Another Wedding Spinoff--Alcohol at Reception

[mummabear]

I've been to weddings that only served wine and beer. I almost did that at my reception, but DH really wanted a full open bar. I had narrowed it down to 2 hotel ballrooms and chose the one with the best per person per hour open bar price.

At my son's wedding, after 10 pm, the open bar switched to a no host cash only bar. I can't imagine not having at least $20 on me. Around here there is a growing divide among places that take plastic, and those that are switching to cash only. A lot of small businesses just can't afford the fees they have to pay when folks use their rewards cards since the merchant, not the card issuer, pays that reward, some times 10% of the total charge.

Here in NZ everyone is nearly cash free, we use our eftpos cards even for a pack of gum.

 

[mummabear]

Now that I think of it, we did go to a wedding with a cash bar, even for juice. DH was so pissed off, we had spent $$$ to catch the ferry down south driven hours to the middle of nowhere (you know when Google doesn't street view you are in the woops) for a wedding in a pub, that was still open to the public and had to pay out of pocket for everything

 

[AquamarineSteph]

I have never seen the alcohol content (or lack thereof) spelled out on a wedding reception invitation. I just assume I go and be a good guest, happy with whatever I'm being served. If someone has a medical issue which requires them to check ahead for what is being served, that's perfectly understandable, but I'd hate to come across as hinting that if I wasn't served this or that it wasn't good enough in some respect.

And for the carrying cash issue - I always carry a small amount of cash with me. That's a hand me down piece of advice from my mother who said that any woman should always have enough cash on her person to make sure she can get home and have a drink if necessary. ;-) Now that was from an era where credit cards were not widely used, but I think it's good advice, and I still follow it.

I've seen loads of stores that refuse to accept a credit card for purchases less than (fill in amount of that store), and I have seen some smaller merchants and vendors at places like farmers' markets who do not take credit cards at all. When I worked retail we would do the old fashioned method of making triplicate copies of credit cards and writing down info if the power went down during business hours for customers who wanted to make a purchase.

 

[lilia78]

Our wedding had an open bar. The reception was held at our farm, we just had my DH's Uncle handing out the drinks when people asked for them. That isn't always how it's done in our area, but that is how my DH's family does it. His parents had a 50th Anniversary celebration last summer at the local Legion and they had an open bar there, just had some grandkids take turns watching it and handing out the drinks.

 

[indimom]

Most wedding here are "gauche" I guess, primarily beer and some wine or champagne for the toast. But, we've attended pretty much every wedding "type" mentioned in this thread. Dry, open bar, pay bar, and a mix of both (beer or wine served on the couple, but mixed drinks extra).
What I've NEVER experienced is charging for a non-alcoholic drink. That seems to be taking it a bit far. Shouldn't some sort of beverage be included with the meal??
Our wedding was held in a VFW hall. We served beer and wine, but there was a public bar in the building and some of our guests took advantage of that.
I guess because we're used to all the options, we plan ahead, and I see no reason to put it on the invite. I do agree with a PP who said it should be mentioned if there will be NO meal when the party is during a mealtime. At least let people know in advance so they can grab a sandwich before they arrive.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've never been to a dry wedding, I've been to one cash bar wedding, and a wedding where there was only open bar at the cocktail hour, and beer and wine for the rest of the reception (very religious couple who didn't drink). A cash bar would be so out of the norm here, that I would expect to be given a heads up. I don't carry a lot of cash (I have 5 teens, who clean me out), but I always make sure I have singles for the valet, coat check and bar tips.

 

[design_mom]

At our wedding we hosted beer, wine, and non-alcoholic drinks (soda, punch and water.) I don't believe hard liquor was even there as an option. We did it because that's what we could afford to offer our guests.

I have been to weddings of all types. I am not a drinker so I probably would not get an alcoholic beverage anyway, so open bar/limited hosted bar/cash bar doesn't usually affect me one way or the other.

