Hypothetical texting scenario between 2 married people

[Disney Doll]

It makes perfect sense sam gordon. Your analogy using a job is a good one.

So many people have such issues with self-esteem that any positive attention from anyone, regardless of how skanky they might be, gives them a rush. In the case of a man it's like "Hey I got a wife but other women still want me". In the case of a woman, it's like "Hey, look, I must still be sexy because he's hitting on me". Then there is the possible kookiness of the ther Person". Some people get off on being able to "steal" someone from their spouse...it's a challenge...the thrill of the hunt.

Kind of like Sally Field..."You like me! You really like me!" Frankly, it's behavior that I find quite sad.

 

[MrsDuck]

I would place all of the blame on my husband. This other person owes me nothing. He does.

I would take a screen shot of the exchange and send it to myself. Then I would confront my husband and ask for an explanation.

Exactly, exactly, exactly.

I'd be very suspicious and very upset.

 

[cabanafrau]

As a general rule of thumb, records that a customer can obtain from a telephone provider are not accepted by the courts. In every circumstance that I have ever seen where those types of records are accepted as evidence by the court they are obtained under subpoena, generally by the prosecutor's office, even in non-criminal cases like divorce settlements and child custody disputes.

It is wise for someone in a situation like this to gather as much documentation as possible, preferably without the other party completely unaware. What most people do not realize is that how that documentation & other proofs are obtained is incredibly important. If you have reached the point where you know you need to protect yourself and your finances, consult w/ your attorney & they will advise what steps you can take yourself, as well as direct you to an investigator for areas where you cannot be a part of the chain of evidence directly. Do not reveal to your attorney that you are hiding any assets yourself if you are doing so. Your attorney does not need or want this information.

It is definitely recommended that you stay out of a spouse's email account, as any evidence gained that way will be inadmissible -- and may get you prosecuted if obtained in certain ways.

 

[RadioNate]

As a general rule of thumb, records that a customer can obtain from a telephone provider are not accepted by the courts. In every circumstance that I have ever seen where those types of records are accepted as evidence by the court they are obtained under subpoena, generally by the prosecutor's office, even in non-criminal cases like divorce settlements and child custody disputes.

It is wise for someone in a situation like this to gather as much documentation as possible, preferably without the other party completely unaware. What most people do not realize is that how that documentation & other proofs are obtained is incredibly important. If you have reached the point where you know you need to protect yourself and your finances, consult w/ your attorney & they will advise what steps you can take yourself, as well as direct you to an investigator for areas where you cannot be a part of the chain of evidence directly. Do not reveal to your attorney that you are hiding any assets yourself if you are doing so. Your attorney does not need or want this information.

It is definitely recommended that you stay out of a spouse's email account, as any evidence gained that way will be inadmissible -- and may get you prosecuted if obtained in certain ways.

This is good advice. I just wanted to point out that in most states they don't care who is at "fault" so evidence doesn't matter. I could have had legally obtained video of my ex commuting adultery & it wouldn't have mattered in my settlement at all.

Suing for adultery isn't generally worth it unless you have a lot of assets at stake. It's expensive, hard to prove & time consuming.

The evidence is for the OP not necessarily for the courts.

My divorce was pretty "easy" as far as divorces go & we were still both hit 5 figures.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Just wanted to know how the OP is doing. Hang in there!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just waiting for an update about the emails....Fingers crossed they were just boxing tips.

 

[Nancyg56]

This is good advice. I just wanted to point out that in most states they don't care who is at "fault" so evidence doesn't matter. I could have had legally obtained video of my ex commuting adultery & it wouldn't have mattered in my settlement at all.

Suing for adultery isn't generally worth it unless you have a lot of assets at stake. It's expensive, hard to prove & time consuming.

The evidence is for the OP not necessarily for the courts.

My divorce was pretty "easy" as far as divorces go & we were still both hit 5 figures.

You are right. The evidence can sometimes make "negotiations" go a bit smoother.

 

[TheAviator]

Hmmm yeah its called having an affair, maybe its not major in the sense as the person is going to run off with the other, but definite affair, "date" and "love" is not innocent IMO, if it was I think there would be other discussions, like, when are you going to let me show you those interior designs, or whatever, this seems all personal and pretty much romantic.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Hmmm yeah its called having an affair, maybe its not major in the sense as the person is going to run off with the other, but definite affair, "date" and "love" is not innocent IMO, if it was I think there would be other discussions, like, when are you going to let me show you those interior designs, or whatever, this seems all personal and pretty much romantic.

Well the fact that he had a DIFFERENT cell phone that he was hiding from her, thats obviously telling something right?

