Death......

[Magpie]

Whoa - take it easy; I'm not trying to insult other cultures - I could have communicated a little more clearly. What's "sad" to me isn't multi-culturalism or it's influence (on funeral rites or anything else). What I was trying to express is that I find the idea of a loved one dying without any commemoration very unfortunate.

Although it's not what you describe your family doing, it does happen A LOT. There are hundreds of cardboard boxes of cremains stored in the funeral home I worked at because nobody would even come and pick them up. Next to no involvement at all actually; the contracts were e-mailed to the families and they paid the bill on-line. I realize people are completely entitled to handle things however they want but to me it's sad.

I understand what you're saying now!

Though, I think in some cases the "sad" part of it all may be in the actions of individuals who've so alienated their families while they were alive, that when their time comes, no one cares to remember them or honor their passing.

 

[ronandannette]

I understand what you're saying now!

Though, I think in some cases the "sad" part of it all may be in the actions of individuals who've so alienated their families while they were alive, that when their time comes, no one cares to remember them or honor their passing.

LOL - I was looking for that smiley when I replied to your earlier post (I swear they disappear sometimes)!

 

[low-key]

hey

 

[katie01]

I have studied a lot about near death experiences for my own personal reasons. We could easily have our own thread just on NDE, but, briefly for this thread, there do seem to be some common themes that occur when someone has a NDE, as told by many researchers who have studied them formally. There seems to be a feeling of being out of the body and hearing and seeing things going on around the body, seeing colors and sights, and hearing sounds, which are beautiful and almost indescribable, but unfamiliar to us, seeing others we've known before, seeing events that happened in our lifetimes (often in rapid succession, ie "saw my life before my eyes"), learning things about life that were not well understood before this experience, meeting a "supreme being" and others similar to the supreme being, being told it's not your time yet and you have to go back, feeling suddenly back in the body, etc. Often people remember not wanting to leave but being told they have to.

Some take aways for me are that it's not a religious thing but more a spiritual thing, that what we do in this life does matter, as amberpi said, that we have long term connections with people and other spirits but we may not be aware of them in our lifetimes, that we can sometimes learn a lot about why things happened in our lives, and can change things about ourselves, and that it's not that there's a "score card", but that the purpose of this life seems to be to strive for a higher evolution of our souls, if that makes sense. Not trying to offend anyone who does not believe this line of thinking, just trying to say that those are some of the themes that seem to be commonly reported by the many people who've experienced NDE. Not everyone will have all of the same experiences, but usually they will have some form of some of the more common ones. It's an interesting subject to study, and there are lots of books on the matter. For those that it's happened to, it's usually life altering. Cardiologists were often the people who heard stories the most when people suffered cardiac arrest, then were brought back to life. They often recorded them. Those initial conversations were important, since with time, sometimes some of the memories faded a bit. There was also a doctor, a neurosurgeon, who wrote about his own NDE that was a fascinating read. I will see if I can find it again.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/neuroscientist-sees-proof-heaven-week-long-coma/story?id=17555207

http://www.newsweek.com/proof-heaven-doctors-experience-afterlife-65327

I find it all fascinating too, and what you've said is similar to what I've read as well. My favorite near death experience account was that of Betty Eadie (sp?) in Embraced by the Light, have you read that one?

 

[katie01]

Remember something...religions and their rules are created by imperfect human beings.

I'm a Catholic. I believe in the basic tenets of the church. That God sent his only begotten Son as our Saviour.

I don't think God cares if I eat meat in a Friday during Lent. I think He has bigger things to worry about. If I choose to fast or abstain on a Friday as a bit of a sscrifial offering, then I think God likes that. But if I have a hamburger on Friday, I don't think anyone is making a black check mark in my book in Heaven.

So the rules made up by men, for me, are subject to interpretation.

Sounds like we have very similar beliefs. And that is how I was brought up as well. It was only fairly recently that we were part of a local parish that was much more "letter of the law" and focused on the really strict and somber parts of the faith that really made me struggle. We are thankfully in another parish now that is much more uplifting and inspiring to me.

 

[georgina]

Sounds like we have very similar beliefs. And that is how I was brought up as well. It was only fairly recently that we were part of a local parish that was much more "letter of the law" and focused on the really strict and somber parts of the faith that really made me struggle. We are thankfully in another parish now that is much more uplifting and inspiring to me.

Glad you found a better community. I too think many of the man-made rules of the church can be silly and ignore them. To me, there are really only a couple of major, important ones. On the thread topic, I help at funeral lunches at my church (almost all are catered, as some run 100-150 people and we couldn't make enough food). People really like having a place to gather and remember their loved ones, spend time together after the service.

