What should I expect? Update #2 post 116**

[RunningGirl]

Ok, I have called our local police and filed a report. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted an offical report written up with local law enforcement.

I gave the officer all of the details, and also the names of the people who witnessed it. They verified that the police did contact them and they gave statements.

Basically he gave me the option of either A. having him arrested and charged with assault of a minor, and also lewd acts in the presence of children or B. going and "harshly speaking" to this guy explaining to him the severity of the situation and the charges he's potentially facing should we decide to press charges.

I chose option B...FOR NOW. I told the officer that I really do NOT want to be the person who sues the school, presses charges etc. but that if this guy even remotely denies any of these charges or acts non-chalant about it, I will.

I also explained to him that I was very upset that the principal hadn't called me back and he said chances are he's either wanting this to go away, or is waiting until Monday to address it. Either way (he said) he SHOULD have made a call to you to at least acknowledge to us that he IS handling it, and would be following up with me. He also told me that as of an hour or so ago, they had NOT been contacted about it. I agree with the prior poster who also stated that the principal IS a mandatory reporter and should have at least made the call to report it.

I will keep everyone updated.

Excellent! I think you chose the right option and would have been very pleased with that response from the police. Let us know if you ever hear from the principal!

 

[hereyago]

The guy wasn't delayed, was he? The school might hire janitorial help during the summer. Is there any way you could call the principal before the police?

If he was delayed, then wouldn't the principal say something about that? guess not all school systems are alike, but ours has full time custodians and have back ground checks.

plus he didn't sound too delayed with the things he was saying and trying to hurt the boy twice and telling his sister to mind her own business.

 

[YodaGirl]

Ok, I have called our local police and filed a report. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted an offical report written up with local law enforcement.

I gave the officer all of the details, and also the names of the people who witnessed it. They verified that the police did contact them and they gave statements.

Basically he gave me the option of either A. having him arrested and charged with assault of a minor, and also lewd acts in the presence of children or B. going and "harshly speaking" to this guy explaining to him the severity of the situation and the charges he's potentially facing should we decide to press charges.

I chose option B...FOR NOW. I told the officer that I really do NOT want to be the person who sues the school, presses charges etc. but that if this guy even remotely denies any of these charges or acts non-chalant about it, I will.

I also explained to him that I was very upset that the principal hadn't called me back and he said chances are he's either wanting this to go away, or is waiting until Monday to address it. Either way (he said) he SHOULD have made a call to you to at least acknowledge to us that he IS handling it, and would be following up with me. He also told me that as of an hour or so ago, they had NOT been contacted about it. I agree with the prior poster who also stated that the principal IS a mandatory reporter and should have at least made the call to report it.

I will keep everyone updated.

Thanks for the update!

 

[krcit]

Glad you called the police. Honestly, what do you expect the school to do? I'm not being a wiseguy, please don't think I am. I'm serious. I would think all the school could do would be to ban the man from school property. If the school district is anything like mine, they want to sweep it under the rug and are probably hoping that you would forget about it once the situation was diffused. I would probably do what you are doing (option B) Keep us posted.

 

[Mama Who]

I would go down to the precinct and file a complaint. The police can contact the principal for the name of the person who did it. I would probably go as far as to get an order of protection against the person because he put his hands on your child. No one has a right to do that... and over pebbles? really? If a window was broken it would be up to the school to call the cops, not to assault a child- and without proof of who did it!

This. This is not a matter to leave up to the principal, this is a matter for the police. I am glad to see that you called them. I would insist that the principal ban this man from school property when children are present.

 

[sparklynails23]

If he was delayed, then wouldn't the principal say something about that? guess not all school systems are alike, but ours has full time custodians and have back ground checks.

plus he didn't sound too delayed with the things he was saying and trying to hurt the boy twice and telling his sister to mind her own business.

It's just such odd behavior. Maybe he was drunk. It does take alot to make most 11 year old boys cry, poor kid. The kids will probably not want to go anywhere near that school unless they can be sure that mean man isn't there.

I probably would have gotten myself arrested. I've gotten in arguments with people who spoke harshly to my kids. If someone touched one, God help him.

 

[MickeySP]

Ok speak harshly !! Really !?!

In the course of even a simple invest they will do a cursory
criminal background check. I would ask if this person has any
history.

Also if he will do this over pebble throwing what would he do
if really angered. He no business on or near school

 

[OceanAnnie]

Ok, I have called our local police and filed a report. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted an offical report written up with local law enforcement.

I gave the officer all of the details, and also the names of the people who witnessed it. They verified that the police did contact them and they gave statements.

Basically he gave me the option of either A. having him arrested and charged with assault of a minor, and also lewd acts in the presence of children or B. going and "harshly speaking" to this guy explaining to him the severity of the situation and the charges he's potentially facing should we decide to press charges.

