Pregnant High School Senior Denied Attendance At Graduation Ceremony

[Westcoastwild]

So parents catch their child having sex. Their child, which they enrolled in this strict private school. And they're going to go to the administration and say "We caught our child having sex and you now need to punish them."?

Maybe. I think the chances are higher of them doing so if the other party involved goes to that school. Sort of a "please a close eye on Johnny and Amy, they can't be trusted" type of thing.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

So did she, though. Private schools are all about personal responsibility. Her parents could not have really forced her to stay there and had she wanted to get kicked out, there were easier ways to do so.

I think what a lot of people aren't getting is that the school sees attending the school as a privilege not a right. If you attend, you attend with the understanding that you'll follow the rules and represent the school in an appropriate way.

Sounds more like the school is about control rather than personal responsibility. She acted responsibly in the end and had she been given the tools and proper education regarding sex, she might have been more responsible when she had sex and protected herself. I don't see schools like this as a privilege, but more like an institution scared parents turn to thinking the reality of the secular world won't get to their kids. Schools like this play off parents' fears.

Ok, maybe you should start some kind of protest in front of the school. I'm just here to talk about this girl breaking the rules and getting punished for it.

No reason to get catty. I avoid schools like this by not acknowledging them as legitimate places of education and making sure they don't get taxpayer dollars. I don't think just because a place is private, it could have silly rules that result in demeaning a student.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I don't know if you are intentionally trying to be offensive but if so good job. You may be referring to only a specific incident and location but you you leave reason to infer a slander against Faith based education in general.

I have never been a "religious" person, I have my beliefs, my own faith and moral code but am not a practitioner of any religion.

A decade ago my wife and I made the decision to place our daughter in private school. It has a strict religious doctrine, one which I have disagreed with many times. It has, at times, exhibited what I consider an overabundance of fervor on certain issues. However we agreed to obey the rules of the school and so I have done my very best to adhere to them and restrain my dissent to the less agreeable aspects.

Why would I do this you ask? The answer is simple. In the decade my daughter has attended not one student has died of an alcohol related traffic death, drug overdose or suicide. I don't mean not one student in her class, I mean not one student in the entire school.

100% of the current graduating class is going on to college, half of them had a 30 (that is not a typo THIRTY) or above on the ACT.

I live near the Mississippi Delta, please feel free to do a search and see how that compares to the local public schools.

I am sorry you had such a horrible experience, I can understand how that could color ones viewpoint. Again it is entirely possible you were commenting solely on personal experience at one specific location and I am being overly sensitive. I would point out however that "Christian", and "weird morality clauses, behavior codes, archaic dress code", are certainly accurate descriptions of the school referenced above.

THANK YOU. I don't think you're being overly sensitive.

Some of the people on this thread are bound and determined to trash the student code. What they don't quite seem to put together is the fact that the student code makes it possible to have an orderly and high performing student body. Did I dislike a lot of the dress code rules or religious overtones? Sure. But I also graduated in a class of 25 with very, very high SAT score. Maybe some kids could be successful in public schools like the ones you are talking about, but I am not one of those kids.

 

[sam_gordon]

But if she had an abortion, she wouldn't be being punished and would be right there in the same category as the kids having sex and not getting caught. So, if you get right down to it, yes they really are punishing her for keeping her baby.

Make up your mind. First you say the school knows which kids are having sex (because they're turned in by their parents), then you say they're not being caught.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

I don't know if you are intentionally trying to be offensive but if so good job. You may be referring to only a specific incident and location but you you leave reason to infer a slander against Faith based education in general.

I have never been a "religious" person, I have my beliefs, my own faith and moral code but am not a practitioner of any religion.

A decade ago my wife and I made the decision to place our daughter in private school. It has a strict religious doctrine, one which I have disagreed with many times. It has, at times, exhibited what I consider an overabundance of fervor on certain issues. However we agreed to obey the rules of the school and so I have done my very best to adhere to them and restrain my dissent to the less agreeable aspects.

Why would I do this you ask? The answer is simple. In the decade my daughter has attended not one student has died of an alcohol related traffic death, drug overdose or suicide. I don't mean not one student in her class, I mean not one student in the entire school.

100% of the current graduating class is going on to college, half of them had a 30 (that is not a typo THIRTY) or above on the ACT.

I live near the Mississippi Delta, please feel free to do a search and see how that compares to the local public schools.

