What should I expect? Update #2 post 116**

[horseshowmom]

There was an adult witness, no mention of that in your op?
All I'm saying is that the story is hard the believe.

Your two children are just minding their own business and some enraged man storms out of the school, assaults your 11 yr. old, verbally berates them, then makes an obscene gesture at your young daughter.....all because he thought they were throwing pebbles?
I'm sorry, it just sounds off to me

....and for the record, I don't think it makes any difference whether they were throwing pebbles or not.

Apparently, it didn't sound off to the investigating officer.

 

[LuvLDM]

Apparently, it didn't sound off to the investigating officer.

Oh, right...he was reduced to tears.

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, seriously.
You are assuming that the shaking, cursing & obscene gestures actually occurred.
There are always two sides to every story.

Oh and I also don't believe that police officer teared up while listening to the kids story.

That does seem a bit much from someone who is in a profession that sees things much, much worse than a kid being grabbed. Maybe he is just very tenderhearted??

Also, I don't quite understand how the obscene gesture fits in there. OP, did he say something that you are not repeating when he did that?

 

[FredinFL]

I'm thinking that the cop may have been moved by the child being so upset, not so much just the story. It's hard to see a kid lose it. If he was really upset, I can see it affecting the officer a bit.

Just because they are police officers doesn't mean they lose compassion or empathy, especially with children. Ask a cop or fireman and they'll tell you that the cases involving kids are always the hardest.

 

[hereyago]

That does seem a bit much from someone who is in a profession that sees things much, much worse than a kid being grabbed. Maybe he is just very tenderhearted??

Also, I don't quite understand how the obscene gesture fits in there. OP, did he say something that you are not repeating when he did that?

The guy grabbed at his own jewels sort of speak while yelling at the OP's dd.

 

[threecrazykids]

That does seem a bit much from someone who is in a profession that sees things much, much worse than a kid being grabbed. Maybe he is just very tenderhearted??

Also, I don't quite understand how the obscene gesture fits in there. OP, did he say something that you are not repeating when he did that?

Please keep in mind when this officer got teary eyed it wasn't like he sat there and all out bawled over this story. He just got a little teary eyed when my son started crying is all. That doesn't change the FACTS of what happened.

Please also keep in mind that I didn't go through every single teeny detail on here. There ARE things that I didn't detail out in my first post because I really was just asking for people's opinions on what you would expect as a parent and gave an overview of what happened.

The obscene gesture came when my son and daughter were walking away and he turned to the man and said "I didn't do it".

Again, I'm hearing what MY kids are telling me, and what the officer is telling me from his reports he's taken. There will more than likely be minor discrepancies between what this man and his wife, my kids, and possibly even the baseball players and the mother saw or heard. The EXACT words that were used could be transposed, or one person could have heard more than the other. Those are to be expected...however, my issue is whether or not he physically assaulted my son. And because I wasn't there to witness it myself I am going off of what those who WERE there are saying. To be honest, I wish it WAS all a lie. That NO ONE saw this happen, or that they DID see it and that my kids made the whole story up...that the man simply caught my kids throwing rocks and handled it! I'd much rather be punishing my kids for throwing rocks and fabricating a story that the witnesses said never happened.

 

[luvsJack]

The guy grabbed at his own jewels sort of speak while yelling at the OP's dd.

I get that, its just that normally would a person say something particular when they do that ?

 

[luvsJack]

Please keep in mind when this officer got teary eyed it wasn't like he sat there and all out bawled over this story. He just got a little teary eyed when my son started crying is all. That doesn't change the FACTS of what happened.

Please also keep in mind that I didn't go through every single teeny detail on here. There ARE things that I didn't detail out in my first post because I really was just asking for people's opinions on what you would expect as a parent and gave an overview of what happened.

The obscene gesture came when my son and daughter were walking away and he turned to the man and said "I didn't do it".

Again, I'm hearing what MY kids are telling me, and what the officer is telling me from his reports he's taken. There will more than likely be minor discrepancies between what this man and his wife, my kids, and possibly even the baseball players and the mother saw or heard. The EXACT words that were used could be transposed, or one person could have heard more than the other. Those are to be expected...however, my issue is whether or not he physically assaulted my son. And because I wasn't there to witness it myself I am going off of what those who WERE there are saying. To be honest, I wish it WAS all a lie. That NO ONE saw this happen, or that they DID see it and that my kids made the whole story up...that the man simply caught my kids throwing rocks and handled it! I'd much rather be punishing my kids for throwing rocks and fabricating a story that the witnesses said never happened.