 

[powellrj]

My family is all within a few hours so if they were coming they could drive.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I find it all fascinating too, and what you've said is similar to what I've read as well. My favorite near death experience account was that of Betty Eadie (sp?) in Embraced by the Light, have you read that one?

Yes, that is one of my favorites, as well!

 

[ctinct]

I have studied a lot about near death experiences for my own personal reasons. We could easily have our own thread just on NDE, but, briefly for this thread, there do seem to be some common themes that occur when someone has a NDE, as told by many researchers who have studied them formally. There seems to be a feeling of being out of the body and hearing and seeing things going on around the body, seeing colors and sights, and hearing sounds, which are beautiful and almost indescribable, but unfamiliar to us, seeing others we've known before, seeing events that happened in our lifetimes (often in rapid succession, ie "saw my life before my eyes"), learning things about life that were not well understood before this experience, meeting a "supreme being" and others similar to the supreme being, being told it's not your time yet and you have to go back, feeling suddenly back in the body, etc. Often people remember not wanting to leave but being told they have to.

Some take aways for me are that it's not a religious thing but more a spiritual thing, that what we do in this life does matter, as amberpi said, that we have long term connections with people and other spirits but we may not be aware of them in our lifetimes, that we can sometimes learn a lot about why things happened in our lives, and can change things about ourselves, and that it's not that there's a "score card", but that the purpose of this life seems to be to strive for a higher evolution of our souls, if that makes sense. Not trying to offend anyone who does not believe this line of thinking, just trying to say that those are some of the themes that seem to be commonly reported by the many people who've experienced NDE. Not everyone will have all of the same experiences, but usually they will have some form of some of the more common ones. It's an interesting subject to study, and there are lots of books on the matter. For those that it's happened to, it's usually life altering. Cardiologists were often the people who heard stories the most when people suffered cardiac arrest, then were brought back to life. They often recorded them. Those initial conversations were important, since with time, sometimes some of the memories faded a bit. There was also a doctor, a neurosurgeon, who wrote about his own NDE that was a fascinating read. I will see if I can find it again.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/neuroscientist-sees-proof-heaven-week-long-coma/story?id=17555207

http://www.newsweek.com/proof-heaven-doctors-experience-afterlife-65327

Thank you for sharing those links. They reminded me that I've always wanted to read Dr. Alexander's book.

If I remember correctly, you are a nurse, so I'm guessing that maybe you have had the privilege of hearing a few recollections from your patients. Although I've not had a near death experience, I'm fascinated by the ones I have read about. The similarities among them are startling, and I think we hear about them more often now because the medical community is able to bring so many patients back from the brink of death. I know in my moms case, as she lay dying she said she saw her parents and a brother that had died as a child, and who I was unaware of.

I'm certain I've shared this story on the DIS boards before, and while it was not a near death experience, it convinced me of the existence of higher beings. I say higher beings because I'm not sure if it was a guardian angel or God, but when my now twenty three year old was a young child, I was able to save her from choking because a higher power physically stopped me in my tracks and "told" me what to do. I put told in quotes because I really have no way to describe it. It was a clear voice, but I know there was no actual voice. I guess the best, albeit inadequate way, to describe it was the voice infused every cell of my being. I did not share my story with anyone for years, because frankly, I know it sounds a little loony, but after many years, I shared it with my daughter, and then the floodgates were opened. Now, I just don't care if people think I'm nuts. It was a profound experience for me and I'm grateful for it.

 

[klacey1]

Ugh, I don't know. My father passed away very unexpectedly in the country he grew up. (He had come to the US in his early 20s, and returned to his home country when I graduated college.)
My grandparents didn't consult my brother nor I about funeral arrangements and just planned what they wanted. I essentially had 12 hours to decide if I could fly to Europe on a next day flight. I eventually decided not to, due to the enormous expense and just the simple knowing--being there would be awful. My family doesn't care for me at all (I'm too independent for their tastes, especially being a women). At the absolute worst time in my life, I wanted to be home, where I felt comfortable, with my support system that would be there for me and actually help me through my grief way more than a silly ceremony that my father explicitly said he never wanted with people who explicitly said they don't like me.
But if any of my close family members or friends who live far away called me and told me they needed me to support them at a funeral of one of their loved ones, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

I'm getting so much negativity from OP lately. It's becoming a downer.

I am Catholic and funerals are important to my family.
We don't have all that much family left really since my parents are both only children.
I was exposed to funerals at a young age due to older relatives that we were really close to passing.
My dad's mom passed away after being burned in a house fire when he was 13.
My mom's mom who my dad was very very close to passed away after having a stroke when I was sleeping over.
In our experience funerals help us to have closure and move on.
Will I travel cross country for a cousin that I've only seen a few times in my life? No but if it were my sister you can bet your butt I would no matter the price!!!
Family especially my small tightly knit family means everything to me and we are together in good times and bad.

