Suicide and carpet question

[Mysteria]

Your neighbour shot herself and you are worried (and noticing) about when they replace carpet?

IMHO this thread is in bad taste and meant to stir **** up. Otherwise you just could have said...could you live in a house where a loved one committed suicide.

 

[princess momma]

Yeah, I should have known what I was getting into when I opened this thread. I don't think it needs to be closed or deleted but I definitely do find it disturbing.

I don't care to get into the specific details of my own personal life but I know without a doubt that the situation had to be painful for that family. And yeah, there are things we all wonder when something like this happens. I get that. I just don't think it's appropriate to share such specific details about it online. That's just my opinion. The original post comes across as overly judgemental to me. A little empathy will go a long way.

 

[manning]

 

[m&m's mom]

There are obviously so many elements to the whole subject of suicide but this is just one part of the whole thing that made me think about what I would do.
It is very sad so many of us have been affected by someone taking their own life. I would not remotely think to ever assume I knew anymore specifics other than superficial observations.

 

[Snow_White]

So sad. My good friend's brother killed himself in the basement of his parents' house in a similar way. My friend told me that the crime scene investigators removed all traces of blood/spatter from the room. They literally cut away and removed the pieces of carpet/drywall that had been dirtied. I don't know if this is how it always happens because (thank God) this is the only person I know who has committed suicide. Anyway, after that, his parents closed up the room for a while before they did anything to it. After going through something like that, replacing carpet is probably the last thing on their minds. Such a tragedy.

 

[FireDancer]

Well, I don't know specifics but I did once work in the death industry so I have some experience. I never had any hands on dealings with the bodes, I handled shipping remains and cremains around the country and dealt with enough suicides to render an educated opinion.

First, the amount of blood will depend on the caliber of gun. A small caliber gun used correctly can leave almost no blood, no more than a bloody nose.

Since the body wasn't left in the house for days to decompose I am assuming the carpet didn't have to be cut for the removal (a decomp will fuse itself with the carpet and they just cut the carpet and remove them together). If the house is as large as you say and the suicide was in a room that isn't use too often they might not have wanted to deal with it while they were grieving.

Are you even sure the carpet is from the same room? She may have shot herself in a room with hardwood floors or tile and they might be changing the carpet in a room completely unrelated. Did you go check the carpet for a blood stain or something ?

People also deal with death very differently. We had removal teams show up at homes where the family didn't even want to look at the corpse and other ones where the deceased was propped up, a drink put in their hand, and a farewell shot done by the whole family. I was in the industry for almost 5 years and I assure you nothing amazes you after a while.

 

[Family Fun Mom]

While researching ghoulish businesses for a Halloween road rally I was planning, I discovered something called "trauma clean up" crews. They basically are just cleaning people who specialize in these kinds of situations. It is surely not a job for the weak, but the work they do can be very comforting to a grieving family. I imagine the police, EMTs, funeral directors know who to put families in this situation in touch with when it's needed. Maybe they did that.

 

[Chancedabowsa]

I am just curious what others would do (or think they would do).
My neighbor 2 blocks over shot herself in the head at home when the whole family was at home. This happened in March.
Just today I noticed new carpet being installed.
It initially struck me as odd that w/in a couple of hours after her suicide (body still in the house) that there were probably 20 cars of friends/family in front of their house. These cars/people coming and going went on for weeks/momths.
The house is about 3000-3300 sq feet. That means that the room of the bloody suicide was in the same house as all of these people while literally the blood was still fresh. She shot herslf in the head so I cannot imagine that was not a mess.
The family never moved out as much as for a day as the visitors were over day and night for at least a few months.
If it was money and they could not afford new carpet would the insurance company pay for "damage"? I swear I would charge on any credit card I possibly to get my house back to "normal". They have bought 2 new Mercedes since her death so I don't think $ is the issue for no new carpet.
There also are 1 elementary aged chilld, one Middle School and one in High School. I feel so bad these kids stayed in the house like that.

Just leads me to this question- would you stay in the house after your spouse killed themselves in it in an especially bloody way?

Is the question would I stay in the house or move ? I'd move. There is no wrong answer. I think that you should just let all the rest go.

