Mom present in the room during teen's physical

[The Mystery Machine]

So your kids don't undress for a full physical, but they do for a knee exam, Sounds backwards to me. You should always wear shorts to a knee Dr that way you don't have to undress.
Funny, my hubby has terrible knees, he has had 7 surgeries. He wears shorts, he knows to , he had not once taken off his clothes for a knee exam. I don't understand why you would have to wear a gown for a Dr to see your knees.

My dd went to the orthopedic doctor and they did an xray and her shorts were too long. He had to look at hamstring and quad movement on her thigh in relation to her patella.

She was diagnosed as knock kneed.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I guess I'm odd, or maybe I've just seen too many birthday suits over the years... but to me there is no yuck factor when it comes to my own families' bodies, ever. A body's a body and parts are parts. Doesn't bother me in the least, and doesn't seem to bother my kids (to see them in their underwear), either. No biggie.

I'd also see it as unusual if someone wasn't asked to get in a gown during a physical. The whole body has to be examine easily and fluidly. What's kind of embarrasing for people is things like unbottoning pants and dropping drawers, etc. That can be uncomfortable. But in a gown, the expectation is that everything is going to be looked at. Makes it easier for everyone.

 

[loveysbydesign]

All I have to say is that each parent should parent the way they feel is appropriate. I am on the extra cautious side as well.
You never know who or when a child could be touched inappropriately or harmed. Just because a person is a "Dr." doesn't mean they can be totally trusted, especially when it's a Dr. who is a stranger and who has no other adult person in the room with them while doing an exam. If I was the OP, I would call the school district to voice my concerns about the Dr. being alone with children. Who knows, maybe other people feel the same way but are afraid to step forward.

It only takes a few seconds to mess up a child's life forever!
Always better to be be safe than sorry I say.

 

[mousebymarriage]

DD-13 had a physical for school. The school district offered it to all students, and hundreds took advantage of it (so it was sort of a cattle call). They were all lined up at the high school and led into a small room (almost like a storage closet) in the school's office. While we were in line, I saw the male doctor leading each child into the room and closing the door for the exam. When it was DD's turn, I walked in with her. The doctor said "Wow, this is a first. I've been doing these exams for over 20 years and this is a first". He eventually checked her heart, breath sounds, had her bend over to check her spine (which because it was such a small room, the two of them ended up in a not-so-flattering position, if you know what I mean).

Ok, yes, I prefer to have female practitioners (Dd and I have women dentists, and primaries), but I do understand that to others, it doesn't matter. I wasn't comfortable with sending DD into this room, all alone, with this man that neither of us have ever seen before (even though it apparently is the protocol). Next time, we will just go through her regular MD.

What would some other parents have done in this situation?

ETA: These physicals were done before school started for the year, so no classes were in session).

DD13 (will be 14 on sept.25th) had her most recent physical in mid August and she sees a female doctor. She had always seen a male doctor but, when she got her period(at 11) she asked me if she could see one of the female doctors in the practice. Switching doctors was no problem and her doctor that had seen her since birth completely understood(DS9 is still his patient).

Anyway, back to the orginial question. I would leave it up to my DD, if she wanted me there I would go in, if not then i would wait in the waiting room. When she had her last physical I went in because she asked me to. However, after the exam was complete she and the doctor talked alone, which they have done before. The doctor talks to her about things that many kids may not answer truthfully in front of their parent(sex, drugs, drinking, smoking etc.), this is standard procedure in our doctors office. I left the exam room and went into the waiting room, she joined me when she was done.

 

[Disney Doll]

If it wasn't a 'first', then I don't see how there could not have been a 'first' lawsuit.....

Why was there not a female nurse/asst.?????

I am in no way assuming anything....
But, why was this set up this way?????

Why was this man there, behind closed doors, completely alone, with children??? (especially teenaged girls)
One would think that any so-called professional would see a potential issue with this.

Why didn't the school insist that a school nurse or teacher/asst. or somebody be involved. Why did the school not take that step?

While I am making no accusations or assumptions...
I am like...

PS: Around here, parents are NOT welcomed in the schools... Doesn't surprise me that he thinks you are some kind of 'first'.

Yep, it is really SAD that the assumption is that NO parent might be present, because it is 'school'.
And even sadder that one would have that assumption about a visit to the Dr.

PS: This process doesn't even sound like a valid physical exam.... Just a less than basic 'screening'.
Schools can screen for curvature of the spine, vision, hearing, etc.... without this type of scenario.
My child would not have participated.

You are making a million assumptions and falling just short of an accusation.

Have the courage of your convictions Wishing. If you wouldn't like it because you would fear that in the 2 minutes it took for the MD to do a quick screening with 200 other kids waiting outside the door would be enough time for him to do something inappropriate, then just say it.

