Mom present in the room during teen's physical

[Colleen27]

That sounds like how the sports/school phsyical clincs are here too. ne doctor or nurse-practitioner seeing the kids cattle-call style, 5min in and out.

Maybe it is because my pre-teen is a boy, but it never crossed my mind to stay for the physical part of the exam. Turn your head and cough is embarassing enough without Mom watching!

 

[Magpie]

I would have required another adult female (I.e. A nurse) if they didn't allow me to go. If anything, it protects the male practitioner and the patient.

I had mastitis when my baby was 2 weeks old and went to urgent care. I had all the kids with me (too sick to scrounge up childcare--I needed meds, stat!). The male doctor needed to look at my bare breast to check for the infection and he had a female nurse with him in the room. This was to protect both of us.

Sorry--I will not send a minor in a room with a male doctor alone. And for intimate examinations, my physicians--especially males--have always permitted a female nurse present. So it isn't overbearing for a parent to want to sit in or require a nurse for a private exam by a doctor. It seems common sense to me.

I cannot believe that a male physician would do such a thing in a high school or that the high school allowed it. Good for the OP to not be naive!

I think the difference is, the kids are not getting undressed.

I would always have a nurse in the room for a breast exam or any kind of nudity, too.

And probably, if the OP feels strongly enough about it to write a letter to the school, there will be a nurse present next time - or they'll just leave the door wide open.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

I don't understand why your DD went at all if she has her own doctor. I would just not sent my child.

For one, if you child has a birthday later in the school year, the physical form to play sports may not be up to date.

Another reason may be that your family doctor charges you to fill out the simple form that says you can play a sport, and it can take weeks just to get taken care of meanwhile your child is ineligible for participation in the sport. This one was free.

Getting the athletic physical is not a full examination, it covers the basics; heartbeat, scoliosis, blood pressure, balance etc.

 

[Imzadi]

When you give me a ridiculous scenario such as "stalker doc", then I have to assume that this is actually a real fear for you.

I do think we agree on certain points, particularly about molesters.

However you went way over the top with your "what if" scenario. I found it frankly offensive. Because if we were to seriously consider "stalker doc" as a real possibility, then we couldn't leave our children alone with anyone - not even their own fathers.

Heck, mothers abuse their children, too!

I counsel abused women. (Please DO do a Google or DIS search. I've mentioned it many times here before. I didn't suddenly announce this for this thread.) Maybe I've just heard and dealt with a lot of "unbelievable" scenarios that turned out to be true. So I could have more insights into the different ways molesters target victims than you?

You seem to be intent on discrediting the possible scenario. How DO you think molesters find, meet and target potential victims?

Some doctors do molest.

Yes, some mothers molest, too.

 

[Abbie]

I'm sorry but I can't believe you stay in the room for the physical part of the exam for a 17 yr old!! Isn't that a bit overboard?

How is it overboard if it's what her DD wants? She clearly said she would not be offended to stay in the waiting room if her daughter indicated that's what she'd prefer.

Just have to say, as an aside, that I'm very surprised how common this scenario seems to be! There is nothing even remotely close to these sports physicals offered in our area. Anyone that wants to play a sport needs to get a sports physical from their own private physician.

 

[Amelia Peabody]

....... might try to touch her or something but even on the off chance that that did happen I doubt it would truly scar her.

Really? I've been in therapy for over 10 years for that very reason. I still will not allow an unknown doctor to touch me without setting up the ground rules first. That being said, the doctors I've dealt with in this manner are more than happy to accommodate whatever I want. They are kind and gentle and almost have me believing doctors can be good people.

Also on the news last night, they are looking for a pediatrician who is on the run.....for child pornography.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think the difference is, the kids are not getting undressed.

I would always have a nurse in the room for a breast exam or any kind of nudity, too.

And probably, if the OP feels strongly enough about it to write a letter to the school, there will be a nurse present next time - or they'll just leave the door wide open.

Since we are talking about a minor...I don't find it relevant. I find it unprofessional. I do understand that folks may not agree with this and that is fine. But (to me), it isn't one of those moments to choose to allow a child to go unaccompanied.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I wasn't comfortable with sending DD into this room, all alone, with this man that neither of us have ever seen before (even though it apparently is the protocol).

What would some other parents have done in this situation?

I would have done the same thing you did.

And to his comment, which seriously would have raised some red flags for me I probably would have said something along the lines of "First in 20 years? I find that very hard to believe" or "Well... leave it to me to be the first".

Both the doctor and the school district are opening themselves to liability in this situation.

Good for you for paying attention to your instincts. I've learned it's never a good idea to go against mine.

