What should I expect? Update #2 post 116**

[OceanAnnie]

You sound like a very thoughtful person. I think the thoughts and feelings you have are normal. It's easy for us to say what we would do now. I probably would have done exactly what you did. My first inclination would be to let the the principal handle it.

I do think he could have handled it with you present. You have a right to know what happened to your child and to discuss it with this person. It's not like you were the instigator. Maybe the principal knows this person is a hothead and he couldn't handle being confronted by two people. It would've been hard to manage a hothead and an emotional (rightly so) mom. I do *understand* why the principal wanted to handle it like he did, but it hasn't worked out for you.

I would expect a timely follow up. I would want to know who this person is, what his side of the story is, and what was said and done.

This is a serious offense. I would file a complaint with the police. I wouldn't wait. The principal should have gotten back to you right away, IMO. It's that serious. I think you are right, it will be minimized unless you report it. And you have every right to report it. I wouldn't worry about the school/what they think. Any one of them would probably do the same thing if it happened to their children.

Neither you nor your children caused the problem. You are responding to it.
Remember that. Don't feel guilty about handling the problem as you see fit.

 

[Poohforyou]

I'd call the police as well and I have never called the police about anything in the 40+ years of my life. No adult assaults my child and gets away with not answering to the police and hopefully a judge about it.

I think had it been a just verbal assault I would lean more towards sending a certified letter to the principal and superintendant wanting reassurance the matter was handled appropriately.

 

[JessicaR]

I would call the police and make out a report. First of all it should be done because someone assaulted your child. Second - it shows your children how to handle a situation properly. In other words not to just let something like this go and giving them the wrong message that its OK for someone to hurt them.

What does your husband think?

 

[minkydog]

As for calling the police, I wish you luck with that. It's a kid's (or a few kid's) word against an adult; kids who already admitted to throwing "pebbles". Unless there is evidence of actual physical contact, the police may presume that the kids were throwing rocks at the windows, an adult made them stop, and the kids got mad at the adult.

I'm not sure what charges you could press if there is no evidence of assault. If he was as violent with your son as you're describing here, then your son is sure to have some bruises from the incident. If he doesn't, then allow the principal to handle the situation.

What? Are you kidding? Even if the kids *were* throwing pebbles it doesn't give the man the right to lay hands on the kids. And why wouldn't the police investigate this? At least 4 kids witnessed the assault. What if the guy had touched them sexually? Would you still say "good luck" getting the police to believe that?

OP, i would make a complaint with the police so fast it would make your head spin. And get a restraining order while you're at it, soon as you know the guy's name. Leave the investigation to the police. This guy has committed assault & battery.

 

[Julia M]

I would call the police and make out a report. First of all it should be done because someone assaulted your child. Second - it shows your children how to handle a situation properly. In other words not to just let something like this go and giving them the wrong message that its OK for someone to hurt them.

What does your husband think?

I actually went through an experience like this (although not as extreme by any means!)

First, the principal CANNOT call the police and make the report. It won't be taken. The only people who can make that report is someone who witnessed it, or the victim. Since the victim is a minor, the parents can, on behalf of the child(ren)
Call immediately. Do not wait. Give the names of witnesses and contact info if you have it.

At least where I lived, the police came out and took a report. The police provide the info to the district attorney, who decides how to proceed.

Julia

 

[threecrazykids]

I would call the police and make out a report. First of all it should be done because someone assaulted your child. Second - it shows your children how to handle a situation properly. In other words not to just let something like this go and giving them the wrong message that its OK for someone to hurt them.

What does your husband think?

My husband has probably been in maybe 1 fight his entire life, but I think had this guy came out of the school, I know my husband would have confronted him...and possibly ended up with an assault charge himself. I've only seen him that mad a few times.

He is kind of torn as well whether to just report it now, or wait to see what the principal does. I'm leaning more towards filing a report just so the school knows we're NOT taking this lightly.

