WWYD -- Parenting Dilemma

[NoSoup4U]

I just think it is cruel what you are doing. Also, why not buy some chips? Obviously your kids like them.

Just want to throw this out there. My kid happens to LOVE chips (then again dont most kids?)....im happy that he also loves the baked chips! Thats a good compromise isnt it? if your kids love chips, why not buy them the baked ones once in a while? I particularly love the baked cheetos. They taste almost the same as the regular ones! And the ruffles baked cheddar & sour cream is heavenly too! My kid and I both love them. The baked doritos are pretty gross thou. Plain ones are good. Also, I love the pop chips.

 

[mhsjax]

That's the thing....it isn't in plain sight. The shelves at eye level in the pantry have the lunch items, the pancake mix, the pasta. The high shelf at the back of the pantry (my eye level, not theirs, and they are on the small side) has the baking stuff....flour, sugar, choc chips, crisco, etc. The bag of PB cups and bag of kisses was mixed into the basket with the choc chips, behind the flour and sugar. So it wasn't in plain sight, nobody was walking by it every day.

I'm surprised folks are so offended by the chip thing....we also don't have jalapenos in the house, because DH and I don't like those, or sherbet, or hot dogs. My kids have chips when they are at parties, or at a pot luck, etc....we just don't have it in the house. We do buy things the kids like and we don't, that are healthy....like yogurt, raisins and ramen noodles.

But back to the original topic--thanks, everyone, for the thoughts. I don't know that I'll start giving them candy, but you all have given me lots to think about.

Ok, here is a BIG red flag. ARe you saying that you buy your kids Raman noodles because they are healthy? YOu are seriously in need of education in what is healthy. YOu can't find anything worse for yo in terms of sodium, well you probably could but it would be hard. There is NOTHING in Ramen noodles that is good for you, not in the least.

 

[mhsjax]

WOW, a growing boy, helping himself to food and eating, without asking and getting express permission is 'stealing'.

Well there is a whole lotta stealing going on in my house. This is just crazy. Unless your child has a weight problem and you need to monitor or help himor her make good decisions, let them help themselves.

And to the poster that said only water or juice is available without permission, why in the world is juice ( filled with sugar) available at all times. If that is the position, it should at least be fruit, that way you get fiber, not just the sugar load from the juice.

 

[Bertnie20]

From a person who has dealt with eating disorders up close and personal, PLEASE don't use food as either a reward or punishment. It does BAD things to kids.

I think you took what I meant wrong, I meant that with me and my family and the children I watch they don't think that candy is a must have, or that they need it, they get it on special occasions or if they have had a good day and would like a piece they may, it's not actually rewarded but its not part of their daily diet

 

[Bertnie20]

Glad im not the only one who's confused. It doesnt make sense to me either!

She has never stated that her kids never get it, I've been talking to her in private message, and before any of this was brought up, after the first message being posted about the cookie dough, she told that her son was the one making the cookies and that he helped eat the cookie dough, but that's not her issue, her issue is addressing the sneaking around taking stuff.

 

[mommasita]

She has never stated that her kids never get it, I've been talking to her in private message, and before any of this was brought up, after the first message being posted about the cookie dough, she told that her son was the one making the cookies and that he helped eat the cookie dough, but that's not her issue, her issue is addressing the sneaking around taking stuff.

If this is the issue, don't you think it is time to change things up. Try alternative methods? That is what I was saying..

They are not bank robbers, they are children.

Perhaps I read this wrong. If "I" wrote a thread, I would be thinking I need to try something else, and be open to ideas. It doesn't make us a bad parent, it makes us a good parent. But honestly in all areas of the world, whether it is work, home, etc, when something isn't working, we need to try some change IMHO.

 

[maxiesmom]

Just got back from the store with chips, ice cream and candy .

Oh yeah, I also bought a ton of fruit, vegetables, yogurt, cheese, lean meat, healthy grains etc.

