Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[nugov2]

Call me paranoid but I wouldn't "give notice." I'd pay the nanny 2-4 weeks severance - sure - but no way would I leave someone I'd just let go alone with my baby . . . .

This. I'd probably do 6-8 weeks, but I for sure wouldn't give notice with a nanny.

You sound like you have your mind made up op, you need to let her go and move forward with someone you are comfortable with, not someone you feel obligated to keep.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Call me paranoid but I wouldn't "give notice." I'd pay the nanny 2-4 weeks severance - sure - but no way would I leave someone I'd just let go alone with my baby . . . .

I was just coming to post the same thing. Give her two weeks or whatever severence pay but NEVER would I give a person "notice" that they were to be dismissed and then allow them stay with my kids for 2 weeks. Very bad idea.

 

[bethy]

To the posters who have said this might be more "about the OP" than the nanny: So what if it is? It should be about her and her child. Also, PPD, even when successfully treated is usually present for at least a year. So the best thing she can do in this area is mitigate any issues she has with her child's care. Not to do so would threaten any sense of well-being and the healing process.

BIG HUGS, OP. You are a good mom and are advocating for your child. Take care of yourself.

 

[justgrace]

She's 3 months old. The nanny came twice a week while i was in the city (I was home usually - or would go out for an hour or two then come back). She's been helping us for two months. She still hasn't mastered the stairs in that time - even with one of us helping her each time (I don't let her do it alone).

Other things that have bothered me - we went in a cab and she couldn't figure out how to open and close the stroller to get it in the trunk. The cabbie figured it out for her. I guess to me that's just...tradecraft. She also had trouble getting the cold weather protective cover on the stroller (I had to show her how it worked). Again - tradecraft.

I may be to harsh. I know. I want someone who is competent and doesn't look to me to show her how to do basic things. I work long hours and need this person to be a dynamic caregiver - helping to babyproof when the time comes, making baby food, etc. She will do it if I ask - but I'd like her to proactively offer.

I thought that the bold part was really interesting. You say "we went in a cab". If she couldn't figure out how to fold up the stroller and put it in the cab, why didn't you hop out and help her fold it and get it in the cab? It just seems strange that the cab driver had to get out and come around from the driver seat to help her fold it, but maybe I'm missing something. Stroller manufacturers are constantly coming up with new tricks and techniques to fold up strollers. I've used several different strollers, and all of them seem to have a different trick to fold it. Perhaps she wasn't as skilled with folding your stroller, especially if it is a newer stroller, as others she is more familiar with.


That being said, if there is something that seems "off", I would give her notice and find a new nanny. Sometimes you have to interview and get to know several babysitters and nannies before you find one that is right for your family.

 

[ronandannette]

Call me paranoid but I wouldn't "give notice." I'd pay the nanny 2-4 weeks severance - sure - but no way would I leave someone I'd just let go alone with my baby . . . .

I'd go with over-generous severance and a favourable (yet honest) reference and any help I could give her with finding a new placement. Even where the stakes are much lower I think it's generally better NOT to expect a terminated employee to work out a notice period.

 

[NewRVLady]

I am curious....if she can not lower the stroller down the steps WHERE is the baby when she is getting help from doorman to lower the stroller?
I think if THIS gives her trouble, as baby grows and becomes a active toddler there will be more issues

 

[kandb]

I would never tell a nanny I am going to "let her go" and then let her to continue to watch my child. Maybe she will be angry. If the nanny has to hold onto the railing while going down the steps, how is she holding onto your baby? Do you have a nanny cam? Is she treating the baby well while she is there?

 

[minniecarousel]

I watch my 21 month old grandson 4 days a week and I get down on the floor to play with him. I also carry him occasionally. Sounds like the nanny may have issues as time goes on.

I see your point - you were def strong-armed into hiring her. Sure, she helped you out in your time of need, but this just doesn't sound like a long-term solution.

It's a tough situation but you aren't happy and "if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy"!

 

[roseaster]

The OP had her mind made up long before she posted, so there is really no situation, but I do have a problem with just sacking this woman without notice.

I am assuming that this woman is a professional and, hopefully, legally employed by the OP. This is not a $10 and hour teenager who watches your kids so you can catch a movie. She should, at least, get the professional consideration of notice and severance pay. After all, it wasn't as if she didn't do her job, and the OP herself hasn't made any mention of her abusing, potentially abusing, or neglecting the child. The OP's issues are that she is uncomfortable with her mobility issues, her political views, and the fact that she isn't mechanically inclined. I didn't hear any issue with her treatment of the child.