OH! Ok, gotcha! on both the gesture and the cop.

 

[FredinFL]

Something like "I got your didn't do it RIGHT HERE kid." ??

 

[crashbb]

That does seem a bit much from someone who is in a profession that sees things much, much worse than a kid being grabbed. Maybe he is just very tenderhearted??

Struck me as weird as well, to be honest.

As for the rest - if the witnesses all, independently, told the same story, I'd believe that there may be some exaggeration, but the basics are probably true. And, even a very watered down version would be totally unacceptable.

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm thinking that the cop may have been moved by the child being so upset, not so much just the story. It's hard to see a kid lose it. If he was really upset, I can see it affecting the officer a bit.

Just because they are police officers doesn't mean they lose compassion or empathy, especially with children. Ask a cop or fireman and they'll tell you that the cases involving kids are always the hardest.

I agree. Keep in mind that this is a very small town (per the OP). I live in one of those areas. We don't have the kind of crime that you're talking about officers being hardened from (not that we don't have any, but it's pretty rare). I know of circumstances when the sheriff has come to tears. I can see a couple of our deputies in particular who would be moved when the little boy became so upset.

I see no reason to doubt the OP. This post is just like any other that comes along. You believe it, or you don't. Whatever works for you. Sometimes the post progresses in such a way that it loses credibility. I don't see that here personally.

Also, as far as the teacher sending her husband, I don't see that as being unusual either. We don't have security in our schools, and if someone was with me and I was busy, I would probably send the person to tell them to stop too. I also wouldn't watch out the window - wouldn't have even thought about it.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I am so sorry for what your kids went through, OP. I hope this guy does get arrested and will be stopped. He certainly has some issues, anger management and boundaries being primary.

I wish you and your family well with this. I hope there can be a quick resolution. I also hope you and your family never see this guy again. He is nothing but trouble.

 

[threecrazykids]

OH! Ok, gotcha! on both the gesture and the cop.

And I could tell ya word for word what both of my kids said that the man said while he did this, but it's not DIS friendly so I'll give the abbreviated version:

"Yeah whatever you little bleeping punks"

So I don't know if that was a gesture towards ALL of the kids throwing rocks or just to my daughter because she simply said "stop"?

I honestly don't know. And THAT is what bothers me more than anything...I have no proof of ANYTHING other than what people say happened. I do NOT want to charge this man frivolously with anything we have no witnesses to. THAT is why when the baseball player stated he didn't also see the gesture (but heard what he said WHEN he gave the gesture) I told them I didn't feel right assuming it was a "lewd gesture" as the officer stated he could be charged with. The baseball player said he had been looking around to see if anyone else was seeing this.

As hard as it is to say, I can't charge someone based solely on what my kids (who MAY have been throwing rocks) say. I mean, they are 11 and 9 and I'm sure regardless of WHAT happened, it probably was much scarier and seemed bigger to them than it would adult to adult.

And I am also not so blind to think that my perfect snowflakes were 100% innocent here. They could very well have thrown rocks, etc and deserved to be busted for it!


That is why, as much as I'd like to throw the book at him, the charges will fall where they may based on the facts. We simply file the complaint, the police take statements and it will be decided by someone other than myself what charges will be filed based on what the statements from my kids and witnesses warrants.

 

[threecrazykids]

Something like "I got your didn't do it RIGHT HERE kid." ??

Exactly

 

[luvsJack]

And I could tell ya word for word what both of my kids said that the man said while he did this, but it's not DIS friendly so I'll give the abbreviated version:

"Yeah whatever you little bleeping punks"

So I don't know if that was a gesture towards ALL of the kids throwing rocks or just to my daughter because she simply said "stop"?

I honestly don't know. And THAT is what bothers me more than anything...I have no proof of ANYTHING other than what people say happened. I do NOT want to charge this man frivolously with anything we have no witnesses to. THAT is why when the baseball player stated he didn't also see the gesture (but heard what he said WHEN he gave the gesture) I told them I didn't feel right assuming it was a "lewd gesture" as the officer stated he could be charged with. The baseball player said he had been looking around to see if anyone else was seeing this.