I chose option B...FOR NOW. I told the officer that I really do NOT want to be the person who sues the school, presses charges etc. but that if this guy even remotely denies any of these charges or acts non-chalant about it, I will.

I also explained to him that I was very upset that the principal hadn't called me back and he said chances are he's either wanting this to go away, or is waiting until Monday to address it. Either way (he said) he SHOULD have made a call to you to at least acknowledge to us that he IS handling it, and would be following up with me. He also told me that as of an hour or so ago, they had NOT been contacted about it. I agree with the prior poster who also stated that the principal IS a mandatory reporter and should have at least made the call to report it.

I will keep everyone updated.

Thanks for the update.

It is really important to know what action the principal has taken if any. If he hasn't banned the guy from the school, you could get the ball rolling by switching to option A. That would force the school administration to do something.

I am really disappointed that the principal did not call you. I think you are being generous in going with option B for now. Keep in mind switching to option A isn't just about the guy's reaction or history, but also what the school's stance happens to be. If they have done essentially nothing, you can do something to prevent him from being at that school. Option A.

When you do talk to the principal, I would tell him you are disappointed that he didn't get back to you in a timely fashion. This is a situation that called for immediate attention and follow up. He should have known that.

 

[JessicaR]

lewd acts in the presence of children.

What did he do?

 

[hereyago]

It's just such odd behavior. Maybe he was drunk. It does take alot to make most 11 year old boys cry, poor kid. The kids will probably not want to go anywhere near that school unless they can be sure that mean man isn't there.

I probably would have gotten myself arrested. I've gotten in arguments with people who spoke harshly to my kids. If someone touched one, God help him.

OP did mention others wondered if he was drunk, but funny thing I believe about how people act when they are drunk: i think it's more like truth serum, it gets rid of that filter that would hold back misbehaving,etc kwim?


and MTE about if someone touched my kid, it would be on.

 

[bellebud]

Ok, I have called our local police and filed a report. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted an offical report written up with local law enforcement.

I gave the officer all of the details, and also the names of the people who witnessed it. They verified that the police did contact them and they gave statements.

Basically he gave me the option of either A. having him arrested and charged with assault of a minor, and also lewd acts in the presence of children or B. going and "harshly speaking" to this guy explaining to him the severity of the situation and the charges he's potentially facing should we decide to press charges.

I chose option B...FOR NOW. I told the officer that I really do NOT want to be the person who sues the school, presses charges etc. but that if this guy even remotely denies any of these charges or acts non-chalant about it, I will.

I also explained to him that I was very upset that the principal hadn't called me back and he said chances are he's either wanting this to go away, or is waiting until Monday to address it. Either way (he said) he SHOULD have made a call to you to at least acknowledge to us that he IS handling it, and would be following up with me. He also told me that as of an hour or so ago, they had NOT been contacted about it. I agree with the prior poster who also stated that the principal IS a mandatory reporter and should have at least made the call to report it.

I will keep everyone updated.

so glad you filed a report! the principal is actually going to make this worse for himself by not reporting it - I'd also be on top of that w/ the school board. It's horrible when schools try to sweep things under the rug. If the principal doesn't call the police to report by Monday (as he's legally obligated to do), I'd take it up w/ the school board right away. He's not doing his job of protecting the children of his school. OR, maybe there's a possibility he had to have seen it himself to be a mandatory reporter?? Not sure of the legalities of it.

And I have to say too, for him to do his 'lewd act' towards your dd, I'd go ahead and press charges because of that, no matter if he apologizes or the school disciplines him. This isn't someone just losing his temper towards your ds, he sounds like he could be a perv. Who the heck would do that? I'm assuming he didn't put his middle finger up at her, but some gesture below the belt. Is that correct?

Again, I'm so sorry this happened... and so sorry for your kids. Give them a big hug from your dis friends.

 

[hereyago]

What did he do?

perhaps the obscene gesture that he did to the OP 's dd who was trying to help her brother. which I have a feeling it was more then just givng her the bird sort of speak.

 

[OceanAnnie]

so glad you filed a report! the principal is actually going to make this worse for himself by not reporting it - I'd also be on top of that w/ the school board. It's horrible when schools try to sweep things under the rug. If the principal doesn't call the police to report by Monday (as he's legally obligated to do), I'd take it up w/ the school board right away. He's not doing his job of protecting the children of his school. OR, maybe there's a possibility he had to have seen it himself to be a mandatory reporter?? Not sure of the legalities of it.

And I have to say too, for him to do his 'lewd act' towards your dd, I'd go ahead and press charges because of that, no matter if he apologizes or the school disciplines him. This isn't someone just losing his temper towards your ds, he sounds like he could be a perv. Who the heck would do that? I'm assuming he didn't put his middle finger up at her, but some gesture below the belt. Is that correct?