I bought pop and 2 different kinds of candy!!!

But I figure the fresh strawberries, fresh green beans, and water packed tuna fish will off set it.

I have to agree that if you make something totally off limits, it only makes you want it even more. I thought we all knew that by now! Psych 101. If her issues is the kids sneaking stuff, and she won't let them ever have what they are sneaking at all, it shouldn't be in the house. If she said yes once in a while maybe they wouldn't sneak it. Being iron clad on some things just backfires on you. There has to be a little leeway.

 

[Poohforyou]

She has never stated that her kids never get it, I've been talking to her in private message, and before any of this was brought up, after the first message being posted about the cookie dough, she told that her son was the one making the cookies and that he helped eat the cookie dough, but that's not her issue, her issue is addressing the sneaking around taking stuff.

Lots of people start changing their stories when the tides aren't going their way. Just sayin'

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

I have read this whole thread. Every page. I posted an answer myself on the first page. I think the OP has ducked out of her own thread because she didn't get the answers she was looking for.

Ppl sometimes will come and post a thread hoping to find like minds who will agree with them on their issue. And almost NOBODY agreed with the OP accusing her kids of STEALING food from their own pantry.

So in turn she comes back and calls all of us CRAZY for letting our kids pick their own snacks.

Count me in with all the crazy ones because I let my kids pick their own snacks too. When we go to the grocery store if they ask for something I will almost always get it.

Last time we went to the store DS asked for a bag of Oreos. We rarely have cookies in the house because nobody eats them or ever asks for them. So when he did ask for them I bought them. He ate them all in 2 days. Now he is out and there won't be any more cookies in the house for at least another 2 weeks.

I don't ever keep Ice Cream or candy in the house because if it was here I myself would eat it. But if they ask for some I will take them up to the corner store and get them something as a treat, ANY TIME THEY ASK FOR IT. Because they don't ask for it that often.

I have let my kids have almost anything they wanted in moderation. I will let them have McDonald's. Sometimes as often as once a week. But all of our other meals are usually homemade. We don't eat out much but when we do they can order whatever they want.

None of my kids have a weight problem. None of the parents and step parents have a weight problem. So having things in moderation is perfectly fine.

I think by NOT ALLOWING those things you have set yourself up to have those kids desperate for those things.

I just honestly feel sorry for ANY KID whose parent would accuse them of STEALING for eating food without asking permission.

I also kind of think this thread may have ran its' course since the Op has abandoned it and now it is just other posters arguing back and forth.

 

[Hrhpd]

Lots of people start changing their stories when the tides aren't going their way. Just sayin'

And Bertnie20 - you asked why people look at old posts. This is one of the reasons. When stories start changing, people are curious to see if the poster's history backs up the new claims or if their history supports their original story.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

She has never stated that her kids never get it, I've been talking to her in private message, and before any of this was brought up, after the first message being posted about the cookie dough, she told that her son was the one making the cookies and that he helped eat the cookie dough, but that's not her issue, her issue is addressing the sneaking around taking stuff.

Go back and reread her first post. She states it is forbidden and her kids are not allowed to have it except for the one cookie she allows them in their lunch once a week. Then she claimed otherwise in her next post. So color me confused but I think the OP was dismayed when almost everyone agreed that she was being over the top. Stealing food? Are her kids in jail? It is their home! I get asking if they are allowed to eat a certain snack because they might be for school etc. but the OP has already said her kids wouldn't have been allowed to have something that they enjoy anyway. Sorry, but the OP is forcing her kids to be sneaky because she is the food police.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Discovered today that DS12 and DD8 have been stealing candy from the pantry while I'm in the shower in the morning, and hiding it in their backpacks/lunch bags to take to school every day.

DH and I don't feed them candy, soft drinks, cookies or sweets generally, although I do make cookies about once a week and put one in their lunches. The candy is in the pantry for baking.....PB cups to put in cookies, kisses to put in cookies, etc.

