Mom present in the room during teen's physical

[Vickie46]

I would have left with my child and took her to her own Dr... I totally see what you are talking about and would not have liked it! But that is me... My daughter would have felt more comfortable with her own Dr anyways.

 

[Momvic5]

I can't imagine staying in a room with my son. Ours is a female. At that point she needs to get a nurse in the room. Now my hubby maybe so, but a mom shouldn't be in a room with her son at that age.

I find your last statement a little funny because my Dr actually told me that in her experience, most young men receiving their sports physicals prefer their moms in the rooms over the nurses. My DS14's sports physical was at a clinic that the school set up...the coaches warned the freshman boys beforehand that the Dr. would require either a parent or a nurse to be present during the examination. Most of the boys chose their moms over the nurse. We just turned and faced the wall while they did the "personal part" of the examine. It took a whole 5 seconds.

 

[kaytieeldr]

One would have to wonder why this doctor not only didn't have one, but made unwelcoming overtones instead of welcoming ones to a concerned Mom.

Again, until/unless the OP describes his tone of voice and demeanor when he made the statement, I don't understand why anyone is interpreting it as anything more than just a surprised statement

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Again, until/unless the OP describes his tone of voice and demeanor when he made the statement, I don't understand why anyone is interpreting it as anything more than just a surprised statement

A doctor saying that, under the circumstances as described, would be pretty offensive, IMO. As many others have said, first off it's unusual NOT to have someone in the room. And I'm sure in those 20 years (if that's true) he's had plenty of parents, because as others have alluded to, kids often prefer them over strangers as chaperones (and even if they don't, many parents prefer to go in with the child anyway, and that's their prerogative - simply a fact of life in pediatrics). So for him to say she's the first in 20 years is just ridiculous. It's also a red flag type of statement to make - one designed to put him in a position of power and the parent in a position of subordination, and as I said before, one would have to wonder why, as the message between the lines is "get out of here". That's the vibe I would get, absolutely, and why the instincts would kick in to watch out for this guy. One of the first things a medical professional has to do on meeting new people is to establish a therapeutic relationship and trust. And for a pediatrician, that goes for both the parent and the child. Offensive statements and unwelcoming overtures at the outset would have the opposite effect.

 

[SydSim]

I don't understand why your DD went at all if she has her own doctor. I would just not sent my child.

I thought that it would be easier (the school is closer than ped., and no co-pay). I had no concerns before I went there. Now I know

 

[Mermaid02]

Unless this is an all-girl school, how does that 'protect' the male students?

What's interesting is the doctor merely made a comment, that the OP was the first parent in his twenty years of doing these brief screenings to accompany their child into the room. Unless she's not telling us something, he never said anything negative, he never changed his demeanor, he never indicated she was doing anything wrong...

By the way, the 'not too flattering' position for the spine check was, in all likelihood, the necessary one to ensure the spine is straight. As someone said above, had the mom not been in the room - or if at least she had stood in the doorway observing instead of taking up space in the room itself - there would have been more space for the doctor to view the spine from a distance, plus she'd have seen viewed from a more appropriate angle.

We were talking about the OP and her daughter- so that is what I responded to. As far as the male students go- I still believe there should have been someone else in the room FOR THE DOCTORS PROTECTION. It really strikes me as odd that there wouldn't be a chaperone.

Also, the doctor's comment "first time in 20 years" was passive aggressive. Not very professional- the comfort of the patient should be first and foremost in his mind.

 

[mhsjax]

I find your last statement a little funny because my Dr actually told me that in her experience, most young men receiving their sports physicals prefer their moms in the rooms over the nurses. My DS14's sports physical was at a clinic that the school set up...the coaches warned the freshman boys beforehand that the Dr. would require either a parent or a nurse to be present during the examination. Most of the boys chose their moms over the nurse. We just turned and faced the wall while they did the "personal part" of the examine. It took a whole 5 seconds.

WEll mine don't. DH takes the boys and they don't even want him in the room. Now this isn't for a sports physical but a regular physical. I can say that if mine went to their regular Dr for a sports physical then know my oldest 13 wouldn't want dad or heaven forbid me in the room. I don't want or need to be in the room with DS in his underwear. YUCK. And he thinks so to. IMHO it is wrong, especially for a mom, but to each their own.

