Meeting the girlfriends daughter for the first time and need advice.

[goofy4tink]

Try for a situation that doesn't involve a lot of conversation to start with. Maybe a movie, that she wants to see. Ice cream after...that way you have something to talk about vs sitting there, staring at each other. Or pizza or other meal.
I like the flowers idea, but do it for both mom and her dd. Both ladies get flowers, so not creepy! Not roses though!! Nice mixed bouquet for both. Moms could be a bit bigger.

There's nothing worse than sitting at a table, in a restaurant, trying to drum up conversation with a teen, or preteen!! And in this situation, it's even worse....you want to make a good impression, you tend to try too hard, the kid knows it and gives nothing back. Which makes you try even harder, the kid withdraws. Been there, done that.

 

[nugov2]

Dave and Busters or Skyzone

This is what I would suggest. My kids LOVE D&B. My dd also loves laser tag and she is 11. My dd would love candy/book more than flowers, but that is something that would vary by child. I'd ask mom about that one.

 

[Shanti]

Ok, this is a two part question. I am meeting my girlfriends 11 year old daughter for the first time and need some advice. First off where would you take an 11 year old girl to impress her and her mother? I am in the Northeast so it is still a little chilly for a zoo or miniature golf. A movie seems a little too impersonal and I am not sure how much an 11 year old girl would like an arcade. Also I was going to bring her a rose, I am always buying her mother flowers and she has asked about them a few times. I figured I would give her a rose with the intention that no gentlemen meets a pretty girl for the first time and doesn't give her a flower. But does that sound creepy or corny? Maybe I am just better off buying her some candy or something?

Any advice is appreciated, this is the first time I am in this situation and I never had kids so I am kind of on new ground here.

Thanks

I'm a mom of a child this age and a teacher of this age group as well, so I've known very many girls this age. Here's my advice.

• I recommend skipping the flower for the first meeting (save it for a birthday or other special occasion when you know her better.) In fact, don't give her any gift at the first meeting (again, save it for when she knows you better). The special outing will be enough of a gift right now.
• Keep it low-key at the first meeting, so she can calmly adjust to having you in the picture. Don't worry if she hangs back a bit at first or seems aloof. Some girls warm up to new people quickly, but others take a bit longer.
• An arcade sounds great for the first group activity. Don't assume that she'll need everything to be "girly". No matter how feminine & pretty girls this age are, they like to have fun, just like boys do.
• Other suggestions are indoor mini-golf, bowling, rock climbing, or ice skating.
• Kudos for being so thoughtful and kind as this child enters your life!

 

[Missy1961]

Talk to her mother. She knows her much better than we do.

 

[Allons-y!]

I'm a mom of a child this age and a teacher of this age group as well, so I've known very many girls this age. Here's my advice.

• I recommend skipping the flower for the first meeting (save it for a birthday or other special occasion when you know her better.) In fact, don't give her any gift at the first meeting (again, save it for when she knows you better). The special outing will be enough of a gift right now.
• Keep it low-key at the first meeting, so she can calmly adjust to having you in the picture. Don't worry if she hangs back a bit at first or seems aloof. Some girls warm up to new people quickly, but others take a bit longer.
• An arcade sounds great for the first group activity. Don't assume that she'll need everything to be "girly". No matter how feminine & pretty girls this age are, they like to have fun, just like boys do.
• Other suggestions are indoor mini-golf, bowling, rock climbing, or ice skating.
• Kudos for being so thoughtful and kind as this child enters your life!

This. All of it. I teach this age group as well, and most girls would think the flower was cheesy, creepy, or in some other way "cringe-worthy." I really think it comes off as trying too hard.

Keep this outing very casual and fun. You've been given lots of suggestions, which you can mention to your girlfriend and make plans based on her input.

Don't try to be cool or act like you know all about kids her age. Those would be the kiss of death. Just be nice, ask about her school and activities, and be yourself. Anything else will be painfully obvious and will not go over well at all.

 

[FINFAN]

what about one of the paint it yourself pottery places? Please don't take this the wrong way, but I know 11 year old's are on the cusp of " lame to be seen with adults" unless they have a friend along to buffer, lol~ and those places aren't as "being seen in public" as the mall or D&B. Kids usually want a group of friends (and ditch their folks) at the trampoline places. The pottery place will let her have control of what she is doing and also be a topic of conversation. If she chooses a small piece, you have a sign she wants the get together to be short. If she chooses a 2nd piece, it's a sign things are going well. Grab a bite to eat at a place she likes, low-key and call it a day. I would hold off on the flowers until the next time...when she knows you want to give the to her because you kinda know her, not because you are supposed to be nice. Hope you all have a great time no matter what you choose to do.