 

[bumbershoot]

My mom didn't die of suicide, but there would have been similar issues after her death (turns out that ulcers and blood thinners don't mix well)...and I've always wondered who the heck cleaned up, and when, but I've never been brave enough to ask my stepdad.

They didn't have carpet anywhere, but still, someone would have had to come in...

I loved my mom beyond words or time...but my mind does wonder these very basic things sometimes.


So I understand you wondering it all, but I would just go on an assumption that this was not the first carpet change, that they haven't been living in a sickening situation, and that you are just missing some aspect of it all.

As for living somewhere...I lived in an apartment complex with outdoor stairways, and someone hanged himself off one of those...I could barely walk by that building for a year (had to drive by, refused to look). On the other hand, unless you're living on absolutely new construction on land that no creature has ever ever touched, you're living where someone might have died...so somewhere between those extremes I bet is where you would find most people.

And to close my post, my stepdad lived in the same townhouse (though he got rid of quite a bit of her personal stuff very fast (I have a story of going through pre-9/11 security with a big carryon bag full of her jewelry and having a security agent congratulate me on my inheritance, ugh)) until he remarried (just inside of 3 years from when she died) and moved to a different city. Didn't switch rooms (it would have happened in their master bath or bedroom), slept in the same bed, used the same bathroom, etc etc until he moved house...

I probably would have switched rooms at the very least.


Anyway, I hope you can put your mind at peace with this in some way. And yes that's terrifying how she sent two shots out her window, when your house is in the sightline.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Please do not read this if you do not want to hear about another suicide plus other terribly sad things. When I was 12 my 16 year old cousin as brutally murdered. About a month later her grandfather (the one we did not share) committed suicide in her family's home (where her parents and twin sister--my aunt, uncle and cousin lived). That was over 20 years ago and my aunt and uncle still live in the home. I remember the kitchen wall paper being replaced the following summer (maybe 5 or 6 months later) by my aunt becuase they could not get all the stains out of the old wallpaper. I remember hearing my mom and aunt talk about why they still lived in the house while they put up the wallpaper. My aunt talked about when everything first happened they were too "numb" to deal with anything beyond the very immediate needs (so yes things were cleaned but every sign and trace of the act was not gone--like replacing the wallpaper; it jsut got scrubbed down initially) like basic cleaning, funerals, trying to help their other daughter cope, the trial for the murderer of my cousin, etc. By the time they could even focus on anything else again they did not feel a revulsion to the house they had been in for years and had by then spent several months post suicide in it. There were more good memories in the home than bad and they felt in many ways the NEEDED the consistency of at least their living arrangements not changing amid all the other chaos that was now their lives. I wondered then and occasionally still do if I would react the same way.

ETA--I have no idea what the nighbors thought about all this. I don't think it occurred to any of us to think of it. It is a small town and many, many people brought dinner over and helped out for months. When the things went to trial or they saw lots of work going on at the house people just assumed it was a busy or emotionally draining (or both) time and chipped in to help out--even a year or more later. Maybe that is one reason my aunt and unle are still there so many years later.

 

[claudia]

Thank you for not disappointing me! I knew this post was coming!
We are a small neighborhood and the womans extended family lives here too and they told me everything.
Texas so no basements here.
Umm.. this is not the "Family board". You should know that.

I guess not "everything" or you would have your answer....

 

[DebIreland]

Carpet? Seriously? Carpet? The woman is dead and you're worried about how and when they replace their carpet? This is the strangest thread I've ever seen.

 

[MELISAZACK]

My nephew committed suside 2 yrs ago - shot gun/head. He did this in his bed room with the ceiling fan on high. Not a pretty site. but.. by dinner time that night my DH and his brother(cop) had restoration clean up there.
they took charge to help make sure the room was done correctly and nothing taken or missing (that is another story).
by late that night the smell of "death" mainly from all the blood was horrible.
and until everything was really cleaned well the smell remained for about 2 days. they had to rip out capret padding and do something to the floors below. So I am sure they had to have something done with the area if she wasn't "clean" about it.

