Suicide and carpet question

[Disney Doll]

Ummm, you can clearly see my join date. Nice try at humor.

I don't find it particularly kind to air my neighbors dirty laundry in public, especially under these circumstances. I recently found out the lady that lives acrosss the street from me posts on this board. I can just imagine how I'd feel if I'd been discussing her here. That's just me, I have certain beliefs. I don't expect everyone to feel the way I do.

Discussion is still allowed here, right? Or am I wrong?

You're right...discussion is still allowed. You would not discuss your neighbors. Others of us would.

 

[Disney Doll]

I dont think there is a clause like that in my state. I know the former owner of my house died in the room I'm in now I only found out because of my neighbor, she was the one who found him after no one saw him for 2 days. She looked in the window and saw him..

My understanding is that if a house is "psychologically impacted" it has to be disclosed.

I don't think an "expected" death (ie-elderly, terminal illness, natural causes) is considered "psychologically impacted". A suicide or murder would be.

 

[Disney Doll]

My sister died in my parents home. It was tragic, unexpected & horrible.
With in an hour of her death we had a huge amount of family & friends over. We have a very large loving family, they helped us immensely...did everything from cooking & cleaning to walking the dog to funeral arrangements. My one uncle who never shows emotions brought over my teenage brothers egg sandwiches from the deli every morning for about a month..I don't know why but that put a lump in my throat to write that.

My mom could barley speak for days & we were all in complete pain & shock. Right after the tragedy happened my brothers said my parents should sell the house, but within days they said they could never imagine selling the house, as they felt my sister's memories (all of which before her death were beautiful) were in that house. My mom & I finally cleaned her room & organized her stuff after about two years.

My parents neighbors lit little candles along the whole side walk on my parents side of the street for a week after my sister died, they did it again on the anniversary a year later. They also planted a beautiful little tree in my parents yard, & helped plant a memorial garden with my mom. The neighbors also donated to her memorial scholarship & still participate in a fund raiser we organized for that. The countless amount of food, love and prayers they gave to my family was amazing.

Just like every family (actually every person) deals with grief differently I guess so does every neighbor. I'm just thankful that we had people surrounding us that weren't peering around the hedges at carpet trucks, counting my parents cars (my mom actually drives a Mercedes, but she had it before we lost my sister so I guess that's OK.) or gossiping around the neighborhood about terrible details. My parents neighbors gave them empathy and grace at a terrible time. They reserved their judgment, they had class.

Probably not. They just didn't speculate to you guys. I guarantee you, to each other, they were speculating.

I think everyone needs to understand that the OP didn't go over and ask the people what was going on. She's sitting in her house on the computer speculating.

DH's best friend's mother was killed into a car accident. Drove into a bus in early December on her way home from christmas shopping. Happily married for 50+ years, beautiful family, wonderful life, lovely woman. Not suicidal as far as we know. An older woman, so we're thinking something "medical" happened. Autopsy showed nothing. Did I say to our friend "Gee, I wonder what happened to your mother? Do you think she had a massive stroke or something?". No, I did not. Did I speculate about it to DH and he to me and both of us to our grouop of friends who were also friends with the family of the deceased? Of course we did.

 

[princess momma]

You're right...discussion is still allowed. You would not discuss your neighbors. Others of us would.

I never said I would not discuss my neighbors. Of course I would, I'm human. I just wouldn't do it this way and not with such a judgemental tone.

Someone earlier said it better than I can.

This is a c&p from DebIreland:

"I might have agreed had the OP given vague details. But she has told us a lot. Specifically:
- the month the suicide happened
- the deceased's extended family live in the area too
- the deceased's relatives are in the restaurant business
- her (OP's) dh is president of the housing association
- the stages of school the deceased's children are at
- the deceased's family recently bought two Mercedes cars
- the fact that her (OP's) friend murdered her dh & two children - a tragedy receiving national coverage (therefore known to many).

Of course OP's town and state are in her 'location' too. She's narrowed the field quite a lot.