 

[kathie859]

First of all, I would have reacted exactly like you did and left when the principal said he'd handle it.

NOW, I would contact him on Monday and ask what he did and if I wasn't satisfied, I'd make a police report.

I'd be sure to let my children know what you are doing to protect them and that this is not their fault and you will not allow anyone to abuse them physically or verbally without being challenged.

Good luck!

 

[minkydog]

My husband has probably been in maybe 1 fight his entire life, but I think had this guy came out of the school, I know my husband would have confronted him...and possibly ended up with an assault charge himself. I've only seen him that mad a few times.

He is kind of torn as well whether to just report it now, or wait to see what the principal does. I'm leaning more towards filing a report just so the school knows we're NOT taking this lightly.

Why would you NOT call police to report this? i don't get it. I would bet you dollars to donuts this is not the first time this guy has acted out.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

As for calling the police, I wish you luck with that. It's a kid's (or a few kid's) word against an adult; kids who already admitted to throwing "pebbles". Unless there is evidence of actual physical contact, the police may presume that the kids were throwing rocks at the windows, an adult made them stop, and the kids got mad at the adult.

I'm not sure what charges you could press if there is no evidence of assault. If he was as violent with your son as you're describing here, then your son is sure to have some bruises from the incident. If he doesn't, then allow the principal to handle the situation.

I am not sure that this is the case.

Conversely, in my district where I teach, the child's word trumps the adult's word EVERY TIME.

That is why I do not reprimand unless I am in view of the cameras. Thank goodness my friend does the same. She had a student say that she hit him. The police were called and they reviewed the video and found out that she, in fact, did not.

You need to call the police. I would if my kids were involved. Let them investigate.

 

[Happy Mom2]

I would call the cops and file a police report, then I would file a formal complaint at the school board. I would not drop this until I had a resolution I was comfortable with.

 

[JessicaR]

I would call now not Monday. You are placing how important you feel the situation is by waiting till Monday. Call, file the report and let the police handle it - that IS their job. Do not place this on the school to handle. They are your kids and this is more important to you then it is to them. Trust me - the school will be happy to minimize the situation if you allow them to. Also as was mentioned above - maybe there are cameras that caught this on tape. We have them just about everywhere here.

You have a valid police issue and you truly should make the call asap not Monday.

 

[bellebud]

The principal is hoping he can just brush this under the rug with as little fanfare as possible.

yep! without a doubt!!!!!!!!!!!

I would have called the police immediately and waited for them to arrive. You need to file a complaint right away. This man assaulted a child!!

this is very true! It's a little late now, it's too bad the police weren't called at the time, so ALL the kids could ID him. If I could ID the person, I'd absolutely press charges to the full extent of the law.

This IS NOT 1950 where the neighborhood parents all looked out for each others kids, and swatted any kid who needed a swatting and it was ok, or where the teachers paddled the kids. The is 2011, where as an adult, you KNOW you don't push a child. You KNOW it's against the law. Same as you don't say the word "bomb" in an airport. You just KNOW it today. This guy is seriously messed up in the head, and I wouldn't be able to rest until I got to the bottom of it (who he is, if he works in the school, etc).

OP - I'm so very sorry this happened! It's SO HARD to know what to do in the heat of the moment... I possibly would have attacked the guy (then I'd be in jail though)...

I'd without a doubt do something now though. Good luck and let us know if anything happens.

 

[YodaGirl]

I would call now not Monday. You are placing how important you feel the situation is by waiting till Monday. Call, file the report and let the police handle it - that IS their job. Do not place this on the school to handle. They are your kids and this is more important to you then it is to them. Trust me - the school will be happy to minimize the situation if you allow them to. Also as was mentioned above - maybe there are cameras that caught this on tape. We have them just about everywhere here.

You have a valid police issue and you truly should make the call asap not Monday.

