WWYD -- Parenting Dilemma

[Bertnie20]

That is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it. Just as others are entitled to their opinions of the situation.

The majority of the posters here disagree with controlling snacks so tightly and believe it leads to other problems in the future.

Nobody has called the OP a bad mother. Nobody has been rude. They are stating their opinions on a discussion board of their experiences and their opinions on how to handle the situation.

The only person being rude is the one calling other people out and chastising them for stating their opinions.

I agree everyone can have their own opinion, that's not the problem, what I am saying is when people go threw her posts to point out that she ate cookie dough?? Why should that be brought here, who cares. And saying loosen up, buy the kid some chips etc is not trying to be helpful, I'm not saying you were doing this but others were, there is a line between being hurtful and having an opinion, if you look back I agreed that it shouldn't be a big deal about the candy, but the meaning of her post, was how to confront him and deal with him doing it, she's not saying she never gives them what they want but others were looking way to far into the posts and thinking so.

 

[Laura66]

If there isn't any chocolate candy in the house and I'm PMSing I get desperate and eat the chocolate chips I bought for making cookies!
If the kids have a stash - it ain't safe! Just sayin! Of course they usually make out when I compensate them later! Hmmmmm . . . I'm beginning to think they're setting me up!

 

[Bertnie20]

Bolding is mine, and that's quite correct; if he'd asked, she would have said no, you cannot randomly eat the candy we have for baking. She clearly explained what the candy is for. He STILL chooses to do what he wants to. Do your kids really get into the chocolate chips? The mini m&ms? Do they eat the shortening and flour and brown sugar, too? She isn't buying candy for herself and DH and saying the kids can't eat it. They KNOW this is for baking cookies and stuff. She knows they know it's for baking, not random snacking, and she knows they know they shouldn't be getting into it. Her son is choosing to do whatever he wants, regardless of the rules, regardless of the consequence. And for what it's worth, approximately 5% of the posters on this thread understood the OP's intent- that she is worried that her son chooses to lie and sneak and generally do what he wants to do, whenever. Everyone else just wants to bash the OP for not having candy around, and not letting her kids eat whatever they want, which is NOT what she was asking for. Honestly, I think posters on this thread are CRAZY for buying their kids crap food on a regular basis (and yes, monthly is a regular basis, even if they candy has been gone since day 1), and for letting kids eat whatever they want, whenever they want to, but they are your kids and it's your decision.

OP didn't ask "how can I make my kid stop sneaking candy," she asked how can she help her son realize that he can't just do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, just because he wants to. And now, like OP, I will bow out, because I already have too many brick walls to bash my head against.

Agreed!!!

 

[ORMom2Four]

I think that you might want to look at how ou treat food and candy in your home. I do not approve of sneaking food, and this is sneaking to me, not stealing. However, you clearly have given them a lot of enticement by keeping candy in the house and then not letting them have it. I think that when you "dangle" something in front of a kid, he is going to reach for it, and your boys did just that.

I think it is telling that you have known that the boys are getting treats somewhere, and yet you have not addressed how you can change the behavior. I think that I would talk to the boys and make treats accessible, because your method has backfired.

I totally agree with this quote. They are sneaking the candy, not stealing.

If you put such harsh restrictions on what food they eat, they are going to rebel and eat candy and chips when you are not looking. It's going to create eating issues for them in the long run.

 

[Bluestars]

If there isn't any chocolate candy in the house and I'm PMSing I get desperate and eat the chocolate chips I bought for making cookies!
If the kids have a stash - it ain't safe! Just sayin! Of course they usually make out when I compensate them later! Hmmmmm . . . I'm beginning to think they're setting me up!

I have been known to take a piece of uneaten candy out of one of my kids' Easter baskets when they weren't looking. If I had candy in the pantry that I needed for baking and the kids got into it, I would just buy more. It's not a big deal to me.

 

[Judy Judy Judy]

Am I the only one reading this dying for a fresh baked cookie now ?

 

[kwelch10377]

I agree everyone can have their own opinion, that's not the problem, what I am saying is when people go threw her posts to point out that she ate cookie dough?? Why should that be brought here, who cares. And saying loosen up, buy the kid some chips etc is not trying to be helpful, I'm not saying you were doing this but others were, there is a line between being hurtful and having an opinion, if you look back I agreed that it shouldn't be a big deal about the candy, but the meaning of her post, was how to confront him and deal with him doing it, she's not saying she never gives them what they want but others were looking way to far into the posts and thinking so.

