Mom present in the room during teen's physical

[Pea-n-Me]

I see a lot of comments about wanting a female chaperone for a male doctor examining daughters but interestingly not one person suggesting a male chaperone for a female doctor examining a son... seems a double standard to me

Not really a double standard. Statistics simply don't support that need as the vast majority of predators are known to be male.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/childsexualabuse.html

 

[Christine]

I see a lot of comments about wanting a female chaperone for a male doctor examining daughters but interestingly not one person suggesting a male chaperone for a female doctor examining a son... seems a double standard to me

Am I the only one who thinks that young males are equally molested by older males as are young females?

If a doctor is a "molestor" he's just as likely to do something to your 15 y/o son as your 15 y/o daughter. If you are uncomfortable with one situation, you really should find yourself uncomfortable with both. Any arguement that 15 y/o boys might be better equipped to handle it would probably be incorrect. They are just as easily manipulated as girls and often times, at 15, still might not be large enough to overpower an adult male.

Having said all that, I'm just not sure how I would have reacted in this situation with either my son or daughter.

 

[15isto2]

Not really a double standard. Statistics simply don't support that need as the vast majority of predators are known to be male.

Statistics also show that most predators are family members, do people never leave their daughters alone with family members?

 

[ccgirl]

I have not read all of the replies but I think your DD is at an age where she could decide. Would you have been comfortable if it were a female doctor alone? Were you uncomfortable with a male doctor because you thought he may have somehow been "attracted" to your DD? For what it's worth, I had the best midwife in the world. I found out after a few years that she was a lesbian. Didn't change my opinion of her in the least.

They don't offer 'physicals' in the school my DD attends. They have the vision screening as well as the scoliosis screening. I agree to those. Any sort of medical exam; I let her primary doctor do it. Not because of a gender thing but because they are familiar with her medical history.

Really not sure what the big deal was.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Statistics also show that most predators are family members, do people never leave their daughters alone with family members?

Your questions are beginning to border on the silly, but yes, it's wise for parents to familiarize themselves with how predators operate, keep their eyes open to the possibilities of impropriety and to keep an open rapport with their children about it in order to minimize the possibilities of it happening to them.

http://www.parma.k12.oh.us/safety/upload/UnderstandingProtectingChildrenMolestersPredators.pdf

 

[Becky2005]

I just went in with my 13 year DS for his sports physical. It was with our regular doctor (which happens to be male) & I ASKED him if he wanted to go by himself or if he wanted me to go with.

My DD also always drags me into the exam room with her whenever she goes. There are times I try to foster the independance but she actually prefers me to go in with her. I think in her case it's because the exam room is BORING while waiting for the doctor to show up. If I'm in there it gives her someone to talk to. I don't know how many times we are in a giggling fit & the doctor comes in. They probably think we are insane.

Now that I think about it. DS & I were laughing this time around when the doctor knocked on the door & came in...DS had been playing with the skeleton hand & spine thing the doctor has (it has a foot, hand & spine & info cards, I think about arthritis or something but they are removable from the holder -- he always plays with them).

DD would have dragged me into an unfamiliar exam room for sure! I automatically go in at Shriner's because it's set up that way besides it's an all day event for us.

 

[Magpie]

I am so sorry that you do not agree!
Obviously you were never molested or are close to anyone who has!
It can take just a few seconds to scar someone for life!

I was molested as a child. I testified in court. I know as much about it as anyone.

Believe me when I tell you that if ANYTHING short of being stabbed or shot happens to you in "a few" SECONDS actually "scars you for life" - well, you've got bigger problems than being groped.

What can happen in a few seconds (probably more than 5 seconds, less than 30 seconds), that qualifies as molestation? You can get kissed, groped, grabbed, or manhandled. A man might expose himself to you. That should make you mad, not "scar you for life".

My daughter was six when a neighbour's boy yanked down her pants. Was she "scarred for life"? No, she was spitting nails and came marching right inside to tell me I told her to go right over next door and tell that boy's mom what he did. She did, and I watched from a distance as my daughter announced loudly in front of mom, grandma and the entire neighbourhood what had happened. Mom grabbed the boy and dragged him inside, and my daughter came back to me beaming from ear-to-ear. All in all, I think it was a very successful day. My daughter had learned she had the power to deal with being treated wrongly, and this boy never bothered her again. (He was grounded for a good long time, to my daughter's delight.)

Children have to deal with being inappropriately handled on a regular basis, usually from peers, but sometimes from adults, too. We do them no favors by thinking they'll be "scarred for life" by any of this.

