What should I expect? Update #2 post 116**

[dis-happy]

What a nightmare. From one mum to another, sending you OP.

 

[threecrazykids]

What a nightmare. From one mum to another, sending you OP.

Thank you very much. I really just hope he realizes how serious what he did is. I feel absolutely horrible for his wife. It breaks my heart that she has to deal with this.

Hopefully this is a huge wake up call for this guy.

 

[Julia M]

The school won't do a thing, you have to contact the police and make a complaint... we've been down this road, different circumstances, but similar enough.. you can try to contact the principal, see if he will do anything, but my experience is that they won't... it's up to you as the parent to go to the police.

The principal can't do anything, except possibly ban the person from the school. He didn't see it happen. He can't report it, because it would be hearsay.

so glad you filed a report! the principal is actually going to make this worse for himself by not reporting it - I'd also be on top of that w/ the school board. It's horrible when schools try to sweep things under the rug. If the principal doesn't call the police to report by Monday (as he's legally obligated to do), I'd take it up w/ the school board right away. He's not doing his job of protecting the children of his school. OR, maybe there's a possibility he had to have seen it himself to be a mandatory reporter?? Not sure of the legalities of it.

And I have to say too, for him to do his 'lewd act' towards your dd, I'd go ahead and press charges because of that, no matter if he apologizes or the school disciplines him. This isn't someone just losing his temper towards your ds, he sounds like he could be a perv. Who the heck would do that? I'm assuming he didn't put his middle finger up at her, but some gesture below the belt. Is that correct?

He is not legally mandated to report an assault. It may be a school policy, but that's not part of being a mandated reporter. Being a mandated reporter specifically applies to suspicions of child abuse. From a legal standpoint, child abuse is when a parent, or adult who lives in the home, abuses a child who lives in the home. When it's done by a stranger or someone not from the home, from the legal standpoint, it's an assault. Consequently, the principal can't call CPS and he can't make a report, because he didn't witness it. In our district, per employee contract, if you witnesses something, you need to make the report. By law, you are not mandated to report what you suspect might be a crime.

So, whether you like it or not, there's probably not alot the school system can do. It wasn't their employee. Their staff didn't witness the incident (right?)

Also, individuals don't "press charges". They make a report. The court system decides who is charged for a crime, based on alot of things.

Julia

 

[Julia M]

Should have also added, I am sorry this happened. Hopefully, you'll get the resolution you would like.

Julia

 

[luvthatduke]

I'm so glad you have involved the police,
and very glad the officer handling it is treating it seriously.

You've gotten great advice & comments
so I will only add that your children are
watching & listening, & they will thank you
in the end for being their defender!

I grew up with no-one willing to protect me
or defend me from several horrible incidents
with adults in my very small hometown.
I have made it clear to my DH that if anything
happens with our son, that DS will always
know we will stand up for him & defend him,
(provided of course that he isn't the guilty one,
but you know what I mean).

I am praying for a good outcome for your family
through all of this, & that the man who attacked
your children is held accountable.

 

[TinkTock]

I think it's interesting that if a student at the school had done the same things as the man did, there would be several people here saying, "You have no right to know the guy's name or to know what his punishment is, or even if he is punished." But for this guy, they should throw him in jail. So, if the attacker is a 17-year-old student, the victim should have no rights. But, if he's an 18-year-old bystander, that's another matter entirely.

 

[surfergirl602]

I would tell the principal that you want the guys name because you are going to be pressing charges against him for assault. His behavior is inexcusable. And if by chance he WAS drunk, that is a whole new can of worms.

ETA: I just read your update. Good job with contacting the police. I would have gone with option A though, personally.

 

[golfgal]

From the conversation with the police officer, it makes me wonder if this guy has been in similar trouble before. It's a HUGE over reaction for some man to come out and start pushing little kids around for throwing pebbles at a window I think. People like this tend to have anger issues I would think.

I would think that him opening the window and telling the kids to knock it off would scare the carp out of most kids.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I think it's interesting that if a student at the school had done the same things as the man did, there would be several people here saying, "You have no right to know the guy's name or to know what his punishment is, or even if he is punished." But for this guy, they should throw him in jail. So, if the attacker is a 17-year-old student, the victim should have no rights. But, if he's an 18-year-old bystander, that's another matter entirely.

 

[golfgal]

YOUR situation is ENTIRELY different. In your case the instigator is a MINOR CHILD and there are privacy laws protecting minors. Even minors charged with felonies don't have their names or sentences published in the paper if they are charged as a minor.

 

[spacemountainmom]

YOUR situation is ENTIRELY different. In your case the instigator is a MINOR CHILD and there are privacy laws protecting minors. Even minors charged with felonies don't have their names or sentences published in the paper if they are charged as a minor.

Shouldn't we all just TRUST that the principal would do the right thing?

 

[threecrazykids]

From the conversation with the police officer, it makes me wonder if this guy has been in similar trouble before. It's a HUGE over reaction for some man to come out and start pushing little kids around for throwing pebbles at a window I think. People like this tend to have anger issues I would think.