 

[Skywalker]

Yeah I think OP is really reaching for excuses here...you don't like her political beliefs? Not knowing how to fold up the stroller the first time? I also don't think you should resent her because YOU made a quick decision. Not her fault. She sounds like a good nanny but one that you just really don't want, so for the sake of everyone I would think its best if you let her go. But I think you should listen to your husband's view too, maybe he is afraid you are being rash again and in another few months when you have possibly gone from the frying pan into the fire (finding good child care is no picnic) you will regret letting her go and want her back??

 

[Skywalker]

Also, it is strange because on another board I frequent, there was a post from someone saying that everyday they watch the nanny next door taking the child outside in a stroller, and that the nanny doesn't seem to be able to maneuver the stroller down the stairs in a safe way. He said it is an accident waiting to happen and he didn't know if he should tell his neighbour what was going on. Poor guy got berated for watching this unfold every day without going out and helping and/or being told to mind his own business. I wonder what ever happened with that one! Could he be one of your neighbours lol?

 

[missbrooke06]

Be careful about the "too conservative". Most federal laws require 5 or more employees before they come into effect but those protected class ones are more expansive and "too conservative" could fall under religious discrimination or political affiliation (depending on your state). Stick with the fact she doesn't do things the way you like - the fact is, if this were a workplace, how she's coping with the stroller would be part of a reasonable accommodation and you probably couldn't terminate her on mobility grounds.

 

[Kellykins1218]

I've been a nanny for 12 years and I still struggle with strollers sometimes when I start a new job! They're all different and some can be confusing if you've never used that particular kind.

We have a Joovy. My husband still can't figure it out after 3 years.

 

[mom2rtk]

.

 

[cluvsdisney]

You need to be 100% confident about the person watching your baby and if you don't have that, you need to find someone else. She put pressure on you to decide right away at time when you were very vulnerable. She was not completely honest about her physical limitations. Not being able to get your baby out of the building without assistance is huge a problem. What's going to happen when your baby gets bigger and more mobile? Will she be able to keep up and keep her safe?

I get what your husband is saying about loyalty and she was there during your PPD but I presume she was paid to work those days. Was she working at the time that she needed to rearrange her schedule? If so, I'd be extra generous with the severance.

I would start looking and offer her an appropriate severance (I don't know what the standard is for this type of job).

Good luck.

 

[cabanafrau]

I haven't read all the responses. I've had nannies for the last 2 years. I've hired three due to turnover. Yes, the mobility would be a deal breaker and I wouldn't have hired her in the first place. Get a care dot com membership for a month and start hunting. The stroller is one thing, but your child will only be getting heavier and heavier, how much longer until she has trouble handling or carrying your child???

I agree, the child is only 3 months and OP has concerns about strength and mobility issues preventing the nanny from caring for the child, and wants the child to get outside frequently. I don't see how the issue gets any better when we're talking about a nine month old or a 15 month old. IMO when the child grows getting outside regularly will be more important also.

 

[sunshinehighway]

She's clearly made up her mind. That's fine but it seems like she's looking for excuses to make it this woman's fault.
It's wrong to say this woman bullied and took advantage of her.
I don't understand how inability of handle big, heavy stoller on the stair means she won't be able to get the baby out of the apartment if there's an emergency. There are threads here all the time about how difficult it is to get big strollers on and off Disney buses. When does that ever mean someone can't manuever with their baby?
She didn't immediately know how to fold the stroller or put the cold weather cover on? That makes her incompetent?
It sounds like the Op doesn't think this woman is a good fit. That's her prerogative but don't blame the nanny to make yourself feel better.

 

[Bec3b1g]

OP, learn from this and move on. Write out a very specific job description with all the qualifications you require. Be upfront with job candidates about the expectations of the job. If you want someone who can lift 50lbs and walk up and down stairs, then make sure that's communicated before you hire. If you expect the nanny to keep her political views to herself, then be clear about that. As an employer, clear communication will help you avoid future problems.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Even if the nanny didn't have a mobility issue, I would be concerned with anyone going up and down the stairs with my baby. Put a mobility issue on top of that and I would be really concerned. I second the recommendation to consider moving to a more accessible apartment.

I think fresh air and getting out is important. I probably would not keep a nanny that was unable to go for a walk during the day. So even if the stairs weren't an issue, if she wasn't physically capable of outside play with my child, I would find another nanny. YMMV.

I'd love to move, but we own our place and renting a 1 bedroom in an elevator / doorman building in our area is out of our price range right now.

 

[frndshpcptn]

First, she could hurt herself or your dd if nobody is around to help her and you are putting your building and yourself at risk in terms of liability so please make sure you have renters insurance.

Do you live in NYC? How do you expect the nanny to get around to music class, playground, etc? Without transportation she will need to take the bus or subway which all have...stairs..unless she utilizes the lifts on the bus or subway elevators which are few and far between.

I do live in NYC. We are in walking distance of most music classes, playgrounds, etc. I do want her to bring the baby downtown near my office once in a while, though, for lunch dates. I imagine she's cab or Uber it.