I am sorry you had such a horrible experience, I can understand how that could color ones viewpoint. Again it is entirely possible you were commenting solely on personal experience at one specific location and I am being overly sensitive. I would point out however that "Christian", and "weird morality clauses, behavior codes, archaic dress code", are certainly accurate descriptions of the school referenced above.

So public schools are bad because they have kids (they are required to take all) that may have met these tragic circumstances??? That's crazy. Oh...three kids through public high school so far and the only one of those incidents that happened was an alcohol related death to a recent graduate who was hit head on by a drunk driver while the grad was sober.

As for the graduation rate, well duh...anyone who sends their kids to a private school likely encourages college and the school only has to deal with that. 100% should be the case. But God bless the poor kid who might want to go straight to work, military or trade school who feels like he isn't good enough.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Sounds more like the school is about control rather than personal responsibility. She acted responsibly in the end and had she been given the tools and proper education regarding sex, she might have been more responsible when she had sex and protected herself. I don't see schools like this as a privilege, but more like an institution scared parents turn to thinking the reality of the secular world won't get to their kids. Schools like this play off parents' fears.



No reason to get catty. I avoid schools like this by not acknowledging them as legitimate places of education and making sure they don't get taxpayer dollars. I don't think just because a place is private, it could have silly rules that result in demeaning a student.

You do realize they turn DOWN taxpayer dollars so they don't have to compromise on stuff like this?
Schools like this play off parents' desire to have their kids in a safe environment in which they can learn.

Which, by the way, is the same reason parents try to get their kids into a charter school and why house price can be influenced by school district.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

THANK YOU. I don't think you're being overly sensitive.

Some of the people on this thread are bound and determined to trash the student code. What they don't quite seem to put together is the fact that the student code makes it possible to have an orderly and high performing student body. Did I dislike a lot of the dress code rules or religious overtones? Sure. But I also graduated in a class of 25 with very, very high SAT score. Maybe some kids could be successful in public schools like the ones you are talking about, but I am not one of those kids.

Again, why do you think public schools that don't have dress codes and sex related rules aren't orderly or high performing?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't see the story here. And I also don't agree with the people who say it's hypocrisy on the part of the school. It does sound like the administration is a bit full of themselves, but if you attend a school like that you agree to follow that code of conduct. If she had been caught vandalizing property or blatantly refused to follow dress code or had deliberately harmed someone or had been caught dealing drugs on campus, the consequences would have been the same if not harsher.

Teen pregnancy may be more common but that doesn't mean it's actually a positive thing and how hard is it to keep your legs closed for 4 years?

I went to a fairly liberal catholic school and everyone knew that if you violated the code of conduct you were at very least going tto be banned from school functions or leadership positions.

I get your basis for your argument but it's a bit too much shame shame shame on the girl only for my liking. And hey it's ok to have differing views here but the whole "how hard is it to keep your legs closed for 4 years".....yikes. It's just as probable that there are at least a handful of students in private schools engaging in sexual behavior that doesn't result in preganacy and it ain't all girls participating for sure.

Now for me personally sure there is code signed and so yeah adhere to the rules or understand there are consequences. It's like students at my high school who were told if they engaged in a senior prank and were caught than they were not allowed to walk in the ceremony. That part of the argument I get even if I don't agree with the transgressions listed that can result in things such as not walking in graduation ceremony. But the thing is really it needs to be an equal thing here. That may be my biggest issue. If the school can without a doubt 100% say there have been no other sexual activity or drug or alcohol or anything else against the code without the students who were involved in activities that were against the code being handed down the same punishment then that's one thing.

And in all honesty teen pregnancy rates are dropping in the U.S. It would be remiss of me to mention that teen pregnancy is defined by the CDC as ages 15-19 so we're not just talking about high schoolers.

The CDC only had info up to 2015 but in 2015 it was a new record low and an 8% drop from 2014 rates. The 8% represents a 9% decrease in rates for those aged 15-17 and a 7% decrease in rates for those aged 18-19. And while the exact reasons aren't clear it is thought to at least be due in part to decrease in sexual activity that can result in pregnancy and birth control usage.

The really interesting thing is the 2015 rates of reported STDs in the U.S. according to the CDC is actually at the all-time high. Individuals aged 15 to 24 years old accounted for nearly two-thirds of chlamydia diagnoses and half of gonorrhea diagnoses in 2015. Part of that comes from resources being cut to detect and treat early on with STDs which can limit the spreading of it.

So let's just say that portraying the issues as "how hard is it to keep your legs closed for 4 years" doesn't really capture the whole picture that could be going on.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Again, why do you think public schools that don't have dress codes and sex related rules aren't orderly or high performing?

