Suicide and carpet question

[crazee4mickey]

I find it very curious to the ones "tsk,tsking" this thread, why did you open it?

In answer to the OP's question--there is not a chance that I would stay in the house where a loved one has committed suicide or been murdered. What a terrible tragedy for the family.

As to all the posters who think this thread should be removed, is in bad taste, etc. I ask one thing, why?

The title indicates very strongly what is within so why open it and then "trash" the OP It is an honest question on how people deal with what life throws at you.

I have seen many threads with titles I would find upsetting and chose to pass over, so try doing the same instead of opening the thread and becoming all shocked and judgemental

As for those who question the OP as to why she is concerned with what her neighbors are doing, their privacy, etc---I have seen many, many posts on the Dis where someone sees their neighbor doing something strange and runs to the boards to post all about it.

 

[Keggy]

My brother killed himself in his garage. We wouldn't have needed to replace the carpet.


Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged!

 

[DawnCt1]

There are those that do not like the content of this thread and I can understand why, however, I saw the title and it was easy to surmise what the discussion would be. If this isn't a topic that one would want to think about, much less talk about, why would anyone open it? There are plenty of subjects that do not interest me. I don't open them. I don't understand opening a thread that obviously has this type of content and then blasting the OP when she had a question. Lots of us wonder about things.

 

[karibritt01]

My husband did go over to the house a few days later and ask some extended family outside if he could mow their yard for them. I did not know the family so I would have thought it seem more of a "lookie-lou" kind of thing to go over to the house w/ food etc.

My sister passed after an extended battle with cancer. She lived in a very large neighborhood - probably close to 1000 homes. They had people do all kinds of things for them... mow the grass, bring food, rake the leaves, etc. There were many people that did things for them that they did not know, as well as people who did things annonomously. All things that people did were appreciated.

I have a problem with the fact that this thread is about real people who probably would be very upset to know that intimate details of their life are being talked about on the internet.

Since m&m's mom is obviously not a very telling name, and suicides happen everywhere everyday, chances that they will ever discover that they are being discussed are slim to none. And how is this different than discussing anyone else's life or death on this board? In the past few weeks I have seen a plethora of Michael Jackson, the fiery van wreck due to drunk driving, a child being beaten, bullies, cheating spouses... you get the idea.

I don't find it particularly kind to air my neighbors dirty laundry in public, especially under these circumstances.

All the neighbors of "princess momma" that live in the weinermobile will be extremely happy to hear that you don't gossip about their lives.

And by that, I mean to point out that I have NO idea what your real name is, or where you live, so you could be talking about me and I might not know. Chances that I could read your post and know who you are talking about... none.

 

[DebIreland]

Since m&m's mom is obviously not a very telling name, and suicides happen everywhere everyday, chances that they will ever discover that they are being discussed are slim to none. ?

I might have agreed had the OP given vague details. But she has told us a lot. Specifically:
- the month the suicide happened
- the deceased's extended family live in the area too
- the deceased's relatives are in the restaurant business
- her (OP's) dh is president of the housing association
- the stages of school the deceased's children are at
- the deceased's family recently bought two Mercedes cars
- the fact that her (OP's) friend murdered her dh & two children - a tragedy receiving national coverage (therefore known to many).

Of course OP's town and state are in her 'location' too. She's narrowed the field quite a lot.

Now if you are a relative, friend, neighbour, colleague, school friend, teacher (etc) of the deceased's immediate family then, taking all the info given into account, you could very easily know exactly who the OP is talking about.

 

[tinker&belle]

Yea because it appears from her posts that she is bombarding them with questions about the carpet and suicide.

Okay...not sure why I got the eyes rolled at me...was just stating what we desired when we went through this nightmare of a situation. We wanted to be left alone.

 

[KathyTX]

The topic of this thread does not violate any of our guidelines here.

We do, however, have rules that prohibit rude or attacking behavior toward other posters.

Please keep your comments about other posters here respectful.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I agree.. And I'm not being insensitive - as I have had suicide in my own family..

But for those who think this thread is insensitive or should be removed, think about this - my DH passed away in 2005.. Does it pain me to see others talking about what their DH's got them for their birthday - or what a great trip they had to Disney - or even grumble about little things their DH's do that bug them? Of course it does.. So I make a choice - open the thread or not..

I have zero tolerance for drunk drivers.. I have lost so many members of my family to people who chose to drink and drive.. Again - when a thread comes up in that regard, it can be very painful - but I still have a choice - open it or not..

How about all the women here who have had miscarriages? Do people think it doesn't cause them great heartache to read about, "My baby did the cutest thing today" - or see the "baby due date tickers" under signatures?