 

[snapppyd]

Lovely topic for a "family" board.

Anyway, how do you know so much?

How do you know it happened in a room with carpeting? It could have been in the basement.

How do you know all the cars were friends & family?

Honestly, I'm not even looking for answers. I'm just pointing out there may be a lot you don't know and don't need to know. I say give the family some privacy and stop worrying about what's going on in their house at a time of mourning.

Until someone dies in your house or a relative dies in their house, you may not understand.

Because this is a "discussion" board, people come here to "talk" about certain topics. I have seen much worse posted.

It never fails to amaze me that people feel the need to reprimand others for their choice of topic. If you don't like the topic, move on. Why comment?

 

[Disney Doll]

While researching ghoulish businesses for a Halloween road rally I was planning, I discovered something called "trauma clean up" crews. They basically are just cleaning people who specialize in these kinds of situations. It is surely not a job for the weak, but the work they do can be very comforting to a grieving family. I imagine the police, EMTs, funeral directors know who to put families in this situation in touch with when it's needed. Maybe they did that.

And people who do that make a ton of money. But, it's not for the faint or heart.

As far as the topic, I agree, since the thread title said something about suicide, those of you who have sensitivity to the topic for whatever reason should probably not have clicked on it.

As far as the OP "worrying" about the carpet...I see it more as harmless speculation...she's asking a bunch of anonymous people on a message board...it's not like she walked up to the neighbor's front door and said "I think youpeople are absolutely gross for taking this long to change the carpet". I know I will sometimes see my neighbors doing something and wonder why they are doing what they are doing.

 

[Mom2Nick]

Because this is a "discussion" board, people come here to "talk" about certain topics. I have seen much worse posted.

It never fails to amaze me that people feel the need to reprimand others for their choice of topic. If you don't like the topic, move on. Why comment?

Well this is a "discussion" board. People have to comment if there's going to be discussions. Of course some think that the only comments should be agreeable ones that blow daisies up everybody's rear. That's just not life. If somebody asks a question or makes a statement - there will be all sorts of responses from all different types of people coming back at you.

 

[tlens]

Because this is a "discussion" board, people come here to "talk" about certain topics. I have seen much worse posted.

It never fails to amaze me that people feel the need to reprimand others for their choice of topic. If you don't like the topic, move on. Why comment?[/QUOTE]

I think some people want others to understand that what they say affects other people, even on an internet message board. People should think past their nose before posting stuff.

In all honesty I don't even get what the point of this thread is. Someone committe suicide and an entire family is affected by this. Who the heck cares about carpet....especially someone else's carpet.

 

[m&m's mom]

As far as the topic, I agree, since the thread title said something about suicide, those of you who have sensitivity to the topic for whatever reason should probably not have clicked on it.

As far as the OP "worrying" about the carpet...I see it more as harmless speculation...she's asking a bunch of anonymous people on a message board...it's not like she walked up to the neighbor's front door and said "I think youpeople are absolutely gross for taking this long to change the carpet". I know I will sometimes see my neighbors doing something and wonder why they are doing what they are doing.

You summed up my thoughts perfectly.

 

[tinker&belle]

My brother killed himself in his apartment and the police arranged for a special company to come clean it up before we were allowed in the room he did it in, due to biohazard.

Chances are it was cleaned up by a company like this, but maybe the family felt they needed a fresh start with the new carpeting. Everyone handles death/suicide in different ways. It is hard. I would just leave them alone and respect their privacy as much as possible.

 

[wvjules]

My brother killed himself in his apartment and the police arranged for a special company to come clean it up before we were allowed in the room he did it in, due to biohazard.

Chances are it was cleaned up by a company like this, but maybe the family felt they needed a fresh start with the new carpeting. Everyone handles death/suicide in different ways. It is hard. I would just leave them alone and respect their privacy as much as possible.

Yea because it appears from her posts that she is bombarding them with questions about the carpet and suicide.

A few months a ago there was a murder-suicide here. The man killed his wife and kids before pulling the gun on himself. The house has been completely remodeled on the outside so I imagine the inside has been re-done as well. I don't think I would EVER be able to live in that house-remodel or not.