Now if you are a relative, friend, neighbour, colleague, school friend, teacher (etc) of the deceased's immediate family then, taking all the info given into account, you could very easily know exactly who the OP is talking about."

 

[Liberty Belle]

In the 2 states we have bought houses, there had to be a disclosure if someone died in the house. So, that may be the case in your state too. In any event, I can understand this woman wanting to move, even if her husband didn't die there. She probably feels him all over the house.

Interesting. Apparently Kentucky does not have this law because we bought our house from the previous owner's estate. No one mentioned that she died in the house, but I was curious as to what type of person she was, etc, and looked up her obituary (she died a month and a half before we bought the house) and it said she "died in her home."

Sometimes I wonder what room she died in, but we figured it was probably either the master bedroom or master bath. It could have been any room, though. There are no spooky feelings or anything here. At first it kind of felt like maybe she was still around, but not in a bad way and that was probably just because we hadn't finished renovating and making it our own.

My boys don't know that she died here. I think they would be a little spooked.

 

[OK!]

As for this topic being inappropriate... it is no different than the car accidents, murders, and sexual dreams discussed on this board on a daily basis. You knew the topic was suicide before ever opening the thread. If it offends you that much, you had the choice of skipping it and moving on.

Bingo. I had a pretty good idea exactly what the subject matter of the thread would be before I clicked on it; it's not like this was a "bait & switch" situation.

 

[Va-bear]

Interesting. Apparently Kentucky does not have this law ....

...it is interesting; I dont think VA does either. There is a recent case where a woman bought a house that many here know for being the site of an entire family's murder (and was part of a much larger killing 'spree'). As she was not from the area, she did not know. Now she is very upset to know the history; it makes me sad that they didnt disclose this to her before she bought it..... I'm glad some states require this.

(My old boss also bought a house and later found out that someone had killed themself in the gazebo - she told me as we sat in it, which was a bit odd. She said her partner couldnt even enter it and would NEVER have bought it had she known.)

 

[Piecey]

Interesting. Apparently Kentucky does not have this law because we bought our house from the previous owner's estate. No one mentioned that she died in the house, but I was curious as to what type of person she was, etc, and looked up her obituary (she died a month and a half before we bought the house) and it said she "died in her home."

Sometimes I wonder what room she died in, but we figured it was probably either the master bedroom or master bath. It could have been any room, though. There are no spooky feelings or anything here. At first it kind of felt like maybe she was still around, but not in a bad way and that was probably just because we hadn't finished renovating and making it our own.

My boys don't know that she died here. I think they would be a little spooked.

We moved from KY to WV in 1996 (I was 9, so my memory is fuzzy and I'd need to ask my parents to be 100% sure) but the Realtor was at the house going over some things with my mom and dad after they sold.
I overheard him mention something about someone dying in the house. I don't know why I remember this, but I remember that night when my dad tucked me in I asked him about it and he said that we had to tell the new people that someone had died in our house.
I assume my parents were told that when they bought it [and rightfully didn't tell my brother and I! ] but I do remember him telling me something about needing to tell the new people.

 

[bumcat]

My husband did go over to the house a few days later and ask some extended family outside if he could mow their yard for them. I did not know the family so I would have thought it seem more of a "lookie-lou" kind of thing to go over to the house w/ food etc.
My DH is Pres of our HOA and we did send flowers as a neighborhood.
Thankfully the wifes family lives in our neighborhood and are all in the restaurant business.

I guess I should explain something else that might help explain the odd courisity I have.
2 summers ago a friend of mine killed her husband, 2 sleeping kids and then herself. It made national news for a while and we had helicopters all over the place covering it.
I cannot possibly describe the utter shock and disbelief we all went through. Even though every one says this, it was the most extreme unlikely person ever to do something like this. This was our friend that even looking back no one saw anything out of the ordinary. Other friends had been to lunch w/ her and the kids just hours before she did this and still noticed nothing.
There were several signs she had been planning to do this for a while and again-no one suspected a thing. She even wrote long hand drawn out instructions for the paramedics and police that she knew would find them. She taped a note right inside the front door to the paramedics to wear gloves when they came in since there was a lot of blood and they all had AIDS, which was not true- no sign period anything physical was wrong at all.
She was so methodical and then after she did all this planning and actions, she killed herself. The really sad part is she was the perfect hostess even in death.
I hate to say it but no suicide can shock me anymore.

