Hi everyone.
So a little update, now that I'm calm. cool, and somewhat collected. Although now that I said that this post is going to be completely random thoughts that I just need to get out so I may still seem nutty. I also have horrible grammar, and this is more of a "I have to say this random crap or I will explode" post. I read everyone's responses, and I appreciate all of them.
Before I post anything else I just want to say- I am not a wishful thinker. In fact I usually am a pessimist. None of this is being said because I wish it was so, it's being said because it is so.
I've Checked his phones several times throughout the last 2 nights(while he was sleeping)
no phone calls from anyone I don't know
no texts from anyone I don't know
no emails from anyone I don't know(checked deleted emails as well)
obviously he could erase before going to bed, but I don't think so, only because he hasn't had his phones near him and he has been falling asleep and going straight to bed, way before me and hasn't been being weird with his phones. Also looking back at the text carefully, the text had been sent 3 days before I saw it, and since that time, there was no other contact on the phone or email to or from that person. Also, using her name and other random things I had heard about her, I shamelessly found out info on her online, and I feel like such a mean girl for just coming out and saying this, but there is no way. I know age is just a number, but sometimes it does matter. This is one of those incidents.
1. He knows that my dad's neighbor works at the gym. Sorry I didn't mention this in my last post, I was writing fast and was upset. He probably wouldn't think she would say anything if he was flirting, but knows she definitely would if she saw him doing something physical. We had gotten in a fight about it, because he said he had done cardio with her, but never said she asked how I was doing, which is kinda weird right? If she really knew who he was like he insisted she did, she would ask about how me and our son were doing. This is because even though he knew who she was, she did not at first know he was my dad's SIL. I asked my dad to just mention to his neighbor "oh I heard you see my son in law at the gym all the time" she had no idea that he was who he was. (Does this make sense) I just needed someone at that gym to know that he was married and also to know to "be on the lookout". Immature, maybe. Do I care? No. There are too many dangers when it comes to spouses not being monogamous. I am not going to be a statistic.
2. I asked SM to talk to go through the conversation with her neighbor(who would ahve no reason at all to lie) with me again(sometimes when you are mad, you hear things differently then how they are actually being said) the convo went something like this
R-(neighbor)- Are O and your daughter still together?
SM- yes
R-really?(looked shocked & sounded surprised)
SM- yeah why?
R- then said he never wears a ring, no one knows he is married, I have people come up and ask me all the time if he is married and I say "yes to my neighbors daughter" . He doesn't act like he is married when he is at the gym.
This no one knows he is married has caused many many many fights in our relationship. He'll tell me about how someone said something to him(more than once) about taking their daughter(16!!!) on a date because she had a crush on him from seeing him at the gym(being serious, people are weird, if I saw DH talking to my 16 year old daughter I'd lock her up just based on his looks alone
) and he tells me his response is "that's not even legal" or something around those lines. There are other examples of things like this, where someone says something inappropriate and instead of saying "I'm married" he says anything but. He says I just want him to introduce himself as "hi my name is this and I'm married" yes idiot, that is what I want you to do***sarcasm***. If you are working out with someone for more than 15 minutes and having a conversation about things other than working out at some point you think it would come up that you are married. Some people enjoy flirting, there is nothing you can do about how other people act towards you, but you are responsible for 1.leading them on 2.respecting your spouse. I'm not saying I want him to wear a shirt with my face on it that say's "I'm married to this woman" , but I deserve to feel like I exist outside of our home. Does anyone have a similar experience to something like this? I would love to hear about it. Maybe I am petty, IDK.
The never wearing a ring thing, there is a good explanation for- a.he's lost about 50-75 pounds since we've been married, the ring is super loose and would very easily fly off with sweat, I know this and agree with it. He asked me not to wear my rings to the gym after one of them fell off from sweat(we don't go to the same gym I go across the street to a tiny tiny gym maybe like 2-3 times a month when I feel bloated
like that does anything) b. He boxes so obviously wearing a ring while shadow boxing of hitting a heavy bag is not smart.
3. The only time he is not at home is 5-7am at the gym 8-5 at work 5:30-7:30ish gym again. Now, He could very well not be going to the gym. However, every time he comes home he smells like he's been working out, and his clothes and socks are drenched in sweat. He did work out this much when I met him(I had hoped once we had a child he would stay at home more but whatever- some of you may remember my 1950's thread) He was always super overweight growing up, and has lost 50-75 since we've been married, and around 100 total since we have been together. Now what I am about to say may offend some people so sorry ahead of time. You know how some people(not all and not most), when they have been heavy for most of their lives lose a lot of weight, and then become obsessive and annoying about anything that has to do with keeping the weight off? I'm not talking about making healthy choices I'm talking about obsessive behaviors and annoying and self righteous(not proud- you should be proud for losing weight, you don't need to be arrogant about it) about it? This is him. He is constantly complaining about the way this looks or that looks. Even when we go up to Disney for only 3 days, he will spend 3 hours of one or two of those days traveling to and from the la fitness up there to work out. It is to the point where I was thinking he had a problem, body dsymorphic disorder?? IDK. So the being at the gym so much makes sense for his personality.
4. I know he is at work because he works with his family, and right up the road, he knows that I can pop in anytime I was and frequently invites me to do so. He also calls the house a million and one times throughout the day from the shop's phone. * see number 5
5. He calls me throughout the day. to the point of it being an aggravation, but I never really complain because I should be happy he wants to talk right? He calls me on his way home from the gym in the am, on his way to work his way from work to the gym, and on the way home from the gym. It has always been like this.
6. I don't really know how to say this so I will say it very carefully. I always think for a guy to stop wanting to have intimate time with their spouse is one of the first signs something is off. He has never stopped acting like a rabbit.
7. Seeing how upset I was about the texting, he offered to cancel his gym membership. now, he could have just been offering to make it seem like this or that, but I said yes do that then and he has just been working out in our garage since yesterday morning. That's only 3 workouts he's given up at the gym, but it is something.
8. He goes to 3 different gyms(he goes to which ever one is not having a class in the aerobics room when he will be there as he skips rope and needs the room to himself) My Cousin and Uncle both go to one of the gyms that he goes to(he knows they go there though) and always tell me or my dad how he just works out like a lunatic whenever they see him. I'm going to call Cousin today and see what she says. (I feel like I'm in high school
)
I don't really know why I felt the need to post all of this random stuff, but I know I feel better for doing so, thanks if you are still reading my crazy. I am going to try and get more detailed info from Dad's neighbor, and will continue to check phones. I am also going to try and log into the La Fitness website, as they keep logs of when you go to what gym. What should be my next step? Any more ideas? You all have been so helpful.
Really kind of makes me lose faith in men- I know there are good men out there, but why do so many men just jump at getting attention from other women? These 2 men I REALLY thought were stand up guys, the guy who would NEVER stray. Now I know better. It's very discouraging.
and worked out with her a few times and never got paid, so I guess he trains people for free? Which is the same as just working out with them(something he would not want me doing). 
