Paying to attend birthday party?

[IDoDis]

No way would either of my children attend a party where I had to pay their admission. One time my DD went to a birthday party at an amusement park. I always send DD with some pocket money in case she needs a drink or snack outside of the party gathering, but on this particular day, DD changed shorts at the last minute and left the money in the other pair of shorts.

When she was dropped off at home after the party, she was famished (had been at the amusement park for 6 hours) and had not eaten a meal since breakfast. She told me she had left the money in her other shorts, and that the hosts did not pay for the kids to eat anything. They all went to the snack bar together and ordered things, but each person had to pay for herself. Another friend of DD's had some money, so they shared a drink and a Dippin' Dots which did not hold either of them over for 6 hours. I asked DD's friend's mom (the friend who shared the drink & ice cream) if she knew they'd need money and she said no. The party was from 11:00am - 5:00pm and they got home at 5:45pm. Since the party occurred during lunch time, we all thought they'd be feeding the kids. We'd been to other parties at this same park and know there's a picnic area where parents can bring in their own food or have lunch catered. At the very least, the host should have told the guests to bring money for lunch.

 

[Julia M]

I am continually amazed that this kind of post continues to pop it. Asking guests to fund your child's b-day party is tacky, tacky, tacky.

There is really nothing else to say.

Julia

 

[AprilShowers]

OP here! Thanks for all of your validating replies! Now to add another twist: Many of you have mentioned that "mommy can't afford the party!" etc. etc.
Well, the fact of the matter is she CAN afford the party. They do quite well actually, which is another reason I'm burned by this.

The other twist is that I think she's A LOVELY lady and would never do anything rude intentionally. She's very sweet, considerate and has a lovely personality. What do you make of this? Do you think she just doesn't know that it's tacky and rude?

The only reason DD is being allowed to attend is because of how nice this family is. If I thought they were being intentionally cheap, NO WAY would I allow DD to go. BTW, the guest of honor is turning 14.

 

[Donna]

I think i would have to print this thread and give it to her on the way out of the party, lol.

 

[agnes!]

I think i would have to print this thread and give it to her on the way out of the party, lol.

Ooooooooo, you're sneaky ...I like that !

agnes!

 

[legalsea]

I do not see anything that unusual about people paying to attend a child’s birthday party.

For example, for Little Legalsea’s ‘Leventh Birthday party we chartered the Island Princess for a week-long cruise around the Polynesian Islands.

Mind, it costs us almost $3.5 million dollars to charter this cruise ship, so we felt fully justified in asking each guest to pay $8,459.98 for an inside cabin ($10,567.98 for an outside with obstructive view; $15,672.12 for a Veranda cabin, and $23,999.51 for a suite; children under age 4 months went for 8/9ths of the regular fare). Most meals (save for lunch and dinner) were free (although there was a $14.99 handling charge for breakfast). Little Legalsea’s ‘Eleventh Birthday cake was absolutely free for the children to look at behind the plate glass window (only $1.99 to enter the Birthday Cake room, and $5.99 for a slice of cake (non-corner piece). To depart the ship at each port was also free (and only $30.00 to re-enter the ship). For the adults I felt the mandatory 5-drink minimum per day ($45.99) was very reasonable ($11.99 for each drink thereafter; more if you wished alcohol in the drink).

Anyway, you never heard such bellyaching! I still feel that requiring each birthday guest to hand over their credit card for the duration of the cruise was not unreasonable. Anyway, the moral of my lesson is: get the cash up front.

 

[IDoDis]

OP here! Thanks for all of your validating replies! Now to add another twist: Many of you have mentioned that "mommy can't afford the party!" etc. etc.
Well, the fact of the matter is she CAN afford the party. They do quite well actually, which is another reason I'm burned by this.

The other twist is that I think she's A LOVELY lady and would never do anything rude intentionally. She's very sweet, considerate and has a lovely personality. What do you make of this? Do you think she just doesn't know that it's tacky and rude?

