What should I expect? Update #2 post 116**

[threecrazykids]

Ok...long story ahead but I am really shook up right now and need everyone's advice on how THEY would expect this to be handled.

Today we were at my DS16's baseball game and were walking out towards the parking lot next to the school. We turn the corner and here comes DS11 and DD9 both absolutely HYSTERICAL because "a man grabbed and screamed at me". (I was waiting for my son who was playing ball and the other 2 had started walking ahead to put their lawnchairs in the car but stopped on the stairs of the side of the school to wait for me).

Anyway, I'm trying to get the story from them but neither are making any sense and are crying. 3 of my son's teammates come over (who saw the whole thing) and are telling me the exact same story:

Apparently there were 2 kids who were throwing little pebbles at each other and one had hit one of the windows of the school. The immediately took off around the side of the school running away. Anyway, a man apparently came out of the school (school is out of session and we are re-arranging in our school district so teachers are moving boxes from one school to the other) and PHYSCIALLY grabbed my DS11 and shoved him backwards by the shirt over the railing and screamed profanities telling him not throw rocks.

My son tries to push himself back up and walk away and the guy does it AGAIN and tells him "do it again and I'm going to BEAT YOUR *insert explitives*! My daughter tells him to stop at which he makes an absolute obscene gesture (I'm not even going to explain it) and tells her to mind her own business.

He went back into the school. My husband heads directly towards the doors to find out who this guy is, as NEITHER of my kids recognize him and they both attend different levels of schools within the district. Well, the principal is actually walking towards the school so my husband stops him and explains the situation and they all head into the school from the front. They identify him from one entrance and I see him trying to come out the other side, but I am standing there so he stands at the top of the steps inside the school.

Anyway, according to these baseball players they ASSUME he's drunk based on how he was acting and the cursing that was coming out of his mouth.

I walked in the side door, where the principal was standing with him. I said "Are YOU the guy who just touched my kid?" And he walked into the classroom he was carrying boxes from. The principal says "I'm going to take care of it" and basically in a few words told me to leave. Which I did. I certainly didn't need my husband getting ahold of this guy because he was FURIOUS.

But now I'm wondering exactly WHAT I should expect from the school?!! A phone call telling me "they've handled it"? I know they won't give me the name of this person but I certainly don't want this minimalized by him flat out saying he never touched him, nor said those things. I have 5 people all telling me the same story...that my kids did NOT throw rocks, it was the other kids and that he physically attacked my son, made lewd gestures to my daughter, and cursed like a trucker at them.

I'm almost certain it is a spouse of one of the new teachers to the school, but I can't say for sure. I'm quite irritated that the principal basically told us to leave and he would handle it.

What would YOU expect to be done? If the school won't tell me the name of this person but tells me they have addressed it, it's going to make me VERY angry. However, I understand their position to get it diffused immediately, OFF school grounds and diffuse the situation.

I am NOT the type of person to be all sue happy, or press charges immediatly but I don't even know WHAT I should expect from the school, or this person at this point. HELP!

 

[worm761]

I would have called the cops. NO ONE physically assaults MY child and gets away with it. PERIOD!

 

[MICKEY88]

I would have called the cops. NO ONE physically assaults MY child and gets away with it. PERIOD!

I agree 100%

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

I would have called the cops or my husband would have probably gone bananas.

Were your kids even the ones throwing stones? This guy sounds like he's off his rocker!

I hope your kids are okay!

 

[DisneyNutMary]

I would go down to the precinct and file a complaint. The police can contact the principal for the name of the person who did it. I would probably go as far as to get an order of protection against the person because he put his hands on your child. No one has a right to do that... and over pebbles? really? If a window was broken it would be up to the school to call the cops, not to assault a child- and without proof of who did it!

 

[hereyago]

WOWSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

DId I read it correctly, the guy didn't answer your question? um no. I don't care what the principal would have said. I would have stayed there and told the principal, it has nothing to do with him and you would be calling the police since there were witnesses. and I'm not a calling the cops person because of past experiences-and no i wasn't the one they were trying to mess with. but it would either be me callng the cops or having the cops called on me and them having to protect the guy and I am very serious not just talking smack on a computer. i know what it's like to have a parent not have my back or protect me, so my mama bear abilities are ramped up.