It's not the candy that's the issue, it's the sneaking around and stealing. Yes, we view it as stealing. We've told them, if you would be ashamed/afraid to do it with me or DH in the room, you shouldn't do it. This isn't the first time; every now and then, I'd find empty chip wrappers (we don't eat chips, don't know where he gets them) in DS's room or pants pocket, and when he was in K/1st grade, we found out he was ditching his lunch and using his milk money account to buy chips and candy instead.

WWYD? We feel like this is a crossroads, or a crucial lesson that MUST be learned and he's 12 already. (DD8 is a follower and they both admit she told him not to do it but he did it anyway, for weeks apparently) If we don't get this lesson (don't steal) across now, I think we will miss a vital lesson in developing his character.

Yep, he's a Boy Scout by the way, and so kind in other ways to other kids and animals, does his homework, etc. But seems to think that if he wants something, it's OK to just take it, and that whatever the rules are, they simply don't apply if he wants it.

Suggestions please, and please don't post "oh, it's just candy, let kids be kids" because that isn't the point here. Thank you!

What do YOU consider appropriate punishment for his dreadful deed? You should teach him a lesson for stealing food from his home.

Are you going to beat him? Send him to bed without supper for a month or two? Maybe make him wear a t-shirt that has "I stole food" on it...

There must really be something wrong with him for thinking he can eat food from his kitchen.

 

[Bertnie20]

If this is the issue, don't you think it is time to change things up. Try alternative methods? That is what I was saying..

They are not bank robbers, they are children.

Perhaps I read this wrong. If "I" wrote a thread, I would be thinking I need to try something else, and be open to ideas. It doesn't make us a bad parent, it makes us a good parent. But honestly in all areas of the world, whether it is work, home, etc, when something isn't working, we need to try some change IMHO.

That's why she posted here to ask for help on how to handle him and what to do

 

[Bertnie20]

I have read this whole thread. Every page. I posted an answer myself on the first page. I think the OP has ducked out of her own thread because she didn't get the answers she was looking for.

Ppl sometimes will come and post a thread hoping to find like minds who will agree with them on their issue. And almost NOBODY agreed with the OP accusing her kids of STEALING food from their own pantry.

So in turn she comes back and calls all of us CRAZY for letting our kids pick their own snacks.

Count me in with all the crazy ones because I let my kids pick their own snacks too. When we go to the grocery store if they ask for something I will almost always get it.

Last time we went to the store DS asked for a bag of Oreos. We rarely have cookies in the house because nobody eats them or ever asks for them. So when he did ask for them I bought them. He ate them all in 2 days. Now he is out and there won't be any more cookies in the house for at least another 2 weeks.

I don't ever keep Ice Cream or candy in the house because if it was here I myself would eat it. But if they ask for some I will take them up to the corner store and get them something as a treat, ANY TIME THEY ASK FOR IT. Because they don't ask for it that often.

I have let my kids have almost anything they wanted in moderation. I will let them have McDonald's. Sometimes as often as once a week. But all of our other meals are usually homemade. We don't eat out much but when we do they can order whatever they want.

None of my kids have a weight problem. None of the parents and step parents have a weight problem. So having things in moderation is perfectly fine.

I think by NOT ALLOWING those things you have set yourself up to have those kids desperate for those things.

I just honestly feel sorry for ANY KID whose parent would accuse them of STEALING for eating food without asking permission.

I also kind of think this thread may have ran its' course since the Op has abandoned it and now it is just other posters arguing back and forth.

Actually she left because she was being compared to a mom who had her child arrested for stealing poptarts, and no one was helping her with her root question how to deal with it.

 

[NoSoup4U]

Actually she left because she was being compared to a mom who had her child arrested for stealing poptarts, and no one was helping her with her root question how to deal with it.

