WWYD -- Parenting Dilemma

[Bertnie20]

But the problem is...she wants her kids to want cookies, brownies, cakes, etc, when apparently they want candy. Instead of giving them cookies all the time, give them some stupid candy once in a while.

Punish them for the sneaking because it was 'wrong' however loosen up the candy rules a bit and they will probably stop feeling like they need to sneak the things they actually like. And buy the boy some chips once in a while.

Where in the world did she state this?? Umm she didn't. How do you know her kids don't like the cookies, maybe the kid wants both and wants nothing but sugar should she do it and give them whatever, unless you know her or her kids don't judge.

 

[NoSoup4U]

Sorry but the OP did indicate candy and cookies. You should go back and read all the posts as im pretty sure its there.

Where in the world did she state this?? Umm she didn't. How do you know her kids don't like the cookies, maybe the kid wants both and wants nothing but sugar should she do it and give them whatever, unless you know her or her kids don't judge.

 

[Bertnie20]

Sorry but the OP did indicate candy and cookies. You should go back and read all the posts as im pretty sure its there.

What I was saying is that she never said her kids don't like the cookies and such, if a child is sneaking it, they know its wrong and to do it just because is not ok, we don't know her or her life, what if the child was overweight, tons of cavities or in general healthy eaters and she wants to monitor it. Yes I agree that candy is no big deal, but maybe in their house it is, but it shouldn't be a reason for people to bash her, and go threw her old posts to call her out. I think as a rule, if you wouldn't say it to their face, don't post in on here, some people are being really rude and hurtful :/

 

[Mandychelle79]

Wow, so every time your 10 yo is hungry he has to come ask you if he can have something to eat. Holy heck, with the frequency that my 13yo dd eats I'd be spending my entire day giving her permission to eat .

I can understand needing to ask to eat certain things but needing to ask every single time takes controlling behavior to a whole other level.

Just out of curiosity, who is the owner of the food in your house? If you're a SAHM does that mean your DH owns the food since he pays for it? Do you need to ask before you eat anything?

The only time I request that my child asks for permission for a snack is when I have already told them they are allowed two cookies and they are wanting more than that. When that happens, we compromise, no more cookies right now, but you may have one more at a set time ( usually right before bed). I dont have fresh baked cookies around often so the only reason I even want that is so that I get a cookie or two.

 

[Wendy31]

Saw this news item today & immediately thought of this thread!

http://http://www.wrcbtv.com/story/22406736/mom-has-son-arrested-for-eating-pop-tarts-without-permission

CHARLOTTE (WCNC) A Charlotte, North Carolina woman had her son arrested for stealing her Pop-Tarts earlier this week.

According to a Charlotte-Mecklenburg police report, the mother called investigators on Monday to report her Pop-Tarts had been stolen.

She fingered her own son, who is a juvenile, as the culprit.

Neighbor Fred Patrick could not stop laughing when he first learned an arrest had been made over Pop-Tarts. He knows the young boy.

"He seems real nice to me. I mean, he is real respectful," Patrick said.

The report said that the boy was placed under juvenile arrest and was charged with larceny/misdemeanor.

Read more at WCNC's website.

 

[NoSoup4U]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? WOW. So now her son has a criminal record because of a stupid pop tart? Nice job mom. Sorry but she must have mental health issues. I have a hard time believing that any normal person would do such a thing.

Saw this news item today & immediately thought of this thread!

http://http://www.wrcbtv.com/story/22406736/mom-has-son-arrested-for-eating-pop-tarts-without-permission

 

[robinb]

Saw this news item today & immediately thought of this thread!

http://http://www.wrcbtv.com/story/22406736/mom-has-son-arrested-for-eating-pop-tarts-without-permission

You forgot the rest :

Another neighbor, Tiffany Covington, said in her house, food is there for everyone.

"It would be nice if they asked, but they don't. They are kids," she said.

NBC Charlotte waited over two hours for the mother to come home Wednesday evening. Apparently warned that a reporter was waiting at her front door, she parked her car a block away and slipped into her house through the back.

She emerged only briefly to hurl an obscenity and then slammed the door.

 

[sunshinehighway]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? WOW. So now her son has a criminal record because of a stupid pop tart? Nice job mom. Sorry but she must have mental health issues. I have a hard time believing that any normal person would do such a thing.

After reading some of the posts I have here on the dis (not this thread), it doesn't surprise me at all.

 

[NoSoup4U]

After reading some of the posts I have here on the dis (not this thread), it doesn't surprise me at all.

I was actually thinking the same thing.

 

[princesspiglet]

Maybe I'm too lenient, but I don't place any food restrictions on my DD10. Wait, I do require that she try everything I make, at least 2 bites of it. Besides that, nope.

She can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Nothing is off limits. If it is in our house, she can eat it. If she wakes up at 3am and wants a bowl of cereal, have at it. There is no way I would make her ask my permission to eat, that's just crazy. I grew up like this and have no food issues. I eat healthy and have my junk in moderation. I've never had a weight issue and don't expect to either. If I crave chocolate or chips or ice cream, I eat it. The problem starts when you deny yourself the things you want, then you act like an animal when you finally get to have it.