Heck, the first time I ever had a strange man flash me, I was twelve. That comes with living in the big city, and it wasn't the last time either. Lots of things have left scars in my life - lost loved ones, had my trust betrayed, gone to court - but none of them happened in "a few seconds"!

 

[Wishing on a star]

you were assuming that the MD might do something wrong.

But it was a nice try on your part to deflect!

Enjoy your day!

And, again.... I have said, three times now, that I am ASSUMING NOTHING.... PERIOD...

I have not personally attacked any other poster who feels differently than me about the OP's given situation. But, somehow, you think this is warranted... Or is this how you are entertaining yourself today... The DIS is, after all, about 90% 'for entertainment purposes only'!

If it adds to the enjoyment of your day to take this thread OT, and make it personal, to quote me, and to issue unfounded assumptions and accusations.... You are quite welcome to do so... Believe me, my skin is not that thin.

Hey, have it... And, "Have a nice day".

 

[Wishing on a star]

Magpie, your post above has to be one of the best ones here!!!!

And, according to all knowledge, nobody has accused this doctor of taking even a 3 second liberty.

PS: Just don't discount the fact that anyone who would grab, or flash, etc..., could be capable of, and probably IS capable of ongoing activity with a child/children which could truly affect them very negatively for a long, long, time.

I see the repercussions of this is somebody whom I know personally, who experience ongoing abuse as a child... this was somebody at their church.
If there are those who think you can trust those at the church, the doctor, the school, etc... and and so vehemently against anybody who would even DARE utter any words of concern... or who are quick to turn the other cheek and look the other way... I think they need to take their heads out of the sand.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

but none of them happened in "a few seconds"!

I disagree. For some children, those 'few seconds' can scar them for life. I don't think a sweeping statement such as you have made is accurate.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I was molested as a child. I testified in court. I know as much about it as anyone.

Believe me when I tell you that if ANYTHING short of being stabbed or shot happens to you in "a few" SECONDS actually "scars you for life" - well, you've got bigger problems than being groped.

What can happen in a few seconds (probably more than 5 seconds, less than 30 seconds), that qualifies as molestation? You can get kissed, groped, grabbed, or manhandled. A man might expose himself to you. That should make you mad, not "scar you for life".

With all due respect to your experiences, I don't think you're in a position to speak for loveysbydesign and her experiences. Who are we to say how long it takes to become "scarred for life" by something (admittedly a bit dramatic, perhaps, but the point is her experiences are her own) or whether you should be "mad, not scarred", etc. I doubt you'd appreciate someone coming here and telling you how you should feel about your own your experiences. Everyone is different.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Again, I am MAKING NO ASSUMPTIONS HERE....

While I totally understand the viewpoint that it is hard to see how one could be completely scarred for life by some action that takes place in a few seconds... one that might happen in the OP's scenario...

I just hate to minimize in ANY way the subject of any sexual behavior with children.

Is it not true that victim's of this kind of assault... especially victims who were in a position where they loved and trusted the one who violated them, are often quick to minimize?
Just thinking out loud here... Again, NO ASSUMPTIONS WHATSOEVER.

 

[Magpie]

Magpie, your post above has to be one of the best ones here!!!!

And, according to all knowledge, nobody has accused this doctor of taking even a 3 second liberty.

PS: Just don't discount the fact that anyone who would grab, or flash, etc..., could be capable of, and probably IS capable of ongoing activity with a child/children which could truly affect them very negatively for a long, long, time.

I see the repercussions of this is somebody whom I know personally, who experience ongoing abuse as a child... this was somebody at their church.
If there are those who think you can trust those at the church, the doctor, the school, etc... and and so vehemently against anybody who would even DARE utter any words of concern... or who are quick to turn the other cheek and look the other way... I think they need to take their heads out of the sand.

I definitely do not discount that, and if anyone takes a 3 second liberty with me or my children, the authorities would hear about it.

Child abuse is a terrible thing. Vigilance is critical. But I object to people thinking that children are helpless creatures who can be permanently damaged in "seconds". I also object to the idea that our job as parents is to shadow them, constantly on the watch for predators. I think our job is to teach them to protect themselves.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I definitely do not discount that, and if anyone takes a 3 second liberty with me or my children, the authorities would hear about it.

Child abuse is a terrible thing. Vigilance is critical. But I object to people thinking that children are helpless creatures who can be permanently damaged in "seconds". I also object to the idea that our job as parents is to shadow them, constantly on the watch for predators. I think our job is to teach them to protect themselves.