The only reason DD is being allowed to attend is because of how nice this family is. If I thought they were being intentionally cheap, NO WAY would I allow DD to go. BTW, the guest of honor is turning 14.

It sounds like your host mom is either very naive or has learned to keep her money in her pocket. No offense to people who have lots of money, but in general many of them tend to be the cheapest of cheap when it comes to dishing out money for others. This may be her way of life and while she's not doing it on purpose, she just HAS to know it's not right.

If on the other hand, she's just totally in the dark, then if I were you, I'd take it upon myself to say something like this to her, "You know, Sarah -- This is the first birthday party any of my kids have ever attended where we've had to pay for the guest to get into the facility." Then, let the conversation go from there. You can say it in a very nice way, but the woman NEEDS to know.

 

[figment52]

tacky, tacky, tacky.

Either host the birthday party or don't have it there if you can't afford it.

 

[mjkacmom]

This is pretty standard here, too. DS got a Wii game from a friend at a party last year, and I was a little surprised- it was a new release, too! If DS goes to a birthday party where he doesn't really know the kid or doesn't know what to get, the standard gift is always a $20 bill.

LOL - I keep a stack of $20 target gc's on hand at all times for the kids I don't really know! Saves me from having to run out at the last minute.

 

[MichelleVW]

I can't imagine asking a guest to pay at a birthday party!! We've lived in Texas, Alaska, North Carolin and North Dakota and never were my kids asked to pay their way at a birthday party. They went to parties at pools/skating rinks/movies/Discovery Zone/Chuck E Cheese/etc and it was always paid for.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think it'a a little rude but I guess it also depends on the situation. For a kid's party, where you are expected to bring a gift, I feel that the host should incur all expenses of the party.

Now, in a situation with older kids/young adults, say, where Susie wants to spend her birthday at an amusement park with a few friends, as a guest I wouldn't be offended if asked to pay for my child's admission and provide food money. And if I were the parent of Susie, if I was asking the guests to pay their own admission, I definately wouldn't also expect them to bring a gift.

Ditto. My 18yodd makes her own plans with friends and vice versa. At 14 you start to enter that age where kids do pay for themselves.

 

[AndreaDM]

When she was dropped off at home after the party, she was famished (had been at the amusement park for 6 hours) and had not eaten a meal since breakfast. She told me she had left the money in her other shorts, and that the hosts did not pay for the kids to eat anything. They all went to the snack bar together and ordered things, but each person had to pay for herself. Another friend of DD's had some money, so they shared a drink and a Dippin' Dots which did not hold either of them over for 6 hours. I asked DD's friend's mom (the friend who shared the drink & ice cream) if she knew they'd need money and she said no. The party was from 11:00am - 5:00pm and they got home at 5:45pm. Since the party occurred during lunch time, we all thought they'd be feeding the kids. We'd been to other parties at this same park and know there's a picnic area where parents can bring in their own food or have lunch catered. At the very least, the host should have told the guests to bring money for lunch.

I would be more than a little upset. Being out in the hot sun, as is usually the case at an amusement park, without food and drink isn't safe. I can't begin to imagine hosting an outing like that and not making sure all the kids were well fed and had plenty to drink.

 

[lsyorke]

tacky, tacky, tacky.

Either host the birthday party or don't have it there if you can't afford it.

Exactly!

 

[LizzySwan1022]

Wow

I'm entierly sure what else to say. I can honestly tell you that I have never been asked to pay for a birthday party in my life ( I double checked with my Mom to make sure). I've always had the option of having a decent sized celebration at my house, having a limited number of friends go to a party location, or bringing one or two friends to go do something more expensive. I think once tangible invitations have gone out the party is the responsibility of the host/hostess. I would never invite people to come celebrate my birthday then ask them to chip in. That being said it's a completely different ball game when I choose to spend money for a friend's birthday (buying them dessert if we go out to lunch etc.) but manetary birthday wishes are a choice that should only be made by the giver.

