Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Not true, not if you treat the nanny well and if she truly loves your kids. I'm a nanny and I have a great bond with the little girls I nanny for. I wouldn't switch jobs for anything in the world.

Same.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I guess I've just seen so many nannies just up and leave but of course these aren't the type of nannies where they actually care about the child. They do their job and do it well but at the end of the day it is still just a job to them.

To me that is the difference between a babysitter (even long term) and a nanny.

 

[RainbowBrite]

There are a million kinds of strollers and stuff like that. Showing her how to use them isn't a big deal. If you have to show her repeatedly that's a problem.

Do you have an actual care plan and hard copy of what is required of her? She can't be expected to do everything you want if you don't tell her exactly how and what to do.

I've been a nanny for 12 years and I still struggle with strollers sometimes when I start a new job! They're all different and some can be confusing if you've never used that particular kind.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Have you considered moving? A reliable caring nanny who is dependable is hard to find. You are in a one bedroom apartment now. I would think sooner rather than later you are going to want the baby to have their own room. An apartment with an elevator would make you life easier too.

 

[gotomu212]

I get that your chid is only 3 months old, but what about when she becomes mobile? I would not want a nanny that cannot chase or carry my 1 yr old. If your dh thinks you should be loyal now, how will he feel if you need to let her go in 6 months? Better to find the right nanny now.

I would assume that if her knees are really bad she also can't get up and down on the floor very well and the baby is only going to be getting heavier and heavier. I think you're going to have more of a problem as you baby gets older this year and she's playing on the floor all the time. Then your next worries will be what if she can't run after her at the park or a store when she bolts (like all mobile babies/toddlers will do).

If this isn't a good long term fit the time for a change is now before really strong bonds are formed and you will also have more time for appropriate notice.

 

[bethy]

I hear what you are saying. But she wasn't really ever ok - I was just too ill to do anything about it. I've not felt right for weeks. And the other option isn't new - it's always been there, I just haven't acted on it.

And to be honest, I'm not convinced the other opportunity was real - or if she was just saying it to lock in a job.

You are the mother. Your instincts are paramount. Learn to listen to them and trust them well. If you feel the fit isn't right then that is all that matters IMO. The actual reason doesn't really matter. You don't need to justify yourself to anybody. You owe it to you and your baby to find the right fit.

It's taken me 3 kids and 15 years to learn this the hard way.

HUGS - you are doing great - trust your instincts.

 

[Bec3b1g]

Even if the nanny didn't have a mobility issue, I would be concerned with anyone going up and down the stairs with my baby. Put a mobility issue on top of that and I would be really concerned. I second the recommendation to consider moving to a more accessible apartment.

I think fresh air and getting out is important. I probably would not keep a nanny that was unable to go for a walk during the day. So even if the stairs weren't an issue, if she wasn't physically capable of outside play with my child, I would find another nanny. YMMV.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

OP I think you've pretty much decided that you want to let this nanny go. You've laid out the reasons, the biggest being her physical challenges. You came here to talk it through, so it's obviously a huge issue for you.

I think you need to be completely comfortable with your childcare situation. After all, we're talking about your precious baby. If you have any doubts about the care she's receiving while you're not with her, you will always be slightly on edge. This will affect your day-to-day functioning, even if you don't think it will. In order for you to be effective at your job and in the rest of your life, you need to feel secure about your baby's care.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[bethy]

The biggest thing is making sure you give her notice.

Call me paranoid but I wouldn't "give notice." I'd pay the nanny 2-4 weeks severance - sure - but no way would I leave someone I'd just let go alone with my baby . . . .

 

[bethy]

I hear you - but no, not feeling loss of control at all. In fact, I loved my baby nurse because she was controlling. As a first time Mom, I'm totally open to a more experienced professional offering guidance.

At 3 months do I think it's a huge deal if she goes out every other day vs. every day - no. Once the weather gets nice - yes. We are in a one bedroom apt with not great sunshine coming in the windows. I'd like her outside getting fresh air and sun (with sunscreen of course).

I agree with you that regular fresh air and sunlight is very important.

 

[Bec3b1g]

Call me paranoid but I wouldn't "give notice." I'd pay the nanny 2-4 weeks severance - sure - but no way would I leave someone I'd just let go alone with my baby . . . .