Well, because around here...

They're not!

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

You do realize they turn DOWN taxpayer dollars so they don't have to compromise on stuff like this?
Schools like this play off parents' desire to have their kids in a safe environment in which they can learn.

Which, by the way, is the same reason parents try to get their kids into a charter school and why house price can be influenced by school district.

Yes, but I went there because we have an education secretary pushing for vouchers to private schools. But back on track...the attitude that a public school isn't safe is snobbish and wrong. That attitude allowed these parents to think their child would be protected against sex and drugs by merely going to this school.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

Well, because around here...

They're not!

Are you sure of that or is it all heresay? I can't tell you how many times during eighth grade, fellow students (and parents) were telling me I was going to get stabbed in the hallway for going to the local school while they headed for private school. Needless to say I didn't get stabbed.

 

[doggydoc]

So public schools are bad because they have kids (they are required to take all) that may have met these tragic circumstances??? That's crazy. Oh...three kids through public high school so far and the only one of those incidents that happened was an alcohol related death to a recent graduate who was hit head on by a drunk driver while the grad was sober.

As for the graduation rate, well duh...anyone who sends their kids to a private school likely encourages college and the school only has to deal with that. 100% should be the case. But God bless the poor kid who might want to go straight to work, military or trade school who feels like he isn't good enough.

I did not say public schools are bad, I reacted to someone inferring that my choice of education for my daughter was bad. Of course I know what the advantages of private school are, why would I pay for it otherwise? You seem to want to insult me and create an argument that I will not be drawn into.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

I did not say public schools are bad, I reacted to someone inferring that my choice of education for my daughter was bad. Of course I know what the advantages of private school are, why would I pay for it otherwise? You seem to want to insult me and create an argument that I will not be drawn into.

No insulting was done. There are advantages and disadvantages to any school. This particular school is behaving archaically even for a religious based school. To be fair, I believe you mentioned that.

 

[doggydoc]

No insulting was done.

I beg to differ sir.

That's crazy.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I get your basis for your argument but it's a bit too much shame shame shame on the girl only for my liking. And hey it's ok to have differing views here but the whole "how hard is it to keep your legs closed for 4 years".....yikes. It's just as probable that there are at least a handful of students in private schools engaging in sexual behavior that doesn't result in preganacy and it ain't all girls participating for sure.

Now for me personally sure there is code signed and so yeah adhere to the rules or understand there are consequences. It's like students at my high school who were told if they engaged in a senior prank and were caught than they were not allowed to walk in the ceremony. That part of the argument I get even if I don't agree with the transgressions listed that can result in things such as not walking in graduation ceremony. But the thing is really it needs to be an equal thing here. That may be my biggest issue. If the school can without a doubt 100% say there have been no other sexual activity or drug or alcohol or anything else against the code without the students who were involved in activities that were against the code being handed down the same punishment then that's one thing.

And in all honesty teen pregnancy rates are dropping in the U.S. It would be remiss of me to mention that teen pregnancy is defined by the CDC as ages 15-19 so we're not just talking about high schoolers.

The CDC only had info up to 2015 but in 2015 it was a new record low and an 8% drop from 2014 rates. The 8% represents a 9% decrease in rates for those aged 15-17 and a 7% decrease in rates for those aged 18-19. And while the exact reasons aren't clear it is thought to at least be due in part to decrease in sexual activity that can result in pregnancy and birth control usage.

The really interesting thing is the 2015 rates of reported STDs in the U.S. according to the CDC is actually at the all-time high. Individuals aged 15 to 24 years old accounted for nearly two-thirds of chlamydia diagnoses and half of gonorrhea diagnoses in 2015. Part of that comes from resources being cut to detect and treat early on with STDs which can limit the spreading of it.

So let's just say that portraying the issues as "how hard is it to keep your legs closed for 4 years" doesn't really capture the whole picture that could be going on.

Completely fair. I dislike the lack of sex education in particular. And actually, I really don't care for the whole morality clause. I'm not defending the school.

But I kind of had a knee jerk reaction to the girl. She agreed to a student code, willingly broke the student code, and is now protesting the fact that she was punished for this. There's a few posters here who make it sound like all teens have unprotected sex and that just happens. No. She made a choice. It may have been based on some miseducation, and it may have been in the heat of the moment, but it was still a choice. She sounds like a smart kid, and I'm not going to deny her agency by assuming that she had no idea that the were consequences to having sex.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Are you sure of that or is it all heresay? I can't tell you how many times during eighth grade, fellow students (and parents) were telling me I was going to get stabbed in the hallway for going to the local school while they headed for private school. Needless to say I didn't get stabbed.