Don't beat around the bush and try and "soften" it by stating that you aren't making accusations or assumptions. You are certainly doing both.

 

[Wishing on a star]

stating that you aren't making accusations or assumptions. You are certainly doing both.

NO, I most certainly am NOT....Period...
You are the one making assumptions....

But, to know that school was not in session... And, there were plenty of offices, rooms, facilities, where this could have been handled a LOT differently. (where he wouldn't be behind closed doors, in a closet sized area, standing in such close proximity, in a 'compromising position', with teenaged girls bending over for a spinal exam) And, to know that neither this man, nor the school, seemed to wish to bother to have an assistant present... And to see his 'surprise' at, OMG... GASP!!!!!, a parent of a 13 year old was there....

Too many AND's here.
Way too many.

Yes, this whole situation was mishandled, totally and completely...
I feel that this is a reasonable viewpoint on the OP's post.
One may not agree.
But your comments are, let's not soften it, totally and completely a personal attack.

If you wanted to question me, accuse me (personal attack) and see the courage of my convictions... There you have it!

 

[krcit]

In the situation presented in the OP, I would have had no problem with my dd going in alone. However, if she wanted me in there I would go in. When they get there physicals(12, 15 yo dd's) I ask if they want me there, they usually don't. We do see the female Dr for physicals though because we are friends with the male Dr and get together socially with him and his family so it would be too weird for the kids. As far as seeing my ds in his underwear as a pp posted about. He is 9 so I see him in his underwear all the time. I don't think there would ever be a 'yuck' factor no matter what his age He's my son.

 

[phorsenuf]

I feel so bad for boys. They are targeted as pedophiles from the day they are born.

 

[Wishing on a star]

NOT true....
What a broad, and bold, accusation....

I have never, ever, targeted anyone for being a pedophile, especially just based on gender.

(Just grown men who like to be in closets alone with 13 year olds. )

PS: This is coming from the parent of a pre-teen son, and no daughters.

 

[Magpie]

All I have to say is that each parent should parent the way they feel is appropriate. I am on the extra cautious side as well.

You never know who or when a child could be touched inappropriately or harmed. Just because a person is a "Dr." doesn't mean they can be totally trusted, especially when it's a Dr. who is a stranger and who has no other adult person in the room with them while doing an exam. If I was the OP, I would call the school district to voice my concerns about the Dr. being alone with children. Who knows, maybe other people feel the same way but are afraid to step forward.

It only takes a few seconds to mess up a child's life forever!
Always better to be be safe than sorry I say.

Actually, short of pulling a gun on a child, it would be very difficult to "mess up a child's life forever" in "a few seconds".

My son got into a fight on the playground because he witnessed an older boy grab one of his female classmates by the ***. My son rightly considered this to be an assault on the girl and leaped to her defense, handing her a bottle and encouraging her to pitch it at the boy who touched her so inappropriately. I was proud of my boy, but I'd never consider that the girl in question had been "messed up forever".

I agree with you that parents should parent as they see fit, and absolutely they can accompany their child into the doctor's office, if the child wants them there. But, "it only takes a few seconds to mess up a child's life forever?" That's ridiculous, and it leads to a kind of over-the-top paranoia that does no one any good, especially not kids!

 

[ICF]

I've not read all 8 pages, so pardon me if this has come up, but have a question for some of you.

If this were a 13 yr old boy going into the room for a physcial with a female doctor, would any of you felt the need to go in there with your son? Or is just the whole, men are perverts mentality that makes you think your daughter shouldnt be left alone with a male doctor you don't know???

 

[DipsyDoodles]

The way I look at it is the OP felt uncomfortable in that particular situation and she did what she felt was right for her child. The doctor's reaction to her presence in the "exam closet" should of solidified that she did the right thing. Lesson learned, right, mass-physicals not a good idea (especially when they take place in a closet - EEK!). Kudos to you OP......mother's intuition is a powerful thing.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I've not read all 8 pages, so pardon me if this has come up, but have a question for some of you.

If this were a 13 yr old boy going into the room for a physcial with a female doctor, would any of you felt the need to go in there with your son? Or is just the whole, men are perverts mentality that makes you think your daughter shouldnt be left alone with a male doctor you don't know???

Interesting question. I have a son and a daughter, age 12, and their pediatrician is a woman. I generally go in with each of them at their request, but also give them time alone for discussion and private parts of the exam, as needed or desired. Besides catching up on Disney talk the pediatrician and I have a lot to discuss when it comes to the health of my children and I wouldn't miss out on that. I believe it's important as a "team" that we're all on the same page from a health perspective. Our discussions are open, informative and educational, as they should be. These are things we talk about at home as well. (BTW I've offered my son the choice of switching to a male pediatrician and he prefers to stay with the female he knows and likes, which I think is great.)

