I wrecked Valentines Day before breakfast

[FayeW]

You know what...my husband knows that carnations are my favourite flowers. He also knows that mauve and white roses are my favourite roses. BUT, on the rare occasion that he buys me flowers (my birthday or mother's day) he doesn't always buy the type of flowers that are my favourite. He can buy flowers of any shape, size, colour or description I would be delighted. I just like flowers.

Your wife has some real issues. You don't need us to tell you that. The fact that she couldn't just say "thanks for the lovely flowers, how thoughtful", but instead reemed you out on the phone for 30 minutes because you bought the wrong ones tells me she is very childish.

Perhaps when she said "you did the bare minimum" you should have said "it's more than you did. The bare minimum for you would have been being appreciative of a gift, and you couldn't even do that".

Also, insofar as her comments about what you are teaching your children...how about the lesson she is teaching about being ungracious and unappreciative when someone treats them with love and kindness! She should be ashamed of herself.

 

[mickeyboat]

Well So far I have recieved nothing from her except the conversation mentioned above. We usually do any gift kind of thing when I get homes so who knows what she had gotten me. I will give her the remaining gifts then. Actually one of the things she mentioned she wanted me to say to her was to tell her to throw the roses in the garbage, which I did, but of course she had to tell me to say it.

The whole "she told me to say it so I did" thing really bothers me. What satisfaction does she get out of that?

 

[Pam]

What did you get? First thing in the morning?

Mikeeee

That was exactly my thought!

OP - it sounds as though you put a lot of thought and effort into ALL of your gifts!

Plus - you work all day and give her evenings off several nights a week?

And she has the audacity to call you on the phone and rip you a new ******* for 30 minutes this morning?

 

[shortbun]

Sorry, I'm with your wife. I think she made too much of it but you KNEW all the things you were doing were things she did not want and you did it anyway. When you are romancing a woman, you pay attention to the details or you fail. Some women are so greatful for any attention they will overlook this lack of attention to detail. Others are not so desperate. I know you love your wife and deep down she knows it too. But, don't make this kind of mistake again. Also, I have a feeling that you've communicated with us much more here in this thread than you normally communicate with her. Send HER an email....tell her how you feel about her....don't waste your time here. Doesn't seem like you have very much to spare. Again....pay attention to the details or your actions are generic. No woman likes to be treated like just anyone, they want to feel special and appreciated. That means YOU notice what they like and what they don't, responding accordingly.

 

[hollieplus2]

I'm so sorry for you. Please understand that you didn't do anything wrong. I'm not a flower girl and I tell my DH not to get them because they are expensive and they die but when he does I give him a big hug and say I love you, they are the prettiest flowers. It's called being thankful, grateful and compromising. Sometimes I try to put thought into his gifts and I can tell he doesn't like it but he still appreciated the effort. I think you need to sit down w/ DW and have a long talk. There is something else going on and you're not the only one who should be apologizing. There's something bigger going on here that she hasn't let out yet.

PS-I'm sure the flowers were beautiful

 

[Heidict]

Wow!! She sounds so incredibly ungrateful!!! I can't imagine being that disrespectful to a person who has just given me a gift. I hate it when people dictate to another what gift they have to give and how they have to give it and on and on and on.................

I'm like her. I don't care for red roses, they are cliche. I love flowers, don't get me wrong. Just not roses or carnations. I love tulips and more unusual flowers. My DH knows this, I have told him time and again. But you know what? If I get home tonight and he has red roses for me I will be happy and he would get a hug and a kiss, not a guilt trip. In the end it's the gesture that counts. Would she have been happier if you hadn't bothered to get her any flowers? You made an effort and the flowers where bought out of love and not laziness. I don't know how you are going to get her to understand that though. She seems to have made up her mind and there is no turning it back.


I wish there was some thing I could think to for you to do that would make it all better, but I can't think of a thing. Maybe tell her not to cook dinner tonight and you can stop and grab something to bring home. Maybe something from her favorite restaurant?

