POSSIBLE DEBATE: Should parents hit their children in public??

[dingydiz]

IMO, I think it is tacky and disrespectful to the child and the public.

On the other hand, every parent has the right to discipline their child in their own way provided it is within the guidelines of the law.

 

[Hillbeans]

Absolutely not.
They shouldn't hit them at home either. IMO, there are much better, more effective ways to dicipline a misbehaving child.

 

[barbeml]

I don't think parents should hit their kids at all. "Tacky" is the least of what it is.

 

[stinkerbelle]

In public, no.
At home - it's up to them.

I was slapped a few times as a child/teenager...I deserved it too. I grew up fine.

My mom once chased my brother around the house with a wooden spoon...she went to whack him with it, missed, and the damn thing broke in half. That made her stop while my brother laughed at her.

I think it's up to the parent to decide on how to discipline thier child...a smack on the rump doesn't make them a bad parent IMO. When it's done in public - yes people judge...so if that's how they want to deal with their child. Keep it at home.


because I KNOW I'm going to be flamed:

 

[KathyTX]

Hitting children is not discipline- it's abuse.

Discipline is teaching the child control and proper behavior, and should be done in loving, respectful and age-appropriate ways.

Hitting your children, whether in public or private, is not discipline. It's bullying, fighting, and abusive.

 

[goofy4tink]

One example....I have 3 kids, presently ages 30,27, and 10. I've been there, done that, so to speak. So, when my dd, now 10, was about 2, we went to a church function. Our church is on a secondary type road, not very traveled. Only about 5 house lots long. Anyway. They were having a cook-out type event. There were people there who were allowing their children to play in the road. Kids crossing it, playing on the edges of the road, in the road. Now, understand that usually it is only the 4 or 5 houses on the street that use it, but still there is traffic on it. It is in the center of the town. So, my dd, 2, wants to play with the other kids. Some are her age and other are a little older. 5 times I go and bring her back from the street. The 6th time I told her if she does it again, she will get a paddle. Well, of course she toddled on over to the street and in she went. I marched over, swatted her diaper clad behind, she yelled, brought her back to the yard and that was it. SHe didn't go back in the road. Well, all conversation stopped, all turned and stared at me. When we were talking about this the following day, a man said to me..."If I had been there, I would have been forced to take you aside and speak to you about the abuse." I am not a spanker, per se. But every once in awhile, you have to make a point. She has never had to be whacked again. She knows I'm as good as my word. As soon as she was older she could be reasoned with. And understood consequences. But, at 2...she saw her friends in the road and figured it was okay. Flame away.....you won't say anything that hasn't been said to me before.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Public, No. But it reminds me of a story that makes my family crack up whenever we mention it. I went to pick up some fried chicken from Publix. DH, DD, and DS were with me. They were out of chicken and it would be about 5 minutes before the next batch was ready. Well DS has ants in his pants, I think when this happened he was around 7 years old, and he was getting into EVERYTHING in the immediate area. We were of course trying to get him under control, and then he slipped on something and fell. Well that put DH over the edge. Some grandma came by and helped DS up. DH proceeded to grab DS and give him a quick kick in the rear (really it was nothing more than a tap with his shoe). Grandma couldn't believe it. The look on her face was hysterical. I threw DH, DD and DS out of the store and told them to wait in the car. It was the first time they all listened to me without any lip. lol So whoever was in that store probably thought we were a horrible, out of control family, but we still laugh, and laugh, and laugh over that story.

Okay back on topic. Parent's need to parent and quit being friends to their children. There are a lot of out of control kids in the world, and I have to wonder if it's because punishments are not doled out as they once were.

 

[Maleficent13]

I freely admit I don't have kids yet, but I have a question: when did it become unacceptable to spank your kids? I'm not talking about beating them black and blue, I'm talking about what goofy4tink is talking about: a swift smack on the butt to make your point? When I was growing up, it was perfectly acceptable, but now it's not. When did this change of thought occur?

 

[Wishing on a star]

NO!!! Kids should NOT be hit in public. For SO many reasons.

Now, I have to admit to swatting DS in the legs a couple times (at home) when he was a defiant toddler and there truly was no other way to handle it and bring the situation under control. that is the limit to what I would find acceptable.

Many may think of parents who hit and spank as un-intelligent low-life. Was I surprized to find that there are indeed people who have made a conscience intellectual decision that 'Children should be hit' I thought I had met a potential really good friend once. Until I went to a ladies function at her church (Presbyterian) and it just made me sick to my stomach to sit and listen to all the women try to almost 'brag' about how they spanked their children. "The Bible says to do it, you know" One even stated that she told her little daughter " I do this because God says I should..." What an image of God to instill in tiny children.

When the one woman talked of telling her little daughter this as she put her over her knee for a spanking, all I could think of how maybe there would come a time when she would sit her daughter ON her knee to address any problems/issues, instead of over her knee.

Of course, I did not continue with this friendship. But, I would LOVE the chance to ask these people like this to consider WWJD???


edited to add: in response to the 'be parents and not friends to our kids' comments. Beleive me, I AM a 'Parent' to my DS and he is VERY strongly disciplined and is known to be very well behaved. Hitting is NOT required to be a 'parent' .

 

[Hillbeans]

Remember last summer or the one before where they taped that woman slapping and punching her kid in the minivan at Wal-Mart?