It's not hearsay. My school district had a lot of disciplinary and academic problems when I was in middle school and high school. In the years since, they've hired a new superintendent and closed a lot of the "gaps" and their test score have gone way, way up. The high school at least. There's still a few middle schools with issues. If I was 15 today, I probably would be going to public school. My parents ARE Catholic but their priority was putting me on a university bound academic path.

I'm not saying that all public schools are bad or that all parents who send their kids to private schools are reasonable. But my father had gone to that particular public school and my mother had worked there, so they had a realistic idea of the issues.

 

[Magpie]

I don't know if you are intentionally trying to be offensive but if so good job. You may be referring to only a specific incident and location but you you leave reason to infer a slander against Faith based education in general.

I have never been a "religious" person, I have my beliefs, my own faith and moral code but am not a practitioner of any religion.

A decade ago my wife and I made the decision to place our daughter in private school. It has a strict religious doctrine, one which I have disagreed with many times. It has, at times, exhibited what I consider an overabundance of fervor on certain issues. However we agreed to obey the rules of the school and so I have done my very best to adhere to them and restrain my dissent to the less agreeable aspects.

Why would I do this you ask? The answer is simple. In the decade my daughter has attended not one student has died of an alcohol related traffic death, drug overdose or suicide. I don't mean not one student in her class, I mean not one student in the entire school.

100% of the current graduating class is going on to college, half of them had a 30 (that is not a typo THIRTY) or above on the ACT.

I live near the Mississippi Delta, please feel free to do a search and see how that compares to the local public schools.

I am sorry you had such a horrible experience, I can understand how that could color ones viewpoint. Again it is entirely possible you were commenting solely on personal experience at one specific location and I am being overly sensitive. I would point out however that "Christian", and "weird morality clauses, behavior codes, archaic dress code", are certainly accurate descriptions of the school referenced above.

Parents are often in a tough position, when it comes to school choice.

The public schools my children attended did not have any alcohol related traffic deaths, drug overdoses, or suicides, either. But, we live in an area with excellent public schools, and a generally high level of education and lots of professionals. Not all of their class went on to college, but most did. And, honestly, I don't believe that every child should head straight off to college after high school. I don't see that as a "win". In fact, I think educators place entirely too much emphasis on prepping kids for higher education, when many of them would be happier and more successful in the trades.

How many of your current graduating class are going to drop out? How many will end up with degrees they can't use? How many will end up saddled with crushing debt? Has your school really done this class any favours, by pushing them all down an identical path?

I agree with you that private, parochial schools can be good choices, sometimes. I attended a Catholic convent school where the nuns were terrific educators, open-minded and very kind. When I said to one of the sisters, "But, I'm not Catholic!" She replied, "That's all right. There are many roads to God. We're just travelling different ones." They taught me a version of ecumenical Christianity that I still believe in, to this day, for all that I am now Unitarian.

And, at the same time, there are both nominally "secular" schools ("community standards" can make some so-called-public schools more religiously oppressive than private ones) and private religious schools that are frankly appalling, in their approach to moral education. Schools that stage chastity rallies which compare girls who have sex to "used toothbrushes", that use shame and fear and lies to impose social controls on young people. Schools where gay children live in constant terror of being discovered. Schools that look the other way, ignoring bullying and rape and blaming the victims, because the perpetrators are "good kids" with "futures". Schools that adhere to iron clad "zero tolerance" policies without compassion or sense.

I have compassion for parents making hard choices - a scary public school, a theocratic private school... and not every family has the resources to even consider homeschooling.

I don't give much weight to the fact that this girl signed her school's "honor code". Her parents chose this school. And every single student signs the code. There's no way to opt out, and no way to make an informed decision about whether or not to sign, which means it's meaningless. Agreement under duress, is not agreement at all. So, I don't actually think the young lady acted immorally when she broke the honor code.

Also, when it comes to reading-and-signing rules of conduct (which I have no issue with, actually - all the public schools my kids attended had them, though they focussed on kindness and compassion, not sex and dress codes), I prefer to see the consequences laid out clearly. And I didn't see anywhere in the sections quoted, a part that says, "If you get pregnant, you will not walk the stage at graduation." Presumably, if she'd got knocked up a year earlier, she'd walk the stage while her baby sat in her mother's lap, in the audience.