 

[Clifton Tesh]

I was a single dad for the longest. So the tables are turned a little for me than you.

I'm going to tell you the most awesome thing you can do in that little girls eyes,

LET HER CHOOSE.

Just simply ask her what she wants to do. Give a few suggestions.
"Hey, I saw that new teenage/chick flick was out, we can go watch that. Or we could go bowling or etc..."

I'm sure you get where I'm going.

She wants to be respected and know that her opinion matters, especially at that age.

 

[ronandannette]

Wow, thanks for all the replies. I was thinking a trampoline type park but wasn't sure if that was something she would enjoy alone. I would think if she was the kid there without any other friends it would be odd for her. I like the idea of a movie and ice cream. There isn't much pressure to talk and after the movie we will have something to talk about over ice cream. The only thing I know is she likes hockey and gymnastics. I will toss out a couple suggestions and see what her mother prefers. As for the flower(s), maybe I will just ask her that as well. It won't be as sweet, but I could really be saving my behind. I agree if I was a kid I would think it was cheesy, but I'm not a girl.

Sorry, if I missed it in your earlier posts, but how long have you known the Mom? Are you meeting the DD now because the relationship is progressing to a serious point? Single parents have differing views on introducing SO's to their kids and I'd expect the Mom to totally take the lead in this situation, including planning any event or outing and making sure things run as smooth as possible between the two of you. I'd suggest you not try to be too assertive.

Talk to her mother. She knows her much better than we do.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I think a painting class or some other class where you all learn a new skill or try something different would be fun. If you have like a Pinot's Pallet or Painting with a Twist. There is also that new group game, Breakout, if you have one of those near you. You could also take a cooking class. Any experience like that kind of takes the pressure off to come up with conversation, it will kind of happen naturally as you work together towards the finished product. And afterward you can joke and talk about your shared experience. I would skip the flower, it will be akward.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think you should ask her mom about the flower (and I definitely wouldn't do a red rose, if you're getting a rose). Like others have said, some would like it, some wouldn't.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think a painting class or some other class where you all learn a new skill or try something different would be fun. If you have like a Pinot's Pallet or Painting with a Twist. There is also that new group game, Breakout, if you have one of those near you. You could also take a cooking class. Any experience like that kind of takes the pressure off to come up with conversation, it will kind of happen naturally as you work together towards the finished product. And afterward you can joke and talk about your shared experience. I would skip the flower, it will be akward.

I think the painting class would be perfect!

 

[QueenIsabella]

I would skip the flower, and have Mom help pick an appropriate activity. You've gotten some great suggestions. I have two thoughts:

(1) Don't try too hard. The flower can come across as trying to kiss up. You should be aiming for cordial, not "I'm your new Daddy!" I'm not saying that you think you'll be her new Dad, but understand, from her perspective, she thinks you think that.

(2) Don't be afraid to fail. If you do a cooking class together and the cake falls, or the chicken is too brown, it gives you a good story. Showing her that you can laugh at yourself, or handle a minor setback, makes you much more likeable. Ditto for doing pottery, even if you're terrible.

 

[NewGuyHere]

How about instead of a flower a something small from Edible Arrangements. They have a lot of great this to choose from and kids usually love them. It's pretty but different and fun!

Thanks again for all the replies. I really like the Edible Arrangements idea. They have a Mickey arrangement that I think she will like. And it won't have that cheesy feel to it. Then I can get my girlfriend a box of strawberries or something so her daughter doesn't have to share her arrangement...perfect!

I was a single dad for the longest. So the tables are turned a little for me than you.

I'm going to tell you the most awesome thing you can do in that little girls eyes,

LET HER CHOOSE.

Just simply ask her what she wants to do. Give a few suggestions.
"Hey, I saw that new teenage/chick flick was out, we can go watch that. Or we could go bowling or etc..."

I'm sure you get where I'm going.

She wants to be respected and know that her opinion matters, especially at that age.

I slept on it and thought I would do the research and leave the final decision to her mother, but I really like this idea better. I will come up with a couple of different game plans and let her daughter decide on what she wants to do. That's a great idea!

Thanks again for the help. We have discussed this a couple of times and we both know it is a big step, that's why I think I am making a bigger deal about it in my head than it is. She sounds like she is just like her mother and I was able to win her over, so I should be fine with her daughter. I am more intimidated by an 11 year old girl in my forties than I was when I was 11.

 

[Clifton Tesh]

I slept on it and thought I would do the research and leave the final decision to her mother, but I really like this idea better. I will come up with a couple of different game plans and let her daughter decide on what she wants to do. That's a great idea!