Well what do you expect when you come on disboards and post how frustrated you are about your kid "stealing" candy from his own home, (which you forbid him to eat as is, but allow him to eat in baked form, ie cookies). This kid isnt stealing money, its candy. Which she forbids they eat. Ever. Apparently. This is her problem. What advise does she want? We are talking about candy. I'd feel sorry for her if he was taking other things. But candy? This is the problem she is having? You know whats wrong with her son? Nothing. He's being A KID.

 

[RadioNate]

Actually she left because she was being compared to a mom who had her child arrested for stealing poptarts, and no one was helping her with her root question how to deal with it.

She deals with it by LIGHTENING UP.

About 100 posts say that. Lighten up. Stop making it forbidden and maybe she wouldn't have a 'thief.'

Just because she doesn't like the solution offered doesn't mean a solution isn't being offered.

That or she could call the cops, like the PopTart mom, because he is stealing her peanut butter cups.

 

[Buckalew11]

Actually she left because she was being compared to a mom who had her child arrested for stealing poptarts, and no one was helping her with her root question how to deal with it.

You have to admit,that was pretty ironic! I have never heard of someone accusing a family member of STEALING food from their kitchen until the OP posted this thread. THEN, a news report comes out about a mom accusing her kid of stealing the family poptarts!! Who does that?!

Even if my kid was overweight and taking junk food, I would never use the phrase, "She's stealing food." I'd say she was sneaking it.

I think she was getting a lot of advice about her "problem." Look, if she said he steals candy, he takes his brothers allowance from his piggy bank and I caught him taking my earrings and selling them to some kid down the street, I'd say, 'Yeah, lady, you've got a problem."

But from what I remember, this 12yo boy is a nice boy who makes good grades, is respectful, etc. He just gets in the pantry and takes candy bars. Big deal. He wants a candy bar--no candy bar in a baked cookie, in a baked brownie, or chopped up in yogurt. And I agree with him. A Reese Cup needs no help!!!


She got help alright--she got advice about loosening the reigns on a 12yo!!! He's not 5. He's 12.

If his life is followed this tightly at 12 over a candy bar or dozen, what is the rest of his life like?! Sorry, but I think she's going to have a kid who does a lot of sneaking around because if mom gets this upset over a candy bar, what happens at the BIG things in life (or the bigger things yet to come.!)?

I think we are trying to save her relationship with her child. Kids do not share with parents who lose it over trivial matters and I'm betting pigs to polecats this 12yo boy thinks his mother is overreacting about a candy bar--I'm sure he knows already that there are control issues going on here.

 

[NoSoup4U]

Well said. How will she react over the bigger things in life down the road? Admit him into a mental hospital?

The thing is...maybe the poor kid is still hungry. Boys can eat! Especially if theyre having a growth spurt. OP, save your energy for serious issues down the road.

If his life is followed this tightly at 12 over a candy bar or dozen, what is the rest of his life like?! Sorry, but I think she's going to have a kid who does a lot of sneaking around because if mom gets this upset over a candy bar, what happens at the BIG things in life (or the bigger things yet to come.!)?

I think we are trying to save her relationship with her child. Kids do not share with parents who lose it over trivial matters and I'm betting pigs to polecats this 12yo boy thinks his mother is overreacting about a candy bar--I'm sure he knows already that there are control issues going on here.

 

[themilesfamily]

Well, I guess I'm late to this party.

My two-cents worth: When a family member takes food out of the family cupboard, I don't view that as stealing.

 

[Aliceacc]

She asked "WWYD?"

That question has been answered over and over again:
- As a group, we would allow our kids to have a variety of snacks.
- As a group, we would keep the types of snacks on hand that our kids enjoy, even if they're not to our personal taste.
- As a group, we do NOT consider eating food from your own home to be stealing.
- As a group, we're agreed that forbidding something generally seems to increase its appeal.
- As a group, we're agreed that the OP is likely not doing her relationship with her kids any good.
- As a group, we feel that she has over reacted to his sneaking food.

Her question HAS been answered, and fairly consistently. It's apparently not the answer she wanted or expected. But it has been answered.