I think that calling on Monday (at least when I suggested it) was in reference to contacting the school. It would have to wait till Monday since the school won't reopen until then.

However, I agree that if the OP is going to call the cops regardless (and I was probably wrong in my previous post), then they should go ahead and call now. My suggestion in waiting was that often times polite conversation ends when the threat of legal involvement is brought up. I was thinking that perhaps the OP could settle things with the school without legal involvement. Truthfully, she probably does need to file a report. Even if it was handled through the school, I think that there should be criminal ramifications. I stand corrected.

 

[RunningGirl]

That's assault. I would be calling the police.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think that calling on Monday (at least when I suggested it) was in reference to contacting the school. It would have to wait till Monday since the school won't reopen until then.

However, I agree that if the OP is going to call the cops regardless (and I was probably wrong in my previous post), then they should go ahead and call now. My suggestion in waiting was that often times polite conversation ends when the threat of legal involvement is brought up. I was thinking that perhaps the OP could settle things with the school without legal involvement. Truthfully, she probably does need to file a report. Even if it was handled through the school, I think that there should be criminal ramifications. I stand corrected.

I was thinking the school would handle it within the confines of school policy. Maybe he won't be allowed back. I don't know. You do want to know the outcome with the school. You don't want your children to come in contact with this guy. You have a legitimate reason to know and be concerned.

But yes, legally it is another matter. The guy needs to know his behavior will not be tolerated and is unacceptable. Stay away. Hands off. Filing a police report will send this message loud and clear. And will start a much needed paper trail. This guy sounds like a loose cannon. Not a good match for someone working in any capacity at a school.

 

[focusondisney]

Here's something I don't understand....aren't school officials mandated reporters of child abuse? I know teachers are in NY state. I would think principals would be too. If the principal even suspects this man physically abused this child why isn't he reporting it? Something to keep in mind OP. If he is a mandated reporter & he doesn't report it, he could also be in violation of the law.


I agree with calling the police & documenting any visable bruising, etc. If your son hit a metal rail, he probably buise in the next few days. So keep an eye out for several days, too.


Hugs to you & your kids. What a horrible thing for them to go thru. Please keep us updated.

 

[sparklynails23]

The guy wasn't delayed, was he? The school might hire janitorial help during the summer. Is there any way you could call the principal before the police?

 

[threecrazykids]

Ok, I have called our local police and filed a report. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted an offical report written up with local law enforcement.

I gave the officer all of the details, and also the names of the people who witnessed it. They verified that the police did contact them and they gave statements.

Basically he gave me the option of either A. having him arrested and charged with assault of a minor, and also lewd acts in the presence of children or B. going and "harshly speaking" to this guy explaining to him the severity of the situation and the charges he's potentially facing should we decide to press charges.

I chose option B...FOR NOW. I told the officer that I really do NOT want to be the person who sues the school, presses charges etc. but that if this guy even remotely denies any of these charges or acts non-chalant about it, I will.

I also explained to him that I was very upset that the principal hadn't called me back and he said chances are he's either wanting this to go away, or is waiting until Monday to address it. Either way (he said) he SHOULD have made a call to you to at least acknowledge to us that he IS handling it, and would be following up with me. He also told me that as of an hour or so ago, they had NOT been contacted about it. I agree with the prior poster who also stated that the principal IS a mandatory reporter and should have at least made the call to report it.

I will keep everyone updated.

 

[sunnyday123]

I would have called the cops. NO ONE physically assaults MY child and gets away with it. PERIOD!

And I would EXPECT the name of this guy, and I would not expect the principal to think I was going to leave.

I would still call the police anyway.

I just saw what you did. I would press charges, no two ways about it. There is no way this guy should be around kids.

 

[ThreeBeans]

I am glad you called the police, but I think you need to call back and press charges. You aren't 'suing the school'. You are pressing criminal charges against someone who has absolutely ZERO business being around children. What if he really hurts a child because you didn't follow through?