 

[disykat]

I didn't attend any of my grandparent's funerals. At that time, it just wasn't that common to hop on an airplane for things. I was able to go see all of them before their deaths though - and that was my priority financially. I would have loved to have gone, it just wasn't possible to do it all as I was a college student for all but one of them and had just taken my husband and kids to see my last remaining grandparent shortly before she passed. I also did not make it to my aunt's and uncle's funerals (again, all 2000 or so miles away) nor do I expect that any of my geographically distant cousins will make it to my parent's.

I have a close friend whose family is very close and she has four kids. They've been to 4 family funerals this year and have spent at least 20K on plane tickets for their family of 6 to attend funerals and for my friend and her husband to go for caregiving prior. I'm thankful my close family is all driving distance at this point so it will be easier. Crass to say, but my parents would "die" if people went into debt for their funerals!

In my experience where I live, viewings are only for immediate family and burials too. Many people choose to wait and have memorials rather than funerals. Memorials are often scheduled when those further away can come, sometimes weeks after the burial. It also gives people far away that can't come time to send something to be read at the meal after the memorial, etc.

It is interesting to see how things differ regionally, culturally, and by family. As far as "enjoyment," I do enjoy going to memorial services and find them to be very healing. I also find funerals healing, but harder.

 

[descovy]

My dad died last March while on an RV trip in the middle of nowhere. He died in his sleep, very suddenly.

We elected to do his funeral in June. First there was the absolute shock. Then the logistics of cremation et al while out of state, And of course how to get his RV home.

June was when we could get family to gather, and at that point what's the hurry?

I'm so glad we did wait. Yes, there were tears, but good tears. There was time to process. There was also time to put together something authentic to really honor his life. A church funeral/wake wouldn't have been it for him.

My dad was a retired crop duster. Another local crop duster agreed to spread his ashes. We invited family and friends. Watching the airplane take off with his ashes, spread them on the nearby field and fly away was the most profound way to honor his life. It was so simple, uncomplicated, and yet profound.

Knowing my dad, he would have said no to a funeral. But I think he would have approved of this.

 

[StephMK]

I don't want a service at all. I want to be cremated and thrown into a body of water. I would like my kids and family to take a little money I hopefully leave behind to rent a house at our traditional beach and celebrate a week together. That's it.

 

[North of Mouse]

You go to a funeral to support the loved ones left behind. I would be very angry and upset if someone close to me died and my close friends and family chose not to attend as "they don't like funerals".
Is there anyone that LIKES funerals?

Well said!! I don't like to go to funerals either, but it's called respect! You stand by those that are going through difficult, heart wrenching experiences because that's the thing to do. I've been on 'both' sides of the fence! I love my friends and family and have needed them desperately at times as they have needed me.

We always have had wakes and funerals, and, as for me, it helps a little bit toward the healing of acceptance and closure.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

You go to a funeral to support the loved ones left behind. I would be very angry and upset if someone close to me died and my close friends and family chose not to attend as "they don't like funerals".
Is there anyone that LIKES funerals?

Bravo! Can't agree more! No one likes funerals but we need to put our big girl/boy panties on and support those grieving. Life isn't always about us!

 

[andersonsc]

the thought of death is not something that bothers me. I've already thought that if my spouse dies or parents, I would not want a viewing or funeral for them. Just small graveside service for family. I do not want people coming to "show respect". I would feel like I was on display, people coming to see how I'm holding up and all. I don't want to feel like I have to be polite and talk to people when mourning. I'm not the type to need much support though. usually want to deal with things on my own.
Just wonder if all these people we think we are offering support to, really want that support. I suppose most do...

 

[NFLDERS]

the thought of death is not something that bothers me. I've already thought that if my spouse dies or parents, I would not want a viewing or funeral for them. Just small graveside service for family. I do not want people coming to "show respect". I would feel like I was on display, people coming to see how I'm holding up and all. I don't want to feel like I have to be polite and talk to people when mourning. I'm not the type to need much support though. usually want to deal with things on my own.
Just wonder if all these people we think we are offering support to, really want that support. I suppose most do...

You need to read your post carefully; The "I" I, I, is resounding.

 

[DizBelle]

You need to read your post carefully; The "I" I, I, is resounding.

Not sure what this poster is getting at with this comment.....

 

[NFLDERS]

Not sure what this poster is getting at with this comment.....

I could try to explain it to you but, I...