It all boils down to making choices.. And I can tell you first hand that the hardest way to get past something devastating, traumatic, and/or heart breaking is to try to avoid the subject and attempt to "bury" it in your mind.. By doing so, you will never be able to deal with the emotions that are swirling around in your head and in your heart..

That's not to say that anyone can put a time frame on your feelings, but if you aren't ready to deal with them the best you can do is simply not open threads that you find troubling.. Trying to make them "go away" isn't going to work - because they're all a part of life and death - two subjects that will never go away on any message board - "family friendly" or otherwise..

To those who are hurt by this thread, I'm truly sorry and I hope that someday you will find yourself in a better place than you are right now..

I don't really have an answer to the op's question. But I just wanted to say that I completely agree with your post, C Ann! And I do send out my sympathy to those of you who have loved ones who have committed suicide. While I have never had a relative commit suicide, I have seem friends have to deal with this topic when a loved one did it. It is definitely a pain that never completely goes away.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I don´t think this is a disturbing thread at all. The OP obviously was just wondering what other think they might do if faced with such a situation. I am pretty sure I would keep living in the home, but am also pretty sure I would remove any carpeting/stains as soon as possible.My mother died in her home very unexpectedly and we had dozens of people come to the house starting just hours after her death, while her body was still there.

The house I am buying is from a lady who's husband died of a heart attack. We have no idea if it happened here at home, or away. We dont' ask. But we do know, that after 2 yrs of staying here, she had to move out. Said there were too many memories for her....I'd rather not know if he died here and in which room....
Like said previously, everyone handles things differently, who knows who could stay in the house, or if the carpets would even need replacing, but, again, it's 'morbid curiosity'...

 

[Nik's Mom]

The house I am buying is from a lady who's husband died of a heart attack. We have no idea if it happened here at home, or away. We dont' ask. But we do know, that after 2 yrs of staying here, she had to move out. Said there were too many memories for her....I'd rather not know if he died here and in which room....
Like said previously, everyone handles things differently, who knows who could stay in the house, or if the carpets would even need replacing, but, again, it's 'morbid curiosity'...

In the 2 states we have bought houses, there had to be a disclosure if someone died in the house. So, that may be the case in your state too. In any event, I can understand this woman wanting to move, even if her husband didn't die there. She probably feels him all over the house.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

In the 2 states we have bought houses, there had to be a disclosure if someone died in the house. So, that may be the case in your state too. In any event, I can understand this woman wanting to move, even if her husband didn't die there. She probably feels him all over the house.

We are doing a lease purchase, so if that was a law, we aren't at the part where we'd know yet... and, like I said, I'd rather not know
She comes by sometimes (we've become friends) and she loves how we've done the house, said it's a totally different place, which makes it easier for her somehow.. But, yeah, I"m not sure I could stay either, regardless of how the person died. Sometimes, moving on, means moving out... IMO.
Never know til you walk in their shoes though...

 

[barkley]

In the 2 states we have bought houses, there had to be a disclosure if someone died in the house. So, that may be the case in your state too. In any event, I can understand this woman wanting to move, even if her husband didn't die there. She probably feels him all over the house.

the state we used to live in had this law-and you had to provide details as the nature of the death (natural causes, suicide, murder). the first time we had a real estate transaction and encountered seeing this on the disclosure form we asked the realtor about it and were told it's purpose was 2 fold-so a potential buyer who had personal objections to purchasing a home where a death occured could make an informed decision, and so a potential buyer might be able to consider if a home they were interested in might have some kind of public stigma attached to it (we had a house like this in the neighborhood i grew up in-a murder suicide happened in it and forever more no matter who lived in it people were very hesitant to enter it because of the memories it invoked).

i don't know what i would do in the situation-i hope never to have to make that kind of decision.

on an earlier post-someone mentioned that they thought it was common for women to use the bathroom or another easily cleaned room for the purpose of suicide-it's also very common for people to check into hotel rooms. i've known 2 people whose family members did this. after being privey to the details of both (almost identical in manner and condition of the room afterwards) and learning of the very different policies the 2 major hotel chains had for "room restoration" following this type of tragedy i would suggest that anyone who has a personal preference towards not staying in a room where this kind of thing may have occured consider making it clear when they book a room ( surviving families get billed for the "restoration" and the days the rooms are out of service-and there is a HUGE difference between what some chains do vs. others).

 

[Eeyore's-tail-tack]

But what if the family she is speaking of is a Dis member? I would like to think that we all wonder things, sometimes it is best not to post on a public forum.

 

[HelenePA]

In the 2 states we have bought houses, there had to be a disclosure if someone died in the house. So, that may be the case in your state too. In any event, I can understand this woman wanting to move, even if her husband didn't die there. She probably feels him all over the house.

I dont think there is a clause like that in my state. I know the former owner of my house died in the room I'm in now I only found out because of my neighbor, she was the one who found him after no one saw him for 2 days. She looked in the window and saw him..