Oh, and here we are trying to figure out how you can fix this concieved screw up and I realized something. What the heck did she do for you for Vday? At least you made and effort, unappreciatted as it was, she couldn't even be bothered to say "I love you".

 

[gardenhoe]

It reminds me of peoples trip reports. The ones who planned every last detail and if anything didn't happen according to plan, the entire trip was ruined for them. Those people suck the fun out of life for me.

I'm so sorry your day started like this. I would have loved the roses.

 

[froglady]

I have to side with your DW, as I've had this issue with my DH. However, I did learn that I have to say, each year, "do NOT get me flowers on Valentines Day, and as you know, I DO not like roses." It used to hurt my feelings that he would get the traditional roses for me, spending twice as much as they would cost the next day, when I've made it clear that I don't want them. Now, if he got me an arrangement of sentimental flowers, such as those I had in my wedding bouquet, I'd love it!

I agree with this poster. She overreacted, but she DID make it very clear that she doesn't like flowers much, but if you MUST get her some, please let them be yellow, or tulips. How much clearer does she have to make it?

If you really wanted to please her, that's what you should have done. It's not as if she was asking for a flower that would be more expensive or difficult to find. (tulips are EVERYWHERE right now, and you could have gotten a live plant, rather than cut, for under $15 around here) Instead, you chose to purchase something that she had already told you she didn't want, but YOU wanted it. You didn't make an innocent mistake; you purposely chose to get her something you knew she disliked.

If you had said she had never mentioned it, or you had forgotten, or you felt she was just saying it so you wouldn't spend a lot of money on her, I would have a lot more sympathy for you, and would call her ungrateful.

 

[java]

Ok I'll go with the passive aggressive but I have to say maybe the op is a little too. You knew she hated red roses but yet got them anyway. THAT is what she is upset about. Not the flowers. The fact that by that gift you are showing that you don't value her opinion or her listen to what she says.(not that that really was your intention I'm just saying how she might have read it) She just wants to know you listen and care about HER. Women 101

I think your other gifts are spot on- they show you pay attention to what she says and you really want her to be happy. You menat well- just screwed up the delivery. Note to you- NEVER EVER RED ROSES.

Now was she being a baby and throwing a temper fit over flowers - yes but I think it is more than the flowers that she is questioning.

Hang in there. I asked dh not to get me anything. I don't need a gift today to know he cares about me. Will he get me one- probably - will I be upset- nope I'll be grateful.

 

[hiwaygal]

I think your wife definitely has some issues. How rude of anyone to nit-pick a GIFT someone has given to you...no matter what the gift is.

It sounds like you need to re-connect with each other on a romantic, adult level. There is nothing wrong with all the family stuff but sometimes work, SAHM, kids, bills, etc. get in the way and you need to focus on the the two of you.

I think it might be a good idea to let things cool down a little first so that no one is tempted to say things they'll regret later.

 

[mickeyboat]

If you really wanted to please her, that's what you should have done. It's not as if she was asking for a flower that would be more expensive or difficult to find. (tulips are EVERYWHERE right now, and you could have gotten a live plant, rather than cut, for under $15 around here) Instead, you chose to purchase something that she had already told you she didn't want, but YOU wanted it. You didn't make an innocent mistake; you purposely chose to get her something you knew she disliked.

I might agree with you if this was the only thing the OP got his wife - but he did listen to her and buy her a CD she has said she wanted and a GC for a pedicure which he knows she enjoys.

 

[SandraVB79]

I agree with this poster. She overreacted, but she DID make it very clear that she doesn't like flowers much, but if you MUST get her some, please let them be yellow, or tulips. How much clearer does she have to make it?

If you really wanted to please her, that's what you should have done. It's not as if she was asking for a flower that would be more expensive or difficult to find. (tulips are EVERYWHERE right now, and you could have gotten a live plant, rather than cut, for under $15 around here) Instead, you chose to purchase something that she had already told you she didn't want, but YOU wanted it. You didn't make an innocent mistake; you purposely chose to get her something you knew she disliked.

