Your opinion?

[leebee]

I'd return the gifts you bought, not get anything, and not go to the shower. Be busy on that day and decline the invitation. I don't understand buying what is demanded for the sake of keeping the peace. It doesn't keep peace; it supports and encourages rude, bad behavior.

 

[Oodalally13]

Who is asking for presents? I think besides the unusually selfish person like this posters coworker most are surprises and without a registry. It is something that the friends and family want to do for their pregnant friend not something forced upon them.

I'd guess you could celebrate whatever you want, but why should others feel they cannot throw parties for their friends and family because there are some who never get a party at all

EVERY single shower of any type I have received an invitation to (and that is a lot) included a registry card and the person celebrating either had a hand in it or organized it themself. In fact just last week I got a call from a newly engaged bride to be that said "I'm planning my couples shower. Will you be one of the hostesses and do you know who else I could ask." Not a joke I swear.

I'm not saying anyone shouldn't throw parties. No problem with the celebration, get together, whatever. It's the greed associated with said celebration. I can count on one hand what few showers have to do with celebrating or games or anything like that. The majority are "have some chips and dip. Now let's open presents."
Now if it's one shower OR the wedding present for the first marriage, ok I'll buy something. First baby--ok I'll buy something. Anything beyond that, well you should be established by now. I didn't impregnate or engage you, so you buy your own stuff.

 

[nugov2]

EVERY single shower of any type I have received an invitation to (and that is a lot) included a registry card and the person celebrating either had a hand in it or organized it themself. In fact just last week I got a call from a newly engaged bride to be that said "I'm planning my couples shower. Will you be one of the hostesses and do you know who else I could ask." Not a joke I swear.

I'm not saying anyone shouldn't throw parties. No problem with the celebration, get together, whatever. It's the greed associated with said celebration. I can count on one hand what few showers have to do with celebrating or games or anything like that. The majority are "have some chips and dip. Now let's open presents."
Now if it's one shower OR the wedding present for the first marriage, ok I'll buy something. First baby--ok I'll buy something. Anything beyond that, well you should be established by now. I didn't impregnate or engage you, so you buy your own stuff.

You might want to reconsider who is in your circle. I have been to more baby showers and wedding showers than I can even count. I have never been asked to host/be involved in paying/planning nor has the guest of honor. Usually baby and bridal showers are thrown by a mom or sister or combo of both and sprinkles are thrown by your inner circle of friends with a few close family members included. The registry does exist for the baby/bridal and have been to 6 sprinkles...none with a registry and all were a surprise. I guess I am lucky to not have money sucking friends and family members in my life and people who mutually enjoy celebrating each others milestones with no hard feelings or pressure to spend unwanted money. You sound bitter to the type of people who are in your life, so I would branch out to some less selfish people so you can get past the bitterness and move on to the fun of celebrating with the people most important in your life pressure free

 

[Oodalally13]

[/B]

You might want to reconsider who is in your circle. I have been to more baby showers and wedding showers than I can even count. I have never been asked to host/be involved in paying/planning nor has the guest of honor. Usually baby and bridal showers are thrown by a mom or sister or combo of both and sprinkles are thrown by your inner circle of friends with a few close family members included. The registry does exist for the baby/bridal and have been to 6 sprinkles...none with a registry and all were a surprise. I guess I am lucky to not have money sucking friends and family members in my life and people who mutually enjoy celebrating each others milestones with no hard feelings or pressure to spend unwanted money. You sound bitter to the type of people who are in your life, so I would branch out to some less selfish people so you can get past the bitterness and move on to the fun of celebrating with the people most important in your life pressure free

I think it's the mindset of the town I live in. These aren't necessarily my friends. The town I currently live in is the town I grew up in. Small town of about 2000 people where everyone knows everyone and is probably related. Showers have been this way as long as I can remember and I can remember attending them as a child and being bored out of my mind. These are people I grew up with, friends of parents, kids I went to school and was on teams with. This girl the only connection we have is that my mom and her mom played bunco together and my mom would occasionally babysit her. I'm 30 and this girl is like 20. Definitely not part of my inner circle. Plus my inner circle is all of the independent, don't need or want a spouse or children variety.

 

[Nettester]

Is it happening during the workday and they are letting everyone take time off to attend? If so I would probably return the gifts I got and buy one of the items she requested (and probably the smallest package they come in).

Is it happening outside of work? If so I would just give an excuse, decline the invitation, return the gifts and leave it at that.

This is what I would do.

I wouldn't go out of my way after work hours to attend a shower for her. If it was in the office during the workday, I'd justify the cost of a small pack of diapers or wipes as an exchange for the food (hopefully you aren't all asked to chip in for that as well). Hopefully you won't have to play any silly games.

 

[LuvGoofy6]

We had a shower for a gal at work and the staff pitched in to buy her a gift card to Target (her first baby). She got 1 or 2 other gifts from those that didn't go in on the gift card because they had already purchased gifts. After the shower she complained loudly to many of us she couldn't believe she ONLY got 2 gifts and one $350 gift card. She went on to say that, "Her boyfriend is an officer and she didn't need the gift card because he could afford to buy what they needed." She has since moved but I can tell you that had she stayed many of us would have done nothing for her.

OP, if it were family I would take the high road. If it is a large place where you work and not giving a gift isn't overly noticeable then I would get her nothing. If it is a small work environment then I would return the gifts and give a small gift of her choice. Like the gal I work with, I'm sure she has offended many with her attitude.

 

[kaytieeldr]

So true. These things that are learned through lots of trial and error. Can you imagine having to return 20+ bags of diapers?