 

[Rora]

Like others have mentioned, the thread title clearly has the word "suicide" in it. To those who are upset about the OP's "curiosity" why did you open the thread to begin with? Curiosity? Regardless, the OP is not being insensitive and this thread is NOT ABOUT CARPET-- did everyone miss the question at the end?

OP: if one of my family members died in the house (suicide, murder, natural death), I would move out. Maybe I would feel differently if it actually happend, but I can say now that I think I'd really want to leave.

 

[3jsmommy]

My sister died in my parents home. It was tragic, unexpected & horrible.
With in an hour of her death we had a huge amount of family & friends over. We have a very large loving family, they helped us immensely...did everything from cooking & cleaning to walking the dog to funeral arrangements. My one uncle who never shows emotions brought over my teenage brothers egg sandwiches from the deli every morning for about a month..I don't know why but that put a lump in my throat to write that.

My mom could barley speak for days & we were all in complete pain & shock. Right after the tragedy happened my brothers said my parents should sell the house, but within days they said they could never imagine selling the house, as they felt my sister's memories (all of which before her death were beautiful) were in that house. My mom & I finally cleaned her room & organized her stuff after about two years.

My parents neighbors lit little candles along the whole side walk on my parents side of the street for a week after my sister died, they did it again on the anniversary a year later. They also planted a beautiful little tree in my parents yard, & helped plant a memorial garden with my mom. The neighbors also donated to her memorial scholarship & still participate in a fund raiser we organized for that. The countless amount of food, love and prayers they gave to my family was amazing.

Just like every family (actually every person) deals with grief differently I guess so does every neighbor. I'm just thankful that we had people surrounding us that weren't peering around the hedges at carpet trucks, counting my parents cars (my mom actually drives a Mercedes, but she had it before we lost my sister so I guess that's OK.) or gossiping around the neighborhood about terrible details. My parents neighbors gave them empathy and grace at a terrible time. They reserved their judgment, they had class.

 

[DebIreland]

3jsmommy,

That was a beautifully written post, which sounds like an odd way to describe it, considering the tragic event you're writing about, but it really is a beautiful post - very eloquent.

I'm going to remember this part in particular:

My parents neighbors gave them empathy and grace at a terrible time. They reserved their judgment, they had class

I'm so sorry for your tragic loss.

 

[3jsmommy]

3jsmommy,

That was a beautifully written post, which sounds like an odd way to describe it, considering the tragic event you're writing about, but it really is a beautiful post - very eloquent.

I'm going to remember this part in particular:


I'm so sorry for your tragic loss.

Thank you Deb, I felt that the OP could use some perspective from the other side of the story. It actually helped me to remember all of the wonderful things people did to help my family at the time of my sisters death. People have a choice they be helpful or mind their own buisness. I think being helpful is always going to be more rewarding. In the case of the OP the minding her own buisness would be better than what she's doing.

 

[Nik's Mom]

My sister died in my parents home. It was tragic, unexpected & horrible.
With in an hour of her death we had a huge amount of family & friends over. We have a very large loving family, they helped us immensely...did everything from cooking & cleaning to walking the dog to funeral arrangements. My one uncle who never shows emotions brought over my teenage brothers egg sandwiches from the deli every morning for about a month..I don't know why but that put a lump in my throat to write that.

My mom could barley speak for days & we were all in complete pain & shock. Right after the tragedy happened my brothers said my parents should sell the house, but within days they said they could never imagine selling the house, as they felt my sister's memories (all of which before her death were beautiful) were in that house. My mom & I finally cleaned her room & organized her stuff after about two years.

My parents neighbors lit little candles along the whole side walk on my parents side of the street for a week after my sister died, they did it again on the anniversary a year later. They also planted a beautiful little tree in my parents yard, & helped plant a memorial garden with my mom. The neighbors also donated to her memorial scholarship & still participate in a fund raiser we organized for that. The countless amount of food, love and prayers they gave to my family was amazing.

Just like every family (actually every person) deals with grief differently I guess so does every neighbor. I'm just thankful that we had people surrounding us that weren't peering around the hedges at carpet trucks, counting my parents cars (my mom actually drives a Mercedes, but she had it before we lost my sister so I guess that's OK.) or gossiping around the neighborhood about terrible details. My parents neighbors gave them empathy and grace at a terrible time. They reserved their judgment, they had class.

Your story brought tears to my eyes. What a touching thing for the neighbors to do. They sound like amazing people.

 

[3jsmommy]

Your story brought tears to my eyes. What a touching thing for the neighbors to do. They sound like amazing people.

They really are, my brother and I were joking around with one of our neighbors not long after we lost my sister that we grew up on "sesame street". A while later he was on his porch with his guitar playing the theme to sesame street...