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm wondering how the OP is doing. We are thinking of you. Hang in there.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

"Hypothetical" situation(don't ask for more details-hard I know- just go on what is posted- discussion between me and a friend, wanted to see other opinions)

You see a string of text messages between your spouse and a person of your gender.Don't assume it was 100% snooping, spouses sometimes use each others phones if their own battery is dead.You have heard this persons name but never met them.
The text conversation goes something like this
X-will be other person(who is married and knows your spouse is married) O-will be your spouse
X- Hi Love, you are a hard person to get a hold of lately .
O- Yeah I've been really busy
X- Is that a good thing or a bad thing
O- a little of both
X- we haven't had our date yet
O-Yeah, I still do owe you a date.

Your first 100% honest initial gut reaction is what? (this doesn't mean what would you actually do, what would you like to do)

Then what do you actually do?

Discuss(I always think of the "Coffee Talk with Linda Richman" SNL skit whenever I say that )

Well assuming X isn't from a country where they call everyone "love" or "mate." I'd be concerned. I'd be tempted to call that show "cheaters" where they follow your mate around and see if he or she is cheating.

 

[jeepgirl30]

If the other cell phone he was using is not on their joint account can she still track it? He may have erased older messages.

 

[Robbi]

Well assuming X isn't from a country where they call everyone "love" or "mate." I'd be concerned. I'd be tempted to call that show "cheaters" where they follow your mate around and see if he or she is cheating.

Buy a tracking device and put it in the car. I wouldn't call a PI cause I'd need the money for my criminal attorney.

 

[Bluestars]

Buy a tracking device and put it in the car. I wouldn't call a PI cause I'd need the money for my criminal attorney.

Yes, this is a good idea. I would also buy a voice-activated recorder and put it in the car. He probably calls her as soon as he's in his vehicle.

 

[Robbi]

Yes, this is a good idea. I would also buy a voice-activated recorder and put it in the car. He probably calls her as soon as he's in his vehicle.

 

[Buckalew11]

Buy a tracking device and put it in the car. I wouldn't call a PI cause I'd need the money for my criminal attorney.

when my sister was going through this her lawyer told her it was illegal and to be careful if she opted to do it.

 

[Robbi]

when my sister was going through this her lawyer told her it was illegal and to be careful if she opted to do it.

She wouldn't have to tell him or anyone that she's done it. If they have have teenaged drivers, she could do it and then claim she was keeping track of her minor children.
I sure as heck would and keep a journal. I might also park somewhere and take pictures. If a person doesn't feel comfortable doing this, they could rent a car and keep it parked nearby. When spouse leaves, follow in the rental car.

 

[Buckalew11]

She wouldn't have to tell him or anyone that she's done it. If they have have teenaged drivers, she could do it and then claim she was keeping track of her minor children.
I sure as heck would and keep a journal. I might also park somewhere and take pictures. If a person doesn't feel comfortable doing this, they could rent a car and keep it parked nearby. When spouse leaves, follow in the rental car.

I think there have been cases when the driver of the vehicle takes the vehicle in for maintenance and it is found there. I'd think twice. DSis hired a PI. We also followed him. He did not have a clue. I guess he had only one thing on his mind. I followed him quite a bit. His own kids followed him (all were old enough to drive)--poor kids. They were more involved since they had had connections to this girl.

 

[Nancyg56]

This is just what i would do and it does not involve PI's, tracking devices or voice activated recorders. I would hire an attorney and do what was suggested in order to protect myself financially. I would make sure I had copies of all of our financial documents. Then I would file for a divorce.

In my home there needs to be respect for me just as I respect my husband. He knew right from the start that if I took his name I wold honor it and that meant that I would never ever let anyone think I was available when I was committed to my husband. I would never humiliate him. I would never ridicule him. I would never deceive him. I expected the same and it was on the table that I would never "fight" for him. If any other woman could "take" him she could have him. Cheating is a deal breaker for me and in my opinion sneaky calls and texts are cheating.

So I would let him have it with both barrels and if this sneaky behavior was innocent he would need to prove it to me. I would not stoop to following him because what I already knew was enough to place the burden on him. I consider myself to be worth honesty and there is no way I would want to hold onto this guy.

This guys behavior is just not okay with me and I rather doubt I could get past it. He would need to work incredibly hard to prove to me that he was worth keeping, not the other way around.

 

[Bluestars]

when my sister was going through this her lawyer told her it was illegal and to be careful if she opted to do it.

What if both names are on the title for the car? Surely it's not illegal to put a tracking device on a car you own. What if you wanted to do it with a car your teen drives?