Again, I'm so sorry this happened... and so sorry for your kids. Give them a big hug from your dis friends.

Good point. It's really bizarre. The guy assaults a child twice and does a lewd act. Those aren't mistakes. The guy isn't normal.

I would want to know why he was at the school and if he was a spouse, I'd make sure I'd know whose spouse it was exactly. I wouldn't want one of my kids in the spouse's class. I just wouldn't.

I'm sorry for what your kids and your family are going through too. If it happened to my kids, I think they would be checking with me and wanting justice. I wouldn't blame them. No one would want someone getting away with that kind of behavior.

 

[threecrazykids]

Another update!

I finally received a call from the principal. He appologized profusely for not getting back in contact with me right away but DID contact the superintendent of the school, then had to go coach a softball game (he's head coach).

Anyway, he told me that the police had spoke to him, and that he told him what this man said happened. According to him, my son was "either with the kids throwing the rocks, or was the kid standing next to the bike laying on the ground". He said that he told him that under NO circumstance was how he handled it ok. He told me that the superintendent stated that there are "things they can do on their end". I asked what that was, and he said he really didn't know what all they could do, but he assured me it wasn't being taken lightly.

He also said "As a father, I could see the fury in your husband's eyes and I completely understand why he was so upset, and I'm glad you helped alleviate the situation by allowing me to discuss this with him. If you choose to press charges I completely understand and I will support whatever you choose to do."

The officer called me back as well. He gave me his name, and the name of his wife (who is a new teacher at the school ). He said he'd tried to go to their house and all the lights were off. He basically said that he wanted my verbal approval to press charges if this guy even REMOTELY tries to justify what he did. I told him absolutely! I explained to him how torn I am because this is a VERY small town and I certainly don't want this hanging over my kids heads as they may very well have this woman as a teacher. He completely understands and said he was headed back to the house tonight to speak to him. I am all but certain this guy is going to be arrested as this officer said there is very little he's going to be able to say as multiple witnesses confirmed assault. He said if he even tries to explain or justify what he did, he's arresting him.

Thank you everyone. I will keep posting updates.

 

[chris1gill]

Ok...long story ahead but I am really shook up right now and need everyone's advice on how THEY would expect this to be handled.

Today we were at my DS16's baseball game and were walking out towards the parking lot next to the school. We turn the corner and here comes DS11 and DD9 both absolutely HYSTERICAL because "a man grabbed and screamed at me". (I was waiting for my son who was playing ball and the other 2 had started walking ahead to put their lawnchairs in the car but stopped on the stairs of the side of the school to wait for me).

Anyway, I'm trying to get the story from them but neither are making any sense and are crying. 3 of my son's teammates come over (who saw the whole thing) and are telling me the exact same story:

Apparently there were 2 kids who were throwing little pebbles at each other and one had hit one of the windows of the school. The immediately took off around the side of the school running away. Anyway, a man apparently came out of the school (school is out of session and we are re-arranging in our school district so teachers are moving boxes from one school to the other) and PHYSCIALLY grabbed my DS11 and shoved him backwards by the shirt over the railing and screamed profanities telling him not throw rocks.

My son tries to push himself back up and walk away and the guy does it AGAIN and tells him "do it again and I'm going to BEAT YOUR *insert explitives*! My daughter tells him to stop at which he makes an absolute obscene gesture (I'm not even going to explain it) and tells her to mind her own business.

He went back into the school. My husband heads directly towards the doors to find out who this guy is, as NEITHER of my kids recognize him and they both attend different levels of schools within the district. Well, the principal is actually walking towards the school so my husband stops him and explains the situation and they all head into the school from the front. They identify him from one entrance and I see him trying to come out the other side, but I am standing there so he stands at the top of the steps inside the school.

Anyway, according to these baseball players they ASSUME he's drunk based on how he was acting and the cursing that was coming out of his mouth.

I walked in the side door, where the principal was standing with him. I said "Are YOU the guy who just touched my kid?" And he walked into the classroom he was carrying boxes from. The principal says "I'm going to take care of it" and basically in a few words told me to leave. Which I did. I certainly didn't need my husband getting ahold of this guy because he was FURIOUS.

But now I'm wondering exactly WHAT I should expect from the school?!! A phone call telling me "they've handled it"? I know they won't give me the name of this person but I certainly don't want this minimalized by him flat out saying he never touched him, nor said those things. I have 5 people all telling me the same story...that my kids did NOT throw rocks, it was the other kids and that he physically attacked my son, made lewd gestures to my daughter, and cursed like a trucker at them.

I'm almost certain it is a spouse of one of the new teachers to the school, but I can't say for sure. I'm quite irritated that the principal basically told us to leave and he would handle it.