School isn't going to tell you jack. they aren't in session. and even with students and the student acts up, they still won't tell other parents what the action was. let alone it being an adult who perhaps isn't even part of the school.

 

[Reddy]

I would call the school on Monday & make sure things were done. getting you away from the guy was smart or the guy might had come after you.

I would check your son & make sure he is OK. no bump or bruises on him/headache - Then let them know on Monday if any problems had happen

 

[doxdogy]

Call the police and make a report. I am sorry there is no way the principal would have told me I will handle it and then expect me to just walk away. Forget my husband getting his hands on him.

 

[Pikester]

Ok...long story ahead but I am really shook up right now and need everyone's advice on how THEY would expect this to be handled.

Today we were at my DS16's baseball game and were walking out towards the parking lot next to the school. We turn the corner and here comes DS11 and DD9 both absolutely HYSTERICAL because "a man grabbed and screamed at me". (I was waiting for my son who was playing ball and the other 2 had started walking ahead to put their lawnchairs in the car but stopped on the stairs of the side of the school to wait for me).

Anyway, I'm trying to get the story from them but neither are making any sense and are crying. 3 of my son's teammates come over (who saw the whole thing) and are telling me the exact same story:

Apparently there were 2 kids who were throwing little pebbles at each other and one had hit one of the windows of the school. The immediately took off around the side of the school running away. Anyway, a man apparently came out of the school (school is out of session and we are re-arranging in our school district so teachers are moving boxes from one school to the other) and PHYSCIALLY grabbed my DS11 and shoved him backwards by the shirt over the railing and screamed profanities telling him not throw rocks.

My son tries to push himself back up and walk away and the guy does it AGAIN and tells him "do it again and I'm going to BEAT YOUR *insert explitives*! My daughter tells him to stop at which he makes an absolute obscene gesture (I'm not even going to explain it) and tells her to mind her own business.

He went back into the school. My husband heads directly towards the doors to find out who this guy is, as NEITHER of my kids recognize him and they both attend different levels of schools within the district. Well, the principal is actually walking towards the school so my husband stops him and explains the situation and they all head into the school from the front. They identify him from one entrance and I see him trying to come out the other side, but I am standing there so he stands at the top of the steps inside the school.

Anyway, according to these baseball players they ASSUME he's drunk based on how he was acting and the cursing that was coming out of his mouth.

I walked in the side door, where the principal was standing with him. I said "Are YOU the guy who just touched my kid?" And he walked into the classroom he was carrying boxes from. The principal says "I'm going to take care of it" and basically in a few words told me to leave. Which I did. I certainly didn't need my husband getting ahold of this guy because he was FURIOUS.

But now I'm wondering exactly WHAT I should expect from the school?!! A phone call telling me "they've handled it"? I know they won't give me the name of this person but I certainly don't want this minimalized by him flat out saying he never touched him, nor said those things. I have 5 people all telling me the same story...that my kids did NOT throw rocks, it was the other kids and that he physically attacked my son, made lewd gestures to my daughter, and cursed like a trucker at them.

I'm almost certain it is a spouse of one of the new teachers to the school, but I can't say for sure. I'm quite irritated that the principal basically told us to leave and he would handle it.

What would YOU expect to be done? If the school won't tell me the name of this person but tells me they have addressed it, it's going to make me VERY angry. However, I understand their position to get it diffused immediately, OFF school grounds and diffuse the situation.

I am NOT the type of person to be all sue happy, or press charges immediatly but I don't even know WHAT I should expect from the school, or this person at this point. HELP!

I would write everything down that occured and have my kids write it all down. Then I would get the other kids that witnessed it to write it down but ask their parents first to see if it's OK. Then, I would call the police just to see what could happen IF I decided to press charges. What that man did was an assult on a minor.

Edited to add: If your son does have scraps or bruises I'd be taking pictures of them.

 

[Michelle67]

I would have called the cops. NO ONE physically assaults MY child and gets away with it. PERIOD!

I completely agree. The principal had the right to tell you that you had to leave the school, but does not have the right to tell you to leave the area and "he will handle it." He's not the police, and assaulting a minor is a crime. If the guy had come out yelling "Hey you little creeps, quit throwing rocks" and was mistaken about it being your kids, oh well. No real harm done. But grabbing him and shoving him? Nope. He crossed the line.

