Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[frndshpcptn]

Ehhhh it's not like she donated a kidney to you. Being concerned about emergencies would be the deal breaker for me. It won't be fun, but you have to find someone else a bit more physically capable just so you can work and not be worrying.

It's fine to *want* to be loyal, but if something horrible happened and she and the baby fell down the stairs resulting in injury or worse for your baby, would his reaction be "well, that's horrible, but at least we were loyal to our nanny!"

I asked that and he said that nothing was going to happen and to stop being such a worrywart

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

She's 3 months old. The nanny came twice a week while i was in the city (I was home usually - or would go out for an hour or two then come back). She's been helping us for two months. She still hasn't mastered the stairs in that time - even with one of us helping her each time (I don't let her do it alone).

Other things that have bothered me - we went in a cab and she couldn't figure out how to open and close the stroller to get it in the trunk. The cabbie figured it out for her. I guess to me that's just...tradecraft. She also had trouble getting the cold weather protective cover on the stroller (I had to show her how it worked). Again - tradecraft.

I may be to harsh. I know. I want someone who is competent and doesn't look to me to show her how to do basic things. I work long hours and need this person to be a dynamic caregiver - helping to babyproof when the time comes, making baby food, etc. She will do it if I ask - but I'd like her to proactively offer.

There are a million kinds of strollers and stuff like that. Showing her how to use them isn't a big deal. If you have to show her repeatedly that's a problem.

Do you have an actual care plan and hard copy of what is required of her? She can't be expected to do everything you want if you don't tell her exactly how and what to do.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My thing is yes... There are general care guidlines (I'm also a mother) but everyone does things different. She has to have some direction to at least lead her in the right direction. If she were to be proactive without that then your post would be:
"Can you believe the nanny did so and so without asking??? That's not how I wanted it done!"

KWIM?

 

[sunshinehighway]

She's 3 months old. The nanny came twice a week while i was in the city (I was home usually - or would go out for an hour or two then come back). She's been helping us for two months. She still hasn't mastered the stairs in that time - even with one of us helping her each time (I don't let her do it alone).

Other things that have bothered me - we went in a cab and she couldn't figure out how to open and close the stroller to get it in the trunk. The cabbie figured it out for her. I guess to me that's just...tradecraft. She also had trouble getting the cold weather protective cover on the stroller (I had to show her how it worked). Again - tradecraft.

I may be to harsh. I know. I want someone who is competent and doesn't look to me to show her how to do basic things. I work long hours and need this person to be a dynamic caregiver - helping to babyproof when the time comes, making baby food, etc. She will do it if I ask - but I'd like her to proactively offer.

Did you explain to her that you want her to be proactive. Its entirely possible that she's waiting for direction from you. I mean it's hard to know where the line is between being helpful and overstepping. Maybe she doesn't want to be seen as overstepping.

Maybe the stroller is just difficult to use. Some strollers are annoying and complicated.
Is it one of those big heavy stollers? I'm guessing it is since the baby is only 3 months.

 

[frndshpcptn]

My thing is yes... There are general care guidlines (I'm also a mother) but everyone does things different. She has to have some direction to at least lead her in the right direction. If she were to be proactive without that then your post would be:
"Can you believe the nanny did so and so without asking??? That's not how I wanted it done!"

KWIM?

That's a fair point. I feel like we have spoken about it but it would be good to formalize should she stay on longer term.

 

[Disneylover99]

Go with your gut. You want to get rid of this nanny, so do it. I would be bothered by the things you are bothered by as well. Don't feel bad.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Did you explain to her that you want her to be proactive. Its entirely possible that she's waiting for direction from you. I mean it's hard to know where the line is between being helpful and overstepping. Maybe she doesn't want to be seen as overstepping.

Maybe the stroller is just difficult to use. Some strollers are annoying and complicated.
Is it one of those big heavy stollers? I'm guessing it is since the baby is only 3 months.

It's the same stroller that everyone in the neighborhood has - yes it's on the bigger side but it's bot so complicated that the cabbie couldn't figure it out in less than 30 seconds.

I do get the point about overstepping and I think that's fair and a good topic to revisit.

Still doesn't solve the physical difficulty.

Or the fact that for whatever reason I'm not in love with her. I think it's a combination of the physical part, the fact that she said she could do something she couldn't, the fact that the baby is now stuck inside unless she has help getting her out, the fact that I felt "forced" to hire her when i was in a bad place mentally, the fact that she's more conservative in her beliefs about certain subjects than I am...it all adds up for me.

 

[Mizzoufan]

What about getting an umbrella stroller that might be easier to transport

 

[TipsyTraveler]

How disabled is she? Reading your first post I got the impression that she has difficulty getting the stroller up and down the stairs without assistance. That isn't ideal, but probably something that could be overlooked if you are happy with her in every other regard. Emergencies like fire came to mind but, again, I was picturing the stroller being the issue and assumed she could just carry the baby out in her arms in such a situation. If she can't get herself up and down the stairs without help, then yeah, that's a bigger concern.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

That's a fair point. I feel like we have spoken about it but it would be good to formalize should she stay on longer term.

Yes. She's a nanny, not a mind reader.

But if you're not comfortable then don't feel bad! I'm not trying to guilt you into keeping her. This is the person responsible for caring for your CHILD. And not just physically. I am with the girls I watch for 7 hours a day, four days a week(since the oldest was 6 months, now 4). That is a lot of time. I am a huge part of their life. I need their parents to be comfortable with me because of that alone.