However, one time I went to a wedding where ALL beverages were cash. Not even tap water was available (there was bottled water available at the bar for $1.50/bottle). Since DH and I don't usually get anything from the bar anyway, we didn't make a point of having extra cash on hand. We had *some* when we left the house, but the venue was several hours from home and we stopped for lunch along the way. Of course that was the day that DH dripped something on his tie. So we had to stop at a market in a little town to buy Shout Wipes or a Tide-to-Go stick (can't remember what we bought) to get the stain out of his tie. Whatever we bought, we were just under the limit for using the credit card. Not realizing we'd need the cash, we spent most of what we had at the grocery store. At the wedding, I think we managed to scrape together enough cash for each of us to get one soda or bottle of water, and we nursed it through dinner and all though the evening. That's the only time I've ever felt like what the host provided wasn't "enough." I am fine with not providing *everything* to your guests, but there should be *something* available -- at least water. I guess in that situation, I would have preferred a heads-up, but usually, I just go with the flow.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

It's been many years since I've been to a reception with a cash bar, and I don't remember if there's a proper etiquette.

If a couple has a cash bar, should this be indicated to guests in advance, either on the invitation itself, or as an insert card in the invitation? Or should nothing be said and let the guests be surprised?

The same applies if ONLY wine and beer will be available. (No hard liquor available even for purchase).

Or if it's going to be a totally dry reception, should this also be announced in advance?

I personally would never have a cash bar, but I'm OK with people who do. But I WOULD like to know about it ahead of time.

It should be indicated. People don't always carry cash.
Also, what/if they are serving (whether for purchase or not), maybe on the response card?

 

[Prose]

I didn't even realize that people served alcohol at weddings until I was in college - growing up it was always cake, nuts, punch and mints in the church hall after the wedding. It was a Midwestern college town, but the older generation of my family was kind of 'churchy', so that how they rolled.

I have been to weddings that had all kinds of arrangements for alcohol- no bar, open bar, bars where one or two specialty cocktails were included and everything's else was cash, wine on the table, and so on. Our wedding we had serve yourself beer and wine (and yes, a keg - gasp!), with champagne on the tables for the toast. We had TONS of alcohol left over, so I guess we just weren't a drinking crowd.

 

[mjkacmom]

I didn't even realize that people served alcohol at weddings until I was in college - growing up it was always cake, nuts, punch and mints in the church hall after the wedding. It was a Midwestern college town, but the older generation of my family was kind of 'churchy', so that how they rolled.

I have been to weddings that had all kinds of arrangements for alcohol- no bar, open bar, bars where one or two specialty cocktails were included and everything's else was cash, wine on the table, and so on. Our wedding we had serve yourself beer and wine (and yes, a keg - gasp!), with champagne on the tables for the toast. We had TONS of alcohol left over, so I guess we just weren't a drinking crowd.

I didn't attend any weddings until I was out of college - weddings are typically adult events here.

 

[Hikergirl]

Open bar is the norm here. I think I've been to one wedding where it was a cash bar but dh was in the wedding party so he was free so I just had him get my drinks.
I would not have enough cash on me to cover drinks for myself and dh for the night so I would appreciate the info on the invitation if it were a cash bar.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Gumbo, you need to get you princess (your wife) to give you a kiss...you accidently turned yourself into a frog.

Darn you, auto-incorrect!!!

 

[Minnesota!]

Around here, beer and wine and setups are free. Add-in's are cash. It's just how it is done, so nothing more would need to be said on the invitation, etc. It would be what people are expecting.

 

[aprilgail]

Often times it's based on regional differences I think, just like food selections at weddings. In the South, weddings tend to be cocktail receptions. In the North, most weddings I've been to have massive cocktail hours with butlered hor d'oeuvres and food stations followed by 5 course plated dinners. Out West is a mixed bag.

That's how weddings are here- you get the cocktail hour, hor d'oeuvres, carving station etc, then the main sit down meal, and many times the Viennese hour follows.

I didn't attend any weddings until I was out of college - weddings are typically adult events here.

wow- my daughter has been invited to many weddings since she was about 4 years old- sure there were a few she was not invited to but for the bulk of them she was invited.

 

[smiths02]

The few weddings I have been to actually did have some kind of cash bar HOWEVER everything was clearly spelled out food and beverage wise
Food wise you either chose a plate or they stated buffet, appetizers, etc.
Drink wise...some have had cocktail hour (or two) and the bar was open, others have had signature cocktails for the cocktail hour and beer and wine the rest of the time (unless you paid).
I know some places, the cost for bride and groom isn't just the alcohol and bartender, some venues require an off duty police officer to be there if alcohol is served.

 

[Vernie822]

Cash bars are tacky, IMO. I would prefer just wine or beer.

If you're going to have a cash bar, I think you should let guests know in advance. A friend of mine went to a wedding (her DH was the Best Man) and they had no clue it was a cash bar. Neither of them had cash!