So to answer your question, I do feel a need to go in with my son (at this point in his life anyway, this could change as he gets older), but not because I'm afraid he'll be molested; I feel as his mother it's important for me to be there to discuss current health issues. An example is last year's exam. My son had mentioned to me that he'd felt a lump in his breast. Having had breast cancer myself, that news from my son was a little unnerving. In all the reading I'd done about puberty, that's something I'd never come across. So I did my research about it on my own, then a few days later during his annual physical he, the pediatrician and I were able to discuss it in detail, and we not only came out reassured that it was normal for a 12 year old boy to get this during puberty, we knew exactly what to expect in terms of resolution, as well as what to do if it didn't resolve, etc. A good experience for all and a good lesson for DS on how to handle health concerns.

As for the rest of your question

is just the whole, men are perverts mentality that makes you think your daughter shouldnt be left alone with a male doctor you don't know

No. I don't have a men are perverts mentality. I think the vast majority of men, and people in general for that matter, are fine. However, I have enough life experience and wherewithall to know that there are some out there who aren't, and if I'm getting a vibe, I need to pay attention to it. As has been previously pointed out, there were several red flags here. Maybe they're something, maybe they're not. But to ignore a feeling you're getting is just not something that mothers do very well, and for good reason.

 

[Disney Doll]

NO, I most certainly am NOT....Period...
You are the one making assumptions....

But, to know that school was not in session... And, there were plenty of offices, rooms, facilities, where this could have been handled a LOT differently. (where he wouldn't be behind closed doors, in a closet sized area, standing in such close proximity, in a 'compromising position', with teenaged girls bending over for a spinal exam) And, to know that neither this man, nor the school, seemed to wish to bother to have an assistant present... And to see his 'surprise' at, OMG... GASP!!!!!, a parent of a 13 year old was there....

Too many AND's here.
Way too many.

Yes, this whole situation was mishandled, totally and completely...
I feel that this is a reasonable viewpoint on the OP's post.
One may not agree.
But your comments are, let's not soften it, totally and completely a personal attack.

If you wanted to question me, accuse me (personal attack) and see the courage of my convictions... There you have it!

If you call that a personal attack, then you're a tad bit too sensitive too!
Ooh look! Another personal attack!

And BTW, trying to deflect away from the actual subject by calling my observation of your post a "personal attack" doesn't change the fact that you were assuming that the MD might do something wrong.

But it was a nice try on your part to deflect!

Enjoy your day!

 

[15isto2]

I see a lot of comments about wanting a female chaperone for a male doctor examining daughters but interestingly not one person suggesting a male chaperone for a female doctor examining a son... seems a double standard to me

 

[DipsyDoodles]

I see a lot of comments about wanting a female chaperone for a male doctor examining daughters but interestingly not one person suggesting a male chaperone for a female doctor examining a son... seems a double standard to me

There is absolutely a double-standard here and for good reason...... OKAY, sorry all this was a bit harsh on my part.

 

[15isto2]

There is absolutely a double-standard here and for good reason.

Please do tell me more

 

[loveysbydesign]

Actually, short of pulling a gun on a child, it would be very difficult to "mess up a child's life forever" in "a few seconds".

My son got into a fight on the playground because he witnessed an older boy grab one of his female classmates by the ***. My son rightly considered this to be an assault on the girl and leaped to her defense, handing her a bottle and encouraging her to pitch it at the boy who touched her so inappropriately. I was proud of my boy, but I'd never consider that the girl in question had been "messed up forever".

I agree with you that parents should parent as they see fit, and absolutely they can accompany their child into the doctor's office, if the child wants them there. But, "it only takes a few seconds to mess up a child's life forever?" That's ridiculous, and it leads to a kind of over-the-top paranoia that does no one any good, especially not kids!

I am so sorry that you do not agree!
Obviously you were never molested or are close to anyone who has!
It can take just a few seconds to scar someone for life!

 

[ICF]

There is absolutely a double-standard here and for good reason.

What reason would that be?

 

[maxiesmom]

NOT true....
What a broad, and bold, accusation....

I have never, ever, targeted anyone for being a pedophile, especially just based on gender.

(Just grown men who like to be in closets alone with 13 year olds. )

PS: This is coming from the parent of a pre-teen son, and no daughters.

Don't you mean just grown men doing their job?

So all doctors who see female patients are perverts?

If you meant your comments to be funny, they are not. Way to insult every male doctor out there.

Lots of jumping to conclusions here. And lots of paranoia.