 

[Tinijocaro]

If it wasn't a 'first', then I don't see how there could not have been a 'first' lawsuit.....

Why was there not a female nurse/asst.?????

I am in no way assuming anything....
But, why was this set up this way?????

Why was this man there, behind closed doors, completely alone, with children??? (especially teenaged girls)
One would think that any so-called professional would see a potential issue with this.

Why didn't the school insist that a school nurse or teacher/asst. or somebody be involved. Why did the school not take that step?

While I am making no accusations or assumptions...
I am like...

If a female nurse or assistent wasn't there, I would have either gone in with my dd or we would have left and gone to our regular ped. This goes against every office visit I've ever had with a male doctor-always a female present.

 

[Hannathy]

How is it overboard if it's what her DD wants? She clearly said she would not be offended to stay in the waiting room if her daughter indicated that's what she'd prefer.

Just have to say, as an aside, that I'm very surprised how common this scenario seems to be! There is nothing even remotely close to these sports physicals offered in our area. Anyone that wants to play a sport needs to get a sports physical from their own private physician.

because her DD is almost an adult and should be capable of having a physical done without Mom being in the room. Time for some independence. If not now,when?
Once she is 18 they won't even tell Mom anything about her DD's medical info.
Our Dr has the parent leave the room for the physical, she comes right out and says you can wait in the next room until we are done, thank you.

It is also very common for a DR to do an exam on a person without someone being in the room when it isn't a Gyn exam or any "intimate" areas on either Man or Woman.

If you live your life being afraid of all the far out what if's I don't know how you get out of bed in the AM.

 

[Abbie]

because her DD is almost an adult and should be capable of having a physical done without Mom being in the room. Time for some independence. If not now,when?
Once she is 18 they won't even tell Mom anything about her DD's medical info.
Our Dr has the parent leave the room for the physical, she comes right out and says you can wait in the next room until we are done, thank you.

It is also very common for a DR to do an exam on a person without someone being in the room when it isn't a Gyn exam or any "intimate" areas on either Man or Woman.

If you live your life being afraid of all the far out what if's I don't know how you get out of bed in the AM.

I don't know about the pp, but there's no fear quotient in it for me. It was just always a preference for my dd's and if they wanted me to go in with them I did. Was never a big deal and they are both fully-functioning adults who make their own dr. appts now so I guess it worked for us. I don't see it as much different than me taking my mom to the doctor now....it's just the comfort of having someone with you....and believe me, there are times I wish someone would make me wait in the waiting room!

 

[We_Love_Disney]

because her DD is almost an adult and should be capable of having a physical done without Mom being in the room. Time for some independence. If not now,when?
Once she is 18 they won't even tell Mom anything about her DD's medical info.
Our Dr has the parent leave the room for the physical, she comes right out and says you can wait in the next room until we are done, thank you.

It is also very common for a DR to do an exam on a person without someone being in the room when it isn't a Gyn exam or any "intimate" areas on either Man or Woman.

If you live your life being afraid of all the far out what if's I don't know how you get out of bed in the AM.

First - I find your tone and innuendos to be condescending and insulting.
Second - What makes you think my daughter isn't independent? Because she made a choice that I remain in the room with her?

Perhaps you should actually read the postings before you start making comments about them.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

In your situation, I'd have done the same as you. I don't trust strangers with my kiddos. There should have been a female nurse or assistant present.

Sure, when DD goes for her OB appts, I'm not going to go in with her unless she wants me to... but you bet I'm going to make sure there's another person in there with her if she sees a male Dr.!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

because her DD is almost an adult and should be capable of having a physical done without Mom being in the room. Time for some independence. If not now,when?
Once she is 18 they won't even tell Mom anything about her DD's medical info.
Our Dr has the parent leave the room for the physical, she comes right out and says you can wait in the next room until we are done, thank you.

It is also very common for a DR to do an exam on a person without someone being in the room when it isn't a Gyn exam or any "intimate" areas on either Man or Woman.

If you live your life being afraid of all the far out what if's I don't know how you get out of bed in the AM.

If people want others in the room with them, then I don't see a problem with it, regardless of their age. Medical appointments can be intimidating and anxiety provoking. Plus, having everyone on the "same page" is important in families, particularly with teens, but true of all ages. Heck, I sometimes go to appts with my elderly mother, by her request. My husband also likes me to be there, and truthfully, I don't mind if any of my family members are present for my medical appts. Now obviously, for the very intimate parts of the exam, which really are a small part of any appointment, then yes, most people will probably prefer privacy, including myself, and I will happily step out and ask others to do the same. But seeing as the rest of the appointment is informational and educational, I think it's good for parents to be there if it "works" for everyone. I'm all for encouraging independence in children, but this is one area I'd consider an exception, simply because medical information is critically important, not to mention my thing, so there's no way I'd miss out on anything when it comes to my family members, as long as they want me to be there. I can forsee the day when my own children will prefer to go in by themselves, and that will be fine because chances are pretty good I'll be on top of any medical situations anyway but if they want to discuss something in private with the pediatrician or physician without me, then that will be fine. But until then and as long as I'm requested, I'll be there.

