WWYD -- Parenting Dilemma

[rweso]

As for sneaking or stealing, I say it's both. Sneaking is something you do behind someone's back and stealing is taking something that doesn't belong to you. So he did sneak into the pantry to steal the candy. I'm with the OP on this one. I would make them eat something nasty like Brussels sprouts with dinner every time they steal the sweats.
What I do when the kids ask for sweats, I tell them to get some fruit or yogurt first. Often times after the fruit they forget or are not hungry any more. If the still want it then I live up to my word and give them some but a smaller portion is enough to satisfy them because their belly is full from the fruit.

 

[Squidgyness]

When I was a kid my parents would just get some biscuits (cookies as you would term them) chips and maybe a chocolate bar or two a week, mostly for their tea and coffee. I was allowed to eat any of it at any time as long as I didn't go overboard.

If I wanted any candy or anything they didn't buy I was given a small amount of money on occasion to go to the store on the way home from school, but that was all I had and it had to last a while, including soda or anything like that. Taught me to be independent with money, and be responsible with candy. Mostly, we all have our off days after all.

And yes, I got plied with sweets at my grandmothers houses. Everyone has to find their equilibrium based on their situations. I was always a fan of sweet stuff, but I learned to eat less and make it stretch. Everyone has a weakness they have to deal with. Just try not to make it too much of an issue, and they will hopefully grow out of it.

As people have said I would punish them, but I'd state it was for the sneaking, not the food. I'd encourage them to discuss any cravings they might have, if anything is wrong and that's why they were sneaking, that sort of thing. Maybe let them be in charge of their own sweet things but give them a small amount of money for the week?

 

[Hrhpd]

I would like to offer my support for OP. I have a similar situation with my 11 year old DS. He sneaks food all the time. I have no problem with him having snacks and candy in moderation, but he just can't stop himself from eating entire boxes of snack foods or entire bags of candy. We find piles of wrappers under his bed. We even found empty sugar packets in his room!

My DS knows we allow him a treat every day after dinner. He picks the treat. I buy foods he likes. He also usually takes a piece of candy each day in his lunch. He is allowed to have pop on the weekends. It doesn't matter. He is still the kid at the school parties stuffing his face with all the treats he can. The teachers probably assume we don't allow him sugar at home. I think people assume too much. Teachers think they can tell the child who can't have treats at home. Are they in my home watching what my child eats? I don't think so. Both my boys are raised the same as far as what they can eat. Only one of my boys stuffs his face with junk at every opportunity. Maybe people should stop assuming they know what goes on in everyone's home!

This was becoming a huge problem. He was sneaking around eating all this junk, and then not eating his dinner. I can't imagine what all the sugar was doing to his teeth. He put on a lot of weight in the last year too. We thought if we eliminate everything it would become the forbidden fruit situation that everyone is talking about. Well, we ended up doing just that. We put a lock on a pantry in the basement, and all the snacks and treats are now in that closet. DS knows he can ask me for the key and get a snack or treat each day, but I found that he rarely asks me for it. I guess out of sight out of mind.

It really bothers me that I can't trust him with junk food in the house, but I also try to look at it from his point of view. I have a hard time not eating junk too. So I made it easier for him to follow the rules by taking away the temptation. I chose to lock it up rather than not have it at all because we will still eat it in moderation. I do see your point about beer. We lock up our alcohol too. I never took alcohol from my parents, but who know what my kids will do. They are good kids, but sometimes good kids make bad choices.

Again, this is different than the OP. Your son would be allowed to get a piece of candy if he asked.

The OP has already admitted that she would say NO if her son asked for a piece of candy.

There in lies the difference. Your son knows he can have it, so it is not so tempting.

The OP's son knows that even if he asks, Mom is going to say NO. So, the only way to get that peanut butter cup is eating it in the granola bars she makes or by sneaking it. She has set up a situation where the kid feels the need to sneak.

 

[Bertnie20]

Again, this is different than the OP. Your son would be allowed to get a piece of candy if he asked.

The OP has already admitted that she would say NO if her son asked for a piece of candy.

There in lies the difference. Your son knows he can have it, so it is not so tempting.

The OP's son knows that even if he asks, Mom is going to say NO. So, the only way to get that peanut butter cup is eating it in the granola bars she makes or by sneaking it. She has set up a situation where the kid feels the need to sneak.

I'm starting to think you only post to call out others or be hurtful, you don't know her or the situation, stop being rude.

 

[Hrhpd]

I'm starting to think you only post to call out others or be hurtful, you don't know her or the situation, stop being rude.

Who is the one calling out others? You have only posted here to chastise those who disagree with the OP.

 

[mommasita]

Hesitated, but just want to point out my thoughts...Since it appeared that is what you were seeking..