What is the big deal about looking at a posters previous posts? It is not like it is that hard to do and I do it all the time for various reasons, sometimes if someone posts something snarky I will look to see if that poster always posts like that or if I recall a poster saying one thing in one thread but something totally conflicting in another I'll look back at their posts to see if I was thinking of someone else. In this case I was curious to see if she posted something about having issues with her son before regarding stealing things or sneaking food. I did find it funny that she posted in this thread about how her family eats healthy but then said in another thread how she downed 1/3 of a bowl of cookie dough.

 

[Buckalew11]

OP, it's your kids' home, too. It's not money from your wallet, it's food from the household pantry. Calling it stealing is a bit much, IMHO. And if you keep up these strict rules, your kids will keep finding ways around them.

Did you see the scene from the new movie Parental Guidance when the kids get cake? Kinda reminds me of that.

Exactly. When we saw that movie that's exactly what he thought of--my sister's kids!

I think people are not quite getting it when they think the majority of the people on this thread are saying let'em have all they want when they want. I do not think that's what we are saying at all. I know I am not.

I also do not what my favorite candy (Reese cup) put into a cookie. That does not sound appealing to me at all.

 

[Nancyg56]

I totally agree with this quote. They are sneaking the candy, not stealing.

If you put such harsh restrictions on what food they eat, they are going to rebel and eat candy and chips when you are not looking. It's going to create eating issues for them in the long run.

When I was a kid, my Mom always seemed to set me up to fail. She would try to "catch" me doing something wrong. When I had my own, I refused to do that. I made sure that they knew my expectations, but I did not trick them into disobeying me so that I could see if they were trustworthy. I assumed that they were, and then gave them the means to stay trustworthy.

I think that even though the OP is correct in that her children are breaking rules, she has created such a tempting situation with the candy, coupled with a no win environment for her children, that they are just going for it.

I do not agree that it is okay to be sneaky, not with food or anything else, but I cannot understand why a parent would set this situation up. In our home, my kids knew that if they asked me, the answer was not an automatic NO> so it always paid to ask if there was any doubt.

 

[Nancyg56]

I also do not what my favorite candy (Reese cup) put into a cookie. That does not sound appealing to me at all.

A brownie maybe

 

[NoSoup4U]

Bolding is mine, and that's quite correct; if he'd asked, she would have said no, you cannot randomly eat the candy we have for baking. She clearly explained what the candy is for. He STILL chooses to do what he wants to. Do your kids really get into the chocolate chips? The mini m&ms? Do they eat the shortening and flour and brown sugar, too? She isn't buying candy for herself and DH and saying the kids can't eat it. They KNOW this is for baking cookies and stuff. She knows they know it's for baking, not random snacking, and she knows they know they shouldn't be getting into it. Her son is choosing to do whatever he wants, regardless of the rules, regardless of the consequence. And for what it's worth, approximately 5% of the posters on this thread understood the OP's intent- that she is worried that her son chooses to lie and sneak and generally do what he wants to do, whenever. Everyone else just wants to bash the OP for not having candy around, and not letting her kids eat whatever they want, which is NOT what she was asking for. Honestly, I think posters on this thread are CRAZY for buying their kids crap food on a regular basis (and yes, monthly is a regular basis, even if they candy has been gone since day 1), and for letting kids eat whatever they want, whenever they want to, but they are your kids and it's your decision.

OP didn't ask "how can I make my kid stop sneaking candy," she asked how can she help her son realize that he can't just do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, just because he wants to. And now, like OP, I will bow out, because I already have too many brick walls to bash my head against.

If the kid was 'stealing' other things too, like money from her purse...i'd understand her concern. But its CANDY for petesake. Candy. Everyone I know at some point in their childhood did the same thing. its not abnormal behaviour. Stealing cash isnt normal thou.

For you to call the majority of posters on this thread CRAZY is pretty bold and quite rude if you ask me. Because we let our kids pick our own snacks, we're crazy? Because we buy them chips and cookies once in a while, we're crazy? Wow. I wouldnt wanna live in your household. We are human. We have cravings. Buying treats every now and then isnt crazy. One could easily call someone crazy for not buying those things at all. I dont let my kid gorge and pig out. If I saw that my child was out of control, i'd do something about it. But thankfully my kid is just fine. For you to assume our kids are out of control is pretty bold. I know thats not what you said, but thats clearly what you implied with your post. You said we're crazy to let our kids eat whatever they want whenever they want.