My DD10 likes candy, but if given the choice between skittles and sliced apples with peanut butter, she would choose the apples. I feel that by not making anything "forbidden fruit" then she has no reason to go crazy with the junk, and she doesn't.

 

[NoSoup4U]

Maybe I'm too lenient, but I don't place any food restrictions on my DD10. Wait, I do require that she try everything I make, at least 2 bites of it. Besides that, nope.

She can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Nothing is off limits. If it is in our house, she can eat it. If she wakes up at 3am and wants a bowl of cereal, have at it. There is no way I would make her ask my permission to eat, that's just crazy. I grew up like this and have no food issues. I eat healthy and have my junk in moderation. I've never had a weight issue and don't expect to either. If I crave chocolate or chips or ice cream, I eat it. The problem starts when you deny yourself the things you want, then you act like an animal when you finally get to have it.

My DD10 likes candy, but if given the choice between skittles and sliced apples with peanut butter, she would choose the apples. I feel that by not making anything "forbidden fruit" then she has no reason to go crazy with the junk, and she doesn't.

Im the same way with my kid. Not very many restrictions. Maybe a couple, but not much. The only issue i have is snacking RIGHT BEFORE DINNER. Thats a huge no no. And by 'right before dinner' I mean literally 1/2 hour before! Lol.

My parents never put any restrictions on me either, i ate whatever the heck i wanted, and i turned out fine. I eat quite healthy right now.

 

[scoutie]

My kids can have any healthy food they want at anytime. Fruits, vegetables, yogurt, etc. They have to ask permission before having treats, though. We have an open candy bowl on the counter and usually homemade cookies or cake. They can have a treat after lunch and a treat after dinner. I don't think this is very crazy and they don't sneak things. I'm anti-soda, so we don't have it in the house, but they can have it as a special treat if we go to a restaurant. This is pretty much how I grew up, and I have zero issues with food and have never had a weight problem.

There are certain foods that I have for myself--fancy chocolates, expensive gelatto, chocolate martinis-that my kids can't have. I don't see anything wrong with that. There are special treats that are just for them, that I don't have (their Halloween candy, birthday party goodie bags) When we go out for ice cream as a family or when I take my daughter to high tea, those are special treats, not an every day thing.

The neighbor girl eats whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and when the ice cream truck comes around, she gets her daily ice cream. She is overweight and I feel that she is going to have some food issues when she gets older.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Maybe I'm too lenient, but I don't place any food restrictions on my DD10. Wait, I do require that she try everything I make, at least 2 bites of it. Besides that, nope.

She can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Nothing is off limits. If it is in our house, she can eat it. If she wakes up at 3am and wants a bowl of cereal, have at it. There is no way I would make her ask my permission to eat, that's just crazy. I grew up like this and have no food issues. I eat healthy and have my junk in moderation. I've never had a weight issue and don't expect to either. If I crave chocolate or chips or ice cream, I eat it. The problem starts when you deny yourself the things you want, then you act like an animal when you finally get to have it.

My DD10 likes candy, but if given the choice between skittles and sliced apples with peanut butter, she would choose the apples. I feel that by not making anything "forbidden fruit" then she has no reason to go crazy with the junk, and she doesn't.

I don't think its crazy for kids to ask before grabbing snacks. Here certain things are for school. If they want to eat all the stuff I bought for school lunch, they are going to be told no. If they want to come home and eat cookies, then ice cream, then chips, its going to be a no. Maybe it depends on the kid and the age. I don't see it as controlling.

Of course I see the situation in the op as much different than kids asking before they grab multiple snacks.

 

[NoSoup4U]

.

 

[mombrontrent]

I don't consider myself an overly controlling parent, in fact I consider myself quite lenient in most aspects. My 13 year old DS eats whenever and whatever he wants within reason. Like I posted earlier I don't really keep junk food in the home. Within reason I mean he can't be making himself a sandwich right before dinner and cooking up some KD at 11:00 at night on a school night. Has he tried to do these things, yes and we "banned" him from cooking after 9:00 pm. Sure grab some toast or cereal if you are hungry before bed but you are not frying up an egg sandwich and leaving dishes and a mess for mom to clean up in the morning.

My two girls are age 6 and almost 11. Yes they do ask permission before eating snacks. My older one will prepare herself a quick breakfast but other then that if I am home they ask. I always say yes to fruit and veggies even if it is right before dinner. No they cannot have pretzels or yogurt right before a meal though. They are free to snack on fruit before bed if they are hungry. My problem with the almost 11 year old is she eats like a bird. She will eat a yogurt or a small bowl of cereal for breakfast, take a very small lunch to school (a pear and some pretzels is all she wants, or an apple and granola bar). After school she may or may not have a snack. If she does even if it is a small snack like a banana she has a hard time eating dinner. She will pick at it and eat a few bites. My 6 year old eats twice as much as her. She claims to never be hungry or she will say she is full after a few bites of a meal. On weekends she will literally eat no breakfast and I have to force her to eat lunch. Then he wonders why she is so small

 

[Nancyg56]

My DGD is 11 and she tends to make pretty decent choices for in between meal snacks, so I was surprised when my DD told me she wanted Kady to ask before she rummaged around in the cabinets or fridge. She told me that unless the snack is right before dinner, she has never told her no, but that after seeing some badly mannered kids on her DH side, she figured she would try this as a way to instill courtesy and good manners in her DD. She started this a long time ago when my DGD was just starting to be able to go in and out of the cabinets. Now, Kady really does not need oversight, but she still checks in with my DD.