I too find it harsh to say stealing, but that is me.. What is in our home is for everyone.. My purse is always open on the table, and if anyone needs, then it is fair game. My kids are 14, and 17, and only on a couple of occasions can I recall them saying I took at 5$ or something of the like.

At a point there was a time when we were eating WAY too much junk. So I did what my parents had done. Saturday's are ordering out days, and pretty much everything goes. Candy, chips, whatever that person is wanting.. Eat it ALL, because on Sunday we go back to normal, which I must be honest is always 100% healthy either. We do have cookies, cake (rarely) or french fries during the week. When my kids were younger such as yours, they LOVED Saturday's, as they would plan for about two days what they would buy, and of course changed their ideas 100x.. It gave them something to look forward to, which we all need IMHO.

I just think to Dr. Phil, and his "how is that working for you"..

There is no parenting book for me, it is learn as you go. If this is a little bump for you, then alternate your choices.. Make it work for everyone.

 

[Bertnie20]

Who is the one calling out others? You have only posted here to chastise those who disagree with the OP.

Do you KNOW her kids, do you KNOW that they don't like the cookies etc. NOPE you don't. Yes I'm defending the op because she was looking for help, not trying to start a fight, it wasn't about fact he was eating sweets it was that he knew he wasn't supposed to do something and he still did behind their back. Regardless of what it is, it is wrong. My parents bought candies for baking purposes that we weren't allowed to eat and it didn't kill us. To me candy is a reward not a must, and if I knew my child was sneaking it I would want help, not just give him what he wants.

 

[thankudrivethru]

to the OP, it's just candy, let kids be kids! Geez!

 

[Hrhpd]

Do you KNOW her kids, do you KNOW that they don't like the cookies etc. NOPE you don't. Yes I'm defending the op because she was looking for help, not trying to start a fight, it wasn't about fact he was eating sweets it was that he knew he wasn't supposed to do something and he still did behind their back. Regardless of what it is, it is wrong. My parents bought candies for baking purposes that we weren't allowed to eat and it didn't kill us. To me candy is a reward not a must, and if I knew my child was sneaking it I would want help, not just give him what he wants.

That is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it. Just as others are entitled to their opinions of the situation.

The majority of the posters here disagree with controlling snacks so tightly and believe it leads to other problems in the future.

Nobody has called the OP a bad mother. Nobody has been rude. They are stating their opinions on a discussion board of their experiences and their opinions on how to handle the situation.

The only person being rude is the one calling other people out and chastising them for stating their opinions.

 

[NoSoup4U]

That is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it.

The majority of the posters here disagree with controlling snacks so tightly and believe it leads to other problems in the future.

Nobody has called the OP a bad mother. Nobody has been rude. They are stating their opinions on a discussion board of their experiences and their opinions on how to handle the situation.

The only person being rude is the one calling other people out and chastising them for stating their opinions.

 

[jodifla]

I think it's highly disturbing that the OP accuses her children of "stealing" food from their own pantry. This is creating a mountain out of a molehill.

Kids react -- badly -- when rules are ridiculous and unjust. You are about to lock yourselves into a very bad cycle over the next few years. Calling your child a thief for taking food out of the family pantry will only make the OP look like a tyrant down the road.

And it's not going to be one of those things the kids look back on fondly, either.

 

[leebee]

Perhaps you missed the part where the OP said that even if her son had asked for the peanut butter cup, she would have said no. That the candy is only for baking and that she would never put candy in a lunch.

Bolding is mine, and that's quite correct; if he'd asked, she would have said no, you cannot randomly eat the candy we have for baking. She clearly explained what the candy is for. He STILL chooses to do what he wants to. Do your kids really get into the chocolate chips? The mini m&ms? Do they eat the shortening and flour and brown sugar, too? She isn't buying candy for herself and DH and saying the kids can't eat it. They KNOW this is for baking cookies and stuff. She knows they know it's for baking, not random snacking, and she knows they know they shouldn't be getting into it. Her son is choosing to do whatever he wants, regardless of the rules, regardless of the consequence. And for what it's worth, approximately 5% of the posters on this thread understood the OP's intent- that she is worried that her son chooses to lie and sneak and generally do what he wants to do, whenever. Everyone else just wants to bash the OP for not having candy around, and not letting her kids eat whatever they want, which is NOT what she was asking for. Honestly, I think posters on this thread are CRAZY for buying their kids crap food on a regular basis (and yes, monthly is a regular basis, even if they candy has been gone since day 1), and for letting kids eat whatever they want, whenever they want to, but they are your kids and it's your decision.

OP didn't ask "how can I make my kid stop sneaking candy," she asked how can she help her son realize that he can't just do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, just because he wants to. And now, like OP, I will bow out, because I already have too many brick walls to bash my head against.