Thanks Magpie..
I understand!

 

[Magpie]

With all due respect to your experiences, I don't think you're in a position to speak for loveysbydesign and her experiences. Who are we to say how long it takes to become "scarred for life" by something (admittedly a bit dramatic, perhaps, but the point is her experiences are her own) or whether you should be "mad, not scarred", etc. I doubt you'd appreciate someone coming here and telling you how you should feel about your own your experiences. Everyone is different.

I think hyperbole and over dramatic "what-if"s" have really hurt our society. Some parents are living in fear, because they actually believe that their teenagers can be "scarred for life in seconds" if they allow them to be alone in a room with a stranger for even a moment. This is why some kids don't get to play outside, or take the bus alone, or even get a job.

Yes, everyone is different. But some attitudes aren't healthy, and unfortunately in our world, these have become the mark of a "good parent" in some people's minds.

FWIW - with regards to the OP I might have gone into the room with my daughter myself. Me, I would have shrugged off the doctor's comment. But if the OP wants to write a letter of complaint, I support her right to do that.

Again, I am MAKING NO ASSUMPTIONS HERE....

While I totally understand the viewpoint that it is hard to see how one could be completely scarred for life by some action that takes place in a few seconds... one that might happen in the OP's scenario...

I just hate to minimize in ANY way the subject of any sexual behavior with children.

Is it not true that victim's of this kind of assault... especially victims who were in a position where they loved and trusted the one who violated them, are often quick to minimize?
Just thinking out loud here... Again, NO ASSUMPTIONS WHATSOEVER.

I do not intend to minimize child sexual abuse in any way. I just prefer a logical, reasonable, sane discussion about REAL risks.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

But I object to people thinking that children are helpless creatures who can be permanently damaged in "seconds".

I object to the idea that there's a "timeline" measuring stick for which personal, traumatic experiences can be judged.

I also object to the idea that our job as parents is to shadow them, constantly on the watch for predators.

OK. But I think that's an extreme angle that most parents don't subscribe to.

I think our job is to teach them to protect themselves.

I agree, however, the fact is, as cited in the article I linked above (which, btw is linked from the FBI website), that predators are master manipulators and studies have shown a) children themselves often do not report the abuse, b) molesters are often known and trusted by the child and/or the family, c) children can be threatened, d) it often takes a child telling 9 adults before action is taken against a predator, and - I could go on but the information is there to read. The bottom line is that we can teach our kids until the cows come home but events can still occur that parents may be able to protect them from with education and vigilence.

I think hyperbole and over dramatic "what-if"s" have really hurt our society. Some parents are living in fear, because they actually believe that their teenagers can be "scarred for life in seconds" if they allow them to be alone in a room with a stranger for even a moment. This is why some kids don't get to play outside, or take the bus alone, or even get a job.

Yes, everyone is different. But some attitudes aren't healthy, and unfortunately in our world, these have become the mark of a "good parent" in some people's minds.

I can agree but it's not my business what other people do with their familes. Myself, I prefer to take the approach of teaching my kids as best I can about the world (some of my own friends are shocked at the things we discuss openly, lol) while giving them wings to fly. It's not always easy to know what the right thing to do is. Most of us are flying by the seats of our pants half the time. Wouldn't it be nice if kids came with an Owner's Manual and Protection Plan.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

This thread has taken a turn down a road that is off topic. I am going to unsubscribe.

 

[cm8]

I think you did the right thing.
After all, when I've had male doctors they were required to have a female nurse in the room with them. For a teen, this would be a must, or I'd be in there with her, like you.

We get our own doctor to fill out any athletic forms needed for school sports, so this would not happen to us.

 

[SydSim]

Thanks everyone for your replies. It just shows that I'm not the only one who would have gone in. And for the record, I never had any intention of writing a letter to anyone, like a couple of people have thought. Just wondering what other people would have done.

 

[Mermaid02]

I really don't understand why some posters have such an issue that other posters would have felt more comfortable accompanying their child into the "exam room". Frankly, and it's been said before on this thread by myself and others.... the Doctor should have had an assistant of the opposite sex in the room for HIS OWN PROTECTION. Granted, it was a quick non-invasive exam, but an accidental brush of a hand could be misconstrued as inappropriate touching and accusations could be made- and then other kids start thinking "did he touch me?"

I don't think all men are perverts- I think in the world today, trust your gut and better safe than sorry for EVERYONE.