Need help with a tactful thing to say!

[tjkraz]

"We love you guys, and we enjoy vacationing with you, but sometimes we just want to vacation by ourselves. I'm sure you understand."

That's all that needs to be said. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Anyone who would bristle at the thought of another family spending some quality time by themselves has their own malfunctions to deal with.

 

[JimMIA]

This is also what will happen, especially when they ask over and over - that's the parenting style over there. They'll look at us like "how many times do they have to ask before you just give in and shut them up already?"

Did I say that out loud?

It's hard to blame kids for acting like their parents have taught them to act (i.e. keep whining until you get what you want). After all, behavior which gets rewarded, gets repeated.

But there is a point where being persistent becomes rude, even if you're a kid...and kids are well aware of that. When our DD7 crosses that line, one of us just asks her, "What part of 'NO' don't you understand?" Kids do understand 'no,' they just try to pretend it doesn't exist when it serves their purpose.

I think the "I'm sure you understand" strategy is the best approach, and as others have said, you have to be firm with it. Not, "well maybe," or "we'll see."

More like, "No. Not this time -- this is going to be just us."

And let that be the end of the discussion -- or as DW sometimes tells DD7, "Asked and answered. Next?"

 

[BEASLYBOO]

Or do you think I'm crazy and selfish?

No, absolutely not. You are entitled to rest /relax/vacation as you like. Ease into it, maybe pick 3 days out the timeframe and advise every one that they are on their own, because you all want some alone/quiet time!

Good Luck to you!

 

[disneykidatheart]

I am wondering if the stay with extended family involves more than just one other family and who owns the house where the family stays. If there is just one other family involved and it is their house, there may be a sense of entitlement involved for paybacks. In that case, I think I might decline the group stay in order to have my own family stay.

If the house is their permanent residence it wouldn't seem as much like a vacation to them; you in a sense, are their guests.

I think you are entitled to your own family stay, but you may have to consider other things as well. I also believe honesty is the only way to go.

Good Luck!

 

[gracelrm]

Sounds like Bigdis79 - needs to start using his points in DL when GCV opens up!

 

[RLRDA]

This is also what will happen, especially when they ask over and over - that's the parenting style over there. They'll look at us like "how many times do they have to ask before you just give in and shut them up already?"

Did I say that out loud?

It is very true...some parents (relatives or not) just don't get it at times. The children often (always ) run the show it seems. I hope you have a stress-free trip and ENJOY the second (peaceful) half!

 

[k8top-e]

OK so which one of my sisters are you????????????

I am j/k - but kinda not! We do the exact same thing but we plan to be there BEFORE everyone else gets there. In 17 days I board a plane with my DH and my 5 kids (twin infants) and because of the twins I have to bring my parents down with us - we can't fly all together the kids outnumber us!

BUT... this trip my entire extended family (4 sisters and their kids and husbands) are all getting there early (planned AFTER we gave our dates). So much for our "just our family vacation".

We save all of our points for 2 years - along with my parents points to bring all 29 of us down for a week. this year.... UGH!

I guess what I am trying to say is - big families are great most of the time, but not always. I would just tell them flat out - no.

Maybe I should take some of my own advice....

Oh and for anyone who wants to watch the "family antics"... Boardwalk 7/10 through 7/19..... you will know who we are....

 

[Alysa]

We do the exact same thing but we plan to be there BEFORE everyone else gets there.

I was just going to suggest this. Go before - that way, there will be no opportunity for the kids to ask to join you!

Good luck!

 

[Bigdis79]

I am wondering if the stay with extended family involves more than just one other family and who owns the house where the family stays.

Good question. My inlaws own the house and graciously share it with all of the kids and grandkids. It is not their primary residence, we come from all over to be together. And we do have lots of fun, but there comes a point every time when enough is enough.

Sounds like Bigdis79 - needs to start using his points in DL when GCV opens up!

Someday!! Definitely on our list. Of course, they'll invite themselves along...


(lost the quote here...sorry)

I don't have a sister, so I think we're safe there! And our dates are all set, they have to be what they are with school schedules for our kids.

We do intend to tell them flat out no. I am not a wishy washy parent, or aunt. Again, dealing with the adults who will not be supportive of us, that's what's stressing me. I'm going to focus on the moment once we get there and that villa is ours!!

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Op -

Do your kids already know of your plans? If not...

I would inform your family that your immediate family, alone, will be extending your trip and staying at BLT the following week. Tell them that it is a suprise to your children and ask that they not mention this to your children or their own as you dont want anyone to spoil you and your spouses suprise. I would not tell your own children either and simply go to BLT instead of the airport when everyone departs so that way none of the kids know, it doesnt get talked about and none of the childrens feelings get hurt.

I would clearly state that you and your spouse have been planning this "surprise" for quite some time as you had been trying to figure out a way to build your family closer and stronger as a unit. I would go on to explain that it has been "X" amount of time/years since you have had vacation with just your family and that your are trying to build your immediate family to one day be as strong and close as your extended family are in hopes that one day your kids (and possibly theirs as well) and their families may also vacation together as you currently do with all of them.

I really like this...although I don't know if the surprise element is necessary. It would certainly solve the problem with the kids. However, I do believe that you definitely have the right as a parent to want to build family unity within your own family.

Keep in mind that if you are with sarcastic people and tell them that you want to "Build" family unity within your immediate family that they may inquire about the reasons why your immediate family lacks unity.