 

[Nancyg56]

I

For you to call the majority of posters on this thread CRAZY is pretty bold and quite rude if you ask me. Because we let our kids pick our own snacks, we're crazy? Because we buy them chips and cookies once in a while, we're crazy?

You said we're crazy to let our kids eat whatever they want whenever they want.

In my house we have plenty of sweets around I always keep a dish of chocolates in my DGD's room, and it is there whenever she comes by. I did that when my DD's family was living with us and have continued the practice ever since. Kady might have a chocolate, or she might not. Now we have friends and there is never candy in the house, and the boy is like a house on fire when he comes here. My chocolates, chips, whatever is out, is totally consumed. But my DGD almost never even samples them. I think that kids want what they cannot have and therefore, I find that teaching good choices and moderation works better than teasing and then denying. FOr us anyway.

 

[NoSoup4U]

In my house we have plenty of sweets around I always keep a dish of chocolates in my DGD's room, and it is there whenever she comes by. I did that when my DD's family was living with us and have continued the practice ever since. Kady might have a chocolate, or she might not. Now we have friends and there is never candy in the house, and the boy is like a house on fire when he comes here. My chocolates, chips, whatever is out, is totally consumed. But my DGD almost never even samples them. I think that kids want what they cannot have and therefore, I find that teaching good choices and moderation works better than teasing and then denying. FOr us anyway.

Exactly what I teach my kid. Instead of denying them any treats at all, I want them to be able to make good choices for themselves....thats how they learn. If you deprive them completely, it'll make them want junk even more. My kid knows there are tons of treats in the house but a lot of the time i'll see them grab a healthy snack instead. They have a choice of what to eat and most of the time they make the right choice.

 

[Laura66]

If the kid was 'stealing' other things too, like money from her purse...i'd understand her concern. But its CANDY for petesake. Candy. Everyone I know at some point in their childhood did the same thing. its not abnormal behaviour. Stealing cash isnt normal thou.

For you to call the majority of posters on this thread CRAZY is pretty bold and quite rude if you ask me. Because we let our kids pick our own snacks, we're crazy? Because we buy them chips and cookies once in a while, we're crazy? Wow. I wouldnt wanna live in your household. We are human. We have cravings. Buying treats every now and then isnt crazy. One could easily call someone crazy for not buying those things at all. I dont let my kid gorge and pig out. If I saw that my child was out of control, i'd do something about it. But thankfully my kid is just fine. For you to assume our kids are out of control is pretty bold. I know thats not what you said, but thats clearly what you implied with your post. You said we're crazy to let our kids eat whatever they want whenever they want.

I couldn't have said it better! Thank u!

 

[blana]

Thought of this thread when I heard this on the radio this morning:
http://gawker.com/mom-calls-cops-on-teen-son-for-stealing-her-pop-tarts-509551216

 

[Poohforyou]

Just got back from the store with chips, ice cream and candy .

Oh yeah, I also bought a ton of fruit, vegetables, yogurt, cheese, lean meat, healthy grains etc.

 

[Hrhpd]

She's using peanut butter cups and Hershey Kisses for her baking. Not chocolate chips and baking candies. Regular candy.

Is it wrong that I like cookie dough better than the baked cookie?

I can eat the entire bowl, but once they are baked, I'm ambivalent. I mean, I'll eat it if it's there and I'm really hungry (which I'm not, because I just ate a third of the batter) but I never think "ooh, cookies" once they're done.

So the kids like the ingredients before they are mixed into the cookie dough.

I agree. This is what is confusing to me. The OP readily admits she could care less for the baked cookies, yet craves the candies and batter before they are baked.

Yet, when her children express the same interest as their mother - that they would rather have the peanut butter cup alone, rather than in the single cookie they get in their lunch, the mother issues a flat out NO. 'It is the cookie you get and who cares what you really want.' Then, when the children have the same cravings for pre-baked ingredients and are forced to sneak it, they are accused of stealing

 

[cheer25mom]

Do you KNOW her kids, do you KNOW that they don't like the cookies etc. NOPE you don't. Yes I'm defending the op because she was looking for help, not trying to start a fight, it wasn't about fact he was eating sweets it was that he knew he wasn't supposed to do something and he still did behind their back. Regardless of what it is, it is wrong. My parents bought candies for baking purposes that we weren't allowed to eat and it didn't kill us. To me candy is a reward not a must, and if I knew my child was sneaking it I would want help, not just give him what he wants.