What would YOU expect to be done? If the school won't tell me the name of this person but tells me they have addressed it, it's going to make me VERY angry. However, I understand their position to get it diffused immediately, OFF school grounds and diffuse the situation.

I am NOT the type of person to be all sue happy, or press charges immediatly but I don't even know WHAT I should expect from the school, or this person at this point. HELP!

The school won't do a thing, you have to contact the police and make a complaint... we've been down this road, different circumstances, but similar enough.. you can try to contact the principal, see if he will do anything, but my experience is that they won't... it's up to you as the parent to go to the police.

 

[horseshowmom]

Another update!

I finally received a call from the principal. He appologized profusely for not getting back in contact with me right away but DID contact the superintendent of the school, then had to go coach a softball game (he's head coach).

Anyway, he told me that the police had spoke to him, and that he told him what this man said happened. According to him, my son was "either with the kids throwing the rocks, or was the kid standing next to the bike laying on the ground". He said that he told him that under NO circumstance was how he handled it ok. He told me that the superintendent stated that there are "things they can do on their end". I asked what that was, and he said he really didn't know what all they could do, but he assured me it wasn't being taken lightly.

He also said "As a father, I could see the fury in your husband's eyes and I completely understand why he was so upset, and I'm glad you helped alleviate the situation by allowing me to discuss this with him. If you choose to press charges I completely understand and I will support whatever you choose to do."

The officer called me back as well. He gave me his name, and the name of his wife (who is a new teacher at the school ). He said he'd tried to go to their house and all the lights were off. He basically said that he wanted my verbal approval to press charges if this guy even REMOTELY tries to justify what he did. I told him absolutely! I explained to him how torn I am because this is a VERY small town and I certainly don't want this hanging over my kids heads as they may very well have this woman as a teacher. He completely understands and said he was headed back to the house tonight to speak to him. I am all but certain this guy is going to be arrested as this officer said there is very little he's going to be able to say as multiple witnesses confirmed assault. He said if he even tries to explain or justify what he did, he's arresting him.

Thank you everyone. I will keep posting updates.

It bothers me that the principal contacted you after he heard from police. I work in the school system, and my husband is a principal. He would have been livid had this happened.

You did the right thing, and I think that pressing charges is the right thing as well. This guy is at best a hot head and more than likely much worse. I'm sorry for his wife, but that's not your fault.

Also, I don't think you have anything to worry about concerning whether your children wind up having this woman as a teacher. The principal will likely make sure that there are no issues at all.

 

[threecrazykids]

so glad you filed a report! the principal is actually going to make this worse for himself by not reporting it - I'd also be on top of that w/ the school board. It's horrible when schools try to sweep things under the rug. If the principal doesn't call the police to report by Monday (as he's legally obligated to do), I'd take it up w/ the school board right away. He's not doing his job of protecting the children of his school. OR, maybe there's a possibility he had to have seen it himself to be a mandatory reporter?? Not sure of the legalities of it.

And I have to say too, for him to do his 'lewd act' towards your dd, I'd go ahead and press charges because of that, no matter if he apologizes or the school disciplines him. This isn't someone just losing his temper towards your ds, he sounds like he could be a perv. Who the heck would do that? I'm assuming he didn't put his middle finger up at her, but some gesture below the belt. Is that correct?

Again, I'm so sorry this happened... and so sorry for your kids. Give them a big hug from your dis friends.

Yes, this is exactly the gesture he did. I'm not sure what is going to happen with that, because the baseball player had turned away to find us when he did this. He said he heard what the guy said WHEN he did it, but didn't physically witness him do it. That isn't even my main concern...that's a sick gesture and uncalled for, but I'm MORE concerned with the physical attack at this point.

 

[Andtototoo]

You absolutely did the right thing. Your kids deserve justice.

Moreover consider this -- if this jerk feels justified in treating kids like that in front of witnesses, what in the world would he feel free to do if he caught kids without witnesses?

 

[threecrazykids]

You absolutely did the right thing. Your kids deserve justice.

Moreover consider this -- if this jerk feels justified in treating kids like that in front of witnesses, what in the world would he feel free to do if he caught kids without witnesses?

That was exactly my thought. The principal said "had I been there 5 mins earlier I would have witnessed it myself" and I think part of him wishes he had. He is a very nice guy and I know he feels horrible...he said "my heart was ripped wide open when DD was telling me what happened...she was absolutely terrified!"

 

[hereyago]

so he's the husband of a teacher, hope they don't have any kids.

don't worry about it being a small town, you need to stand up for what's right for your kids. sorry the woman married a man like that, that's her problem. and if I were her, i'd be kicking his butt too for 1 doing that to kids, and 2 doing anything that would affect my career.