I had never noticed, but after DD told me, I paid attention. My DGD uses really good manners, offers to get something for anyone else in the room, and does not seem to just poke around mindlessly, so I think that the side benefits my DD wanted were realized. For them, it was not about controlling food, it was about general manners and thinking about what you want. We all had weight issues, so DD wanted to make sure that her own DD thought first and ate later.

 

[YO's Mom]

Saw this news item today & immediately thought of this thread!

I saw this story earlier today, so when I read the OP's post my first thought was, "DANG! It's a good thing it wasn't Poptarts!"

My girls do ask before snacking. They know I will say yes or say yes, but wait until after dinner (or lunch, or sometimes breakfast). The only reason they ask is so they aren't snacking 10 minutes before a meal. We have no "forbidden" food in our house. We have sometimes foods, any time foods, and the "every once in a great while" food we don't keep in the house - because I like to eat them too much! Making foods “off limits” just makes kids want them more. If you don’t want them to eat it, don’t keep it in the house!

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I haven't read all the posts but will offer my opinion.

I think making the chocolate and sweets the "forbidden fruit" is setting yourself up for failure as well as the kids.

You can send the healthiest of lunches but kids see what other kids eat/bring for lunch. Your kids may have just wanted to be like some of the other kids and bring treats with them to school. A while back I found out that there is a lunch item auction at the school. Kids auction up lunch items to the highest bidders. Pizza is the top auction item. LOL My kids don't go to this school, but my friend's kids do. I laughed. Kids get up to all kinds of hijinx.

Is it "stealing"? No. It's being sneaky. They should have asked. But it sounds like the kids know what the answer would be. Calling it stealing makes it sounds very bad for your kids as those are words we usually use when speaking about "bad guys" or criminals.

 

[Jedana]

OP, are your kids generally healthy? If so, this is what I would recommend.

Get a small bowl, like a cereal bowl. Fill it up with wrapped candy (kisses, pb cups). Leave it out somewhere like the kitchen counter or something. Let the kids know that is THEIR candy, and they can eat as much as they want at a time, but you will ONLY fill the bowl once every week, so they better ration it. Put enough in there for each kid to have like 2 pieces per day for a week.

Hide the remainder of the candy somewhere like your bedroom or something, and use it when baking and then put it back in the hiding spot.

We do this in our home and after the first few days, the novelty of having a candy bowl wore off, and my son will occasionally come and grab 1 or 2 kisses, but I haven't filled that bowl since about March.

Maybe for awhile, stop with the homemade treats. It seems like they want candy as a lunch treat, so just throw a couple pieces in their lunches instead of cookies.

I also agree that it's not really stealing if the food is just sitting in the pantry. The pantry belongs to the household, and there really shouldn't be foods in there that the kids aren't allowed to have. Either don't buy them or hide them if you are saving them for specific cooking/baking purposes.

Now, if you suspect your child has some sort of food/eating issues, that is another discussion altogether.

For example, I was at the store a few days ago. I bought DH those yucky fruit slice candies, and I bought me a bag of darkside skittles (omg ). I bought DS9 a bag of sour skittles. (These are all big bags, btw.) I told him the fruit jellies were for dad, these skittles were mine and this bag is his. Left it at that--no discussion on when he could eat them or not.

He has eaten maybe two small handfuls from the bag.

{We aren't discussing the Darkside Skittles. Don't judge me. I'm stressed about Cub day camp.}

Anyways, I do the same with soda. I get DH and I some, and get DS some grape or orange or lemon lime. It's all he gets until the next time I am shopping, stuff is on sale, and I'm feeling nice. A 12 pack usually lasts him 3 weeks. A 12 pack will last me 12 days, if DH is drinking it also, less than 3 days.

 

[Hrhpd]

OH YES!!

It frustrates the daylights out of me when people jump on the bandwagon and bash a poster without reading, or remembering, the original post. She LETS her kids have sweets. These kids are a son and a DAUGHTER, not two sons. She doesn't forbid sweets or snacks, she is worried about her SON, who doesn't understand it's not OK to follow the rules just because he wants to do something else.

If you don't agree with someone and choose to criticize and bash instead of offer helpful comments and suggestions, AT LEAST GET THE DETAILS OF THE SITUATION CORRECT!!

(oh and we don't buy pop tarts or sweetened cereal, either. There's a few more buttons pushed, I would guess!!)

Perhaps you missed the part where the OP said that even if her son had asked for the peanut butter cup, she would have said no. That the candy is only for baking and that she would never put candy in a lunch.

Instead of yelling at everybody to get the details correct, maybe you should follow your own advice first.