Wothout a receipt, since the mother-to-be didn't demand receipts for the "gifts" she's demanding.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Wow. I'm wondering if people for whom it's the norm would think your area is tacky for NOT having second showers.

I can't see anyone in any area thinking it's tacky NOT to throw a party for which gifts are expected/required.

 

[Bluestars]

I can't think of a more boring shower than one in which the gifts are only diapers or wipes. I've never been to a shower where the guest of honor demanded specific items.

Hopefully, it's after work and you can skip it.

 

[Ceila]

I can't see anyone in any area thinking it's tacky NOT to throw a party for which gifts are expected/required.

You completely missed my point. The poster I quoted seems to think that other areas in the country are tacky just because they do things differently than in his area. I commented because I find that attitude boorish.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I would give her the gifts you purchased, along with the receipts, and make her do the legwork in having to return it all. Why should you have to chase around returning gifts, and then purchasing something new?

Just tell her you got the memo about swaddles AFTER you already purchased your gifts and that you simply haven't had the time to return them to buy something new.

That puts a little bit of responsibility on her end. Make her work for what she wants.

 

[dakcp2001]

The shower is during the workday, and as a nurse, I rarely can just drop what I am doing to go attend. Yesterday I returned all the clothes/outfits I purchased for a refund if 56 including taxes. I purchased one big tub of "boogie wipes" for 8.99. I wrapped them and put a big bow on top. Did you know there is such a thing as boogie wipes? I laughed when I saw them. Perfect gift for a snotty mom. She said she wanted wipes. and I saved over 40 bucks.

 

[JanaDee]

EVERY single shower of any type I have received an invitation to (and that is a lot) included a registry card and the person celebrating either had a hand in it or organized it themself. In fact just last week I got a call from a newly engaged bride to be that said "I'm planning my couples shower. Will you be one of the hostesses and do you know who else I could ask." Not a joke I swear.

I'm not saying anyone shouldn't throw parties. No problem with the celebration, get together, whatever. It's the greed associated with said celebration. I can count on one hand what few showers have to do with celebrating or games or anything like that. The majority are "have some chips and dip. Now let's open presents."
Now if it's one shower OR the wedding present for the first marriage, ok I'll buy something. First baby--ok I'll buy something. Anything beyond that, well you should be established by now. I didn't impregnate or engage you, so you buy your own stuff.

You need new friends.

 

[aaarcher86]

The shower is during the workday, and as a nurse, I rarely can just drop what I am doing to go attend. Yesterday I returned all the clothes/outfits I purchased for a refund if 56 including taxes. I purchased one big tub of "boogie wipes" for 8.99. I wrapped them and put a big bow on top. Did you know there is such a thing as boogie wipes? I laughed when I saw them. Perfect gift for a snotty mom. She said she wanted wipes. and I saved over 40 bucks.

Can you put that in the card?

"Perfect gift for a snotty mom!"

 

[dakcp2001]

You completely missed my point. The poster I quoted seems to think that other areas in the country are tacky just because they do things differently than in his area. I commented because I find that attitude boorish.

I got your point. And I agree, I hate when people say something is tacky just because it's different then *their* way of doing things. Reginal difference are just that, different. One isn't better than the other. It's very close minded to brandish other people's norms as tacky just because it's different. Some people need to get out in the world and meet some new people, maybe experience some different cultures. "My way is the only way that is correct" seems sad to me.

 

[dakcp2001]

Can you put that in the card?

"Perfect gift for a snotty mom!"

don't tempt me!

 

[kimblebee]

I got your point. And I agree, I hate when people say something is tacky just because it's different then *their* way of doing things. Reginal difference are just that, different. One isn't better than the other. It's very close minded to brandish other people's norms as tacky just because it's different. Some people need to get out in the world and meet some new people, maybe experience some different cultures. "My way is the only way that is correct" seems sad to me.

I have been saying this for a LONG time on these boards. It's nice to see I'm not the only one to feel this way.

 

[LBIJim]

You completely missed my point. The poster I quoted seems to think that other areas in the country are tacky just because they do things differently than in his area. I commented because I find that attitude boorish.

I got your point. And I agree, I hate when people say something is tacky just because it's different then *their* way of doing things. Reginal difference are just that, different. One isn't better than the other. It's very close minded to brandish other people's norms as tacky just because it's different. Some people need to get out in the world and meet some new people, maybe experience some different cultures. "My way is the only way that is correct" seems sad to me.

I have been saying this for a LONG time on these boards. It's nice to see I'm not the only one to feel this way.

Geez, it sure took long enough. I was disappointed that my tacky comment didn't get a more immediate reaction, but better late than never. Thank you.

 

[JanaDee]

The shower is during the workday, and as a nurse, I rarely can just drop what I am doing to go attend. Yesterday I returned all the clothes/outfits I purchased for a refund if 56 including taxes. I purchased one big tub of "boogie wipes" for 8.99. I wrapped them and put a big bow on top. Did you know there is such a thing as boogie wipes? I laughed when I saw them. Perfect gift for a snotty mom. She said she wanted wipes. and I saved over 40 bucks.

Yes, my sister uses boogie wipes for my year old nephew. I told her "you know those are just butt wipes in a different package, right?"

 

[missbrooke06]

Yes, my sister uses boogie wipes for my year old nephew. I told her "you know those are just butt wipes in a different package, right?"

Not exactly - less chemicals with the addition of saline. They certainly aren't a necessity but they are gentler than a diaper wipe on a kid's face.