 

[frndshpcptn]

How disabled is she? Reading your first post I got the impression that she has difficulty getting the stroller up and down the stairs without assistance. That isn't ideal, but probably something that could be overlooked if you are happy with her in every other regard. Emergencies like fire came to mind but, again, I was picturing the stroller being the issue and assumed she could just carry the baby out in her arms in such a situation. If she can't get herself up and down the stairs without help, then yeah, that's a bigger concern.

She needs to hold the handrail to get up and down the steps when it's just her as well (without the stroller)

 

[frndshpcptn]

Yes. She's a nanny, not a mind reader.

But if you're not comfortable then don't feel bad! I'm not trying to guilt you into keeping her. This is the person responsible for caring for your CHILD. And not just physically. I am with the girls I watch for 7 hours a day, four days a week(since the oldest was 6 months, now 4). That is a lot of time. I am a huge part of their life. I need their parents to be comfortable with me because of that alone.

Thanks

 

[disney4us2002]

I get that your chid is only 3 months old, but what about when she becomes mobile? I would not want a nanny that cannot chase or carry my 1 yr old. If your dh thinks you should be loyal now, how will he feel if you need to let her go in 6 months? Better to find the right nanny now.

 

[powellrj]

I had lots of sitters over the years, and to me it wouldn't be a deal breaker. Someone who loved my kids and took really good care of them was the most important thing. I am getting the feeling you think you can do better and are just looking for reasons to hire the other person.

 

[roseaster]

She's 3 months old. The nanny came twice a week while i was in the city (I was home usually - or would go out for an hour or two then come back). She's been helping us for two months. She still hasn't mastered the stairs in that time - even with one of us helping her each time (I don't let her do it alone).

Other things that have bothered me - we went in a cab and she couldn't figure out how to open and close the stroller to get it in the trunk. The cabbie figured it out for her. I guess to me that's just...tradecraft. She also had trouble getting the cold weather protective cover on the stroller (I had to show her how it worked). Again - tradecraft.

I may be to harsh. I know. I want someone who is competent and doesn't look to me to show her how to do basic things. I work long hours and need this person to be a dynamic caregiver - helping to babyproof when the time comes, making baby food, etc. She will do it if I ask - but I'd like her to proactively offer.

Honestly? It sounds like you are nitpicking now. I have 5 children, and in 10 weeks (hopefully) 6, and I have had trouble folding/unfolding strollers and getting the covers on.
Those really are minor issues.

Trust me, reliable child care is hard to find. I have had sitters call me 30 minutes before I'm due at work and tell me they can't make it that day. One who told me the day before she was due to leave that she was going on vacation for 2 weeks.

I think a PP has a point. I think you need to really think about if this is really about you or her. You have PPD, you are recently back to work. Is this more about your feelings of loss of control? Is a 3 month old really short changed if she doesn't go out in a stroller every day? I have 2 who are 16 months apart. There were many days where we didn't go out. Too hot, too cold, or I just couldn't get my stuff together enough to manage 2 babies. They are none the worse for wear.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

The biggest thing is making sure you give her notice.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Honestly? It sounds like you are nitpicking now. I have 5 children, and in 10 weeks (hopefully) 6, and I have had trouble folding/unfolding strollers and getting the covers on.
Those really are minor issues.

Trust me, reliable child care is hard to find. I have had sitters call me 30 minutes before I'm due at work and tell me they can't make it that day. One who told me the day before she was due to leave that she was going on vacation for 2 weeks.

I think a PP has a point. I think you need to really think about if this is really about you or her. You have PPD, you are recently back to work. Is this more about your feelings of loss of control? Is a 3 month old really short changed if she doesn't go out in a stroller every day? I have 2 who are 16 months apart. There were many days where we didn't go out. Too hot, too cold, or I just couldn't get my stuff together enough to manage 2 babies. They are none the worse for wear.

In the OP's defense, she should still have control over the care of her child. That's what they pay the nanny for. To care for the baby to their liking and meet their expectations no matter how nit-picky

 

[frndshpcptn]

Honestly? It sounds like you are nitpicking now. I have 5 children, and in 10 weeks (hopefully) 6, and I have had trouble folding/unfolding strollers and getting the covers on.
Those really are minor issues.

Trust me, reliable child care is hard to find. I have had sitters call me 30 minutes before I'm due at work and tell me they can't make it that day. One who told me the day before she was due to leave that she was going on vacation for 2 weeks.

I think a PP has a point. I think you need to really think about if this is really about you or her. You have PPD, you are recently back to work. Is this more about your feelings of loss of control? Is a 3 month old really short changed if she doesn't go out in a stroller every day? I have 2 who are 16 months apart. There were many days where we didn't go out. Too hot, too cold, or I just couldn't get my stuff together enough to manage 2 babies. They are none the worse for wear.

I hear you - but no, not feeling loss of control at all. In fact, I loved my baby nurse because she was controlling. As a first time Mom, I'm totally open to a more experienced professional offering guidance.

At 3 months do I think it's a huge deal if she goes out every other day vs. every day - no. Once the weather gets nice - yes. We are in a one bedroom apt with not great sunshine coming in the windows. I'd like her outside getting fresh air and sun (with sunscreen of course).

 

[RainbowBrite]

Every sitter will leave in a heart beat if a better offer comes through.

Not true, not if you treat the nanny well and if she truly loves your kids. I'm a nanny and I have a great bond with the little girls I nanny for. I wouldn't switch jobs for anything in the world.

 

[wilkeliza]

Not true, not if you treat the nanny well and if she truly loves your kids. I'm a nanny and I have a great bond with the little girls I nanny for. I wouldn't switch jobs for anything in the world.

I guess I've just seen so many nannies just up and leave but of course these aren't the type of nannies where they actually care about the child. They do their job and do it well but at the end of the day it is still just a job to them.