 

[Bethenny]

Not sure what you should expect, but I would call the police today. I don't think it's too late. Just tell them the story.

 

[Tinijocaro]

File a police report, and definitely find out if this works works in the school in any capacity. You have a right to know that. Can you imagine if he's a teacher who works directly with children, as a parent, I would certainly want to know that.
Even if it's a custodian and not working directly with kids, still too close for comfort. The principal is hoping he can just brush this under the rug with as little fanfare as possible.

Let us know what happens after you talk to the cops.

 

[YodaGirl]

I would have called the cops. NO ONE physically assaults MY child and gets away with it. PERIOD!

Ditto.

It sounds as if this guy is a teacher, and the principal was covering his - and the other guy's - butt.

I would contact the principal in order to find out what exactly was done with the guy. I might even threaten legal action if that's what it took to get an answer. Be careful with that, though, because with some establishments, as soon as the term "legal" is thrown in, they can no longer discuss anything except through their legal team.

 

[brockash]

I would have called the cops. NO ONE physically assaults MY child and gets away with it. PERIOD!

This. Honestly, I wouldn't expect anything from the school, unless you make a big deal out of it (as in get the police involved.) I absolutely would call the police and ask him to be charged with assault...they can do the figuring out of who he is ect.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I walked in the side door, where the principal was standing with him. I said "Are YOU the guy who just touched my kid?" And he walked into the classroom he was carrying boxes from. The principal says "I'm going to take care of it" and basically in a few words told me to leave. Which I did.

I'm quite irritated that the principal basically told us to leave and he would handle it.

What would YOU expect to be done? If the school won't tell me the name of this person but tells me they have addressed it, it's going to make me VERY angry. However, I understand their position to get it diffused immediately, OFF school grounds and diffuse the situation.

I am NOT the type of person to be all sue happy, or press charges immediatly but I don't even know WHAT I should expect from the school, or this person at this point. HELP!

The principal told you to leave because he was trying to calmly, rationally get to the bottom of the story and you came on angry and all , "Who the hell do you think you are?" He did his job: he diffused the situation so he could find out what really happened.

I would write everything down that occured and have my kids write it all down. Then I would get the other kids that witnessed it to write it down but ask their parents first to see if it's OK. Then, I would call the police just to see what could happen IF I decided to press charges. What that man did was an assult on a minor.

Edited to add: If your son does have scraps or bruises I'd be taking pictures of them.

Ditto.

As for calling the police, I wish you luck with that. It's a kid's (or a few kid's) word against an adult; kids who already admitted to throwing "pebbles". Unless there is evidence of actual physical contact, the police may presume that the kids were throwing rocks at the windows, an adult made them stop, and the kids got mad at the adult.

I'm not sure what charges you could press if there is no evidence of assault. If he was as violent with your son as you're describing here, then your son is sure to have some bruises from the incident. If he doesn't, then allow the principal to handle the situation.

 

[YodaGirl]

As for calling the police, I wish you luck with that. It's a kid's (or a few kid's) word against an adult; kids who already admitted to throwing "pebbles". Unless there is evidence of actual physical contact, the police may presume that the kids were throwing rocks at the windows, an adult made them stop, and the kids got mad at the adult.

I'm not sure what charges you could press if there is no evidence of assault. If he was as violent with your son as you're describing here, then your son is sure to have some bruises from the incident. If he doesn't, then allow the principal to handle the situation.

If I read her post correctly, her kids weren't the ones throwing pebbles.

It is their word, in addition to the baseball players against the guy's. I think that they have a pretty strong case.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think you have gotten some great advice.

I would file a complaint. This guy has no business being on school property if he can not control himself. It sounds like he was way over the top. The assault- twice no less, the cursing, and the obscene gesture. Not something a reasonable adult would do. Was he drinking? You almost hope he was, and that it wasn't his natural state!

I would file a complaint. Have it on record. He sounds dangerous. If he does this kind of thing again, it won't be a first time report.

 

[threecrazykids]

Thank you everyone for your responses.

