Meeting the girlfriends daughter for the first time and need advice.

[NewGuyHere]

Ok, this is a two part question. I am meeting my girlfriends 11 year old daughter for the first time and need some advice. First off where would you take an 11 year old girl to impress her and her mother? I am in the Northeast so it is still a little chilly for a zoo or miniature golf. A movie seems a little too impersonal and I am not sure how much an 11 year old girl would like an arcade. Also I was going to bring her a rose, I am always buying her mother flowers and she has asked about them a few times. I figured I would give her a rose with the intention that no gentlemen meets a pretty girl for the first time and doesn't give her a flower. But does that sound creepy or corny? Maybe I am just better off buying her some candy or something?

Any advice is appreciated, this is the first time I am in this situation and I never had kids so I am kind of on new ground here.

Thanks

 

[bbak30]

Aw, the flower sounds soooo sweet! I don't think it's creepy or corny at all.
I actually think a movie is fine. Takes the pressure off a little. Make sure it's something she would like. Can you do dinner before or ice cream after so there is some time to talk?

 

[Magpie]

How about a games evening with her and her mom? You provide food and snacks. She and her mum can bring the board games (unless you have something like monopoly or the Game of Life). If you have an X-Box, Family Game Night can be a lot of fun. The three of you can have fun getting to know each other over games. Eleven year olds can play most games, as long as there's an element of luck involved. (Don't challenge her to Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit!)

I wouldn't give her a rose, specifically. If they like flowers, then I'd get a nice arrangement for them both and let the 11 year old pick out her favourites to put in a separate small vase for herself.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My DD is 10 and when my boyfriend and I got together she was about 5. She would love a rose. That would make her day.

I'm in NJ and it's still chilly here but DD likes to go to "fancy" places to eat. Nothing crazy expensive but she likes little cafes. Especially for the desserts at the end.

She really enjoys the movies but that could be impersonal. If it's not too cold miniature golf is a good idea. DD plays softball and she is going to go with my boyfriend to the batting cages. She is excited to do that.

Do you have a Skyzone in your area? It's an indoor trampoline park. It's my DD's favorite place. I think that would be a huge hit especially if you jump too.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I would get a bunch of bright colored flowers, a mixed bouquet.
As for things to do, does her mom have any ideas?

Do you have an indoor mini golf place? We used to have one in Southeastern CT but it closed but I think there are others.
There is an indoor adventure park in New Haven, not sure if they have one in your area.
I'm not a fan of trampoline parks though, my cousins son broke his leg at one 3 weeks ago.

Dinner at Dave and Busters might be fun. Dinner and video games.

 

[mnrose]

Are there indoor climbing walls near you? This are VERY popular with tweens and teens here. And, best part? Kids can be just as good, if not better, than the adults. Completely fun!

 

[luvlife]

Dave and busters

 

[kimblebee]

Don't be cheesy, she'll see right through it. Why not just watch a movie or do dinner at your place? My now husband met my daughter when she was 12 and I know she would have been polite but would have rolled her eyes on the inside if he would have brought her flowers. Just be yourself..

 

[Turn the Page]

It may be worthwhile to have a discussion with your girlfriend about what your role is. It is VERY easy to inadvertently step on toes in this situation. Just take it slow and feel everybody out.

It's a difficult balance to strike. You don't want to come across as overbearing or like you're a third parent but you also don't want to be a pushover. Good luck. Dating/relationships with kids involved is never easy.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Dave and Busters or Skyzone

 

[luvlife]

I am not sure but depending on situation it might not be a great idea to have at her house or yours.
I would think a neutral environment might be best. Does she have any hobbies? Something she really enjoys? Maybe that could be incorporated into the evening?

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Do you have a Pinstripes near you? Bocce ball is really easy and fun for the whole family - we play every once in a while with our 15, 11, and 10 year olds and it was super easy to learn.

The flower sounds wonderful. It's a very sweet gesture. My daughter is 11 right now, and she would like a flower if whe were ever in that situation.

I had a stepfather come into my life at the age of 11/12 who almost always refused to look at or talk to us at all. They took us to a movie (two of my sisters and I) early on, and the three of us sat together while he and my mother sat in the theater several rows back. It really didn't help at all in the "getting to know him process" and was super uncomfortable for us to know that if we turned around, we *might* catch them doing something we didn't want to see....

Above all - Just be nice to her...I was in her shoes once

 

[NHdisneylover]

I was also thinking along the lines of indoor mini golf, or some other activity to focus on so the pressure is not n keeping a conversation going (and, yeah, surely her mom can guide you here?).

Personally, I agree with the poster who said an 11 year old would probably roll her eyes, at least inwardly, at the rose (or any flowers, but the typically "romantic" rose even more). She's not 6. You are juts meeting her for the first time--I would keep it light and not make some big deal out of it--which puts far too much pressure on her, IMO.

 

[aejammers]

Does she like baseball? Do you have any minor league teams nearby? An afternoon game on the weekend might be fun if you get a warmish day. Or maybe see a play if you have a regional theater, or even see a high school production.

Have fun whatever you decide!

 

[MrsDuck]

I'd get her and mom mixed bouquets. My dad used to do that when I was a kid and I was THRILLED! Actually, sometimes he still does it now and I love it.

I second the idea of Dave & Busters, if you have one nearby. If not, I think a nice dinner with a movie date (if it's okay on a school night) would be good.

 

[MickeySP]

What does her mother think? I would talk to her, find out she likes to do. Rose, cute as long as it is not red, go with white or yellow. Relax, be yourself.
How about ice skating?

 

[dja14]

For the flowers I think it is going to depend on the girl. Some would love it, some would be embarrassed, some would find it cheesy. I'm not saying don't do it though, but I wouldn't take her a red rose if you take the mom roses. I would suggest a more mixed set, carnations or tulips, something that says cheerful more than love.

I would ask the mom for suggestions for activity. My daughter loved tea rooms and coffee shops type places. She also loved getting dressed up for a fancier dinner (which at that age she would have considered anyplace with a waiter and wine glasses a fancy place) She also liked arcades and bowling, skating,stuff like that. In fact, she would all still like any of that. I think the key is someone caring enough to choose what she would like.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Don't over do it. Just be casual

 

[sonnyjane]

A mixed spring bouquet = fine (but get one for mom too)
A single rose = creepy in my opinion.

 

[Disneylover99]

A single rose seems kind of creepy to me.
I think I would just avoid flowers altogether.
Maybe chocolates would be better.