Mom present in the room during teen's physical

[luvmy3]

Except I don't see this as such a situation. For one thing, it's very quick - in and out, no personal discussion about oneself. There was no disrobing involved. Everyone's clothes stayed on, and - more importantly - my daughter would have known that her clothes were supposed to stay on because I would have told her before hand what to expect. I totally trust my daughter to speak up if she feels that she's being handled in the wrong way. Also, there were many other adults and children around, just outside the door.

The room sounds very cramped - if mom hadn't been in there taking up space, would the doctor have been able to maneuver into a better position to feel the child's spine?

Me, I would have asked my kid if she wanted me in there with her. And then I would have gone with whatever she says.

And all that is okay for you and what you are comfortable with, but some parents would do things differently. I personally would not be comfortable. And yes this could become that situation, quite easily and it doesn't require anyone to be undressed and not ever child would handle it like yours. A young girl or boy can still be put in a very vulnerable spot by a doctor when they are alone in a room, and it can happen in a matter of minutes.

 

[Mermaid02]

DD-13 had a physical for school. The school district offered it to all students, and hundreds took advantage of it (so it was sort of a cattle call). They were all lined up at the high school and led into a small room (almost like a storage closet) in the school's office. While we were in line, I saw the male doctor leading each child into the room and closing the door for the exam. When it was DD's turn, I walked in with her. The doctor said "Wow, this is a first. I've been doing these exams for over 20 years and this is a first". He eventually checked her heart, breath sounds, had her bend over to check her spine (which because it was such a small room, the two of them ended up in a not-so-flattering position, if you know what I mean).

Ok, yes, I prefer to have female practitioners (Dd and I have women dentists, and primaries), but I do understand that to others, it doesn't matter. I wasn't comfortable with sending DD into this room, all alone, with this man that neither of us have ever seen before (even though it apparently is the protocol). Next time, we will just go through her regular MD.

What would some other parents have done in this situation?

ETA: These physicals were done before school started for the year, so no classes were in session).

Considering your child is female, and it was a male practitioner who was unknown to both of you- I would have gone in too. Actually, I'm surprised the doctor didn't have a female assistant to "chaperone" to protect himself against false accusations.

 

[Magpie]

And all that is okay for you and what you are comfortable with, but some parents would do things differently. I personally would not be comfortable. And yes this could become that situation, quite easily and it doesn't require anyone to be undressed and not ever child would handle it like yours. A young girl or boy can still be put in a very vulnerable spot by a doctor when they are alone in a room, and it can happen in a matter of minutes.

I completely support your right to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. I think my main concern is the idea (I'm not saying it's you!) that your children are somehow "safer" being alone with a trusted family physician than with this doctor they've never met.

They're not.

That's why you have to prepare them to deal with ANY inappropriate touching from anyone. You can't just sit back and say, "We've known this guy for years and we trust him completely." If I know my daughter can identify inappropriate behavior from a family friend and deal with it, then I know she can handle it from a stranger. If I *don't* know that, than I shouldn't be leaving her alone with anyone, not even the doctor who has known her forever.

 

[luvmy3]

I completely support your right to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. I think my main concern is the idea (I'm not saying it's you!) that your children are somehow "safer" being alone with a trusted family physician than with this doctor they've never met.

They're not.

That's why you have to prepare them to deal with ANY inappropriate touching from anyone. You can't just sit back and say, "We've known this guy for years and we trust him completely." If I know my daughter can identify inappropriate behavior from a family friend and deal with it, then I know she can handle it from a stranger. If I *don't* know that, than I shouldn't be leaving her alone with anyone, not even the doctor who has known her forever.

I know that more than you can know.

 

[Mermaid02]

I know that more than you can know.

 

[EMom]

OP didn't know the dr. from Adam and she felt better going in with her DD. End of story. I know my job as a mother is not to give a rat's hiney what the other parents are doing, but to follow my instincts and do what I believe is best for my child. I cannot believe this guy didn't have a female in there with him just to cover his rear. Not smart. Maybe he's the most trustworthy guy in the world, but the OP doesn't know that. It didn't hurt a blessed thing for her to go in, so big fat hairy deal.