1. - no, it was NOT my kids throwing the pebbles...and not only did MY kids say they didn't do it, I have other witnesses who said they didn't do it.

2. I didn't come off hot headed at all when I asked this guy the question if he was the person who touched my kid. I simply asked in a firm voice, expecting an answer. I didn't scream, barge up the stairs at him etc. I simply wanted him to acknowledge that he was the person everyone was looking for.

3. This is not a teacher (or at least wasnt during this last school year). One of my 2 kids would have recognized either him or the woman with him if either of them would have been teachers this last year. Very well could be a new teacher coming into the school with the new school being built/re-org in the district.

I am literally in tears right now because I feel I shouldn't have left just because the principal told me to. I wanted as well to diffuse the situation, and get the heck outta there, however now I feel like I really do need to file a report.

I am sick to my stomach because I feel if I don't do SOMETHING I'm letting my son and daughter down, however I certainly don't want to drag the school into something that just happened to happen on school grounds. I KNOW it's not "their" issue, but if it IS a teacher's spouse I am not sure what the school can even do???

I just have a feeling the school is going to try to stay out of it, hope we do nothing, and sweep it under the rug. I did make a call to a very close friend of mine who IS a teacher at the school and he said that this principal is VERY thorough and not to expect he will contact us immediately as he will want to let the superintendent know, and decide if anything the school is obligated to do, or even can do. He also said "I would be VERY disappointed if you don't hear from someone from the school no later than Monday, and if they don't take it seriously, you need to at least report this."

I am SO not a confrontational person, but the mama bear in me just feels that the school is going to either minimize it, or leave it up to us to press charges if we choose. I guess I was just thinking by now I would have at least received a call from him saying "ok...this is what he said happened".

 

[YodaGirl]

Thank you everyone for your responses.

1. - no, it was NOT my kids throwing the pebbles...and not only did MY kids say they didn't do it, I have other witnesses who said they didn't do it.

2. I didn't come off hot headed at all when I asked this guy the question if he was the person who touched my kid. I simply asked in a firm voice, expecting an answer. I didn't scream, barge up the stairs at him etc. I simply wanted him to acknowledge that he was the person everyone was looking for.

3. This is not a teacher (or at least wasnt during this last school year). One of my 2 kids would have recognized either him or the woman with him if either of them would have been teachers this last year. Very well could be a new teacher coming into the school with the new school being built/re-org in the district.

I am literally in tears right now because I feel I shouldn't have left just because the principal told me to. I wanted as well to diffuse the situation, and get the heck outta there, however now I feel like I really do need to file a report.

I am sick to my stomach because I feel if I don't do SOMETHING I'm letting my son and daughter down, however I certainly don't want to drag the school into something that just happened to happen on school grounds. I KNOW it's not "their" issue, but if it IS a teacher's spouse I am not sure what the school can even do???

I just have a feeling the school is going to try to stay out of it, hope we do nothing, and sweep it under the rug. I did make a call to a very close friend of mine who IS a teacher at the school and he said that this principal is VERY thorough and not to expect he will contact us immediately as he will want to let the superintendent know, and decide if anything the school is obligated to do, or even can do. He also said "I would be VERY disappointed if you don't hear from someone from the school no later than Monday, and if they don't take it seriously, you need to at least report this."

I am SO not a confrontational person, but the mama bear in me just feels that the school is going to either minimize it, or leave it up to us to press charges if we choose. I guess I was just thinking by now I would have at least received a call from him saying "ok...this is what he said happened".

You wouldn't be dragging the school into anything. It happened on school property, thus it IS their responsibility. Not to mention, it was done by someone who had permission to be on school property.

I would contact the school on Monday to see what the end result was. Tell them that you are concerned that this happened to your child and that you were curious as to what was done to ensure that this didn't happen to another child.

If they refuse to tell you, I would suggest to them that if they don't want to give that information, then I would tell them that you feel that they are not doing enough to handle the situation. Tell them that if they cannot or will not handle the situation, that you can and will contact law enforcement to ensure that the situation is handled.

I still might contact law enforcement, regardless.

Good luck.

 

[Ranatra]

I would have called the police immediately and waited for them to arrive.
You need to file a complaint right away. This man assaulted a child!!