When my son was in the hospitol he had no problems with nurse seeing him in his underwear or less. But not us, which to me is perfectly normal. Just like I would never have a nurse that I know personally, but one I don't is fine. To each his own, but I prefer someone not so familiar on a day to day basis.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What the heck are your ped's doing that they are in their underware? I have girls and they have never had to take off their clothes.

 

[Mermaid02]

What the heck are your ped's doing that they are in their underware? I have girls and they have never had to take off their clothes.

My kids never had to take their clothes off either (except as babies).

 

[mhsjax]

What the heck are your ped's doing that they are in their underware? I have girls and they have never had to take off their clothes.

If you are talking to me, I am talking about a regular physical and yes my kids take their clothes off, down to their underwear. How do they do a physical without that. They wear a gown, but they take their shirts and shorts off. I also did as a child.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you are talking to me, I am talking about a regular physical and yes my kids take their clothes off, down to their underwear. How do they do a physical without that. They wear a gown, but they take their shirts and shorts off. I also did as a child.

My girl's have never have had to take off their clothes for a physical.

Recently my 13yodd had to see the orthopedic doc for her knee in which she had to put on a gown.

Are you telling me that you would let your child see a specialist without you because they are wearing a gown?

 

[mhsjax]

My girl's have never have had to take off their clothes for a physical.

Recently my 13yodd had to see the orthopedic doc for her knee in which she had to put on a gown.

Are you telling me that you would let your child see a specialist without you because they are wearing a gown?

I haven't a clue what you are saying.

My kids take their clothes off for a physical. I stated in my earlier post that my sons, well my older one ,didn't want me or dad in the room with him for a physical. I take my DD for hers and yes she wants me in the room. So where do you get that I don't go into the room because DD has on a gown. I was answering a post when I said that they took their clothes off but they put on a gown, I never once said I didn't go in because she was wearing a gown, in fact I do go in with my DD however, if she didn't want me to, then I would not. If she were at a specialist, and a male, then I would ask if a nurse would be there. Her pediatrician is female, we have been going there for 13 years is one of the most respected dr's here in our town and everyone trusts her to the ends of the earth. So in short if DD didn't want me in their for her physical then no, I wouldn't be.

 

[mhsjax]

My girl's have never have had to take off their clothes for a physical.

Recently my 13yodd had to see the orthopedic doc for her knee in which she had to put on a gown.

Are you telling me that you would let your child see a specialist without you because they are wearing a gown?

So your kids don't undress for a full physical, but they do for a knee exam, Sounds backwards to me. You should always wear shorts to a knee Dr that way you don't have to undress.
Funny, my hubby has terrible knees, he has had 7 surgeries. He wears shorts, he knows to , he had not once taken off his clothes for a knee exam. I don't understand why you would have to wear a gown for a Dr to see your knees.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I haven't a clue what you are saying.

My kids take their clothes off for a physical. I stated in my earlier post that my sons, well my older one ,didn't want me or dad in the room with him for a physical. I take my DD for hers and yes she wants me in the room. So where do you get that I don't go into the room because DD has on a gown. I was answering a post when I said that they took their clothes off but they put on a gown, I never once said I didn't go in because she was wearing a gown, in fact I do go in with my DD however, if she didn't want me to, then I would not. If she were at a specialist, and a male, then I would ask if a nurse would be there. Her pediatrician is female, we have been going there for 13 years is one of the most respected dr's here in our town and everyone trusts her to the ends of the earth. So in short if DD didn't want me in their for her physical then no, I wouldn't be.

I agree that if my dd did not want me there I would not be in there. My older dd had many echocardiograms in which I sat out.

So you would go in there then. I just was not understanding what you meant.

 

[mhsjax]

I agree that if my dd did not want me there I would not be in there. My older dd had many echocardiograms in which I sat out.

So you would go in there then. I just was not understanding what you meant.

It is hard to understand sometimes on these crazy boards. It isn't like you can have long drawn out conversations.

My DD isn't the least bit shy around me. Her brother, well he freaks if his dad comes in the room, but then again, he is a full blown teenager. My little guy, would live in his underwear if we let him.

 

[Momvic5]

WEll mine don't. DH takes the boys and they don't even want him in the room. Now this isn't for a sports physical but a regular physical. I can say that if mine went to their regular Dr for a sports physical then know my oldest 13 wouldn't want dad or heaven forbid me in the room. I don't want or need to be in the room with DS in his underwear. YUCK. And he thinks so to. IMHO it is wrong, especially for a mom, but to each their own.