I agree. And I'm not sure how labor laws are applied to a nanny situation, but I would be very careful about stating a dismissal reason that might have to do with someone's mobility.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Have you considered moving? A reliable caring nanny who is dependable is hard to find. You are in a one bedroom apartment now. I would think sooner rather than later you are going to want the baby to have their own room. An apartment with an elevator would make you life easier too.

Not sure a elsvater would help if there is a fire the elsvater won't be accesable

 

[Hisgirl]

I owned a nanny cooperation in a large city. And I'm a mom. Choosing the right nanny is such an important decision and so many variables play a factor in this decision. One of the first, and most important...is your mother's intuition. What is your gut telling you?

Your comment that concerned me the most related to her ability to act swiftly and in haste, should an emergency arise. Personally, for me, I would be choosing who could provide my child the most well-rounded care, and that includes being able to perform infant CPR with the ability to exit a building quickly and efficiently. I believe there are zero compromises when it comes to care for our children. You do a background check, driver's check, call many references, and you listen to your gut. And you know that you know that you know...that in the event of any emergency, your precious child is in the absolutely most excellent hands. Hands that would rival your hands.

Over my babies' toddling years, they fell down at times and busted open a lip, or a nose. I had to pick them up, crying and bleeding and carry them to get help. How will she fare carrying a hefty two year old? Just some thoughts. My heart goes out to you and to her too.

 

[RainbowBrite]

Call me paranoid but I wouldn't "give notice." I'd pay the nanny 2-4 weeks severance - sure - but no way would I leave someone I'd just let go alone with my baby . . . .

this is awful. nanny jobs are so hard to come by these days and can take 6-8 weeks to find...giving 2 weeks pay and being done would be awful for someone trying to make a living. if you trusted a nanny enough to hire her then you should be able to trust she won't hurt your child just because you're letting her go.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Call me paranoid but I wouldn't "give notice." I'd pay the nanny 2-4 weeks severance - sure - but no way would I leave someone I'd just let go alone with my baby . . . .

Fair point. My only concern was leaving this woman high and dry when she really hasn't done anything wrong.

 

[Disneylover99]

this is awful. nanny jobs are so hard to come by these days and can take 6-8 weeks to find...giving 2 weeks pay and being done would be awful for someone trying to make a living. if you trusted a nanny enough to hire her then you should be able to trust she won't hurt your child just because you're letting her go.

It definitely depends on the reason you're letting the nanny go. But the bottom line is, your child is your number one priority, and if you are second guessing your nanny, it's better to just let them go.

 

[bethy]

this is awful. nanny jobs are so hard to come by these days and can take 6-8 weeks to find...giving 2 weeks pay and being done would be awful for someone trying to make a living. if you trusted a nanny enough to hire her then you should be able to trust she won't hurt your child just because you're letting her go.

I admittedly just threw that time estimate out there. I would do whatever the industry standard was. Mea Culpa on that. But I still wouldn't leave my child with someone I'd only known for a few months in such a situation. Plus, if the person weren't nannying my child then she'd have more available time to interview and find another job. So I think severance would be the best case scenario given the situation.

And I'm not getting that the OP trusts the nanny 100%. How could she when she's known her for so little time?

 

[bethy]

Fair point. My only concern was leaving this woman high and dry when she really hasn't done anything wrong.

I would pay severance for sure - for whatever period of time the industry standard dictated. No, she hasn't done anything wrong. But rule number one in child care is that everyone trusts each other and the fit is good for all parties.

 

[Floridagal23]

First, she could hurt herself or your dd if nobody is around to help her and you are putting your building and yourself at risk in terms of liability so please make sure you have renters insurance.

Do you live in NYC? How do you expect the nanny to get around to music class, playground, etc? Without transportation she will need to take the bus or subway which all have...stairs..unless she utilizes the lifts on the bus or subway elevators which are few and far between.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I haven't read all the responses. I've had nannies for the last 2 years. I've hired three due to turnover. Yes, the mobility would be a deal breaker and I wouldn't have hired her in the first place. Get a care dot com membership for a month and start hunting. The stroller is one thing, but your child will only be getting heavier and heavier, how much longer until she has trouble handling or carrying your child???