Paying to attend birthday party?

[AprilShowers]

Just wanted others' takes on this. DD was invited to her friend's b-day party at a private swim club. It costs $7.00 to bring a guest into the pool. We've been members in the past, but this year didn't join.

On the invitation, it says to bring $7.00 to come swim, drinks & snacks will be provided.

I was always raised that when you host a party, you incur all the expenses. Now, my DD will probably attend this party, the friend is a lovely girl and I like the mom alot. BUT it kinda bugs me that I have to pay for DD to attend the party.

Is this a common occurrence nowadays?

Now, to add another twist, we hosted DD's party at a local indoor waterpark. It was an overnight and we rented a luxury suite. This was our CHOICE. We paid the $$ and invited DD's friends. Not once did we ask for payment towards food, room, snacks, etc. We were HOSTING the party!! But I had parents ask me how much their child would need to contribute to the party. I replied every time that it was a party, and child was our guest!

 

[snykymom]

Yes, it's pretty usual nowadays (although, like you, I don't like it). But at least they were up front about it and you can decide whether to pay or not. I've heard of some parties, dinners, etc., where the guests were "asked" (told, really) at the event or after the dinner to pony up!

 

[JessicaR]

Thats crazy and rude. When you invite someone they are your guest.

 

[mjkacmom]

My kids have received over 100 birthday invitations, and none have asked for us to pay - that is insane! For $7 a head, that mom is getting a pretty inexpensive party as it is!

 

[maslex]

I have both hosted parties we're we paid the whole kit & kaboodle for everyone's child and also been to parties where the hosting parents paid for everything. I have never heard of asking to pay to attend. Weird.

 

[FireDancer]

I don't see it as an issue. Almost every birthday I go to involves spending money. Just this year I have been to birthday outings that involved baseball games, chartering a boat, going to a restaurant, and a wine tasting. All of these were "pay to play" so to speak. Even just getting together at the bar costs money. Even friends of mine with kids have parties at water parks or amusement parks and they don't pay for everyone's admission.

 

[mrs_hower726]

I think that having to pay to go to a birthday party is absurd.

 

[jen0610]

We give our kids the option - Do a little something with several of your friends or do something really nice with 1 or 2 of your friends. I can afford to do one or the other.

Hands down, they would rather do a lot with 1 or 2. I would NEVER dream of telling their friends that they have to pay to come to our party.

 

[laurie31]

I agree that it's rude. I have heard of it here (on the DIS) but haven't experienced it personally. I agree that $7/guest would be a very cheap party. We're paying $15/pp for dd's party in September. (and if we couldn't afford that, then she'd have something cheaper; we wouldn't ask anyone to pay for the opportunity to give our child a gift. ).

This may be petty, but I'd be tempted to subtract the $7 from what I spent on the gift. I wouldn't TELL them I'd done it, but I'd likely be buying a $10-15 gift instead of a $20 gift - lol.

 

[4nana]

In our neck of the woods, a 'guest' is just that, you pay their way ~ be it BD party, activity, park, game, concert, dinner, trip, etc. IMO it's tacky to invite someone to a party and expect them to pay . If you can't afford to pay their way, then do something that does not require cost.

 

[browneyes106]

I don't see it as an issue. Almost every birthday I go to involves spending money. Just this year I have been to birthday outings that involved baseball games, chartering a boat, going to a restaurant, and a wine tasting. All of these were "pay to play" so to speak. Even just getting together at the bar costs money. Even friends of mine with kids have parties at water parks or amusement parks and they don't pay for everyone's admission.

I agree with you. I go to a lot of similar birthday outings and I don't paying some money to do stuff to hang out with friends.

 

[JessicaR]

I agree that it's rude. I have heard of it here (on the DIS) but haven't experienced it personally. I agree that $7/guest would be a very cheap party. We're paying $15/pp for dd's party in September. (and if we couldn't afford that, then she'd have something cheaper; we wouldn't ask anyone to pay for the opportunity to give our child a gift. ).

This may be petty, but I'd be tempted to subtract the $7 from what I spent on the gift. I wouldn't TELL them I'd done it, but I'd likely be buying a $10-15 gift instead of a $20 gift - lol.

I was thinking about that too. My thought was more along the line of that $7.00 is their gift! Yes I would have spent more, like $25 on a gift but the whole situation really irks me.

Like you said, have a less expensive party, one you could afford or don't have it out!

Maybe this type of thing is common in some places but around here it just isn't done.