As far as the dentist, I'd never have taken DD to one that didn't allow me to be RIGHT THERE the entire time. And plenty won't. I worked on two child fatality cases in which children died during dental treatment. Stuff happens. God knows the first dentist my mother took us to was awful and by the time she figured it out, we were afraid of going to dentists. No.....I'll be there especially if any anesthesia is involved. Call me overprotective and it won't bother me a bit. I'm doing my job.

OP, you followed your gut. Don't sweat it.

 

[Magpie]

I know that more than you can know.

You're not alone.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would have not had my dd do the physical at school no matter that it was "free". If I had to do it then yes, I would have went in.

I have always gone with my dd's in for their appts. They prefer me to go. And it is normal for a parent to be in the room at the ped's anyway.

Now that my older dd is 19, she goes without me (reg. doc of course) because she is driving herself however if she is pretty sick then I go in with her.

Or when she went to a consultation with the visiting nurse association for her trip to China and got a Typhoid shot, I was there with her.

I make them do all the talking though.

My reasons have nothing to do with inappropriateness of health care professionals and everything to do with teaching my children how to handle doctors appts., asking questions, probing, etc.

 

[daisyduck123]

What would some other parents have done in this situation?

ETA: These physicals were done before school started for the year, so no classes were in session).

We would've gone thru DD's regular pediatrician to begin with...so this wouldn't have been an issue.

 

[kirstenb1]

When we were kids, we always got these type of physicals for sports. It was always a male doctor, and honestly, he barely touched you. It was always a very quick like 2 minutes process.

 

[mefordis]

I don't participate in those school physical offerings. I have my own pediatrician.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm really surprised that the school didn't insist that a female be present in the room.. Just for their own protection - and for the protection of the doctors reputation.. All it would take is one female student to make a comment that something was slightly "off" and all heck would break loose..

DGD gets her physicals at the pediatricians - as did my kids..

When I was a kid, we got that kind of physical in school - but the school nurse was present at all times..

 

[SydSim]

Thanks for the replies. We usually do Dd's physicals with her ped. This is her first year in HS and when they offered these sports physicals, I thought we'd try it out. I didn't have any pre-conceived idea about the procedure beforehand, so I had no concerns. When I got there and saw how things were going, I realized that this type of thing wasn't for me.

At this point in her life, Dd does want me to be in the room with her still. I'll wait until she tells me otherwise

ETA: About a third of the kids had parents there with them in the line - but I guess they didn't go into the room.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm not present for the exam for dd14 and ds12. They have both gender doctors. Since he seemed so surprised, apparently most moms stay home.

 

[mjkacmom]

IAnd it is normal for a parent to be in the room at the ped's anyway.

Our makes the parent leave once puberty starts, just in case they want to ask a question without the parent hearing. I think this is a good idea.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Our makes the parent leave once puberty starts, just in case they want to ask a question without the parent hearing. I think this is a good idea.

To each his own, I guess. Our ped would think we are bizzare for not being in the room.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

Our makes the parent leave once puberty starts, just in case they want to ask a question without the parent hearing. I think this is a good idea.

Our ped has a form for DD to sign saying she wants me to stay. I like that it is her decision. If she didn't want me there, I would have no problem waiting in the waiting room.

OP - I would have gone in with your child.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Our ped has a form for DD to sign saying she wants me to stay. I like that it is her decision. If she didn't want me there, I would have no problem waiting in the waiting room.

OP - I would have gone in with your child.

Interesting. I have not run across that yet.

 

[ilovepete]

I don't have kids that age but don't intend to put them in a situation where they could be victimized if I was uncomfortable about it *at all*. We have instincts for a reason. If yours was to go in with your child, then good for you for doing it!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I too am surprised that the DR himself didn't require a female in the room for his own protection. My doctor and GYN both will have a nurse present if I want. I don't cause I am comfortable with both of them but did in the beginning.

We have never done anything like this either, not even sure they offer it here. We always go to our pedetrician. Our pedetrician always has me come in with the girls too, our oldest goes for her 16 year check up in a couple weeks, I guess I will see if anything is different then. I know if given the choice she'd rather me be there. It isn't that she wouldn't feel safe or uncomfortable (in fact I asked her if she wanted to find a female doctor and she said she doesn't want to leave him when she has to at 18 let alone now.) But just amatter of the comfort of mom is something she is used to.