When my son was in the hospitol he had no problems with nurse seeing him in his underwear or less. But not us, which to me is perfectly normal. Just like I would never have a nurse that I know personally, but one I don't is fine. To each his own, but I prefer someone not so familiar on a day to day basis.

I agree...to each their own. First, the boys were fully dressed....no standing in their underwear. If he was uncomfortable with me in the room, I would have happily stepped out. And secondly, my ds14 could care less if I see him in his underwear; however, at 12 and 13yrs old he was a lot more private but not anymore, and YUCK would never be the word I would use to describe the situation. I have seen him in his underwear since the day he was born. Just this morning he stood in his closet in his underwear asking me if I had seen a certain pair of jeans. At this point, I don't want or need to see him in his underwear either, but I have and I do, and it doesn't bother him one bit. I guess the boys' locker room has robbed him of his modesty.

 

[HM]

I think you did the right thing.
After all, when I've had male doctors they were required to have a female nurse in the room with them. For a teen, this would be a must, or I'd be in there with her, like you.

We get our own doctor to fill out any athletic forms needed for school sports, so this would not happen to us.

 

[mhsjax]

I agree...to each their own. First, the boys were fully dressed....no standing in their underwear. If he was uncomfortable with me in the room, I would have happily stepped out. And secondly, my ds14 could care less if I see him in his underwear; however, at 12 and 13yrs old he was a lot more private but not anymore, and YUCK would never be the word I would use to describe the situation. I have seen him in his underwear since the day he was born. Just this morning he stood in his closet in his underwear asking me if I had seen a certain pair of jeans. At this point, I don't want or need to see him in his underwear either, but I have and I do, and it doesn't bother him one bit. I guess the boys' locker room has robbed him of his modesty.

I say Yuck because my son at the age of 13 looks like a 16 or 17 year old as far as body development. And yuck because yes I have seen him since birth, but he is far from being a baby now. His dressing out at school is not the same as mom seeing him in his underwear not even close. If it doesn't bother your child cool, I am sure my youngest will be the same way. Although I will make it a point to let him know that "mom" shouldn't. Older one no way, and yes I still stand by my YUCK. Because he is my son and no, I don't think I should see him in his underwear, he is too developed for that.

Another thing, I think walking into his room while he is standing in his closet asking about jeans would be different, because in my mind you are seeing the back side. It is the front side that I really don't want to deal with at this age. KWIM.

 

[Rora]

if it wasn't a 'first', then i don't see how there could not have been a 'first' lawsuit.....

Why was there not a female nurse/asst.?????

I am in no way assuming anything....
But, why was this set up this way?????

why was this man there, behind closed doors, completely alone, with children??? (especially teenaged girls)
one would think that any so-called professional would see a potential issue with this.

why didn't the school insist that a school nurse or teacher/asst. Or somebody be involved. Why did the school not take that step?

While i am making no accusations or assumptions...
I am like...

Ps: Around here, parents are not welcomed in the schools... Doesn't surprise me that he thinks you are some kind of 'first'.

Yep, it is really sad that the assumption is that no parent might be present, because it is 'school'.
And even sadder that one would have that assumption about a visit to the dr.

Ps: This process doesn't even sound like a valid physical exam.... Just a less than basic 'screening'.
Schools can screen for curvature of the spine, vision, hearing, etc.... Without this type of scenario.
My child would not have participated.

mte.

 

[Momvic5]

I say Yuck because my son at the age of 13 looks like a 16 or 17 year old as far as body development. And yuck because yes I have seen him since birth, but he is far from being a baby now. His dressing out at school is not the same as mom seeing him in his underwear not even close. If it doesn't bother your child cool, I am sure my youngest will be the same way. Although I will make it a point to let him know that "mom" shouldn't. Older one no way, and yes I still stand by my YUCK. Because he is my son and no, I don't think I should see him in his underwear, he is too developed for that.

Another thing, I think walking into his room while he is standing in his closet asking about jeans would be different, because in my mind you are seeing the back side. It is the front side that I really don't want to deal with at this age. KWIM.

Trust me, I know about body development....I am amazed at how much they can mature in one year. He is 5'11" and 158lbs....but he is still my son. Just three weeks ago I had to help him remove his football pants in the ER to prepare for possible surgery because he broke his arm during a game. Like I said, I don't want to see him in his underwear, but it happens...and none of us freak out over it or get the YUCK factor when we do. But then again, we have never made it an issue so I guess that is where the "to each their own" comment comes in. My locker room comment was just a light-hearted comment.....