I would think that him opening the window and telling the kids to knock it off would scare the carp out of most kids.

I agree completely! My husband said that even if he went as far to grab his shirt and get in his face to make his point we still wouldn't have pressed charges. We would for sure have been questioning the situation, but wouldn't have probably pressed charges. He took it to a WHOLE new level when he repeatedly slammed him against the school, on the railing etc...nevermind the explicit language and disgusting gestures.

We do now have his name as well as his wife's name (who will be the new teacher).

The police officer called me again last night to update me and said he thinks they either went out of town or are "doing a good job hiding from him". He's been by their house multiple times since Friday and the house is all locked, vehicles haven't moved, lights off in the evening etc.

The principal also called me again to check on the kids. I still feel horrible about the wife. He said "You know...maybe this is a blessing in disguise for him, we don't know that this isn't a common occurrance in their household...maybe it's a wake up call for him." I agreed. It takes an "off" person I think to physically attack a child, let alone one that's not yours.

I really have come to peace that I'm doing the right thing, but it doesn't make the situation any easier.

 

[golfgal]

I agree completely! My husband said that even if he went as far to grab his shirt and get in his face to make his point we still wouldn't have pressed charges. We would for sure have been questioning the situation, but wouldn't have probably pressed charges. He took it to a WHOLE new level when he repeatedly slammed him against the school, on the railing etc...nevermind the explicit language and disgusting gestures.

We do now have his name as well as his wife's name (who will be the new teacher).

The police officer called me again last night to update me and said he thinks they either went out of town or are "doing a good job hiding from him". He's been by their house multiple times since Friday and the house is all locked, vehicles haven't moved, lights off in the evening etc.

The principal also called me again to check on the kids. I still feel horrible about the wife. He said "You know...maybe this is a blessing in disguise for him, we don't know that this isn't a common occurrance in their household...maybe it's a wake up call for him." I agreed. It takes an "off" person I think to physically attack a child, let alone one that's not yours.

I really have come to peace that I'm doing the right thing, but it doesn't make the situation any easier.

I think you absolutely did the right thing. Not that it is ever ok to assult someone but you can sort of understand it if the kids had say, totaled their car, ran a car through the side of their house, run over and killed their dog, you know, a BIG DEAL type thing. For someone to go off on a couple little kids for something that is NO big deal at all...what if someone actually did something around him that was a big deal. It's a good thing what you did. The persistence of the police officer also tells me that they think something is up or have some "insider" information on this guy.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Unfortunately, it sounds like the guy has serious anger issues as well as trouble with his vision. I imagine it was really scary for the kids involved. You really wonder what goes on in his home.

I wouldn't have left the school, I would have called the police right then and there. Hopefully, the police will catch up with him soon.

 

[gracie1]

I would also report this to the police. If your area is anywhere like mine, the school will smack his hand and do nothing. They probably won't even call you. And who wants this psycho teaching their kids

 

[golfgal]

I would also report this to the police. If your area is anywhere like mine, the school will smack his hand and do nothing. They probably won't even call you. And who wants this psycho teaching their kids

Well, her area isn't like your area--the principal has called her back and the police have been contacted AND he isn't a teacher.

 

[kamik86]

I agree that calling the police was the best thing you could have done.

I live in a smallish area. One day I thought it was funny to sit in my yard and throw sand and pebbles at the passing cars when no one was home (I was probably 9 or 10).

One person stopped rolled down the window, yelled at me and told me she knew my Dad and that if they found out I was still throwing things at cars on the street he would be told.

Yeah I never did that again... and I honestly have no idea if this Lady knew my Dad. Its possible alot of people knew my parents and since I was home it would be easier to know whose kid I was.

Obviously there were much better ways of handling this. The fact that they now seem to have left for a bit and are avoiding the police... I definitely think I would be wanting them to press charges.

 

[angwill]

Shouldn't we all just TRUST that the principal would do the right thing?

HaHa. Not all principals do the right thing. I have experienced that first hand.

 

[krcit]

I think it's interesting that if a student at the school had done the same things as the man did, there would be several people here saying, "You have no right to know the guy's name or to know what his punishment is, or even if he is punished." But for this guy, they should throw him in jail. So, if the attacker is a 17-year-old student, the victim should have no rights. But, if he's an 18-year-old bystander, that's another matter entirely.

If you're referring to the thread where a student stole another student's work, I think you're comparing apples to streetlights. Not even oranges. The OP's son was physically assaulted by a grown man. Not even close to being the same thing. A 15 year old has her work stolen by another 15 year old. it stinks, I'd be furious but glad that the teacher caught it. A man grabs my son and throws him against a wall while screaming profanities and making obscene gestures to my young dd? Yeah, that's comparable. Not.

 

[bellebud]

OP - I'm sure the principal will make sure of this anyway, but I'd want it said that "of course my kids will never have his wife for a teacher, for the comfort of everyone involved".

Again, this principal sounds on top of this (thank goodness!!!) and it looks like everything will be dealt with. I like how persistent the police are being - I agree they may have other info on the guy.

Keep us updated.