 

[handinpocket]

DD-13 had a physical for school. The school district offered it to all students, and hundreds took advantage of it (so it was sort of a cattle call). They were all lined up at the high school and led into a small room (almost like a storage closet) in the school's office. While we were in line, I saw the male doctor leading each child into the room and closing the door for the exam. When it was DD's turn, I walked in with her. The doctor said "Wow, this is a first. I've been doing these exams for over 20 years and this is a first". He eventually checked her heart, breath sounds, had her bend over to check her spine (which because it was such a small room, the two of them ended up in a not-so-flattering position, if you know what I mean).

Ok, yes, I prefer to have female practitioners (Dd and I have women dentists, and primaries), but I do understand that to others, it doesn't matter. I wasn't comfortable with sending DD into this room, all alone, with this man that neither of us have ever seen before (even though it apparently is the protocol). Next time, we will just go through her regular MD.

What would some other parents have done in this situation?

ETA: These physicals were done before school started for the year, so no classes were in session).

Seriously, WHY would you have even THOUGHT of the bolded part?! You went in there with sexual thoughts. I let my teenagers go into examinations sans me, they know what is right or wrong in terms of touching.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You went in there with sexual thoughts.

That was the best chuckle I had all day. Thank you handinpocket.

SydSim is a professional nurse (IIR) and a mother who was in the presence of her child. While I'm sure she's not a complete I highly doubt she "went in there with sexual thoughts", either.

Many others on this thread said red flags would have been raised in this situtation, as well. It is unusual not to have a chaperone in the situation as described. (I've been the chaperone on many occasions myself.) One would have to wonder why this doctor not only didn't have one, but made unwelcoming overtones instead of welcoming ones to a concerned Mom. Not exactly the stuff that most pediatricians are made of.

 

[handinpocket]

That was the best chuckle I had all day. Thank you handinpocket.

SydSim is a professional nurse (IIR) and a mother who was in the presence of her child. While I'm sure she's not a complete I highly doubt she "went in there with sexual thoughts", either.

Many others on this thread said red flags would have been raised in this situtation, as well. It is unusual not to have a chaperone in the situation as described. (I've been the chaperone on many occasions myself.) One would have to wonder why this doctor not only didn't have one, but made unwelcoming overtones instead of welcoming ones to a concerned Mom. Not exactly the stuff that most pediatricians are made of.

I'm glad I made you chuckle, and I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm a nurse too. The chaperoning didn't even ping my radar, that is her right as a mother. It was the "she bent over and was in a compromising position" that made me say .....WTH?!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

At age 13, I think it is up to the child and parent what is best.

However, I do think it is possible to be too overprotective. When I think that at 17/18 students often drive off to college to live by themselves, go to the doctor by themselves, etc. I feel that at some point during the 12-17 age span, parents have to start scaffolding them into taking more responsibility for themselves and letting them have more independence. The most overprotected college students I know were the ones who overdid alcohol or drugs or who ended up going home every weekend and cutting social and academic opportunities short. Before they go to college, they should know how to handle themselves in these types of situations. Some 13 year olds are "young" 13's and others are already acting like teens, so I think it depends on the child. I have known 13's who still played with Barbies and watched Spongebob and I have also known a pregnant 13 year old. Big variation!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm glad I made you chuckle, and I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm a nurse too. The chaperoning didn't even ping my radar, that is her right as a mother. It was the "she bent over and was in a compromising position" that made me say .....WTH?!

Why would that burst my bubble? So am I. Good to know you. (You must join us on some of the nurse threads sometime. )

I know what you and she said about the bent over thing. I think her concerns were valid, given the circumstances she described. I guess my mind's in the gutter, too, cause that visual isn't something I'd want for my DD or DS alone in a closed, tiny room for the first time with an unfamiliar, rather hostile man that none of us know, either, regardless of his credentials.

 

[LoriABil]

Parents are encouraged to be in the room for our exams! Both for wellness screenings and evaluations. I can't imagine a male clinician wanting to do an eval on a female teen without parent or a female collegue around!

That said, if we are on the 4th treatment and mom us still coming to therapy, we start to get the teacup vibe. But we don't think anything of it; could be mom, could be the patient. Either way, it's fine.

I agree with your instinct. Next time, use the family doctor.