There could be nothing that child did to deserve being "beat up" by her mom.

 

[Keli]

I think that parents should be able to discipline their children with corporal punishment if they desire. For the record I will state that I don't believe in abusing children (or anyone for that matter) and that I do not believe that a properly administered spanking is abuse. I was on the receiving end of several of those as a child and I was never abused by my parents. My butt recovered (my parents never spanked me to the point that I had bruises or marks of any kind afterwards) and my attitude was seriously adjusted in a positive manner.

As for spanking children in public, well, I never received a spanking in public and I think I would have been very humiliated if I had. I would not recommend that course of action for that reason alone.

 

[Rajah]

Hit. No.

Beat up. No

Slapped. No.

Swatted/spanked. Yes, if other means of getting a child to behave fail to work.

There's a big difference IMHO between hitting and spanking.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Originally posted by stinkerbelle
In public, no.
At home - it's up to them.

I was slapped a few times as a child/teenager...I deserved it too. I grew up fine.

My mom once chased my brother around the house with a wooden spoon...she went to whack him with it, missed, and the damn thing broke in half. That made her stop while my brother laughed at her.

I think it's up to the parent to decide on how to discipline thier child...a smack on the rump doesn't make them a bad parent IMO. When it's done in public - yes people judge...so if that's how they want to deal with their child. Keep it at home.


because I KNOW I'm going to be flamed:

I agree. Lack of discipline is the reason there are so many juvenile delinquents out there nowadays. When we were kids, we were practically beaten (well, I was anyway). I'm not saying to go that route (because I would consider that abuse), but a light swat on the bottom now and then is not abuse IMO. Every parent has their own idea of discpline. Who's to say what's right and wrong? You have to do what works for you and your child. Time outs don't work for all children. Swats on the bottom don't work for some (my dd just laughs at me, so she gets timeouts). I put my hand on my dd's cheek once when she was screaming at me (I did NOT hit her before you say anything) and some guy I didn't know from Adam who was in the parking lot started screaming at me and saying he's going to call the cops since I was abusing my child. Now I'm afraid to even touch my dd in public. If more parents are afraid to discipline their child in any way (some people even consider yelling or raising their voices to be abuse), our children will overun us.

I'm stepping off my soapbox now.

 

[CEDmom]

I don't believe in hitting at home or in public. Maybe some people find it effective but I can't imagine it would be with our DD.

 

[vernon]

It very much depends on the child ( IMHO the parent is a better judge of if the child needs that type of punishment than a by-stander) , the "crime" and the severity of the punishment.

We can be as well intentioned (as a society) as we like but that naievely escapes the reality that some kids (and some adults) will only curb their excessive behaviour when faced with a painful reminder of their actions. Too many kids grow up brats because their parents spoil them and don't discipline them at all. While the middle line ( a reasoned approach) may work in the majority of cases, it doesn't in all. A sharp rap across the backside doesn't do any lasting harm and at times can be the only action that immediately stops a child from persuing a course of action that places itself and those around them in danger.

I agree with the previous poster (goofy4Tink) there are times a shap smack is appropriate. Used too regularly corporal punishment diminishes the effect, but as an occasional "shock tactic" it can quickly make a child stop it's actions and then be approachable for a more logical discussion.

 

[oogieboogie]

Originally posted by Hillbeans
Remember last summer or the one before where they taped that woman slapping and punching her kid in the minivan at Wal-Mart?

There could be nothing that child did to deserve being "beat up" by her mom.

Beating up and a little swat on the bottom is two totally different things here.

 

[missypie]

No no no.

I know that many of us were spanked as a child and turned out fine. When I hear DH's stories from childhood, I'd call it abuse and he turned out fine but doesn't have much affection for his dad.

I know that in fundamentalist circles, there is lots of support for "the rod" (I even heard a discussion on a Christian radio station about how big the wooden rod that you hit them with should be!) (Isn't the rod what shepherds used to keep their sheep in line? They didn't HIT the sheep with it.), BUT, if you look at studies, a HUGE portion of the prison population was subjected to severe corporal punishment as children.

 

[dizagain]

In my opinion, it is never o.k. to hit a child in public. I must say that with one of my two DD's, a LIGHT (meaning not pain-just a surprise) swat on the rear gets us the attention we need to move forward. The other DD doesn't need it.

I am tired of witnessing child ABUSE, both verbal and physical in public. Just yesterday, a woman threw her about-four-year-old in the cart at a store and told her to "shut the h--- up and keep her d---self in the cart." I had to literally drag DD's away - they were frozen in shock! I mean, yes, they've heard those words even at home on occasion, but not directed at people and certainly not at kids!

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by oogieboogie
Beating up and a little swat on the bottom is two totally different things here.

The OP said "hitting in public" not "Spanking in public"

Spanking and hitting can be two different things however i've seen some parents spanking children in public very, very hard and i'd not consider that a spanking, but a beating.

Again, I feel dicipline is important and I did get an occasional spanking as a child and I turned out ok I've just not needed to nor choose to spank my son. If he's acting up, I remove him from the situation (store), and sit him down in time out or send him up to his room for quiet time.

 

[caitycaity]

i have no problem with people spanking kids who need it in public or in private.

i was spanked as a child and i turned out ok.