doesn't tend to wear it down like polishing it does. Avoiding the oils from people's hands getting on the silver would probably make it last longer. I can't really think of any problems that would prevent a guest from wearing the gloves. No one would ever ask their guests to do that, though, because it's just plain weird. The flooring thing strikes me as equally weird, if it's just so you don't have to clean or replace the floor as often.

 

[punkin]

I've never met anyone in real life who had such strong opinions either way. It always amuses me on the DIS that people really care so much about the shoe issue!

I really is a funny thing to be passionate about, isn't it?

 

[design_mom]

I don't mind taking my shoes off at someone's house. I rarely wear shoes in mine, although we don't have a rule (DH is a shoe-wearer).

I don't think I currently know anyone who has a no-shoe policy (to the point of asking people to take off their shoes). If I see a pile of shoes near the door, I will usually take mine off, too. If there's no pile, I keep them on.

I would not have a problem in the least if one of my friends/family asked me to removed my shoes during a casual visit. If it were a more formal occasion like a dinner party, a baby shower, etc. where I didn't know the hosts very well I would probably think it was a strange request. I wouldn't really mind complying, but I would find it odd.

 

[disykat]

Even if I am told that I do not need to I do anyway.

Why would you refuse to honor the wishes of your host? Where do you put your shoes? Could your hosts be upset that you are leaving your shoes piled in their entry? Do you care?

I'm sure it isn't even the slightest a matter of being "smart" or not. That implies that people who hold to different values from you and I are therefore not "smart", and that's silly.

No it doesn't. I agree with this poster. She simply implied it is "smart" to follow the lead of the host. There is NO VALUE judgement here whatsoever. This would be smart for shoe OR no shoe people.

 

[disykat]

I really is a funny thing to be passionate about, isn't it?

I don't think it's a funny thing to be passionate about at all. I'm passionate about the issue because it is extremely uncomfortable for me to take my shoes off. I am obviously not alone on this thread. It would be very strange IMO for me NOT to care about this issue since it causes me physical pain.

Should I be thinking "I had to go back to physical therapy and stop my exercise program for the next month or so, but I don't care at all?"

This may not be the kind of thing people talk about in real life, but I can bet people have opinions. In general, people aren't going to come to your home and make fun of your rules, it doesn't mean they don't have opinions about them that they would freely share in an annoymous forum.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

Interesting thread. I wouldn't ask my guests to remove their shoes, it just sounds rude. What if one of my guests has stinky cheese feet and is really embarassed about it? Or another guest has holes in his socks? I'd feel bad making a guest uncomfortable like that.

DH and I went to an aquaintance's house some years ago. When they opened the door, the husband told us to remove our shoes right there. DH looked at me and made a face while I smiled and took my shoes off. To me, that was rude. This husband was literally answering the door and then telling (not asking) his guests to remove their shoes. I realize everyone is different with social customs and norms but I think if you're the host, your aim should be your guest's comfort.

 

[sunnyday123]

I've never met anyone in real life who had such strong opinions either way. It always amuses me on the DIS that people really care so much about the shoe issue!

I've also never met anyone in real life who insisted I take my shoes off-or even asked me too!

For what it's worth, if you come to my house, you might want to keep 'em on. My Newf slobbers and sloshes water in the kitchen. If I don't see it, it's pretty yucky to step in.

 

[fey_spirit]

On the other hand if you're going to ask people to honor your request to take off their shoes in YOUR home... don't you owe it to others to honor their requests about keeping your shoes on in THEIR homes?

No I do not think that it is rude any more than asking people not to smoke in your home. It is my home and therefore when you come into my home you should respect my wishes. If you want to come into my home past the foyer than you need to take your shoes off. Anyone with small children should have this rule in their homes. Children that are crawling around on the floor playing can actually get lead poisoning from contaminated dirt that is tracked into the home.

Even before I had a child I always had this rule because it kept my carpets much cleaner and they last longer. But with having a child it has become a much more important issue.

I am one that if I come to your home I automatically remove my shoes without being asked to. Even if I am told that I do not need to I do anyway. I feel that if I am going to ask that people remove their shoes in my home than I need to do the same elsewhere.

Heck even Martha Stewart makes people remove their shoes in her home. Even when she is having a party at her home. She has booties for her guests to put on.

 

[MAKmom]

Can you imagine going to a dinner party at Martha Stewarts...the good china is out the silver is sparkling & all the guest are in dresses & suits with slippers

I would feel like I was in a nut house....when do we get our bathrobes?

 

[NikitaZee]

Can you imagine going to a dinner party at Martha Stewarts...the good china is out the silver is sparkling & all the guest are in dresses & suits with slippers

I would feel like I was in a nut house....when do we get our bathrobes?

Ha ha that is a funny thought! Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Then again, I generally don't pay attention to anything Martha Stewart says.