From a person who has dealt with eating disorders up close and personal, PLEASE don't use food as either a reward or punishment. It does BAD things to kids.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Discovered today that DS12 and DD8 have been stealing candy from the pantry while I'm in the shower in the morning, and hiding it in their backpacks/lunch bags to take to school every day.

DH and I don't feed them candy, soft drinks, cookies or sweets generally, although I do make cookies about once a week and put one in their lunches. The candy is in the pantry for baking.....PB cups to put in cookies, kisses to put in cookies, etc.

It's not the candy that's the issue, it's the sneaking around and stealing. Yes, we view it as stealing. We've told them, if you would be ashamed/afraid to do it with me or DH in the room, you shouldn't do it. This isn't the first time; every now and then, I'd find empty chip wrappers (we don't eat chips, don't know where he gets them) in DS's room or pants pocket, and when he was in K/1st grade, we found out he was ditching his lunch and using his milk money account to buy chips and candy instead.

WWYD? We feel like this is a crossroads, or a crucial lesson that MUST be learned and he's 12 already. (DD8 is a follower and they both admit she told him not to do it but he did it anyway, for weeks apparently) If we don't get this lesson (don't steal) across now, I think we will miss a vital lesson in developing his character.

Yep, he's a Boy Scout by the way, and so kind in other ways to other kids and animals, does his homework, etc. But seems to think that if he wants something, it's OK to just take it, and that whatever the rules are, they simply don't apply if he wants it.

Suggestions please, and please don't post "oh, it's just candy, let kids be kids" because that isn't the point here. Thank you!

But what if it was beer? We have beer in the pantry too, although he isn't interested in that. I never snuck alcohol from my parent's stash, just wasn't interested, but what if your child was sneaking alcohol? Should we not have that in the house because he can't have any? I know it's not the exact same thing, but isn't it, kind of?

It's not all that forbidden....no, I wouldn't toss a Snickers in their lunch bag, but they get chocolate chip granola bars, cookies (I make the a lot) and I make things like pies and cupcakes and they not only help/lick the bowl, but we eat a piece after dinner.As for the chips, well, DH and I are not chip people, we just don't have a taste for them so I don't buy them. Not sure where he gets them, trades at school maybe.

Again, we do view it as stealing....you are not supposed to have this as a snack and you took it anyway. Same as taking a candy bar at the store. Same as taking a beer from the pantry. It's wrong, and they both know it. Candy isn't food; he'd never be punished for taking an apple or granola bar or some carrots. And if he'd asked, I would have said no --- he fully admitted he knew that. When I asked him why, he said he wanted it....that's it, that's the explanation. He said he knew he wasn't supposed to have it, and that he had to go looking (deep) in the pantry behind the flour and sugar to pull it out and get it. (That's how I knew...he wasn't so careful today about putting things back, and his sister spilled the beans)

Okay- I bolded. Which is it? Is the stuff forbidden or not? Also- you put 1cookie in their lunch? One? Is that even a serving? I am sorry but I think you are forcing them to sneak. They like candy. You have made it such a big deal that they hide it from you. They probably weren't "ashamed" that you caught them. They probably were thinking "great, now we are never going to be able to get any candy". I also don't think eating food that is in the house is stealing. Sure, they were being sneaky and I don't go for that but you have made it impossible for them to be any other way. Sorry but this is on you. I get wanting the kids to eat well and I do too, but variety isn't a bad thing. You eat the stuff but the kids aren't allowed? I don't know, I just think it is cruel what you are doing. Also, why not buy some chips? Obviously your kids like them.

As for the few posters who think this is a federal crime and feeding your kids anything but apples and carrots for snack is grounds for an intervention let me just give you a heads up. The kids who never get the treats at home are the ones that you see at parties and playdates that are trying to eat as many treats as possible because they know they will never get them at home. You (a general you) are teaching them how to be bingers and how to sneak food. That makes me sad.

 

[NoSoup4U]

I agree. This is what is confusing to me. The OP readily admits she could care less for the baked cookies, yet craves the candies and batter before they are baked.

Yet, when her children express the same interest as their mother - that they would rather have the peanut butter cup alone, rather than in the single cookie they get in their lunch, the mother issues a flat out NO. 'It is the cookie you get and who cares what you really want.' Then, when the children have the same cravings for pre-baked ingredients and are forced to sneak it, they are accused of stealing

Glad im not the only one who's confused. It doesnt make sense to me either!