If you had said she had never mentioned it, or you had forgotten, or you felt she was just saying it so you wouldn't spend a lot of money on her, I would have a lot more sympathy for you, and would call her ungrateful.

You know, it's possible she had said "you are so un-creative" had the OP bought yellow tullips.
Some people are so ungrateful, it's amazing.

What has she done for the OP? Was the gift she bought (in case she bought something) so extremely thoughtful and into all the details?

 

[mm_ja]

I know she has a tough time with me and feeling like I dont care about her or think enough about her. I guess in my mind She just expects a whole lot and when something gets messed up it is the end of the world. For example, She has certain ways she likes things to look and be done around the house. She like for the blinmds on one side of the house to be open in the morning and closed in the afternoon due to the sun, ok now at the same time the side blinds are open make sure the ones in the back are closed because the sun comes in those in the morning, then open those in the back when the side gets closed and then when the sun moves to the front open the side and close the front, now the sun heats up the house so around 11 am make sure to slide the thermostat down, but remember to move it up at night before coming to bed, also make sure to push in the cushions on the furniture before coming to bed because they slide out and look horrible. Also make sure the pillow on the sofa stays up against the arm because the fabric is frayed so it will cover up the spot. You can do this for me right cause I do it 20 times a day. So for three months I can get everything right, then on a Saturday shg goes out to run errands and what not I am working on things like the yard or washing the car or hjust doing other things around the house and also spending time with the kids, and probably not even being inside the house since the sun moved from the back to the side she comes home and gets upset telling me if I knew how important it was to her and I had been thinking about her it would have been taken care of. Sorry....

 

[Ride Junkie]

That's pretty sad. A lot of women wish they would get flowers on Valentine's Day.

There was one time when I was mad about getting flowers, but it was kind of a different situation. An Ex-BF owed me money (several thousand $), so I didn't want him spending anything on me. So what does he do? He spends money on a bunch of roses. I was so PO'd, I had to say, "I would rather you pay my money back than spend it on stuff like this." By the time I dumped him, I never saw a dime of that money. Oh, and I backed over the roses with my car.

 

[Pam]

Why does the OP have to "fix" things?

He gave his wife some lovely flowers. He has more gifts to present to her tonight. He's an active participant in caring for and raising their children.

He let his wife berate him for over 30 minutes this morning.

I've been married for 25 years. Some years my husband has bought me the dozen of roses in vases, sometimes not. I am very appreciative of any gift, card, or "I love you" that I receive from him.

Today he gave me 3 DVDs, a music CD, a box of candy, a pair of handcuffs, cards and a Weight Watchers scale.

Did I pitch a fit? Heck no! I opened the scale, weighed myself and decided I could indulge in that box of candy!

 

[mjkacmom]

You know what...my husband knows that carnations are my favourite flowers. He also knows that mauve and white roses are my favourite roses. BUT, on the rare occasion that he buys me flowers (my birthday or mother's day) he doesn't always buy the type of flowers that are my favourite. He can buy flowers of any shape, size, colour or description I would be delighted. I just like flowers.

Your wife has some real issues. You don't need us to tell you that. The fact that she couldn't just say "thanks for the lovely flowers, how thoughtful", but instead reemed you out on the phone for 30 minutes because you bought the wrong ones tells me she is very childish.

Perhaps when she said "you did the bare minimum" you should have said "it's more than you did. The bare minimum for you would have been being appreciative of a gift, and you couldn't even do that".

Also, insofar as her comments about what you are teaching your children...how about the lesson she is teaching about being ungracious and unappreciative when someone treats them with love and kindness! She should be ashamed of herself.