 

[Nancyg56]

Nobody ever complains about getting too much info. Never understood why more people don't just spell out as many details as possible - even if it is just an added printed page thrown into the invitation. With an event that generally has a wide variety of people, ages, lifestyles... you can save many people a lot of hassle by just letting them know exactly what is going on. People have an infinite number of dietary/medical/pharmaceutical/digestive tract/children/anxiety/sleep, etc., etc., etc. issues and the better you layout exactly what is going on and what will be available for that 8 or 9 hour period, the better everyone can prepare themselves to enjoy themselves to the fullest.

And selfishly, you save yourself from endless phone calls to explain the same basic details to all your guests.

I agree. When we got married we had an all day and into the night wedding. At 6 PM we had a second band come and served a light supper. My friend, who knew more about Etiquette than Emily Post, told me that it would be rude to spell that out on the invitations. I was sorry that I listened, because the second set was very relaxed and casual so some of our guests actually left to buy shorts. Looking back I recognize that while I did not need to tell people that we were hosting one heck of a shindig, I should have done so.

With that said, I do not think that hosts need to spell all the reception details out on their invitation. It makes sense to me that when you are a guest you get what you get, so I usually bring some cash JIC, but I am always happy with what I am served. If I want alcohol and it is not served, I'll pay for it. What I do find rude is guests asking about the details in order to decide a wedding gift. I have been told that some of my friends were grilled before their DD"s wedding so the guests knew the size of the gift. I wanted to laugh....this friends Jack and Jill's that they hosted for their daughters were nicer and more elaborate than many of the weddings these "friends" had hosted.

 

[CPanther95]

Cash bars are tacky, IMO. I would prefer just wine or beer.

If you're going to have a cash bar, I think you should let guests know in advance. A friend of mine went to a wedding (her DH was the Best Man) and they had no clue it was a cash bar. Neither of them had cash!

After reading the thread I guess it varies by location.

But I see it the same way as you do. I see it the same as when you invite someone to your house for dinner - or even out for dinner. You'd never charge your guest for part of the meal, especially such an integral part.

 

[smiths02]

I agree. When we got married we had an all day and into the night wedding. At 6 PM we had a second band come and served a light supper. My friend, who knew more about Etiquette than Emily Post, told me that it would be rude to spell that out on the invitations. I was sorry that I listened, because the second set was very relaxed and casual so some of our guests actually left to buy shorts. Looking back I recognize that while I did not need to tell people that we were hosting one heck of a shindig, I should have done so.

With that said, I do not think that hosts need to spell all the reception details out on their invitation. It makes sense to me that when you are a guest you get what you get, so I usually bring some cash JIC, but I am always happy with what I am served. If I want alcohol and it is not served, I'll pay for it. What I do find rude is guests asking about the details in order to decide a wedding gift. I have been told that some of my friends were grilled before their DD"s wedding so the guests knew the size of the gift. I wanted to laugh....this friends Jack and Jill's that they hosted for their daughters were nicer and more elaborate than many of the weddings these "friends" had hosted.

But nowadays, apparently, the wedding gift is supposed to at least equal your share of the wedding and reception (and maybe in some places it has always been like this). I could see people like me (who eloped) or people who have never been married might have no idea how much they are "supposed" to give because they don't know how fancy the wedding/reception is.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I have never seen the alcohol content (or lack thereof) spelled out on a wedding reception invitation. I just assume I go and be a good guest, happy with whatever I'm being served. If someone has a medical issue which requires them to check ahead for what is being served, that's perfectly understandable, but I'd hate to come across as hinting that if I wasn't served this or that it wasn't good enough in some respect.

Exactly. I am surprised at the number of people that seem upset that a full bar might not be available. Or that it somehow needs to be announced. And the people that are upset that it is a cash bar and no one told them to bring cash.

Would you, the general you, not you personally, Steph. Not go to a party or wedding simply because there wasn't an open bar? When you go out somewhere do you call ahead to make sure there is liquor available?

If you have to have an alcoholic drink or if you have to drink alcohol if others are drinking alcohol, you have a problem. And it isn't that you didn't bring enough cash.

My own wedding was a cash bar. My parents didn't drink, my husband to be didn't drink and I only drank once in a while. It seemed crazy for any of us to pay for others to drink.

(I've never heard of a wedding not having anything to drink. Even tap water.)