I found this case after searching murder/suicide in flower mound, texas.
Not only does it give the address,name of subdivision it also shows a pic of the house. OP you need to be careful, you are putting way too much personal info out here for any one to find.
This is a horrible case of murder/suicide. It is rare for a wife to murder her kids and her husband. One article states police were called out a few months before the killings for a disturbance of some sort. I wonder if there was a lot of abuse going on and she felt helpless. She did not work and maybe if the husband was abusive, she felt he would abuse them - the kids- or maybe he was. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors. So sad all the way around.

 

[Disney-Kim]

I am so disappointed that this thread is stilllll on page 1....I want it to go away. I purposely didn't come to the CB last night or today because I don't want to see the title....it brings up too many enormously painful memories.

I applaud those who have been able to tell their stories...but I am not there yet.....being very personally affected by suicide...I lost my brother just 1 yr and 8 months ago.....I just can't take the matter of fact discussion of this topic. its so painful, words can not descibe even closely the pain and grief I have.
and I just don't need every day reminders of what this personal tragedy on my supposed happy disney boards.

please please let this post gooooo awayyyyy....do you people have any compassion for those of us personally and excrutiatingly affected by suicide please....make it go away...please......

 

[karibritt01]

People have a choice they be helpful or mind their own buisness. I think being helpful is always going to be more rewarding. In the case of the OP the minding her own buisness would be better than what she's doing.

The OP not minding her own business would be gossiping with the neighbors, or asking the family, or being blatant and obvious in watching them. The OP lives within direct line of sight of the house, and is GOING to notice things going on over there. That is the very basis of a community watch program... to watch the goings on in your neighborhood in the event something odd is going on. So the OP noticed things going on at the house... SO WHAT?!? She simply posed a question as to why it would take this long to change the carpet. GET OVER IT!

I found this case after searching murder/suicide in flower mound, texas.
Not only does it give the address,name of subdivision it also shows a pic of the house. OP you need to be careful, you are putting way too much personal info out here for any one to find.
This is a horrible case of murder/suicide. It is rare for a wife to murder her kids and her husband. One article states police were called out a few months before the killings for a disturbance of some sort. I wonder if there was a lot of abuse going on and she felt helpless. She did not work and maybe if the husband was abusive, she felt he would abuse them - the kids- or maybe he was. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors. So sad all the way around.

If you were able to find the info from an internet search, then it is already out there. Her posting the details she did is not going to make any difference at this point. BTW... different family than the one being discussed. That family was a sidenote, the same as many other families that have been posted about.

 

[jamimb]

Seriously I don't care if I get points or not but some of you people need to get off you high horse and get over yourself! Don't like the subject matter skip it then. I personally find Law and Order special victims unit disturbing so you know what I DONT WATCH IT!!! Now have I written ABC telling them how very disturbing this show is to me?? No, I just simply do not watch it. Are some of you for real?? Judge much?

Edited to say thanks so much I have now just been judgmental in calling others judgmental LOL

 

[bumcat]

The OP not minding her own business would be gossiping with the neighbors, or asking the family, or being blatant and obvious in watching them. The OP lives within direct line of sight of the house, and is GOING to notice things going on over there. That is the very basis of a community watch program... to watch the goings on in your neighborhood in the event something odd is going on. So the OP noticed things going on at the house... SO WHAT?!? She simply posed a question as to why it would take this long to change the carpet. GET OVER IT!



If you were able to find the info from an internet search, then it is already out there. Her posting the details she did is not going to make any difference at this point. BTW... different family than the one being discussed. That family was a sidenote, the same as many other families that have been posted about.