His wife has told him she doesn't like to receive flowers as gifts, and really doesn't like roses. Why buy someone a gift that you know they won't like? I would understand his feelings being hurt if he didn't know this information ahead of time, but he knew she wouldn't want them. What kind of thought and effort went into the purchase - "gee, my wife hates flowers, and roses, so I'll go get her some." My DH hates white chocolate - he certainly wouldn't be thrilled if I bought him some, because it would be a thoughtless gift.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

I know she has a tough time with me and feeling like I dont care about her or think enough about her. I guess in my mind She just expects a whole lot and when something gets messed up it is the end of the world. For example, She has certain ways she likes things to look and be done around the house. She like for the blinmds on one side of the house to be open in the morning and closed in the afternoon due to the sun, ok now at the same time the side blinds are open make sure the ones in the back are closed because the sun comes in those in the morning, then open those in the back when the side gets closed and then when the sun moves to the front open the side and close the front, now the sun heats up the house so around 11 am make sure to slide the thermostat down, but remember to move it up at night before coming to bed, also make sure to push in the cushions on the furniture before coming to bed because they slide out and look horrible. Also make sure the pillow on the sofa stays up against the arm because the fabric is frayed so it will cover up the spot. You can do this for me right cause I do it 20 times a day. So for three months I can get everything right, then on a Saturday shg goes out to run errands and what not I am working on things like the yard or washing the car or hjust doing other things around the house and also spending time with the kids, and probably not even being inside the house since the sun moved from the back to the side she comes home and gets upset telling me if I knew how important it was to her and I had been thinking about her it would have been taken care of. Sorry....

Wow. You must have a touch of saint in you to put up with that crap. I'm so sorry for you.

Today he gave me 3 DVDs, a music CD, a box of candy, a pair of handcuffs, cards and a Weight Watchers scale.

 

[SandraVB79]

Why does the OP have to "fix" things?

He gave his wife some lovely flowers. He has more gifts to present to her tonight. He's an active participant in caring for and raising their children.

He let his wife berate him for over 30 minutes this morning.

I've been married for 25 years. Some years my husband has bought me the dozen of roses in vases, sometimes not. I am very appreciative of any gift, card, or "I love you" that I receive from him.

Today he gave me 3 DVDs, a music CD, a box of candy, a pair of handcuffs, cards and a Weight Watchers scale.

Did I pitch a fit? Heck no! I opened the scale, weighed myself and decided I could indulge in that box of candy!

OT, but this cought my eye!!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

I know she has a tough time with me and feeling like I dont care about her or think enough about her. I guess in my mind She just expects a whole lot and when something gets messed up it is the end of the world. For example, She has certain ways she likes things to look and be done around the house. She like for the blinmds on one side of the house to be open in the morning and closed in the afternoon due to the sun, ok now at the same time the side blinds are open make sure the ones in the back are closed because the sun comes in those in the morning, then open those in the back when the side gets closed and then when the sun moves to the front open the side and close the front, now the sun heats up the house so around 11 am make sure to slide the thermostat down, but remember to move it up at night before coming to bed, also make sure to push in the cushions on the furniture before coming to bed because they slide out and look horrible. Also make sure the pillow on the sofa stays up against the arm because the fabric is frayed so it will cover up the spot. You can do this for me right cause I do it 20 times a day. So for three months I can get everything right, then on a Saturday shg goes out to run errands and what not I am working on things like the yard or washing the car or hjust doing other things around the house and also spending time with the kids, and probably not even being inside the house since the sun moved from the back to the side she comes home and gets upset telling me if I knew how important it was to her and I had been thinking about her it would have been taken care of. Sorry....

Have you told her these things bother you? Or do you just put up with it, and get back at her, passive/aggressively, buying her a gift you know she doesn't want? I'm guessing there are some communication issues that need to be addressed in your marriage.

 

[Chip_and_Dales_Girl]

Today he gave me 3 DVDs, a music CD, a box of candy, a pair of handcuffs, cards and a Weight Watchers scale.

That is the most random list of Valentine's Day gifts I have ever read and I believe that it is amazing!