Need help with a tactful thing to say!

[CarolMN]

Just wanted to wish you luck - it will be hard.

Consistency of response will be the key and you and your spouse must be in total 100% agreement (very important).

I've found that the less explanation the better. "Sorry, not this time" is all you need to say. If you say more it's just an invitation to argue. They'll try to fix whatever reason you give and that will make you feel guilty & flustered even though it's undeserved. It's very hard to counter a consistent, soft-spoken "sorry not this time". Be sure to practice, LOL.

I learned that from my daughter when she was a teenager. Like JimMIA's wife, I learned to say things like "We've had this conversation. There is no new information available". When I got asked for a reason for the umpteenth time, I'd say, "Giving you reasons is just an invitation to argue. I'm done arguing on this one." She hated that but it did stop the incessant arguing, begging, whining, etc. on that particular whatever, LOL.

Anyway, GOOD LUCK! Nothing at all wrong with wanting to spend some time with just your own family.

 

[La2kw]

Why tell them? It's your vacation, plan it the way you want and leave them out of the loop. Send them a postcard when you are there and tell them it was spontaneous.

 

[Cee]

"No, honey. This time is just for our immediate family, since we never get to spend enough time together." PERIOD.

 

[nickspace]

Remember... Disney wouldn't be Disney without Villains. Learn from Mickey Mouse when he resolves the conflict in Fantasmic. I think Mickey says something like this, "Hey This Is My Dream!" So put you foot down, be strong, and don't take any grief. Look for hidden Mickeys and run from manipulative hidden agendas. I know this sounds harsh but this is your family and you need to protect what belongs to you.

 

[Tara]

Thank you for all your suggestions. I do feel better about standing our ground.

We do have 4 of our own kids and they do know about it because we wanted them to look forward to it. We surprised them once and while it was fun, when we told the other adults in the family and asked them not to discuss it with each other or tell their kids, they propmtly did just that, against our request. Kids will tell kids and like I mentioned earlier, their kids will say what is in their heads. We had to keep to ourselves until it was time to reveal the trip in order to keep the surprise. It did work, but boy was it work. The reason we told the adults in the first place is because they know how DVC works and are ALWAYS asking us what we're doing next, they know we have to use those points! And because they always invite themselves, they just want to know when their next vacation will be!!

Wow, if my family had ignored my wishes and spoiled a surprise like that, I can't say I'd be too concerned about what they thought! I'm with the others-just tell them you are looking forward to time as a group and then to time to enjoy your own family. I especially like the phrase someone elseused- "I'm sure you understand."

 

[kaffinito]

If it were my family I would polity tell them that you are looking forward to a vacation with just your family and that no, they're not invited. Some family members tend to impose to get that "free" vacation, never understanding that someone had to pay to get that "free" vacation that they're tagging along on.

 

[wulfekamp]

Can you say between a rock and a hard spot. I really hope this works out for you. But it might get ugly. In my eyes there taking advantage of your kind nature. Its your DVC you paid for it you pay the dues its time to make a stand. Us a soft touch in deliveing the news but stick to it. There maybe some fall out from this but thats the chance you must take or live with this forever. STOP BEING A VICTIM. Your kids are going to be grown and gone before you know it. you better take the bull by the horns now. Enjoy the magic with just them. And if your brother get sensative about it. Tell him I said to grow up.

 

[d-r]

Hi. I just made a new user name to anonymously ask for some advice about family.

We are DVC Members. We also are blessed with an extended family who loves Disney. We are all heading to WDW later this year for a week together. One of us has a house there for all of us to stay. Isn't that nice? Yes it is. I'm truly aware.

The thing is, we ALWAYS do Disney with them. Anytime we book a trip, they decide to join us. I love them, am thankful they enjoy time with us, but there are always issues with personalities, different parenting styles, different eating patterns and frankly, a whole lot of sarcasm/criticizing that I'm tired of by the end of our week together.

We booked a 2 bedroom villa at BLT for another week after our one with family. I think most of the adults will think nothing of it, will even be glad to meet us in the parks every day or visit and tour for an afternoon. BUT THE KIDS ARE GOING TO INVITE THEMSELVES (not just once, they will ask over and over, every day, that's how they are) AND honestly, there is room without going over the room limits, but we don't want them , not even one at a time. I almost hate admitting that, but we just want some alone time for our family. They do not belong to DVC, we sacrificed and saved and want to enjoy the space, not jam it up with kids who don't even belong to us!

Is there a tactful thing we could say when they ask? Help!! I have a brother who is also eternally offended by such little things as this, but I really want to stand my ground. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Or do you think I'm crazy and selfish?

A little advice for the future, there is always Disneyland.

 

[twinklebug]

Can you say between a rock and a hard spot. I really hope this works out for you. But it might get ugly. In my eyes there taking advantage of your kind nature. Its your DVC you paid for it you pay the dues its time to make a stand. Us a soft touch in deliveing the news but stick to it. There maybe some fall out from this but thats the chance you must take or live with this forever. STOP BEING A VICTIM. Your kids are going to be grown and gone before you know it. you better take the bull by the horns now. Enjoy the magic with just them. And if your brother get sensative about it. Tell him I said to grow up.

Right there with you wulfekamp. If I were you, OP, I'd get the fact that this is MY life, MY kids and MY vacation in my head.

I visited my mom & dad over the holidays (20 min drive to disney) - We spent 9 l-o-n-g days with them as it was the holidays and I felt they needed family near. I had told my mom in advance I'd be moving over to SSR for our last 5 nights. Yes, she did complain, but that's who she is. She got the message very clear that although I love and appreciate her and dad dearly, this was MY vacation and the last 5 nights were to be just my kids, myself & Disney. Tell your family you love & appreciate them, but this is YOUR time.

 

[jbrowna]

It seems to me that what you say depends on what your extended family is like. Some are able to take a hint. All you may have to say is something like, "We've booked another week so that we can have some special time together as a family." However, DW has a sister who doesn't seem to understand subtlety. For her, we have to be direct: "We've booked this time for just us as a family, and we really don't want other company, so please respect that." Like an earlier poster said, if we try to give her any more of a reason she will try to "fix it", and that will just make the situation worse. It sounds like OP's extendeds are alot like my DSIL!