Of course I know this was a side note, different family. My point - the poster lives in this same neighborhood. Between this post and her first one she can be found. Lots of nuts on the internet....

 

[disneymarie]

Thats what ive heard. Also, I believe statistically, its not common for women to use a gun to end their life. They tend to be tidy about it. Strange.

That is what my training tells me.Women will take a drug OD. It may have been a crime scene and the area was taped off and processed.
It is odd that the family would not stay with other family. Some how something is not adding up.

It may not be today, tomorrow, but there are huge flags and qustion marks.

I remember one man that would threaten suicide, he talked of wrapping a towel around the head....

I don't know about this one......very disturbing......
I would be surprised it the room had been released to recarpet before this long.

Beleive half or what you see and NONE of what you hear....especially if it is the extended family of the husband.

Poor kids, the poor, poor babes....the loss.
Nope Mom would not do this in a home they would come home to, Not that way.....
From experience I am inclined to think something is going on, a disgrunteled ex, a robbery gone bad, anything but the woman actually knowing how to handle the gun and knowing what is going to happen...

 

[Nik's Mom]

Ok, I don't want to be mean about this. Those of you who have read my posts before know that I am not the type of poster that spews hatred on here. But, I have to say this. For those of you so upset about this thread, just don't open it up (and make sure you unsubscribe as well).

There are threads that I may find hit close to home because of things that have happened in my life. If it is that upsetting, I don't read the thread.

I do feel compassion for those of you who feel upset about this thread because it has hit close to home. But this is a public forum and a mod has already said that it isn't breaking any rules.

I hope that those of you who have experienced suicide in your family do find peace. It must be horrible to go through such a thing. But I also feel that discussing the subject brings awareness to the subject. That can be a good thing.

 

[Magic Mom]

I am just curious what others would do (or think they would do).
My neighbor 2 blocks over shot herself in the head at home when the whole family was at home. This happened in March.
Just today I noticed new carpet being installed.

If it was money and they could not afford new carpet would the insurance company pay for "damage"? I swear I would charge on any credit card I possibly to get my house back to "normal". They have bought 2 new Mercedes since her death so I don't think $ is the issue for no new carpet.
There also are 1 elementary aged chilld, one Middle School and one in High School. I feel so bad these kids stayed in the house like that.

Maybe they changed out the carpet in that room during a time that you weren't watching the house. Unless you were keeping tabs 24 hours a day, you wouldn't know.
I've learned not to judge how other people grieve.

 

[Eeyore's-tail-tack]

I am sorry. I like a lot of you wish this thread would just simply disappear. I have gotten in trouble on this site for saying someone was acting stupidly, or something similar. But for how this thread can still be around amazes me. I hope I don't offend anyone with what I type. May the person whom all this thread is about rest in peace!

 

[DisneyBlonde]

STOP OPENING IT!!!

Jeez Louise.

 

[Tricia1972]

It's different for those that continually come back to it, but for those admonishing those who open it the first time, that they should know better - the title is just Suicide and Carpet Question. Nowhere in the title does it state that it is or is not a personal experience in the OP's family.

Perhaps those opening it, who have had personal experience and are hurt by the post, are originally opening it because think that they have something in the way of comfort to offer to the OP?

Just a thought on the other side of the coin.

I can't even say this for sure, thankfully suicide hasn't ever touched our family, but it's just something that I thought of in reading this post.

 

[3jsmommy]

Hi Karibritt01, what exactly do I need to get over?
I'm not understanding your comments. I was trying to give the perspective of the family who the op has been talking to people about and watching very closely. As someone who's been in the situation of the family, I find it incredibly gross that she is so enthralled in the details of a carpet..just my opinion.
For all she knows there was no stained carpet. Maybe a mattress was thrown out when the op wasn't looking or an area rug was tossed in a dumpster. More than likely the police could have removed any items that were tarnished in any way.
I think the op was being overly dramatic about the whole carpet issue. I never said she couldn't post anything on here. I simply gave my opinion. So what were you telling me to get over anyway?