I think the choices presented by the school to this young lady are interesting ones from a moral perspective. Want to walk the stage? Get an abortion! The lesson is clear: appearances matter more than actions.

I do not think the nuns at my old convent school would have approved of that message.

 

[undertheradar]

Not seeing anything wrong here. Family agreed to the student code. Student obviously violated the agreed upon code. Family now wants code violation to be ignored.

Life has consequences, move on.

 

[Wendy31]

But if she had an abortion, she wouldn't be being punished and would be right there in the same category as the kids having sex and not getting caught. So, if you get right down to it, yes they really are punishing her for keeping her baby.

There are tons of kids in all kinds of schools who break all kinds of rules & don't get punished because they don't get caught.

Some kids have a party & there's underage drinking, & they get caught while, down the street, there's another party going on, but they don't get caught.

So, you could argue that about anything - kids don't get punished for the act, they get punished for getting caught.

When the students are caught or found out, then they're disciplined based on whatever rules & guidelines the school has in place. If the school administration doesn't know the students are breaking whatever rule, then they can't discipline the student.

Again, you can't discipline based on rumor.

This particular girl is NOT being punished because she didn't choose an abortion. She is being disciplined because she chose to break one of the school's rules.

And she's not being punished because she got caught. She confessed.

Could the school have handled the situation better? Probably. Should they have done things differently? Possibly. Should this instance w/ this girl be the "hill on which the school was willing to die" & should they have changed their policy for this girl? Possibly.

Again, I don't know exactly how this "Code of Conduct" thing was worded. I don't know what precedent in prior years had been set - have there been other kids who weren't allowed to march? Is what the father saying accurate or he is biased because the student in question is his daughter?

But, again, she's NOT being punished for deciding to keep her baby, & claiming that she is being disciplined only because she's keeping her baby is a bit disingenuous.

Well, I don't know. I don't have kids in private school. I do know from a parent that has kids in a private, religious school that parents take it the school (and as such to the church) when their kids get caught doing just about anything. For some it was sexting, for some it was partying, for one girl it was sending inappropriate picture on snap chat, and yes having sex.

Having been involved in a private, Christian school (& in the Christian school community) for a very long time, I can tell you most assuredly that parents do NOT go to the school every time their kids are caught doing something outside of school.

Why is premarital sex immoral? You're displaying the same attitude that led to this controversy.

According to this school, not having sex was one of their rules along w/ no drinking, no smoking, etc. I'm sure profanity was also included. If, as parents, you disagree w/ the rules, you don't send your child to the school. Her father has been on the School Board for many years, &, in his own words, has supported the school for many years. I'm assuming he hasn't had a problem w/ the school & its rules until now.

And, I don't think he's saying he necessarily has a problem w/ the rule now - just in how the discipline of the broken rule is being applied to his daughter.

Totally pointless to wonder about that because she WASN'T raped. She DIDN'T have an abortion. She willingly had sex, which she knew was against the honor code, and she admitted it. That's my point. She's not claiming rape or virgin birth. Punishments like expulsion are decided on an case to case basis. If she'd been raped, it's entirely possible that they would have encouraged her to leave, come back after having the baby, repeat the year and graduate with the class under her. (I don't know about her school but my school probably would have done that whether she was raped or not- there's a clause in the student code about howyou can't attend in a way that could distract other students).

Also, can I just point out that honesty is great and all, but being honest about something doesn't exempt you from the punishment. I really don't understand the people who are saying she was punished for being honest. She was punished for having sex (and possibly for not being properly repentant over it). Personal accountability is probably a large part of that student code, meaning that if she'd lied, and gotten caught in the lie, she would have then faced the consequences for that as well.

Yes, I agree.

Although, she may have been allowed to walk had she gotten pregnant due to rape.

Also, I know I've written about my experience w/ attending a very rule-driven private Christian school. However, I will also add that the academics of this particular school were stellar. I (along w/ many others) graduated with a very high ACT score & had several scholarship offers to various colleges.
(I remember being way ahead in most of my freshman & sophomore college classes. I took 2 years of Spanish in high school, for example, and, in college, my Spanish professor was shocked at what we had learned in just a high school class.) Yes, the science curriculum at our school was creation-based, but other theories were discussed too. And all the basic science principles & theories were learned. My education was not lacking because it was religion-based.

 

[Magpie]

But, again, she's NOT being punished for deciding to keep her baby, & claiming that she is being disciplined only because she's keeping her baby is a bit disingenuous.

But if she'd had the abortion, she'd be walking the stage at her graduation. So...