Thanks again for the help. We have discussed this a couple of times and we both know it is a big step, that's why I think I am making a bigger deal about it in my head than it is. She sounds like she is just like her mother and I was able to win her over, so I should be fine with her daughter. I am more intimidated by an 11 year old girl in my forties than I was when I was 11.

And rightfully so! If my daughter did not like the woman I dated, I didn't date her anymore. My daughter fell in love with the woman I married Saturday, the rest is history. Good luck with everything!

 

[clori]

I was thinking about the flowers. My dd11 would say thanks but then wouldn't think about it. She would be much more impressed if you gave her a book since she loves to read. DD11 would also love a package of Pokémon cards. Maybe instead of flowers ask her mom what you could give her that is small and appropriate for her likes? Another idea if you have a local place is somewhere that shows you step by step to paint a picture. Many are for 18 and up but we have Muse Paintbar that allows minors. My dd and her friend also 11 loved painting there.

 

[longboard55]

Just do something simple and do not act like a goofball. Tell her you have heard many wonderful things about her. If you want to bring a gift do a gift card for Forever21

 

[Liberty Belle]

I was thinking about the flowers. My dd11 would say thanks but then wouldn't think about it. She would be much more impressed if you gave her a book since she loves to read. DD11 would also love a package of Pokémon cards. Maybe instead of flowers ask her mom what you could give her that is small and appropriate for her likes? Another idea if you have a local place is somewhere that shows you step by step to paint a picture. Many are for 18 and up but we have Muse Paintbar that allows minors. My dd and her friend also 11 loved painting there.

Oooh, if my mom's boyfriend took me to a bookstore when I was younger and told me I could pick out two or three books of my choice, I would have loved him forever.

 

[MickeySP]

Thanks again for all the replies. I really like the Edible Arrangements idea. They have a Mickey arrangement that I think she will like. And it won't have that cheesy feel to it. Then I can get my girlfriend a box of strawberries or something so her daughter doesn't have to share her arrangement...perfect!




I slept on it and thought I would do the research and leave the final decision to her mother, but I really like this idea better. I will come up with a couple of different game plans and let her daughter decide on what she wants to do. That's a great idea!

Thanks again for the help. We have discussed this a couple of times and we both know it is a big step, that's why I think I am making a bigger deal about it in my head than it is. She sounds like she is just like her mother and I was able to win her over, so I should be fine with her daughter. I am more intimidated by an 11 year old girl in my forties than I was when I was 11.

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!!! An 11 yo is not a grown woman she will see right through this - be yourself!! that is what won Mom over, not where or what you did but who you are. I entered the dating game at 45 and believe when I say trying to win over a teen or tween is gonna get you stuck. They are like sharks they smell blood in the water LOL! When I learned that the kids will either like me for me or they won't.

Take a deep breathe & relax. BTW love a hockey fan!!! See if there are any tourneys around, some are still doing small local ones.

Oh maybe instead of flowers or candy etc, who is her fave player? Maybe a T shirt or if she collects the NHL Lego players? My DGD (8) loves collecting the Zambonis, it her thing with my DSO - they both love & play hockey

 

[Shanti]

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!!! An 11 yo is not a grown woman she will see right through this - be yourself!! that is what won Mom over, not where or what you did but who you are. I entered the dating game at 45 and believe when I say trying to win over a teen or tween is gonna get you stuck. They are like sharks they smell blood in the water LOL! When I learned that the kids will either like me for me or they won't.

Take a deep breathe & relax. BTW love a hockey fan!!! See if there are any tourneys around, some are still doing small local ones.

Oh maybe instead of flowers or candy etc, who is her fave player? Maybe a T shirt or if she collects the NHL Lego players? My DGD (8) loves collecting the Zambonis, it her thing with my DSO - they both love & play hockey

Most 11 year-old girls are not "like sharks" sniffing for "blood in the water". They're kids, who might take time to warm up to a new person, but are not out to get you. Please disregard this silly post.

 

[Allons-y!]

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!!! An 11 yo is not a grown woman she will see right through this - be yourself!! that is what won Mom over, not where or what you did but who you are. I entered the dating game at 45 and believe when I say trying to win over a teen or tween is gonna get you stuck. They are like sharks they smell blood in the water LOL! When I learned that the kids will either like me for me or they won't.

Take a deep breathe & relax. BTW love a hockey fan!!! See if there are any tourneys around, some are still doing small local ones.

I agree. An edible arrangement is serious overkill. A gift is not only not necessary, it screams "Like me! Please like me!!" The harder OP tries to "win her over," the less likely that will be.