 

[angie@dvcstore]

I don't think it's rude at all because it's their house and their rules we don't do it in my house but i have a couple of friends who does

 

[MiniGirl]

This totally isn't meant as a dig at those who don't want shoes on their floor. It's your house and your rules, and you have every right to feel the way you do. It's just such an alien concept to me. I'm trying to come up with a comparable situation but I can't think of anything that seems similar enough. I guess for me, it's almost like asking your guests to wear cotton gloves when they use your silver, so you won't have to polish it after each use. You'd still have to wash it, but washing doesn't tend to wear it down like polishing it does. Avoiding the oils from people's hands getting on the silver would probably make it last longer. I can't really think of any problems that would prevent a guest from wearing the gloves. No one would ever ask their guests to do that, though, because it's just plain weird. The flooring thing strikes me as equally weird, if it's just so you don't have to clean or replace the floor as often.

As I was reading your post, I thought of the big hand towel debate from some time back. Do you remember that one?

I don't mind taking my shoes off at someone's house. I rarely wear shoes in mine, although we don't have a rule (DH is a shoe-wearer).

I don't think I currently know anyone who has a no-shoe policy (to the point of asking people to take off their shoes). If I see a pile of shoes near the door, I will usually take mine off, too. If there's no pile, I keep them on.

I would not have a problem in the least if one of my friends/family asked me to removed my shoes during a casual visit. If it were a more formal occasion like a dinner party, a baby shower, etc. where I didn't know the hosts very well I would probably think it was a strange request. I wouldn't really mind complying, but I would find it odd.

This is my thoughts on the subject. I would never ask a guest to take off his/her shoes, but I honestly wouldn't care one way or another if they did. When I go to someone's home, I take off my shoes if I notice a pile of shoes at the door. Otherwise, I leave them on. I would also be taken back a bit if I was asked to remove my shoes.

 

[Scurvy]

As I was reading your post, I thought of the big hand towel debate from some time back. Do you remember that one?

I do! I had forgotten about that. Now I'm having mental images of a Martha Stewart party, with rolls of papers towels plopped on the bathroom counters so no one uses the pretty towels, and a bottle of Soft Soap next to the little decorative soaps, and people shuffling around in their booties to protect the carpet. I can just picture them crinkling on the plastic covers on the furniture, and trying to ignore the protective plastic that Martha never took off of her refrigerator door and TV screen - wouldn't want them to get smudges, after all! And of course everyone would be peering into the Living Room, which is museum-like and much too nice for anyone - even guests - to actually use.

 

[Melmac]

Around here, it is just assumed that you should take off your shoes when you go into someones house. I don't think it's gross to have someones socked or even bare feet in my home. I'd rather that than have them walking around my house with their shoes on that could have stepped in who knows what.

Where I live, this is the norm too. Everyone removes their shoes when coming into my house (and I have never asked anyone to) and I always remove my shoes when entering someone else's house. I also always bring a pair of slippers with me when I go to other people's houses for just this reason - slippers that are only worn in houses. Most of my friends have babies and toddlers - I wouldn't wear shoes in the house after I returned from the mall and public bathroom

I have never needed to ask anyone coming into my home to remove their shoes but I wouldn't be offended if a friend asked me upon my entering their home. I feel it would be more rude to assume your host/hostess wouldn't mind if your wore your shoes without asking.

Interesting that this "rule" seems to change depending on where you live.

 

[Va-bear]

My carpets (and they are white) are so much less important to me than my guests' comfort in my home. I'll clean them - even shampoo or deep clean them - before I'll risk creating an awkward moment like that for anybody I welcome into my home.

Thank you. Those of us who are foot challenged or 'timid' appreciate your thoughfulness!

 

[jamie&Greg]

UGH - I HATE when people make me take my shoes off - I call them "white houses". Buy tile and mop when I leave if it bothers you that bad!

 

[phragmipedium]

It's definitely regional. I grew up in the Pacific NW and it rains and snows here. Everyone has mats, etc. It's very rare for me to be in a home that has a strict no-shoe policy, but I've been in a few that have a sign by the door. I don't think I've ever been asked. Most homes I've visited don't have this rule at all, but I can tell some families generally do take shoes off because they have them set by the door and they're not wearing them when they answer the door. In these cases I've asked some "Shoes off?" and they almost always say it's fine to leave them on - it's more just house rules or comfort and not required for guests. In the winter if it's really bad and you're wearing snowboots, people do take them off.

I do have carpet, but I'd never ask my guests to remove shoes - neither did my family growing up. If I were asked to do so, I might be a little uncomfortable especially if I hadn't planned to and wasn't wearing nice socks or hadn't taken super care with my bare feet and updated my pedi, etc but I'd comply even if it made me really self-concious. To me it's pretty intimate to walk around on someone's floor or carpet in bare feet or socks, I'm not a huge fan of "feet" in general, and I'd prefer my guests left their shoes on unless they were really soiled or snowboots or something (in which case hopefully they'd at least have nice thick socks). I'd never want to make someone uncomfortable anyway - if they took shoes off I wouldn't ask them to put them back on and vice versa.

 

[disykat]

Interesting that this "rule" seems to change depending on where you live.

While I'm sure that it is the norm some places - like Hawaii - and apparently where you live, I find it even more interesting that there are people from where I live that say it's the norm here, while others of us say it's not. I think it's really about who you know and I also think it's an age thing. The only people I know in our area who do this (with the exception of those who do it for cultural reasons) are under 40.