 

[Robbi]

Bolding is mine, and that's quite correct; if he'd asked, she would have said no, you cannot randomly eat the candy we have for baking. She clearly explained what the candy is for. He STILL chooses to do what he wants to. Do your kids really get into the chocolate chips? The mini m&ms? Do they eat the shortening and flour and brown sugar, too? She isn't buying candy for herself and DH and saying the kids can't eat it. They KNOW this is for baking cookies and stuff. She knows they know it's for baking, not random snacking, and she knows they know they shouldn't be getting into it. Her son is choosing to do whatever he wants, regardless of the rules, regardless of the consequence. And for what it's worth, approximately 5% of the posters on this thread understood the OP's intent- that she is worried that her son chooses to lie and sneak and generally do what he wants to do, whenever. Everyone else just wants to bash the OP for not having candy around, and not letting her kids eat whatever they want, which is NOT what she was asking for. Honestly, I think posters on this thread are CRAZY for buying their kids crap food on a regular basis (and yes, monthly is a regular basis, even if they candy has been gone since day 1), and for letting kids eat whatever they want, whenever they want to, but they are your kids and it's your decision.

OP didn't ask "how can I make my kid stop sneaking candy," she asked how can she help her son realize that he can't just do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, just because he wants to. And now, like OP, I will bow out, because I already have too many brick walls to bash my head against.

What 95% of the posters realize is that there are many battles in parenting. The OP could have handled the kids taking food without having resorted to accusing them of theft. If it's a rule that there's no candy, then don't buy it. It's sending a mixed message to say no candy but then it's ok to eat in cookies if mom feels like baking them.

 

[Deb & Bill]

Bolding is mine, and that's quite correct; if he'd asked, she would have said no, you cannot randomly eat the candy we have for baking. She clearly explained what the candy is for. He STILL chooses to do what he wants to. Do your kids really get into the chocolate chips? The mini m&ms? Do they eat the shortening and flour and brown sugar, too? She isn't buying candy for herself and DH and saying the kids can't eat it. ...

She's using peanut butter cups and Hershey Kisses for her baking. Not chocolate chips and baking candies. Regular candy.

Is it wrong that I like cookie dough better than the baked cookie?

I can eat the entire bowl, but once they are baked, I'm ambivalent. I mean, I'll eat it if it's there and I'm really hungry (which I'm not, because I just ate a third of the batter) but I never think "ooh, cookies" once they're done.

So the kids like the ingredients before they are mixed into the cookie dough.

 

[Southernmiss]

Yes, in my house, if we don't have other treats in the house then Dh and the kids Will eat the chocolate chips for baking.

Always have to precheck my ingredients.

 

[mombrontrent]

Bolding is mine, and that's quite correct; if he'd asked, she would have said no, you cannot randomly eat the candy we have for baking. She clearly explained what the candy is for. He STILL chooses to do what he wants to. Do your kids really get into the chocolate chips? The mini m&ms? Do they eat the shortening and flour and brown sugar, too? She isn't buying candy for herself and DH and saying the kids can't eat it. They KNOW this is for baking cookies and stuff. She knows they know it's for baking, not random snacking, and she knows they know they shouldn't be getting into it. Her son is choosing to do whatever he wants, regardless of the rules, regardless of the consequence. And for what it's worth, approximately 5% of the posters on this thread understood the OP's intent- that she is worried that her son chooses to lie and sneak and generally do what he wants to do, whenever. Everyone else just wants to bash the OP for not having candy around, and not letting her kids eat whatever they want, which is NOT what she was asking for. Honestly, I think posters on this thread are CRAZY for buying their kids crap food on a regular basis (and yes, monthly is a regular basis, even if they candy has been gone since day 1), and for letting kids eat whatever they want, whenever they want to, but they are your kids and it's your decision.

OP didn't ask "how can I make my kid stop sneaking candy," she asked how can she help her son realize that he can't just do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, just because he wants to. And now, like OP, I will bow out, because I already have too many brick walls to bash my head against.

I actually agree with you

 

[mom2rtk]

I steal my own chocolate chips for baking. Do you have any idea how good those things are frozen?

 

[Robbi]

I steal my own chocolate chips for baking. Do you have any idea how good those things are frozen?

They're really good on ice cream too.

 

[Poohforyou]

I'm starting to think you only post to call out others or be hurtful, you don't know her or the situation, stop being rude.

You know, I pride myself on having good reading comprehension and I don't see anything resembling rudeness in hrhpd's post.

 

[QVCshopper]

OP, it's your kids' home, too. It's not money from your wallet, it's food from the household pantry. Calling it stealing is a bit much, IMHO. And if you keep up these strict rules, your kids will keep finding ways around them.

Did you see the scene from the new movie Parental Guidance when the kids get cake? Kinda reminds me of that.