I have brought spare cash with me to parties at places that I might have wanted to do something outside of what was included in the cost of the party. And as I've gotten older I've always checked with my friends to see if they needed me to bring anything, but outside of things I already own the answer is generally a resolut no. (I believe my best friend asked me to grab something she forgot last minute, but I think when you're as close as we are it's no big deal) A few times when I've gotten invites via text to a bonfire or something theres a request to bring chips or drinks, which I gladly do because it's really just friends getting together.

Wow, this is a really long post, but I only have one more thing to ask/say. This "pay your way" phenmenon seems to be a regional thing. When friends of ours moved to a different state they would frequently get birthday invites that asked them to bring soda, chips, etc. Has this family moved into the area recently? Or at least recently enough that they haven't been to many birthday parties. Because it seems that in some areas it is completely socially acceptable and even expected that you will chip in for the party in some way, and although I don't agree with it, if this child has only been invited to one or two birthdays it is possible that the mother is unaware of her social hiccup and if you know the woman well enough you may want to pull her aside or invite her for coffee and explain that her behavior isn't socially acceptable in your area. And if she's not knew to the area and you consider yourself semi-close to her you may want to do the same thing and see if there is any financial concern or reason she would ask for attendees to pay to celebrate her child's birthday.

 

[AprilShowers]

Ok, so yesterday we drop DD off at the pool for the party. When we get to the check-in booth, the girl tells us it's $2.00. I ask her if they're giving a special "party rate"? She says "no, mrs. party hostess is paying $5.00 towards everyone's admission."
What the heck? Anyone have any clue why she can pay 5 but not 7? Makes no sense to me!!

 

[Kurby]

how many kids were there? not that it makes that much difference.

maybe she was told $xx and was going to pay the whole thing but invited more kids?? pretty tacky if you ask me though.

just pay for it or do something else

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

weird

 

[Camicar]

Dd was invited to a friend's birthday party at the family's vacation home. One might have thought since it was a birthday party at the family vacation home, that food and drinks were included in the invite. Nope. Luckily, we always send her with money because they went out to a restaurant (and not a cheap one) for dinner and dd had to pay for her own meal and drink.

And yes, given that they are much better off than ours, that fact just adds to my annoyance.

You host a party, you pay. Period. Whether it's for a 1 year old, a 13 year old, a wedding, or a funeral reception. Don't want to pay? Don't have a party.

 

[Sabeking]

I do not see anything that unusual about people paying to attend a child’s birthday party.

For example, for Little Legalsea’s ‘Leventh Birthday party we chartered the Island Princess for a week-long cruise around the Polynesian Islands.

Mind, it costs us almost $3.5 million dollars to charter this cruise ship, so we felt fully justified in asking each guest to pay $8,459.98 for an inside cabin ($10,567.98 for an outside with obstructive view; $15,672.12 for a Veranda cabin, and $23,999.51 for a suite; children under age 4 months went for 8/9ths of the regular fare). Most meals (save for lunch and dinner) were free (although there was a $14.99 handling charge for breakfast). Little Legalsea’s ‘Eleventh Birthday cake was absolutely free for the children to look at behind the plate glass window (only $1.99 to enter the Birthday Cake room, and $5.99 for a slice of cake (non-corner piece). To depart the ship at each port was also free (and only $30.00 to re-enter the ship). For the adults I felt the mandatory 5-drink minimum per day ($45.99) was very reasonable ($11.99 for each drink thereafter; more if you wished alcohol in the drink).

Anyway, you never heard such bellyaching! I still feel that requiring each birthday guest to hand over their credit card for the duration of the cruise was not unreasonable. Anyway, the moral of my lesson is: get the cash up front.

That's hilarious!!

 

[JessicaR]

Ok, so yesterday we drop DD off at the pool for the party. When we get to the check-in booth, the girl tells us it's $2.00. I ask her if they're giving a special "party rate"? She says "no, mrs. party hostess is paying $5.00 towards everyone's admission."
What the heck? Anyone have any clue why she can pay 5 but not 7? Makes no sense to me!!

That is so crazy! What the heck, is right! I think this is weirder than making the kids pay the $7.00. Pay none or pay it all but pay part? So odd.