As hard as it is to say, I can't charge someone based solely on what my kids (who MAY have been throwing rocks) say. I mean, they are 11 and 9 and I'm sure regardless of WHAT happened, it probably was much scarier and seemed bigger to them than it would adult to adult.

And I am also not so blind to think that my perfect snowflakes were 100% innocent here. They could very well have thrown rocks, etc and deserved to be busted for it!


That is why, as much as I'd like to throw the book at him, the charges will fall where they may based on the facts. We simply file the complaint, the police take statements and it will be decided by someone other than myself what charges will be filed based on what the statements from my kids and witnesses warrants.

Well, even if they WERE throwing rocks the guy had no right to act that way.

You did the right thing by filing a complaint. Now its on the police to figure out what did or didn't happen.

 

[kristen821]

The inappropriate gesture was done twice? Once to your son and once to your daughter? I may have misread something, but if they are both reporting it I'm guessing it did happen. I know men (immature men) that have done that and it's crude and uncomfortable especially for a little girl. I'm glad your police department is doing something about it.

 

[threecrazykids]

The inappropriate gesture was done twice? Once to your son and once to your daughter? I may have misread something, but if they are both reporting it I'm guessing it did happen. I know men (immature men) that have done that and it's crude and uncomfortable especially for a little girl. I'm glad your police department is doing something about it.

From my understanding it sounds like it was done in an overall gesture(and only once) out of frustration maybe. I think when DD said "stop" and when DS said they didn't do it...is when he made the comment and gesture.

Keep in mind, the baseball player only heard what he yelled when he made the gesture, but didn't see the actual gesture himself as he was looking around to see if anyone else was seeing what was happening.

Hence the reason I don't feel it's fair to charge the man with a "lewd gesture" when no one but my 2 kids saw the gesture. IF there is a remote possiblity it was fabricated then charging someone with a crime based on hearsay simply isn't right.

For the record...I don't however believe that is something that they would both make up just to "add to the story". My 11 year old DS may understand that gesture but I truly don't believe my DD9 would know what that meant. The fact that he yelled "yeah whatever you bleeping punks" was enough to scare them, they really wouldn't have anything to gain by saying he made that gesture.

 

[kristen821]

From my understanding it sounds like it was done in an overall gesture(and only once) out of frustration maybe. I think when DD said "stop" and when DS said they didn't do it...is when he made the comment and gesture.

Keep in mind, the baseball player only heard what he yelled when he made the gesture, but didn't see the actual gesture himself as he was looking around to see if anyone else was seeing what was happening.

Hence the reason I don't feel it's fair to charge the man with a "lewd gesture" when no one but my 2 kids saw the gesture. IF there is a remote possiblity it was fabricated then charging someone with a crime based on hearsay simply isn't right.

For the record...I don't however believe that is something that they would both make up just to "add to the story". My 11 year old DS may understand that gesture but I truly don't believe my DD9 would know what that meant. The fact that he yelled "yeah whatever you bleeping punks" was enough to scare them, they really wouldn't have anything to gain by saying he made that gesture.

I agree. My guess it did happen, but you are doing the right thing by not having him charged with it since you aren't 100% sure. I don't think I'd be so strong and have the man charged with everything I could have him charged with! He's lucky he's dealing with you.

 

[disneyismyname]

Just giving this thead a bump.

Hope your kids are feeling better, O.P..

 

[threecrazykids]

Just giving this thead a bump.

Hope your kids are feeling better, O.P..

Thank you so much for checking in. They both appear to be doing just fine. I'm watching for any "underlying" issues, but I really think they were just shook up. My son still doesn't have any visible bruising either, so hopefully we're on our way to moving past this.

I'll keep everyone updated as to if it's decided charges will be filed based on the reports, and what comes of it.

My main goal in this was that my children saw us demostrate the lesson that what happened (regardless of the severity) was NOT ok. I think they both saw the right way to deal with the situation, and know that we are all here to protect them as much as we can. Surely we can't protect our children from everything, but I'll sure try should the situation warrant it!

Thanks everyone for all the support!