 

[aprilgail2]

Yes, it's pretty usual nowadays (although, like you, I don't like it). But at least they were up front about it and you can decide whether to pay or not. I've heard of some parties, dinners, etc., where the guests were "asked" (told, really) at the event or after the dinner to pony up!

We must run in totally different crowds because never ever have we been invited to any kind of party and been asked to pay! It is rude and tacky! I have never heard of this other than here on the Dis. I would certainly turn down that invite just on principal!

 

[huey duey & luey]

I think that is crazy. If you bring a gift then you should not have to pay for yourself

 

[Tink888]

I think it'a a little rude but I guess it also depends on the situation. For a kid's party, where you are expected to bring a gift, I feel that the host should incur all expenses of the party.

Now, in a situation with older kids/young adults, say, where Susie wants to spend her birthday at an amusement park with a few friends, as a guest I wouldn't be offended if asked to pay for my child's admission and provide food money. And if I were the parent of Susie, if I was asking the guests to pay their own admission, I definately wouldn't also expect them to bring a gift.

 

[HM]

I'd hate to get an invitation like that. Never have to this point (kids are 14 and 15).

It costs us $3 to bring guest to our pool facility. We've had several birthday parties there and have paid ourselves. To me, that is a really inexpensive party. All of our other birthday parties, up until this year have either been at our house or at that pool.

My DD just had her birthday....invited 5 friends to see Harry Potter $42.50 (for them plus me and DS). Then we took them to dinner at PF Changs.....$209. I would never have thought of asking their parents to pay any part of it.

I think DS (who's bday is next month) wants to do a Paint Ball day at a nearby facility. That will be expensive as well. But I think of all the money I've saved over the years by doing the parties at home, it's worth letting the kids splurge this year.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I'm 27 but almost every party I went to in middle school, and some elementary school parties, my parents had to pay for me to go. Never to someone's house but if the party was at a local pool, ice skating rink, roller skating rink, miniature golf course, etc. the cost was usually $5-10. I don't think it's that rude or ridiculous as I got more out of the $5-10 that was spent then if I had gone to the same place and just spent $5-10 and my parents got a peaceful and quiet house for 3-4 hours instead of the hour or two I would've spent at someone's house for a Birthday party .

If it was my child I might buy a cheaper gift if money was tight (not on principal, as it wouldn't bother me to spend $5-10 for my child to have fun regardless of who was "supposed" to be paying for it) or send all of the other parents who's children attended too (including the party planner parent) a bill split equally for how much gas it cost me to get my child there and back (I'm so joking! ).

Oh, and ALL of my Birthday parties were at home. I was always given the option of presents from the parents or an expensive birthday party. I always picked presents, of course .

 

[nicolemomof4cuties]

We have never asked for others to pay to come to our childrens parties or had others ask for us to pay for our children to go to their childrens parties. Heck, I've even told people not to worry about bringing a present if I knew that they were having a hard time financially- It's their presence that we love and desire not their presents! It is just a matter of manners. Our 10 year old son was asked to a sleepover BD party this year with one of his very best friends and his mother limited it to 5 boys because of expense. The boys Dad took all of the boys to the movies, out to dinner, out for ice cream, they had cake and played silly string at home, and the next morning went out to IHOP. His parents paid for the WHOLE thing and wouldn't hear of me paying for anything. I mean do you KNOW how much boys that age EAT?!? His mother did say that my son was the most polite child there, however, as he said thank you before and after every meal and the movie and when he met got to the house. So proud, I was!

 

[stacy347]

I think it's extremely tacky. Out of all 4 of my girls we've only come across it once. The mom wanted all the girls to go skating after cake and gifts but they each had to pay their own way. Several of the girls ended up leaving before the skating rink but I did let DD go because I didn't want to hold the mom's tackiness against the birthday girl. I had already gotten a less than classy impression from this mom but that just sealed the deal for me.

 

[Kurby]

we have had small family only parties so far for dd but then again she's only going to be 4 on her birthday this year.

we did attend 2 parties for kids in her preschool but they were both at mickey d's and the parents paid and 1 family even paid for the adults meals (which was totally unexpected as we figured pay for the kids and the adults can get what they want)

we have no thoughts on having huge parties - party because Cassie's birthday falls on the Canadian thanksgiving weekend and partly because i just don't see the need to spend hundreds on a party. we can use that money for other things for our kids including dare i say it.... Disney vacations

we have a limit on the amount we'll spend on gifts too.

these people who "compete" to have the biggest, more expensive, "best" party can compete on their own.