 

[Moeluv4u7]

This is similar to what happened with us on our very first trip...
Everyone that asked to join us, I just told them NO!
In our case it was a total surprise for our kids, they didn't know we were going-
As everyone asked they knew this but knew we were also going in July- The kids knew about the July trip.
I just said that this was our immediate family trip where we could all experience Disney together as a family. I wanted to see through my kids eyes what made them "sparkle" versus someone else saying, "Oooh, let's go here, Ooooh let's do that"
My mom and brothers had been to Disney before a couple times...
I told my mom I wanted to "Discover the Magic" for ourselves. Not have someone saying "Oh! You gotta see this, You gotta do that" I didn't want to be disappointed if we missed something, nor did I want to see or do what someone else found fun- I wanted to follow my kids amazement. What their magic moments would be for them would be for me, etc-
In your case, I would also just say, this is for your family to experience some family time together- Whether you wanted to split and go seperate ways or grab an experience together, it is something you want to do without any outside thoughts, likes, dislikes, etc
As far as the kids go, let them know that after a week with an outside group of family, you wanted to wind down by enjoying just each other and what they enjoy versus what the cousins enjoy...
They may find there are some rides/attractions that they would have loved to do again or not at all that they tended to do anyway and sway by whatever the cousins liked -
Good Luck- I'll honestly say, if someone is offended, they are way too sensitive and aren't thinking of YOUR needs/wants/desires, but their own- Be selfish for a change in your favor- You deserve it.

 

[Deb & Bill]

People who try to invite themselves along on our DVC trips, are not invited and are never invited. We choose who we are going to ask to join us. If your family members are rude enough to invite themselves on your trip, you may need to be rude enough to tell them "no".

 

[Lost in Neverland]

When we purchased our membership we ran into the same issues with family inviting themselves to go with us. My DH has a very large and loud family that when they found out we could get a villa decided they should go with us.Being that I am rather outspoken I finally invited my inlaws to our house for a chat. Basically I just explained it this way. If everyone goes with us we will have to use more points to get a larger place and that it was not going to happen that we would pay for everyones place to stay.Anyone that wanted to go had to pay us $10/pt for the additional points needed to get the larger place.That way we could rent the extra points for the villa. When everyone found out they would have to pay for their stay all of a sudden no one wanted to go with us.

 

[Sandy321]

It sounds like to me the house rented for all to stay in - that extended family will continue to stay during your week you booked BLT?

BLT is going to be a HUGE temptation - who wouldnt want to stay there? You are going with children, and they have cousins their ages? Wow, I wouldnt envy you saying no - all those puppy dog eyes begging to "please please" If you put your foot down and say no - no matter how you present it, its still no (and at the contemporary too!) You will be the mean family member, and like a pp pointed out, you will be resented... No matter how large Disney is, you are bound to run into them...

I dont see a way around it - unless you dont tell them... How stressful! If you run into them, it could be a mess!

Maybe you could book a week when that extended family isnt in Florida?

 

[Sandy321]

It's hard to blame kids for acting like their parents have taught them to act (i.e. keep whining until you get what you want). After all, behavior which gets rewarded, gets repeated.

But there is a point where being persistent becomes rude, even if you're a kid...and kids are well aware of that. When our DD7 crosses that line, one of us just asks her, "What part of 'NO' don't you understand?" Kids do understand 'no,' they just try to pretend it doesn't exist when it serves their purpose.

I think the "I'm sure you understand" strategy is the best approach, and as others have said, you have to be firm with it. Not, "well maybe," or "we'll see."

More like, "No. Not this time -- this is going to be just us."

And let that be the end of the discussion -- or as DW sometimes tells DD7, "Asked and answered. Next?"

Sorry I somehow skipped page 2 - with all your replies!!

So I really like Jim's wife's response - "Asked and answered" say that over again - "I already answered the question" but try not to get sarcastic with them as in "do you NOT know the definition of 'no'"!! tempting it is!

Good Luck! Has any of this extended family EVER gone on vacation with out each other? IF so - use that example!!

If they like DVC so much get the info from the DVC people and keep giving the extended family the flyers and an appointment to join!! (ok that would probably not go over well!! I'm a bad person!)

 

[Alexander]

When you tell your family that you are staying and the kids/adults ask tell them:

"Sorry guys, not this time. This is a stay for the _____ family only. Non-negotiable."

 

[fkj2]

If the extended family wants to stay DVC, offer them your guide's name and that they should feel free to offer your name as a reference.

If this is your first DVC trip, enough said. That should be a special moment in time for your family. I understand you feel pressured but your primary responsibility is to your own family, and not the extended one. Make your own memories; just yours. That's not being selfish; it's being considerate--of your family.

Please don't allow someone else's children to dictate your family's vacation. Go and enjoy yourselves.

 

[Junebugwv]

Borrow A LOT of money from them during the week you are together.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Borrow A LOT of money from them during the week you are together.

 

[Bigdis79]

Wow, I wouldnt envy you saying no - all those puppy dog eyes begging to "please please" If you put your foot down and say no - no matter how you present it, its still no (and at the contemporary too!) You will be the mean family member, and like a pp pointed out, you will be resented...

exACTLY!!!

Please don't allow someone else's children to dictate your family's vacation. Go and enjoy yourselves.

Thank you. You all are making me feel so good about this.

Borrow A LOT of money from them during the week you are together.

Best advice yet.

Seriously, our kids know about the BLT part as of this week, and we're not going to ask them to lie to their family, so the cat will be out of the bag. We'll probably talk this weekend and begin setting the ground rules for our time alone.

I'll let you know how it goes! It could be fine or who knows?! Or we could be out of the will!